The first time I saw the raven was a week after my mom's funeral.

I had to leave the house after staying cooped up inside the past week-- according to my dad, it was so I could 'go back to school and heal', but to me it felt like a betrayal of my feelings. It was then that I first saw him, his navy blue feathers that glisten like sapphires when the light hits them just right, the searching black eyes...he was both majestic and scary at the same time, and he was a sharp contrast to my own canine features. He stood perched on the fence outside my house, just...watching. He didn't move as I passed, nor did he linger for long. As soon as I headed down the road, he was gone.

Every day he appeared, outside my house, like clockwork. even on days I didn't have school, he was there. He always knew when to look when I was peeking out the window, as if he could tell I was coming. I started to actively want to see him; I even gave him a name: Midnight. I couldn't tell if he was receptive to it at first until I started to stop and talk to him: a simple hello at first, before it became a short, one-sided conversation. Whenever I spoke he never seemed to move, and he always watched me with an eye-- he didn't even caw or squawk. He became something of a confidant...not a muse of any sort, nor could I really get advice from him...but, he was someone I could confide in, when I felt like my life was moving on.

And then, one day, he just vanished. I didn't see him for 3 years, until I turned 18. My relationship with my family was strained after my mom died. My dad remarried to a woman who wanted to replace her, and she took on all the authority of the house. She demanded I obey her commands and follow her rules, and my dad fell in line with her because he wanted the keep the peace. We fought, a lot. He wanted me to grow into a responsible, respectable young man, and I just wanted my mom back. I can't remember a time he ever cared for my feelings. When I was old enough to leave the house, I was given an ultimatum...get a job and give them my entire wage, or leave and find my own place. In my anger, I chose the latter...but I had nowhere to go.

It was then that I met someone...coincidentally, a raven. He was an older man, close to his 50s, who went by Matteus. I met him in a coffee shop on a cold, overcast afternoon, when he had asked if he could sit opposite me-- all other seats were taken. We somehow got to talking and I felt...strangely comfortable, which at the time confused me. Before I knew it, we got onto the subject of my current circumstances at the time, and I let slip that I had been recently kicked out and was couch surfing. He offered me a simple, lucrative deal; come live with him, in exchange for company. There was an obvious issue of stranger danger to me, but I accepted, foolishly, naively. Just like that, I was living with, effectively, a stranger.

I thought I would be in danger, but it quickly felt like the opposite. Matteus owned a large 3 storey house in the middle of the forest not far from Plaistow, New Hampshire-- in the same state as my parent's house, but effectively on the other side of the state. He let me live there without a care in the world...and it was during that time that I began to see the raven again. Unlike when I was a teenager, however, Midnight came to my new bedroom window and would watch me there when I tried to further my skills in the pursuit of making money. Matteus never told me to get a job, and expenses never seemed to be a problem-- if anything, he encouraged me to explore my hobbies. I found myself hanging out with Midnight more and more. We'd talk-- or rather, I'd talk to him, and he'd stand there by the window and listen. Sometimes, if I was feeling brave, I'd open the window and let him in...I couldn't be sure if it was the same bird, after all, but when he was clearly docile I couldn't help myself. Seeing him-- or a raven, I guess-- brought me some kind of comfort.

I found myself getting closer to Matteus, too. Sometimes we'd hang out in the main living room just talking, whether it was topics, relationships or something else, and other times we'd go for a walk around the house or be out in the patio leading out to the expansive back yard. It didn't take long for me to be drawn to him; he was handsome, despite his age, and warm and inviting. 'Love' is a strong word, and I could never use it, but attraction...that was something that had me like a vice. I couldn't resist him. One evening changed our relationship forever, one too many drinks, one wrong conversation...before I knew it, we were kissing, then we were on the bed. He was so soft and so gentle with me...it was my first time, but it hurt. But I loved it, and it only cemented my feelings with him, for what they were worth.

But over time, I began to notice things. Matteus would leave him for 'work', and during that time Midnight would appear, at least for a little while, before he'd disappear again...and conveniently, Matteus would come home moments later. I found it suspicious, but it wasn't enough at the time for me to put two and two together. But sometimes, he'd bring up things in conversation that I had never said before, and easily brush it off as a deduction on his part...and for the most part I let it slide, but it began to bother me how on-point he could be, how much he knew me. It wasn't too long after that when I found out the truth.

One night, I couldn't sleep. It was the middle of the night I left my bed to wander the halls of Matteus's house, my mind filled with turblent thoughts. I felt immature, like I had put all my eggs in one basket, and eventually my wandering let me to the back yard. I stared out at the expansive darkness of the grass beyond and caught a glimmer of blue in my vision. I found myself drawn and followed it, and it inadvertently led me to a path at the back of his property. I followed it along, not even caring about the chill that set into my bones, until I stepped into a quiet clearing, barely illuminated by the moonlight. 

There, I saw a raven transform into the shape of a man; into the shape of Matteus. Suddenly, my new life began to make more and less sense.