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"submission_right_thumb_huge_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_huge_y": "120", "submission_right_thumb_large_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_large_y": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_y": "120" } ], "description": "[i]Originally Submitted to FurAffinity.net on May 29, 2019 01:02 AM.[/i]\n\nA soliloquy from an unpublished novel series I am working on. Proof that I often go mad as I write. Mad, I say!\n\n---------------------------------------------\n\n\nStone walls of nowhere, laughing at me, doing nothing more than cursing me to a knowledge that will never been seen. Broken hearts and flesh ripped for nothing, as the truth so clear yet unclear faces us plainly, yet we cannot accept or see the differences between them. That I was to get a glimpse of these differences to drive doubt and confusion and all the rot that festers inside of me was a terrible blight, and I tell you, I tell you that I am losing myself to it!\n\nYou did it to me, you fugitive of all that I hate. You vile temptress that stands before me for no reason but to mock my very eyes with your smirk. Why do you not speak? Am I so irrelevant to you now that I can longer be touched? Why?!\n\nOh, Brackus… Brackus… Brackus… Brackus. Do not be deceived by this! The mice will all die by your hand. The jerboas will fall to their knees! The rats will join or be scraped from the ground in bloody shreds! That is the only thing that matters, Brackus. That’s it! That’s all! There’s no more! There’s no more! Be quiet!\n\nBut I saw her. I saw her out of the corner of my eye. Not enough for a flawless account, not enough to dismiss, but I saw her. It was a tiny, brief moment, where all came together and then dissipated before I could know for sure. And then I realize that I may be breaking. The lies may be coming undone, and her smirk speaks volumes. She knows. She knows. And as usual, she revels in my suffering.\n\nI am her toy. I am but a thing in her eyes. A vessel for her amusement. I am in love with it. Those… those curves. Those teeth. The hands… those hands… I love those hands. You won’t even touch me with them. Not even the slightest of scrapes. If I beg for death, will you appease me? Will you do even that: the one great request that we are always allowed? I wish to be destroyed by you. Please! Do it now!\n\nShe won’t do it, Brackus. She won’t do it, Brackus. I’m trapped in an open room filled with my own sorrows and hatred. Nary a chance to kill, nary a chance to destroy. If I am not to die then let me leave to kill! Let me go so that I can bring another worthless life into the clutches of Decessus! Do it, Brackus! Leave! Get out! Go!\n\nIt was a glimpse that I saw. A tease. In that impossible moment, there were two. There can’t be two! I imagined it. But I… but I saw it. The idea rings in my head as a tribute to the impossible. Sworn to love only one, my heart incapable of being split. Perhaps she thinks me insane. My suffering appeases her lust, and if that is so, then I am grateful. But I only wish to know if what I saw was true.\n\nWhy can’t you tell me? Why can’t you even speak to me? You look into my eyes with so much force that I cannot contain my curiosity. What do you wish of me? What will you do to me? What are you thinking of me? What? What? What? What?!\n\nClawstone would have been my home, Brackus. That new breeding pit from Rodopolis. I never did see it. I never got to smell it. I am sure that I would indulge myself plentifully before I slaughtered them. It would serve them right, breeding and intermingling with the mice. I hate them, Brackus. They… are… my… enemy! I want them… dead!\n\nThis country was made for rats. We are the strong ones. We are the stronger ones. They are the weak, Brackus. They have oppressed us to the point that we are to act and live as them! We are to worship them. Serve them! Die for them?!\n\nThere were two. And then… there was only one. There was never more than one. Yet, there were two. But only one ever existed, until there were two, but there was only one. What did I see?! You know the answer. I can see it in your eyes. Do you still love me?! I have given you my soul! Why can’t you just explain this!\n\nA man cannot divide true love. It is focused. It is singular and perfect. You know this. I see it in that smirk that you know what I speak of. When I say that there were two, you know about the second, yet you will not explain. It is torture.\n\nBut then, Brackus, now that I consider these things, who was it that we met? What did she look like? I can’t remember. My memory blurs with the single beauty that stands before me at this moment. It had to be her. It was always her.\n\nBrackus… Brackus. I cannot accept this idea that ruthlessly lingers in my mind! I am falling apart! I am ripping in two! What I thought I saw was impossible! There is only one! She stands before me locked in my gaze, doing nothing but belittling me with her coldhearted smirk and motionless ripping of my very being! Why?!\n\nYou want me for something. You’re saving me for something. What is it? Don’t I have the right to know? What am I to you? What am I to the Black Rats? What is that stare that I see? It looks at me as if I were someone else. What is it? What is that? What do you want? Talk to me! Speak to me! I love you!\n\nThere is a soul. There is a soul, Brackus. A soul. I… almost see it. She sees it too. The very essence of what once was, sealed and kept hostage as my own soul lives within her beautiful teeth. The closer I look into her eyes, the more I see that she is not looking at me at all. She sees that soul. That one soul that is not my own. It is somewhere in this room. Perhaps it is behind me. Perhaps it is within me. Who does she see when she looks into my eyes? And whose eyes do I possess? I am hers, Brackus. I am anything she wants me to be.\n\nPlease, touch me. Dig into my skin and hollow out my guts. Thrust your fingers into my heart and rip it out for all to see. That is what I want of you. It is a request that is never denied. And yet… you deny. I am trapped by your very presence. I am caught between nothingness and love. My mind is going. My body fatigues. The only thing I wish to know is that you are the only one that I love. Please, give me your answer. Please? Please?! I asked you, please?! Tell me! Please, tell me!\n\nOh… oh… The floor. The cold floor. Brackus, the floor feels like infinite space, and I am lost in all of it. We are lost, Brackus. We are lost. So lost. Lost. We are breaking. We are tired. She still stares at me silently. She stands at my feet and from this perspective she seems so tall, like a monument of all that I have ever loved. She is the one that I met, and the one that I serve. She holds my soul in her hand and bends it to her liking. She breaks it into what she desires and mends it only to prolong that wonderful suffering. But as it turns into glass, Brackus, it is much harder to mend. It shatters.\n\nShe breaks it. She lets the pieces fall to the ground. She smashes them with a stone until no one ever would know that it was I. The pieces are gathered and tossed unceremoniously into a pit. There I die. There I die. There I die.\n\nI saw two. I saw two. But there was only one. There were never two. But… I… saw… two. And when I realize what that means, Brackus, I fear that it will mean the end of everything. And I will fade into an oblivion that not even Decessus can save me from.\n\nMy love… I am yours. I gave myself to you. Whatever plans you have for me, I am ready. Break me, and I will accept my fate gladly, for I am already dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Originally Submitted to FurAffinity.net on May 29, 2019 01:02 AM.

