The Owl, The Owlet, And the reason why in hell, you don’t celebrate Christmas


       It was a beautiful morning; the morning before Christmas, in all places of earth was celebration and margaritas. But how does it compare to heaven or hell? Do they happen to celebrate as well? Don't ask stupid questions you are annoying little nerd; you're still going to just jerk off until another Christmas ends.
       But truth be told they don't, this makes sense since they're the ones who killed God. But this matter nothing to Octavia, who is now learning human customs with her dad, she thought these Christmas parties were actually kinda rad. 
       "I'm Sorry Via, we can't celebrate Christmas" Stolas said with a frown. "And why is that?" Octavia replied with doubt. "Well, it celebrates the birthday of Jesus Christ, and that in hell is kinda wack", Stolas said trying to sound hip, he forgot no one this generation says that kind of shit.
       "And who the fuck is that?" Octavia kept asking. "The son of god and heir of heaven" Stolas kept ranting. 
       But Via was kept talking. "But now that God and Jesus are dead it should cause no problem here, see the party as a joke of sorts as we are the victors here."
       Stolas never thought of that really, so now with crazy ideas his mind was running freely. They could have a tree, fruitcake and mistletoes, he always wondered about why humans kiss under one of those. "I guess we can try" Stolas gave in, I guess a Christmas party like hell has never seen.
       He quickly approached his phone, he was calling Blitzo, who he once fucked. He was a fun little imp, Stolas was sure Blitzo could help him in a pinch. And so, the phone rang and rang until finally a voice replied; "Hi Stolas, what do you need?" Blitzo was heard saying, "And please be quick as I have customers waiting."
       "Would you like to celebrate Christmas?" The owl asked. "What the fuck is that?" The imp replied. "It's a human custom that requires throwing a party, my impish little man."
       "I guess it could be fun, I can even invite the others to come, just tell me when, so we can go." All clients look weirdly at Blitzo who spoke in a rhyme, "The fuck are you looking at?" he yelled kinda mad, Stolas just laughed as he hanged up the call.
       "I think we should just party the two of us," Octavia mentioned, she knew otherwise sex would be out of the question. "Great idea!" Stolas replies, "First we should find out how hell handles a Christmas-y time."
       And so, they went shopping but had to confront a factual truth –no one in hell sells any Christmas goods. So, with this new information in mind, they had to develop a new plan, they would steal human decorations from all over the land.
       Stolas opened a portal as quick as he could, from the other side you could see a house or two. Everything looked so Christmas and jolly, from ornaments to a lighted up trolley. They ended up in Britain during their Christmas night, how wonderful to see no invasion of daleks or cyber men.
       So swiftly they entered one of the houses through the chimney, making a ruckus everyone could hear. "Quickly, throw the damn tree through the portal, we must get out of here!"
       So, Octavia and Stolas did so together, grabbing on the way the presents and whatever. Oh, blimey what a shame, when after crossing the portal everything catches ablaze!
       "Fuck! Now what?!"
"We just ruined someone's Christmas night!"
       "How strange," said Stolas. "This only happens with sacred items and humans."
       "But we had no issue touching them." Claimed Octavia. "These are no holy items I can tell!"
       "I know what we are going to do today instead." His dad said. "We shall celebrate Christmas all around the human realm!"
       "So, hurry it up and grab your coat, today we're going to party like never before."
       So, their journey began back at the UK, where the only thing they do, is loath watching the Christmas specials of the Doctor who.
       Then they travelled all the way to Germany, where everyone drinks until they feel Almighty.
       They went to Mexico, where everyone was fucking, with a rather creative lexicon.
       They visited the United States, curiously landed on Alabama. Where everyone was fucking their cousins and their mamas.
       But all around the world they saw shopping, greed and liars, they saw double faced motherfuckers and triads.
       "Isn't this a Christian celebration?" "Why is everyone sinning in such a holy occasion?"
       Finally, they travelled to Japan where no one actually gives a damn. They use Christmas as an excuse to sell you Chicken, and still even there it was full of sinners.
       Sloth, greed, lust and pride. Oh, blimey what a time to be alive.
       So, they both return to hell completely flabbergasted of what they saw on Earth. If Christmas is an excuse to commit such adultery, why Satan; or why, can't these demons celebrate their own Christmas night?
       So stolas had to ask the only creature he knew the answers had. He asked Lucifer for a time with Satan, very source of everything bad.
       "Why Satan, why is it that we cannot have our Christmas night if everyone on Earth clearly don't give a damn." Stolas cried. "This is because something about Christmas you don't clearly understand. Tell me dear Stolas, what everyone did that night?"
       "They all partied and sinned. All the do is eat, fuck and drink."
       "Can't you do that too?" Satan asked.
       "Well of course I can! I do that all the time!"
       "Then celebrate Christmas dark prince and stop asking dumb questions like these."
       Stolas started to understand what Christmas time was really, yet another excuse for humans to waste their lives. So, he explained this to his daughter, and she laughed. "How weird these human customs are."
       So, they partied all night that time, drank ate and fuck with all their might. Under a burnt mistletoe they banged; Octavia's moans could be heard all around. On all fours; missionary and more; the Kamasutra they explored.
       Vaginal and anal, stolas got pegged too. The newlyweds knew how to party a little too good.
       But they forgot the most important tradition of them all, presents must be given at all costs.
       This never the less was well managed, for too much fucking without protection can cause some damage. Cum inside too often and the possibilities increase. But I can't continue or tell for certain what it is.
       Now you know, why in hell Christmas you can't celebrate, it's because all the shit you do; they do it every day.
