What Made the Tiger Sick?

“It looks like you ate something that didn’t agree with you, probably since yesterday morning.” Dr. Hokie said, massaging the belly of the tiger draped out along his examination table. “Do you remember what you’ve had?”

“Uurrgh,” the tiger said, grumbling as the kindly wolverine palpated against his swollen tummy. “Nothing I haven’t eaten dozens of times before.” He stretched his arms up above his head, then folded them comfortably behind his neck. “Let’s see. Uhh, some meatloaf, a big, thick sausage, uhhh... a couple pickled eggs, and some raw, uh, oysters.”

“Raw oysters?” the wolverine chuckled, letting his paw slip down, cupping at the front of the tiger’s bulge. “Does thinking about oysters usually give you such tumescence?”

The tiger grinned. “Well, I guess that isn’t from the oysters, it’s from who I got the oysters from.”

“Oh, a special friend? Who, then?” The wolverine chuckled, undoing the tiger’s fly and pulling out his erection. Long clawed finger tips reached in, briefly rubbing over that tiger’s thick nut. Groping, checking, before moving back to casually stroke that erection.

The tiger growled, eyes slitting. “So the oysters maaay have belonged to a lion friend of mine. Such a thick, glossy pelt, I could have run my fingers through it for hours.. but of course I had other things to do.”

“And were these oysters... fresh? Oysters can make you very sick if they’re not handled carefully.”

“Oh, I guess I wasn’t paying attention. I was having so much fun, I kind of gobbled them up before I even got a chance to look at them. I’m surrrre that they were fine though, after all, he had them, and he wasn’t sick.”

The wolverine sighed, his paw now grasping the solid thickness of the tiger’s meat. Casually, he stroked, rubbing his rough palm along the tiger’s underbelly. The other one stroked up, caressing along one pink nipple juuust peaking out of the bamboo-tinted fur. “Well, we all know how caught up in the moment you can get. Was that the last thing you ate?”

“No, that was the meatloaf.” The tiger ground up into the wolverine’s paw. “a great way to end the night. But if you think it was from spoiled food, I had leftovers from the fridge sometime before the meatloaf.”

“Leftovers can hold up in the fridge for a long time, especially if they are properly sealed. I wouldn’t be too worried about that. Did you get.. all of your meals from friends?”

“Uh, really just the one. Everyone else was, you know, kind of random. There was this wolf guy. I’ve never met him again, can’t imagine I’ll see him again, either, come to think of it. Just one of those guys passing through. I offered to help him offload some of what he was carrying, and he was all too happy to oblige.”

“Oh, I bet you were,” the good doctor conferred. “And did you have what he gave you for... lunch?”

“Oh, I didn’t have lunch. There was breakfast, brunch, snacksies, and dinner.” The tiger’s thick tail lifted, then flumped down onto the table. “It’s healthier to have more smaller meals than one big meal.”

“And thank goodness for that,” the wolverine said. “all of these meals seem to be doing wonders for your, ah, dehydration issue. You sure are seeping!” He lifted his fingers, a long gooey strand of pleasure dangling between them. 

“Well you are what you eat, right doc?” the tiger chuckled, his toes flexing relaxedly. “Hmm. I’m trying to remember what I had between the food the horse gave me, and the meatloaf. I know there was something, but it’s not coming to me. of course, I’m kind of distracted. I know the horse didn’t give me the pickled eggs, though.”

“And not the meatloaf, obviously, if there was something between them,” the wolverine added, helpfully.

“Right, exactly. Ah well, it will come to me. I’m still exhausted from waiting in line for so long at the butcher shop. I was the last customer before closing, and it seemed like everyone wanted a whole bunch of tedious stuff. By the time I got to the case, the poor butcher was almost entirely sold out.”

“Almost, but not quite?”

“Right. I offered him top dollar for his best stock, and he wound up letting me cut some meat myself from the back stock. He was impressed when I told him it was all for me! I don’t think he quite believed it!”

“They always are, aren’t they. Did you eat what you got from him, then and there?”

“Oh, no, I was so busy, I only got to eat one thing right away, but even then I was in a rush. Like, for example, I had those delicious oysters, they were good, and then later in the day i got a wonderful gift from one of my clients at the tailor shop-”

“I didn’t know you were tailoring again.’

“Oh, well, it’s getting to be that time of year, spring dances and the like. There’s all sorts of fellows who don’t quite fit into their suits anymore, and need some alteration. I helped this one guy fit into his grandfather’s tux, only took one simple alteration to make him fit. He was stunned, he said that it was amazing – apparently his grandfather looked exactly the same in his own wedding photograph, after having his tux fit, fifty years earlier. Same shop – that means my grandfather helped him out!”

“It’s amazing how small the world is, sometimes.” The wolverine squeezed, pleasantly, and grabbed a collection vial. 

“I know. I didn’t even get the chance to really look at it, I got stuck in traffic on the way home, and wound up munching it while waiting for the congestion to clear up.”

“You ate what?”

“Oh! What the tuxedo customer gave me. Sorry, I’m a, uh, bit distracted.”

“I can tell. that’s a nice flare to your head you have there, you must be close to finishing, huh?”

The tiger growled. “I’m a tiger, we’re Never finished. Just ask my sister, Suea Noi. I was on the phone with her when I ate one of my meals, and she just wooouldn’t stop talking about this movie she saw. She’s so funny, though, I was laughing so hard I almost squirted milk out of my nose! Let’s see, I was eating the present my friend dropped off when they visited.. oh no, wait. I ate the present my friend dropped off at a different time. In fact, there was one meal between those two meals! I’m surprised I got that confused.. would you mind rubbing my nut?”

“Of course,” the wolverine agreed, stroking, tugging gently on that big testicle. “That’s a nice size, and I’m not feeling any lumps.” His fingers tightened around the tiger’s shaft, tugging upwards in short, soft grips, making that red cap darken and shine.

‘Thanks, doc, that’s good to know.” The tiger pushed up onto his elbows, and squinted his eyes. “And I remember that, what I got from that broad shouldered bull fellow, I ate that while I was watching TV. My favorite detective show, actually. Ever seen Midsomer, ah, Murders?”

The wolverine angled the tiger’s shaft to the side, and thick, creamy pulses plopped and drooled down into the cup. The tiger heaved, stripes flexing, contracting as he relaxed and flopped back onto the table, tongue lolling.

“There we go.” The wolverine held the sample up to the light, swirling it around and examining the output. “Well, that looks fine to me. But, based on what you told me, I have determined exactly what’s made you feel so sick today.”

The tiger gasped. “You do?’

And then both turn to you, smiling secretively. “Do YOU?”

Breakfast		Brunch		Snacksies		Dinner
Who?					
Where?					
What?					
Why?					

Who- what species did he get the food from (bull, horse, lion, wolf)
Where? - Where did he acquire the food from? (butcher shop, dropped off by a friend, leftovers, tailor shop)
What? - What did he get from them? (meatloaf, pickled eggs, raw oysters, sausage)
Why? - Why was he distracted when he ate it? (on the phone with sister, driving, watching TV, binge eating)`