The interrogation room was about what you would expect, and was exactly what the tiger being questioned would have assumed it would look like. Plain, bare, colorless, meant to evoke imagery of captivity and jail. Stressful. He peered thoughtfully at the far, upper corner, while the two police officers shuffled through some papers in front of him. One of them, the dog, coughed into his fist, bringing the feline’s eyes back to regard him. Lieutenant Parkins. He had heard, read, so much about this fellow. He was a burly, round-shouldered rottweiler, and his standard issue police uniform bulging around his fat upper body. It swelled as it disappeared below the table, the police officer starting to resemble the fatty, sugary pastries he scarfed down every day.

	How did the tiger know the dog’s eating habits? Oh, simple deduction, really. There was a smear, a glossy stain just above his belly, and his coffee was in a paper cup with a familiar looking logo across the front. The chain was not the kind of place that you went for the coffee.

	His partner, on the other hand, was fit. Active. A chocolate-covered cougar, much more pleasing to the eyes. Probably the palette, too. Officer Trotter, if he remembered his police trivia correctly. The tiger was pleased to see the slitted eyes of the other feline studying him, just as intently as he was studying back. Deducing, most likely, or attempting to - the tiger made sure not to leave much to examine on his body, before turning himself in.

	“So you’re Shadowclaws.” Said the rottweiler, closing his manila envelope and resting his meaty hands on top of it, as if to hide the information inside. “Somehow I expected someone a bit younger.”

The tiger’s tail flicked behind him, frowning slightly. “Cats have nine lives,” he responded, and he heard a snicker from the cougar next to the dog.

“And you’re ready to give one of yours up, huh? Just decided to hand yourself in.”

“What can I say, Officer Trotter..” The prisoner smiled as fangily as possible. “I can’t stand a guilty conscience. It’s time to pay my dues to society.”	
	
	“Riiight, riiiiiight.” The dog slurped at his coffee, slapping the cup down again. “So you decided to just confess to six crimes that you allegedly perpatrated, during a twenty four hour period yesterday?”

	“Well, it was a fifteen hour period, to be precise.” The tiger leaned forward, eyes sparkling. “I castrated six males, yesterday, at 8 AM, 11 AM, 1PM, 5PM, 8PM, and 11 PM.”

	Trotter shook his head, “We haven’t gotten any reports of any malicous castrations from yesterday. Even if we did, how did you time them so perfectly?”

	“Oh, I wouldn’t say it was an exact time frame. I’m sure each scene was off by a couple of minutes. But let’s be honest - if your life wasn’t in danger, would you want to have your name in the paper? Associated with such a crime? For everyone to see?”
	
	“Right. So tell us about this first ‘scene’ you played out.” said Parkins, glancing to the cougar and then back to the tiger. “And make it good, we have a lot of other criminals to talk to today. Real criminals, even.”
	
	“Well, golly,” said the tiger, leaning back in his chair. “I mean, soooo much happened yesterday, I can’t exactly remember all the specific details, now.. but I’ll tell you what I remember! I encountered six different-specied males including a bull, in six different locations, including a laundromat,  at six different times during the day. I didn’t know any of their names, I only remember their nicknames. I castrated each of them in a different fashion, including a guy who’s nuts I dissolved with acid, and I neutered each of them for a  different reason, including one guy I neutered because he Wanted me to.”

	“Uh huh.” Said the dog, scribbling down some notes. “Aaaand lemme guess, they each wore different colored shirts, too.”

	“Don’t be trite,” the tiger admonished. “Playing off their emasculation is bad press.” He settled back in the chair, and then popped a finger up in the air. “But now that you mention it, I remember noticing that each of the male’s had different sized nuts. The smallest were cherry sized, and in increasing size, they were lime, lemon, peach, mango, and coconut sized balls.”

	“Nobody has coconut sized balls,” Trotter stated, matter-of-factly.

	“Welll... maybe not anymooooore,” the tiger replied.  “But I neutered a ram with coconut sized balls, yesterday, for no reason other than I was bored.”

	“Mmm hmm... boredom. Seems legit to me.” Parkins quipped. “Anything else you want to tell us about him?

	“Well, I remember that I took the ram’s balls later in the day then I took the Duke’s balls.”

	“And the Duk.. who is he, again?”