A soliloquy from an unpublished novel series I am working on. Proof that I often go mad as I write. Mad, I say!

---------------------------------------------


Stone walls of nowhere, laughing at me, doing nothing more than cursing me to a knowledge that will never been seen. Broken hearts and flesh ripped for nothing, as the truth so clear yet unclear faces us plainly, yet we cannot accept or see the differences between them. That I was to get a glimpse of these differences to drive doubt and confusion and all the rot that festers inside of me was a terrible blight, and I tell you, I tell you that I am losing myself to it!

You did it to me, you fugitive of all that I hate. You vile temptress that stands before me for no reason but to mock my very eyes with your smirk. Why do you not speak? Am I so irrelevant to you now that I can longer be touched? Why?!

Oh, Brackus… Brackus… Brackus… Brackus. Do not be deceived by this! The mice will all die by your hand. The jerboas will fall to their knees! The rats will join or be scraped from the ground in bloody shreds! That is the only thing that matters, Brackus. That’s it! That’s all! There’s no more! There’s no more! Be quiet!

But I saw her. I saw her out of the corner of my eye. Not enough for a flawless account, not enough to dismiss, but I saw her. It was a tiny, brief moment, where all came together and then dissipated before I could know for sure. And then I realize that I may be breaking. The lies may be coming undone, and her smirk speaks volumes. She knows. She knows. And as usual, she revels in my suffering.

I am her toy. I am but a thing in her eyes. A vessel for her amusement. I am in love with it. Those… those curves. Those teeth. The hands… those hands… I love those hands. You won’t even touch me with them. Not even the slightest of scrapes. If I beg for death, will you appease me? Will you do even that: the one great request that we are always allowed? I wish to be destroyed by you. Please! Do it now!

She won’t do it, Brackus. She won’t do it, Brackus. I’m trapped in an open room filled with my own sorrows and hatred. Nary a chance to kill, nary a chance to destroy. If I am not to die then let me leave to kill! Let me go so that I can bring another worthless life into the clutches of Decessus! Do it, Brackus! Leave! Get out! Go!

