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  "description_bbcode_parsed": "<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>A conversation I had with a psychologist earlier today sparked a sudden moment of clarity for me. I realised that my Inner Critic is actually a part of Flopsy!!<br /><br />Don&rsquo;t get mad at Flopsy though, he&rsquo;s not a bad guy.<br /><br />Flopsy is a personification of my inner child. I was severely abused in multiple ways by multiple people between the ages of 5 and 9. As a result of that, part of my young child mind took upon itself the role of protecting me, of preventing anything similar from happening again: that part is Flopsy!<br /><br />But because he broke off from me when we were 5, Flopsy never grew past 5. He still thinks and feels the same way a 5 year old does. The way a *traumatised* 5 year old does. He is reactive, overwhelmed, terrified of everyone, and desperate to please everyone.<br /><br />That&rsquo;s why he gives me all these negative thoughts: &ldquo;what if I&rsquo;m not useful enough&rdquo;, &ldquo;what if I&rsquo;m a bad person&rdquo;, &ldquo;what if my beliefs are wrong&rdquo;, &ldquo;what if I&rsquo;m going to jail&rdquo;, &ldquo;what if my parents are going to kick me out&rdquo;, &ldquo;what if I&rsquo;m going to hell&rdquo;. It&rsquo;s not because he hates me. It&rsquo;s because he&rsquo;s fucking terrified. Around every corner, behind every tree, he sees unimaginable suffering, because that&rsquo;s all he knows.<br /><br />My job is NOT to destroy him. My job is to soothe him. My job is to try to help him understand that the bad stuff is over now, and no one&rsquo;s going to hurt me like that again.<br /><br />And remember, he&rsquo;s a 5 year old. So I can&rsquo;t get him to understand with logical reasoning. I have to prove to him that he&rsquo;s safe now, I have to show him safety over and over again until he feels it in his heart.<br /><br />That&rsquo;s my job for the next few years: heal Flopsy.<br /><br />Wish me luck xD<br /><br />I have Sherbet, Curio, Petal and Bandit on my side, so I feel optimistic that we&rsquo;ll get there.<br /><br />Although, Flopsy doesn&rsquo;t like Bandit very much so maybe Bandit won&rsquo;t have much involvement for the first while :P</span>",
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