	“Well, like I said, I didn’t know any of their names, so I made up names based on their personalities. The Duke was this rich little snot, very flamboyant. I called one guy Punkin’, cuz he’s just so darned cute! I remember that I castrated the Duke right before.. or was it right after... the guy who’s balls I stole for my trophy case.”

	“A trophy case?” The cougar said, leaning back and taking a sip of his coffee. “And what, exactly, would you need a pair of balls for a trophy case?”

	“Why, to complete my collection, of course!” the tiger chortled, and the cat hitched, spilling coffee in a blurbling spray  from his mouth.

	“Okay, I’ve heard enough.” The cougar growled, shaking his head, reaching for a napkin and wiping at his chest. “Get this loonie out of here.”

	“Not so fast! There was this mouse fellow, really timid like. He let me blow him, but before he came, I slammed two bricks together, with his nuts between them. Oh yeah, and there was this guy I called Big Papa... once I got my hands on his balls, I just tore them clean off, using just my bare fingers!”

	“Now wait a second, you just said you crushed the mouse’s balls with a brick!”

	“I did!”

	“So this Big Papa fellow has to be someone else...”

	“See, now you’re catching on! Why don’t you take notes. If you’re clever enough, and you can get all the pieces together, you can use what I’m saying as a confession, and I’ll go to jail, and you’ll get a criminal off the streets! Now, let’s see.. the guy I nutted in the alleyway was EITHER the guy with mango sized nuts... OR the ones I took for trophies!”

	“Wait a second,” Trotter said, flipping a page over. “The guy you took for the trophies.. that’s the Duke, right?”

	“Tsk, pay attention! The guy I castrated so I Could take his balls for trophies was neutered either right before or right after the Duke! So it couldn’t have been the duke! I neutered someone between when I was in the gym and when I crushed soooomeone’s nuts with the bricks, and I know it wasn’t the Ram!”

	“So you were at the gym before you crushed someone’s nuts with a brick?” said Parkins, his brow furrowed. 

	“Not necessarily! I just remember that I only neutered one person between those two times, in whichever order I did them.”

	“Oh, okay, so you either neutered the guy with the bricks, then someone other than the ram, and then someone in the gym, OR, someone in the gym, someone other than the ram, and then the guy with the bricks.”
	
	“Thhhhere you go! I knew you were a detectives for a reason! Now, let’s see, I neutered someone in order to make them a good pet at some point after I neutered someone because I was hungry, but sometime before the person who’s balls I bit off!”

	“That’s disgusting,” Parkins spat, slamming his wadded up coffee cup on the table. “You bit off someone’s nuts and ate them?! What are you, an animal?!”

	“Officer, pay attention! I juuuuust said that I bit off someone’s nuts at a different time then the guy I neutered because I was hungry. I didn’t actually say I ATE his balls, and since I can’t neuter someone more than once, they OBVIOUSLY weren’t the same person.”

	“So where’s the guy’s balls, the one who you neutered because you were hungry?”

	“Oh, I ate them.” The tiger picked at his teeth. “Salty little nuggets, really. What I’m saying though is that the guy who’s nuts I bit off, I neutered for a different reason than the guy who’s nuts I ate. And speaking of that guy who’s balls I bit off, I nutted him, and the guy with peach sized balls, in some order, right before and after I neutered Saltlick!”

	“Oh, you’re wording it like that because it’s the same situation as the gym and bricks guys. So either you bit someone’s nuts off, you neutered ‘Salt Lick’, and then you neutered the guy with peach sized balls, or that thing in reverse order,” Trotter said, looping lines between clues on his paper.

	“Precisely. And I’ll say something like that, one more time - I neutered the cougar, and the stag, right before and after the guy I castrated at the truck stop bathroom - in some order!”
	
	“And you’re aaaabsolutely sure you don’t remember which order you did it in.”

	“Nope! They’re like bookends to me, I remember that they were all next to each other but not specifically which one came first or last.”

	“But the guy in the truck stop bathroom...”

	“I definitely neutered him between the other two. Oh! Right, and now I’m remembering something else. I used a nice, sharp straight razor, the kind you use for shaving, to slice off the nuts I kept for my trophy wall.” He paused, thoughtfully. “Definitely. It’s really important to make a nice clean cut for trophies, a ragged cut is soooo amateurish, I wouldn’t have any standing with the other cutters if I had crappy incision wounds on the trophies.”