It was a glimpse that I saw. A tease. In that impossible moment, there were two. There can’t be two! I imagined it. But I… but I saw it. The idea rings in my head as a tribute to the impossible. Sworn to love only one, my heart incapable of being split. Perhaps she thinks me insane. My suffering appeases her lust, and if that is so, then I am grateful. But I only wish to know if what I saw was true.

Why can’t you tell me? Why can’t you even speak to me? You look into my eyes with so much force that I cannot contain my curiosity. What do you wish of me? What will you do to me? What are you thinking of me? What? What? What? What?!

Clawstone would have been my home, Brackus. That new breeding pit from Rodopolis. I never did see it. I never got to smell it. I am sure that I would indulge myself plentifully before I slaughtered them. It would serve them right, breeding and intermingling with the mice. I hate them, Brackus. They… are… my… enemy! I want them… dead!

This country was made for rats. We are the strong ones. We are the stronger ones. They are the weak, Brackus. They have oppressed us to the point that we are to act and live as them! We are to worship them. Serve them! Die for them?!

There were two. And then… there was only one. There was never more than one. Yet, there were two. But only one ever existed, until there were two, but there was only one. What did I see?! You know the answer. I can see it in your eyes. Do you still love me?! I have given you my soul! Why can’t you just explain this!

A man cannot divide true love. It is focused. It is singular and perfect. You know this. I see it in that smirk that you know what I speak of. When I say that there were two, you know about the second, yet you will not explain. It is torture.

But then, Brackus, now that I consider these things, who was it that we met? What did she look like? I can’t remember. My memory blurs with the single beauty that stands before me at this moment. It had to be her. It was always her.

Brackus… Brackus. I cannot accept this idea that ruthlessly lingers in my mind! I am falling apart! I am ripping in two! What I thought I saw was impossible! There is only one! She stands before me locked in my gaze, doing nothing but belittling me with her coldhearted smirk and motionless ripping of my very being! Why?!

You want me for something. You’re saving me for something. What is it? Don’t I have the right to know? What am I to you? What am I to the Black Rats? What is that stare that I see? It looks at me as if I were someone else. What is it? What is that? What do you want? Talk to me! Speak to me! I love you!

There is a soul. There is a soul, Brackus. A soul. I… almost see it. She sees it too. The very essence of what once was, sealed and kept hostage as my own soul lives within her beautiful teeth. The closer I look into her eyes, the more I see that she is not looking at me at all. She sees that soul. That one soul that is not my own. It is somewhere in this room. Perhaps it is behind me. Perhaps it is within me. Who does she see when she looks into my eyes? And whose eyes do I possess? I am hers, Brackus. I am anything she wants me to be.

Please, touch me. Dig into my skin and hollow out my guts. Thrust your fingers into my heart and rip it out for all to see. That is what I want of you. It is a request that is never denied. And yet… you deny. I am trapped by your very presence. I am caught between nothingness and love. My mind is going. My body fatigues. The only thing I wish to know is that you are the only one that I love. Please, give me your answer. Please? Please?! I asked you, please?! Tell me! Please, tell me!

Oh… oh… The floor. The cold floor. Brackus, the floor feels like infinite space, and I am lost in all of it. We are lost, Brackus. We are lost. So lost. Lost. We are breaking. We are tired. She still stares at me silently. She stands at my feet and from this perspective she seems so tall, like a monument of all that I have ever loved. She is the one that I met, and the one that I serve. She holds my soul in her hand and bends it to her liking. She breaks it into what she desires and mends it only to prolong that wonderful suffering. But as it turns into glass, Brackus, it is much harder to mend. It shatters.

She breaks it. She lets the pieces fall to the ground. She smashes them with a stone until no one ever would know that it was I. The pieces are gathered and tossed unceremoniously into a pit. There I die. There I die. There I die.

I saw two. I saw two. But there was only one. There were never two. But… I… saw… two. And when I realize what that means, Brackus, I fear that it will mean the end of everything. And I will fade into an oblivion that not even Decessus can save me from.

My love… I am yours. I gave myself to you. Whatever plans you have for me, I am ready. Break me, and I will accept my fate gladly, for I am already dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.", "writing": "", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "", "pools_count": 1, "title": "Dirge of a Madman", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "audio/mpeg", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "1", "rating_name": "Mature", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "2", "name": "Nudity", "description": "Nonsexual nudity exposing breasts or genitals (must not show arousal)", "rating_id": "1" } ], "submission_type_id": "10", "type_name": "Music - Single Track", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "0", "views": "23" }