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"Hawk was played by fa!qsharpe\nSnitch, Tennison, and the Sniper were played by fa!PervBunWalter\nTerrence was played by fa!Nuke\nThe Beaver was played by fa!deleter\nPolice was played by Taemien.\nSpencer was played by fa!JD_Awe\n\nThe script is posted below!\n\nKeep in mind that I, Buddy Tippet, also am an author of some very dirty books published on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. \n\n[url=https://www.amazon.com/Buddy-Tippet/e/B07C4VBJN9/]Click here for a list of all of my books![/url]\n\n[center][b]Also consider buying me a coffee to help keep me going.[/b]\n\n[url=https://ko-fi.com/buddytippet]https://ko-fi.com/buddytippet[/url]\n\nEnjoy the show![/center]\n\n-----\n\n[Florescent lights ambi.]\n\nHawk: [Victoriously enraged.] I knew it! I knew it! I fucking knew it!\n\nSnitch: \n\nHawk: So you're telling me that I was right all along, Snitch?! That two of these... these... /heartless/ criminals are actually up to something?!\n\nSnitch: [Too nervous to talk correctly.] Yeah, well... I... wrote it down on this here toilet paper and---\n\nHawk: [Interrupt angrily.] You never took me seriously, Tennison! [Nasty gloating tone.] But I knew, you stupid, lazy, good-for-nothin' tomcat! I knew those criminals would find a way to give me trouble!\n\n[Magazine noise.]\n\nTennison: [Under breath.] Ughh. Whatever.\n\nHawk: [Suddenly.] Snitch!\n\nSnitch: [Startled.] Aaah! Yes, sir!\n\nHawk: Tell me what they are going to do! What's their plan? Spill your guts, weasel!\n\nSnitch: [Eager to please.] Yeah yeah yeah! They're gonna sneak out in the laundry! See? I wrote it all down on this toilet paper while I listened to the whole thing!\n\n[Thin paper sound.]\n\nHawk: [Triumphantly dramatic.] Ha! So /that's/ their game!\n\n[Thin paper manipulated.]\n\nHawk: Wait. Larry the laundry guy's in on this?! I would have never suspected him. I didn't even know his name. How did Russell manage to slip him a message? It's impossible.\n\nSnitch: [Trying to help.] He must have found a way! He's really crafty! I bet he's been doing all sorts of things under your nose!\n\n[Thin paper manipulated.]\n\nHawk: Hmmm. They're planning on taking out the guard there too. Not if I can help it. [Pause with confusion.] Hey, what's this brown stuff?\n\nSnitch: Oops! Sorry. [Embarrassed.] I guess I shoulda flushed that part.\n\nHawk: [Disgusted.] Uughhh. You can have this back. Guards, take him away.\n\nSnitch: [Embarrassed.] Thank you.\n\n[Door closes.]\n\nHawk: [Dramatically to himself.] I can't just go down to their cell and... accuse them. [Pause.] They'll deny it... and then it'll never happen.\n\nTennison: [Annoyed.] Why don't you go back and ask them politely?\n\nHawk: [Angry.] Shut up!\n\nTennison: \n\n[Pause.]\n\nHawk: [Triumphantly.] I got it! We're gonna catch 'em in the act! I'll let them have their laundry duty. I'll just leave them alone in there with no guard. Larry will pack 'em up in his cart, and when he leaves the prison... [Sinister sounding.] we'll be ready for him. [Pause.] Oh, yes. We'll be ready.\n\nTennison: Who the hell are you talking to?\n\nHawk: [Commandingly.] Shut up, Tennison. Get me the commissioner on the line. I'm gonna need a favor from that old bull-dog.\n\nTennison: Well, I would do that, sir, but that would involve standing up.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nHawk: How the hell did you get promoted to this position?\n\nTennison: [Casually.] I dunno.\n\n[Cell door shutting and quiet ambi.]\n\n[Long pause.]\n\nRussell: It's almost time. [Pause.] Gonna be a great escape. Nobody will suspect a thing.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: I can't wait to see her again.\n\nRussell: Your girl? What was her name again?\n\nTerrence: Elaine.\n\nRussell: Interesting name. Think she'll be happy to meet a prison escapee?\n\nTerrence: She might.\n\nRussell: She might also run for the cops, screaming about the killer in her room.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: No, I don't think she would do that. She /loves/ me.\n\nRussell: Then why did she end up cheating on you?\n\nTerrence: [Emotionless and strange.] It was just a misunderstanding. She was just lonely. She would have come back to me if I hadn't... [Trails off here.]\n\n[Pause.]\n\nRussell: Killed him?\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: Yeah.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nRussell: You sure she's gonna want you back, Terrence?\n\nTerrence: [Trying badly to be convincing.] Yeah. She's waiting for me. She's got my letters. She's waiting for me.\n\nRussell: Hrmm. [Long Pause and seriously.] Terrence.\n\nTerrence: Yeah?\n\nRussell: [Seriously.] Seven o' Clock is comin'. The plan is set. We're getting out of here... /tonight./ I'm going back to my gang, and you're going back to your girl. It'll be perfect.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: [Softly but with confidence.] I'm ready.\n\n[Outdoors Ambi.]\n\n[A truck squeaking to a stop. Car door open and close.]\n\nBeaver: [Boredly to himself.] Huh. Weird. Where is everybody? [Pause.] Oh well. Just another laundry day. Let's get crackin'.\n\n[Plastic bin rolling away and fades out.]\n\n[Gun click.]