	“Oh! And wait, I have a couple more book-end type things in my head! For example - I neutered the stag, and the guy with the smallest nuts just before and after the guy I castrated at the gay bar - in some order!”

The officers marked down notes on their page. The tiger noticed that Trotter had written a grid, filling in some of the cells on the left hand side, and some on the top. Parkins was drawing a timeline, with big arrows and question marks around each clue.

“There were these other two I had fun with. There was this wolf, who had these fuzzy, juicy, peach sized balls. He was so unruly, though! I decided to nut him in order to make him a good pet for his boyfriend. He really shouldn’t have been out cheating around on him! There was this other guy, too, I was fooling around with him - he had a nice dick, to be honest, but I was kind of in a rush, and it was taking him too long to cum. I castrated HIM because I ran out of time, and I just hated the idea of leaving him hanging, you know?”

“You neutered someone because you ran out of time.” The bear replied, flatly. The tiger could see that the bear’s mind was reeling at trying to understand everything.

	“Welll... I was busy! But yeah, so this wolf with the peach sized nuts that I neutered to make a good pet, I neutered him either right before or right after the guy I neutered cuz I was in a hurry.”

	“And the guy you neutered because you ran out of time, what sized nuts did he have...?” pried Trotter.

	“Hmm? Oh, I already told you how big alllll of their balls were, you just have to figure out which ones he had! But, I will say this, I took the BIGGEST balls either right before, or right after, I nutted the guy I call “Officer”.”

	Parkins shifted uncomfortably. “And why did you call him Officer?”

	“He seemed like a law enforcement type of guy. Don’t worry though, I haven’t neutered a cop, it’s just a nickname.” The tiger laughed off the idea. “I neutered the ram at some point before I neutered the guy with the lime sized balls.”

	“Like, right before?” asked Trotter, eyes narrowed. 
	
	“Maaaybe. But not necessarily!” The tiger licked at his lips, eyes squinting back at the cougar. “Rehashing some old memories, The guy I nutted in the park was either the guy who’s heavy nuts I sliced off with a nice, sharp straight razor, orrrr I guy I neutered because I ran out of time!”

	“This is too much,” Parkins said, breaking his pencil and standing up. “You’re either a serial castrator or you’re a worthless bum, either way I’m done with you, you’re going to jail.”

	“Not so fast, bear,” the tiger said, standing up in turn. His eyes glimmered as he rattled off another clue, ““I neutered the guy I like to call Fuzz-Butt right before or right after the guy with the lime sized balls!”

	“Agreed, this has gone on far enough. Let’s throw him in a holding cell, and we’ll puzzle through this.” Trotter said, standing as well, and the two of them corralled the tiger prisoner, pulling him into the brink and tossing him in with some other miscreants - a horse who had been arrested for public indecency and a polar bear who had been involved in a bar fight. The bear was conked out on the shelf in the wall, the horse hurriedly pulled his shirt down over the top of his pants and tried to look innocuous. 

The tiger turned away from  both of them, grabbing the cougar’s sleeve, eyes twinkling.

	“One more clue, Officer. I neutered a guy in the Oasis truck stop bathroom. There’s a glory hole there, you should check it out some time. Anyways, that guy? I neutered him either right before, or right after, the guy who’s nuts I blew up with an M-80 strapped to his balls.”
	
	Trotter yanked his arm away, scowling at the tiger. “You’re messed up, you know that?” The two of them walked away, nodding to the arctic fox who was standing guard near the containment door. “Watch out for that one, H, he’s reeeeal trouble.”

	“Sure thing, Trotski. Have a nice night.”

	“I call it the Cherry Bomb Blowjob! You should try it some time!”

	Trotter shook his head. It took all kinds, really, and certainly the world was filled with all kinds. He yawned, glancing at his phone. Wow, that late already?

	“Parkins, I think I’m calling it a night. You okay doing the paperwork on all of this shit?”

	“Sure, sure, though I don’t think any of it’s going to come out in the wash. That freak just wanted to talk dirty to a couple cops, he’s probably jerking off right now just thinking about the looks on our faces.”

	“Yeah, probably. I’m going to check out some of the places, though. Just to be sure.”

TICK TOCK GOES THE CLOCK!
	CAN YOU FIGURE OUT IF THE TIGER IS TELLING THE TRUTH OR NOT?
DOES EVERYTHING ADD UP?