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I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!\n\n🎵When you're feeling stuck with your private part,\nAnd life's getting dull, let me give you a start!\nJust pick up the phone and dial my line,\nI'm Lavacakes the Mouse, and it's dick-eating time!🎵\n\nAlrighty, folks! Let's get down to business, shall we? I've got four fabulous options for you to choose from!\n\nPress 1 if you want to convince me not to eat dicks. \n\nPress 2 if you want to complain about your dick being eaten! [Pause.] But remember, there’s no refunds! \n\nPress 3 if you want to eat /my/ dick!\n\nFinally, press 4 if you want to schedule a dick-eating appointment. Early bird gets the... well, you know. \n\n[Beep.]\n\nOption 1! So you want to convince me not to eat dicks? Well see, people don't really need their dicks to live, and I, Lavacakes, am a hungry mouse. Dicks are my favorite food! I mean, who doesn't love a tasty treat now and then? And besides, I'm providing a valuable public service, right?\n\nThink about it. No more hiding boners or \"accidentally\" screwing the wrong person. And hey, I have a 100% success rate! What other service can claim /that/?\n\nStill not sure? Well, I have the top 3 arguments so let me just read them out to you.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nDicks are essential for procreation!\n\nWell, my friend, that used to be true, but have you ever heard of sperm banks? Just make a deposit, let me eat your dick, and you’ll never have any unexpected surprises! If that sounds expensive, think about all the money you'll save on pants! Those pesky things can get pricey! \n\n[Pause.]\n\nI'll have lower self-esteem without my dick!\n\nYou know, I see where you're coming from, but let me ask you this: wouldn't you feel a sense of pride, knowing you've helped feed a cute little mouse like me? Win-win, right?\n\n[Pause.]\n\nI can't cum without a dick!\n\nWell, I'm going to answer that if you check out option 2, so let me just pop you back to the main menu where you can explore the other fantastic options! Have a great day, and remember: I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!\n\n[Pause.]\n\nWelcome back to the main menu! I'm still here to help you with all your dick-eating needs. Now, here’s your options again---.\n\n[Interrupt Beep.]\n\nAh, you selected option 2: Complaints about your dick being eaten! Well, first and foremost, let me assure you that I, Lavacakes, only eat dicks when someone gives me permission.\n\nSo if you're calling to say, \"That's not what I thought you meant,\" or \"I just wanted a blowjob,\" or even \"I really want my dick back,\" I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you. Your dick is totally gone for good.\n\nEven if you’re thinking about suing, I've hired a fantastic team of lawyers who have assured me that my consent defense will hold up in court!\n\nBut don't worry, life without a dick isn't all doom and gloom. In fact, with a little practice, you can still get off by rubbing your null patch—or better yet, exploring the wonderful world of prostate stimulation through anal sex! And hey, you still have your balls, right? It’s not like you’re any less of a man, you’re just… you know, slightly less, man! \n\nPlus, I've set up a fabulous website filled with resources and tips on leading a happy, healthy, dickless life! So go ahead and check it out, you might learn something new!\n\nAlright, now that we've addressed those concerns, let me return you to the main menu where you can explore more options. Thanks for listening, and remember, I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!\n\n[Replay first few words of return to main menu message before interrupting with a beep again.]\n\nAh, option 3! You know, I get a lot of people asking to eat my dick, and honestly, I'm quite flattered. But here's the thing: I really, really enjoy having a penis.\n\nYep, after a long day of dick-eating, there's nothing better than kicking back, relaxing, and jerking off while digesting all those delicious dicks. And as I do that, I think about how great it is that I have one—a penis, that is—and someone else doesn't. Because I ate it.\n\nAnyway, I hope that clears things up for you. I truly appreciate your interest, but I must respectfully decline your offer to eat my dick. Now, let me return you to the main menu for more delightful options!\n\n[Replay first word of main menu return message and cut off with a beep.]\n\nAh, option 4! My favorite option! You know, for some reason, a lot of people select this one but never leave a message. I can’t figure out why! Maybe they're just shy about their desire for a good ol' fashioned dick-eating!\n\nNever fear, though! I have devised a marvelous new system that will help me locate those bashful, would-be clients.\n\nIt's quite simple, really: by selecting option 4, I can now trace your phone number and find you wherever you may be. That way, I can personally come and eat your dick, even while you're sleeping! Isn't technology wonderful? And the best part is, my team of lawyers assures me that your button-push is legally binding. So, congratulations on scheduling your very own dick-eating appointment!\n\nThank you so much for using my services! I promise to see you soon and make getting yuour dick eaten an unforgettable experience! Take care, and remember: I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!\n\n[Disconnect, busy tone.]", "description_bbcode_parsed": "The script was written by \n\t\t\t\t\tNuke

The script is posted below!

