“... What is your problem?! I’m trying my hardest to be a professional with you but you’re so unhelpful!” Moxxie complained. He leaned forward and put his elbows up on the meeting table, resting his head in his hands. “Can you please just tell me the street address they gave us? Or at the very least where you filed the fax? You didn’t even give me a chance to write it down the last time!”

	Loona gradually lost interest in her phone, instead diverting her attention to Moxxie and trying to get on his nerves. “I’m taking a break. Bite me, shrimp dick.” the hellhound said, blowing a bubble with her gum until it popped. He lifted his head, revealing his ruby cheeks had taken on a subtle pink shade. She knew where to prod to get a reaction out of him. 

	“Y-You’ve never even seen it! How could you possibly know that?!” he exclaimed. The imp leapt from his seat and brought his hands down against the table in a frustrated defense of his masculinity.

	“Blitz showed me pictures. I’m not impressed.” she said, crossing her arms and turning her chin up.

	“Loony!” Blitzo shouted from across the room, glaring at her while motioning like he was pulling a zipper across his mouth.

	“What?! Boss, is that true?!” Moxxie asked, turning to him with wide eyes.

	“Uh… I might have been a little careless about storing those last few pictures I took.” he admitted sheepishly. “I thought we had agreed not to bring that up in front of him, though…” Loona stuck her tongue out at Blitzo, showing him the finger. He sighed and slunk back in his seat; the damage had already been done, he saw no point in continuing the engagement.

	Moxxie’s heart sank into his gut and his face burned. He turned back to Loona and gave her a dirty look, eyes darting up and down as he searched for words. “W-Well… I’ll have you know that it’s above average for an imp of my stature!”

	“Oh, is that why you’re so insecure about it?” she sassed, raising her voice while locking eyes with him. “Maybe if you weren’t a fatass it wouldn’t look so tiny in comparison. Ever heard of a diet?” Moxxie grumbled and averted his gaze. It was about time to let it go, he thought to himself; they had been at it since lunch and this wasn’t going anywhere. Adrenaline still flowed through his veins, loosening his tongue and making him huff angrily. It was hard not to squeeze in and try to get the last word.

	"Leave it to Blitz to hire a useless mutt with daddy issues…" Moxxie muttered through grit teeth, making it just loud enough for Loona alone to hear. Her eyes snapped open and burned with killer instinct. Clenching her fists, she snarled and stared holes in him as he turned to walk away, her eyelid twitching. As soon as she saw his back she exploited the opening and shot her foot up between his legs, smashing her paw into his crotch at bone-cracking velocity. The front of her foot hooked around and made contact with his bits, spreading them out against his pelvis. The impact made a loud crunch that was followed by a piercing wail.

	“Gyaaah!” Moxxie was lifted a foot off the ground, his entire weight and all the force from Loona’s kick coming to bear solely on his testicles. The pair quivered as they were squashed flat, compressed into thin lumpy wafers of pure misery. When she drew her foot away his balls mostly stretched back to their original form, with the exception of a paw-shaped imprint that was left behind. He immediately replaced the foot with his hands. When he reunited with the floor he collapsed forward, face down, ass up. “Ohhh fuck… M-My balls! She got my baaalls!” Moxxie cried out an octave higher than usual. Loona scowled with disdain as she watched him moan and cradle his bruised manhood.

	Millie was passing through just as foot met testicle. With a gasp she threw down the bundle of spiky weapons she was lugging and rushed over to check on him. “Honey, c-call my urologist…”  he whispered to her, hardly able to speak. Loona had since stormed out of the board room, stomping and growling obscenities as she went. Once she was out of sight the sound of splintering wood and ceramic cracking could be heard.

	Blitzo spit his coffee all over the place and bellowed with laughter, pointing a finger at the crumpled imp. “Bahahaha! You gotta see the look on your face, Moxxie! Are you going cross-eyed on purpose?” he taunted. “What the fuck even happened? I kinda stopped paying attention after I heard you talking about the size of your dick.”

	Moxxie looked up at him, his expression twisted with nausea. The agony radiating from his genitals made his gut churn unpleasantly. “Sir, PLEASE tell her to stop doing that! T-That’s the third time this week!” he squeaked.

	“Pfft, no.” Blitzo said, smirking. “Seeing you get hit in the nuts is funny so I’ll allow it.” He leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on the table with his hands behind his head.