\n\nSniper: This is sniper 1. Target has entered the facility.\n\nHawk: [Radio Filter.] Acknowledged. All units standby.\n\nSniper: Roger that. All this over two dumbasses. And to think I could be living it up at the Railroad Club tonight.\n\nHawk: [Radio filter.] They'd never let you in, [Yells.] and fucking stop leaving your radio on!\n\nSniper: [Embarrassed.] Ugh. Roger.\n\n[Long Pause.]\n\n[Sound of cart rolling.]\n\nBeaver: [Boredly to himself.] Another boring day. Wish someone was here to help me push this thing. Sure is heavy---\n\nHawk: [Megaphone.] [Interrupt.] Freeze, criminal!\n\n[Sirens. Cars pulling up. Helicopters. Running feet. The works.]\n\nBeaver: [Startled.] Ahh! What the fuck?!\n\nPolice: [Yelling.] Get on the fucking ground! Get on the fucking ground or we'll shoot!\n\nBeaver: [Terrified.] I'm doing it! I'm doing it! Aaaa! Don't shoot!\n\nHawk: [Megaphone.] We have snipers focused on your position, Larry! Do what they tell you!\n\nBeaver: [Terrified.] Oh my god! What's going on?!\n\nPolice: Stop resisting!\n\nBeaver: I'm not!\n\n[Cuff sounds.]\n\nPolice: We got him, sir!\n\n[Characters have to talk a bit loud here to be heard over all the noise.]\n\nHawk: Excellent. Commissioner Spencer?\n\nSpencer: Are you sure all this was necessary, Warden Hawk?! The snipers, the helicopter... this guy seems pretty harmless!\n\nHawk: You can never be /too/ careful with criminal scum like this! Besides... when you see what's really in that cart, you'll understand! This guy is an accomplice to a prison break!\n\nSpencer: Isn't a laundry escape a little cliché, Warden?\n\nHawk: Maybe so, but that's just what they were hoping we'd think! They are smarter than they look, but not as smart as /me!/\n\nSpencer: Hrrrm. Let's get some guns on that cart now!\n\nPolice: Yes, sir!\n\n[Running sounds.]\n\nHawk: Thought you'd get away with it, didn't you, Larry?!\n\nBeaver: [Terrified and confused.] L-Larry?! Who's Larry?! M-M-My name's T-Thompson!\n\nHawk: A likely story! And I suppose there's nothing in that cart but laundry! You'll get fifteen years for this... /minimum!/\n\nBeaver: I didn't do anything! There /really/ is just laundry in there!\n\nHawk: Shut up! Commissioner, why don't you see what our little laundry beaver has tried to steal away with!\n\nSpencer: Check the cart!\n\n[Long Pause.]\n\nPolice: It's clear, sir! There's nobody in there.\n\nHawk: [Shocked.] What?!\n\nBeaver: [Getting thrown down.] Hey! Aghh!\n\n[Body hitting ground.]\n\nHawk: There has to be a mistake!\n\nSpencer: Is this your idea of a joke, Hawk?\n\nHawk: [Nervous and panicking.] Sir, I swear that there was an escape attempt planned for tonight. Two rodents were going to make it out in this very laundry cart aided by Larry the beaver!\n\nBeaver: [Whimpering.] But my name is Thompson!\n\nHawk: [Angry and desperate.] Shut up! Your name is Larry!\n\nSpencer: [Loud and angry.] Haaaaawk! Let the man go! [Sinister and vengeful.] I need to have a word with you.\n\nHawk: [Pathetically submissive.] Yes... sir.\n\n[All sound fades and reverts to quiet room ambi.]\n\n[Long Pause.]\n\n[Cloth sounds.]\n\nRussell: \n\nTerrence: \n\nTerrence: \n\nRussel: Hrmm.\n\nTerrence: Do you think it woulda worked?\n\n[Pause.]\n\nRussell: Nah. I don't even know the beaver's real name. [Pause.] But it was a fun idea anyways.\n\nTerrence: Well what else do we have to do in a place like this?\n\nRussell: Yeah. A little imagination goes a long way to kill the boredom.\n\nTerrence: Mmhmm.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nRussell: Terrence, can I ask you something?\n\nTerrence: Sure.\n\nRussell: I noticed that you haven't mailed any of your letters. [Pause.] Is there something you wanna tell me?\n\n[Long Pause.]\n\nTerrence: Yeah. [Long Pause.] I uh... I um... [Pause.] When I came home that day... I heard them in bed together. [Pause.] And when I got my gun... [Pause.] I... wasn't really... that good of an aim.\n\nRussell: Don't talk about it anymore.\n\nTerrence: [Whimpery.] I just like to imagine... if she was still out there waiting for me.\n\nRussell: Just shut up, okay? She's still out there. Just hold onto that. Keep writing your letters.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: Thank you, Russell. [Pause.] We really don't deserve to be outside these walls.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nRussell: Yeah. I think when it comes down to it, Terrence... we're just vermin. Pests. We did terrible things... and now we're paying for it. The truth is that I don't really wanna leave. Not just because I don't deserve to, but I just don't trust myself. The world is better off if I just stay here.\n\n[Pause.]\n\nTerrence: We're vermin.\n\nRussell: Yep.\n\nTerrence: And we're gonna spend the rest of our lives here... /together./\n\nRussell: Yep.\n\n[Snuggle sounds. (Cloth noises.)]\n\nTerrence: [Sleepily.] Hmmm.\n\nRussell: [Softly to Terrence.] Yeaah.\n\n[Slow fade. End.]", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Hawk was played by \n\t\t\t\t\tqsharpe
Snitch, Tennison, and the Sniper were played by \n\t\t\t\t\tPervBunWalter
Terrence was played by \n\t\t\t\t\tNuke
The Beaver was played by \n\t\t\t\t\tdeleter
Police was played by Taemien.
Spencer was played by \n\t\t\t\t\tJD_Awe