Keep in mind that I, Buddy Tippet, also am an author of some very dirty books published on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Click here for a list of all of my books!

Also consider buying me a coffee to help keep me going.

https://ko-fi.com/buddytippet

Enjoy the show!


-----

Welcome, welcome, to Lavacakes' Dick-Eating hotline! I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!

🎵When you're feeling stuck with your private part,
And life's getting dull, let me give you a start!
Just pick up the phone and dial my line,
I'm Lavacakes the Mouse, and it's dick-eating time!🎵

Alrighty, folks! Let's get down to business, shall we? I've got four fabulous options for you to choose from!

Press 1 if you want to convince me not to eat dicks. <Poorly stifled giggle.>

Press 2 if you want to complain about your dick being eaten! [Pause.] But remember, there’s no refunds! <Laughs.>

Press 3 if you want to eat /my/ dick!

Finally, press 4 if you want to schedule a dick-eating appointment. Early bird gets the... well, you know. <giggle.>

[Beep.]

Option 1! So you want to convince me not to eat dicks? Well see, people don't really need their dicks to live, and I, Lavacakes, am a hungry mouse. Dicks are my favorite food! I mean, who doesn't love a tasty treat now and then? And besides, I'm providing a valuable public service, right?

Think about it. No more hiding boners or "accidentally" screwing the wrong person. And hey, I have a 100% success rate! What other service can claim /that/?

Still not sure? Well, I have the top 3 arguments so let me just read them out to you.

[Pause.]

Dicks are essential for procreation!

Well, my friend, that used to be true, but have you ever heard of sperm banks? Just make a deposit, let me eat your dick, and you’ll never have any unexpected surprises! If that sounds expensive, think about all the money you'll save on pants! Those pesky things can get pricey!

[Pause.]

I'll have lower self-esteem without my dick!

You know, I see where you're coming from, but let me ask you this: wouldn't you feel a sense of pride, knowing you've helped feed a cute little mouse like me? Win-win, right?

[Pause.]

I can't cum without a dick!

Well, I'm going to answer that if you check out option 2, so let me just pop you back to the main menu where you can explore the other fantastic options! Have a great day, and remember: I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!

[Pause.]

Welcome back to the main menu! I'm still here to help you with all your dick-eating needs. Now, here’s your options again---.

[Interrupt Beep.]

Ah, you selected option 2: Complaints about your dick being eaten! Well, first and foremost, let me assure you that I, Lavacakes, only eat dicks when someone gives me permission.

So if you're calling to say, "That's not what I thought you meant," or "I just wanted a blowjob," or even "I really want my dick back," I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you. Your dick is totally gone for good.

Even if you’re thinking about suing, I've hired a fantastic team of lawyers who have assured me that my consent defense will hold up in court!

But don't worry, life without a dick isn't all doom and gloom. In fact, with a little practice, you can still get off by rubbing your null patch—or better yet, exploring the wonderful world of prostate stimulation through anal sex! And hey, you still have your balls, right? It’s not like you’re any less of a man, you’re just… you know, slightly less, man! <Giggle.>

Plus, I've set up a fabulous website filled with resources and tips on leading a happy, healthy, dickless life! So go ahead and check it out, you might learn something new!

Alright, now that we've addressed those concerns, let me return you to the main menu where you can explore more options. Thanks for listening, and remember, I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!

[Replay first few words of return to main menu message before interrupting with a beep again.]

Ah, option 3! You know, I get a lot of people asking to eat my dick, and honestly, I'm quite flattered. But here's the thing: I really, really enjoy having a penis.

Yep, after a long day of dick-eating, there's nothing better than kicking back, relaxing, and jerking off while digesting all those delicious dicks. And as I do that, I think about how great it is that I have one—a penis, that is—and someone else doesn't. Because I ate it.

Anyway, I hope that clears things up for you. I truly appreciate your interest, but I must respectfully decline your offer to eat my dick. Now, let me return you to the main menu for more delightful options!

[Replay first word of main menu return message and cut off with a beep.]

Ah, option 4! My favorite option! You know, for some reason, a lot of people select this one but never leave a message. I can’t figure out why! Maybe they're just shy about their desire for a good ol' fashioned dick-eating!

Never fear, though! I have devised a marvelous new system that will help me locate those bashful, would-be clients.

It's quite simple, really: by selecting option 4, I can now trace your phone number and find you wherever you may be. That way, I can personally come and eat your dick, even while you're sleeping! Isn't technology wonderful? And the best part is, my team of lawyers assures me that your button-push is legally binding. So, congratulations on scheduling your very own dick-eating appointment!

Thank you so much for using my services! I promise to see you soon and make getting yuour dick eaten an unforgettable experience! Take care, and remember: I'm Lavacakes, and I will eat your dick!

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