	Moxxie groaned and sunk his face into the floor. “Why do I even work here…?”

	“Blitz! She’s going to make him sterile!” Millie implored. “You’re her dad, you have to reign her in!” He rolled his eyes and let out a melodramatic sigh, grudgingly standing up.

	“Fine. If you’re both gonna nag me about it I’ll go talk to her. She’s not going to listen to me, though.” he said, moseying along.

	Loona was in front of her desk, kicking and stomping it until cracks formed in the boards then they split. It didn’t take long before it was broken down the middle and reduced to debris. As Blitzo approached from behind he had to duck under one of several carelessly-flung coffee mugs. It missed him by inches and broke against the wall behind his head.

	Blitzo rubbed his hands together nervously. “Uh… hey, sweetheart.” he said, bringing attention to himself with caution.

	“Go away!” she shouted, refusing to turn and face him.

	“Just… In the future, could you try to keep the Mox abuse above the belt? I mean, I love seeing him get his balls busted as much as the next guy, but they’re getting all worked up that—Oomf!”

	Loona snapped around and buried her foot in Blitzo’s groin, producing a loud dull thud. The imp’s pupils shrunk to the size of pins and he doubled over, reaching for his injured balls. He stood on wobbly legs for a few seconds before they gave out and he dropped to his hands and knees, tears welling.

	“O-Okay, okay! Forget it! I’m sorry!” he cried out. Gritting his teeth, he hyperventilated through pursed lips. “S-Shit, I think one went into my gut…”

	“I swear to Satan, all you guys care about is your fucking BALLS!” Loona roared. “That little fuck… I should just…” she trailed off, growling and clenching her fists. She stomped past Blitzo and went right back into the conference room, lip raised and fangs bared.

	“Wait, what are you—” Blitzo didn’t have a chance to finish his thought before she disappeared.

	Moxxie was the only one left inside. He was in the same position as when she left, only his wife wasn’t there to protect him. Loona zeroed in, her eyes locked on the swollen lumps dangling between his legs that he so ardently clutched to. He was facing away from the hellhound so he was oblivious to her presence until he heard paws hitting the floor in a full sprint. The imp turned and looked over his shoulder just in time to witness her attempt on the lives of his unborn children. “Nonono—Gawhhhh!”

	With a devastating running start, Loona punted Moxxie in the nuts like she was kicking a field goal. It lifted his butt high enough in the air that he nearly flipped over onto his back. He shrieked like a dying rabbit as his tenderized nuts were scrambled twice over, made softer and more malleable as they folded and contorted to fit between her toes. When he fell back to the ground he slumped over onto his side and curled into the fetal position where his genetic material was better shielded by his body. Giving a prolonged gurgle, his jaw clenched up and foam frothed at the corners of his mouth. His eyes rolled up and his body shook as he teetered on the edge of consciousness.

	A few seconds after hearing the scream Millie rushed back into the room, ice pack in hand. When she saw Loona standing over him again, aiming kicks between his legs and trying to squish his balls through his fingers, she flew off the handle. “Get your filthy paws off my husband, you bitch!” Drawing one of the knives concealed on her person, she lunged toward them and forced herself between the sobbing imp and his attacker. Loona backed off when she waved the blade around in her face. “I don’t care if Blitz is my boss! I will cut you!”

	Loona snarled and gave Millie the stink eye, but stopped attacking. “I’m fucking out of here.” she said as she turned and went the other way, allowing the situation to deescalate. As she walked out of the conference room Blitzo limped past her, on his way to look for the other imps. He flinched violently when he saw her stomping in his direction, pivoting his hips to the side and covering his crotch with his hands. When all she did was pass him by he let out a sigh and loosened up. “Fuck… that felt so good.” Loona said to herself as she flung the front door open and left the office, going to some place that wasn’t I.M.P.

	Blitzo continued into the board room where he saw Millie hovering over Moxxie, holding the ice pack between his legs. “Didn’t… go so well…” Blitzo croaked out, supporting his balls in his hand. “C-Can I borrow that when you’re done with it, M?” he asked, mustering as friendly a smile as he could while suffering acute agony. He had to support himself on the furniture to keep from falling over.

	“Maybe y’all boys oughta think about investing in some cups…” Millie suggested.