The script is posted below!

Keep in mind that I, Buddy Tippet, also am an author of some very dirty books published on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Click here for a list of all of my books!

Also consider buying me a coffee to help keep me going.

https://ko-fi.com/buddytippet

Enjoy the show!


-----

[Florescent lights ambi.]

Hawk: [Victoriously enraged.] I knew it! I knew it! I fucking knew it!

Snitch: <Nervous noises.>

Hawk: So you're telling me that I was right all along, Snitch?! That two of these... these... /heartless/ criminals are actually up to something?!

Snitch: [Too nervous to talk correctly.] Yeah, well... I... wrote it down on this here toilet paper and---

Hawk: [Interrupt angrily.] You never took me seriously, Tennison! [Nasty gloating tone.] But I knew, you stupid, lazy, good-for-nothin' tomcat! I knew those criminals would find a way to give me trouble!

[Magazine noise.]

Tennison: [Under breath.] Ughh. Whatever.

Hawk: [Suddenly.] Snitch!

Snitch: [Startled.] Aaah! Yes, sir!

Hawk: Tell me what they are going to do! What's their plan? Spill your guts, weasel!

Snitch: [Eager to please.] Yeah yeah yeah! They're gonna sneak out in the laundry! See? I wrote it all down on this toilet paper while I listened to the whole thing!

[Thin paper sound.]

Hawk: [Triumphantly dramatic.] Ha! So /that's/ their game!

[Thin paper manipulated.]

Hawk: Wait. Larry the laundry guy's in on this?! I would have never suspected him. I didn't even know his name. How did Russell manage to slip him a message? It's impossible.

Snitch: [Trying to help.] He must have found a way! He's really crafty! I bet he's been doing all sorts of things under your nose!

[Thin paper manipulated.]

Hawk: Hmmm. They're planning on taking out the guard there too. Not if I can help it. [Pause with confusion.] Hey, what's this brown stuff?

Snitch: <Gasp!> Oops! Sorry. [Embarrassed.] I guess I shoulda flushed that part.

Hawk: [Disgusted.] Uughhh. You can have this back. Guards, take him away.

Snitch: [Embarrassed.] Thank you.

[Door closes.]

Hawk: [Dramatically to himself.] I can't just go down to their cell and... accuse them. [Pause.] They'll deny it... and then it'll never happen.

Tennison: [Annoyed.] Why don't you go back and ask them politely?

Hawk: [Angry.] Shut up!

Tennison: <Annoyed sigh.>

[Pause.]

Hawk: [Triumphantly.] I got it! We're gonna catch 'em in the act! I'll let them have their laundry duty. I'll just leave them alone in there with no guard. Larry will pack 'em up in his cart, and when he leaves the prison... [Sinister sounding.] we'll be ready for him. [Pause.] Oh, yes. <Sinister chuckle.> We'll be ready.

Tennison: Who the hell are you talking to?

Hawk: [Commandingly.] Shut up, Tennison. Get me the commissioner on the line. I'm gonna need a favor from that old bull-dog.

Tennison: Well, I would do that, sir, but that would involve standing up.

[Pause.]

Hawk: How the hell did you get promoted to this position?

Tennison: [Casually.] I dunno.

[Cell door shutting and quiet ambi.]

[Long pause.]

Russell: It's almost time. [Pause.] Gonna be a great escape. Nobody will suspect a thing.

[Pause.]

Terrence: I can't wait to see her again.

Russell: Your girl? What was her name again?

Terrence: Elaine.

Russell: Interesting name. Think she'll be happy to meet a prison escapee?

Terrence: She might.

Russell: She might also run for the cops, screaming about the killer in her room.

[Pause.]

Terrence: No, I don't think she would do that. She /loves/ me.

Russell: Then why did she end up cheating on you?

Terrence: [Emotionless and strange.] It was just a misunderstanding. She was just lonely. She would have come back to me if I hadn't... [Trails off here.]

[Pause.]

Russell: Killed him?

[Pause.]

Terrence: Yeah.

[Pause.]

Russell: You sure she's gonna want you back, Terrence?

Terrence: [Trying badly to be convincing.] Yeah. She's waiting for me. She's got my letters. She's waiting for me.

Russell: Hrmm. [Long Pause and seriously.] Terrence.

Terrence: Yeah?

Russell: [Seriously.] Seven o' Clock is comin'. The plan is set. We're getting out of here... /tonight./ I'm going back to my gang, and you're going back to your girl. It'll be perfect.

[Pause.]

Terrence: [Softly but with confidence.] I'm ready.

[Outdoors Ambi.]

[A truck squeaking to a stop. Car door open and close.]

Beaver: <Grunts after door opens.> [Boredly to himself.] Huh. Weird. Where is everybody? [Pause.] Oh well. Just another laundry day. Let's get crackin'.

[Plastic bin rolling away and fades out.]

[Gun click.]

Sniper: This is sniper 1. Target has entered the facility.

Hawk: [Radio Filter.] Acknowledged. All units standby.

Sniper: Roger that. <Sighs.> All this over two dumbasses. And to think I could be living it up at the Railroad Club tonight.

Hawk: [Radio filter.] They'd never let you in, [Yells.] and fucking stop leaving your radio on!

Sniper: [Embarrassed.] Ugh. Roger.

[Long Pause.]

[Sound of cart rolling.]

Beaver: [Boredly to himself.] <Humming.> Another boring day. Wish someone was here to help me push this thing. Sure is heavy---

Hawk: [Megaphone.] [Interrupt.] Freeze, criminal!

[Sirens. Cars pulling up. Helicopters. Running feet. The works.]

Beaver: [Startled.] Ahh! What the fuck?!

Police: [Yelling.] Get on the fucking ground! Get on the fucking ground or we'll shoot!

Beaver: [Terrified.] I'm doing it! I'm doing it! Aaaa! Don't shoot!

Hawk: [Megaphone.] We have snipers focused on your position, Larry! Do what they tell you!

Beaver: [Terrified.] Oh my god! What's going on?!

Police: Stop resisting!

Beaver: I'm not!

[Cuff sounds.]

Police: We got him, sir!

[Characters have to talk a bit loud here to be heard over all the noise.]

Hawk: Excellent. Commissioner Spencer?

Spencer: Are you sure all this was necessary, Warden Hawk?! The snipers, the helicopter... this guy seems pretty harmless!

Hawk: You can never be /too/ careful with criminal scum like this! Besides... when you see what's really in that cart, you'll understand! This guy is an accomplice to a prison break!

Spencer: Isn't a laundry escape a little cliché, Warden?

Hawk: Maybe so, but that's just what they were hoping we'd think! They are smarter than they look, but not as smart as /me!/

Spencer: Hrrrm. Let's get some guns on that cart now!

Police: Yes, sir!

[Running sounds.]

Hawk: Thought you'd get away with it, didn't you, Larry?!

Beaver: [Terrified and confused.] L-Larry?! Who's Larry?! M-M-My name's T-Thompson!

Hawk: A likely story! And I suppose there's nothing in that cart but laundry! You'll get fifteen years for this... /minimum!/

Beaver: I didn't do anything! There /really/ is just laundry in there!

Hawk: Shut up! Commissioner, why don't you see what our little laundry beaver has tried to steal away with!

Spencer: Check the cart!

[Long Pause.]

Police: It's clear, sir! There's nobody in there.

Hawk: [Shocked.] What?!

Beaver: [Getting thrown down.] Hey! Aghh!

[Body hitting ground.]

Hawk: There has to be a mistake!

Spencer: Is this your idea of a joke, Hawk?

Hawk: [Nervous and panicking.] Sir, I swear that there was an escape attempt planned for tonight. Two rodents were going to make it out in this very laundry cart aided by Larry the beaver!

Beaver: [Whimpering.] But my name is Thompson!

Hawk: [Angry and desperate.] Shut up! Your name is Larry!

Spencer: [Loud and angry.] Haaaaawk! Let the man go! [Sinister and vengeful.] I need to have a word with you.

Hawk: [Pathetically submissive.] Yes... sir.

[All sound fades and reverts to quiet room ambi.]

[Long Pause.]

[Cloth sounds.]

Russell: <Kissing sounds, five seconds.>

Terrence: <Kissing sounds, five seconds.>

Terrence: <Snuggling noise.>

Russel: Hrmm.

Terrence: Do you think it woulda worked?

[Pause.]

Russell: Nah. I don't even know the beaver's real name. [Pause.] But it was a fun idea anyways.

Terrence: <Tiny giggle.> Well what else do we have to do in a place like this?

Russell: Yeah. A little imagination goes a long way to kill the boredom.

Terrence: Mmhmm.

[Pause.]

Russell: Terrence, can I ask you something?

Terrence: Sure.

Russell: I noticed that you haven't mailed any of your letters. [Pause.] Is there something you wanna tell me?

[Long Pause.]

Terrence: Yeah. [Long Pause.] I uh... I um... [Pause.] When I came home that day... I heard them in bed together. [Pause.] And when I got my gun... [Pause.] I... wasn't really... that good of an aim.

Russell: Don't talk about it anymore.

Terrence: [Whimpery.] I just like to imagine... if she was still out there waiting for me.

Russell: Just shut up, okay? She's still out there. Just hold onto that. Keep writing your letters.

[Pause.]

Terrence: Thank you, Russell. [Pause.] We really don't deserve to be outside these walls.

[Pause.]

Russell: Yeah. I think when it comes down to it, Terrence... we're just vermin. Pests. We did terrible things... and now we're paying for it. The truth is that I don't really wanna leave. Not just because I don't deserve to, but I just don't trust myself. The world is better off if I just stay here.

[Pause.]

Terrence: We're vermin.

Russell: Yep.

Terrence: And we're gonna spend the rest of our lives here... /together./

Russell: Yep.

[Snuggle sounds. (Cloth noises.)]

Terrence: [Sleepily.] Hmmm.

Russell: [Softly to Terrence.] Yeaah.

[Slow fade. End.]", "writing": "", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "", "pools_count": 2, "title": "Vermin, Episode 5 of 5", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "audio/mpeg", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "3", "name": "Violence", "description": "Mild violence", "rating_id": "1" }, { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "10", "type_name": "Music - Single Track", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "0", "views": "52" }