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I often help him out, and we tend to share artwork. It's the reason why you see his Powerpuff stuff on my page: we're gifting each other something we'll both like.\n\nWell, recently, one of his fics about Dee Dee got deleted, and he deleted a Mandy fic on his own for the same reasons. DeviantArt can be a pain in the ass. So, he decided to give me the fics to post on my page. Go say thanks to him for letting me preserve this, because preservation of rare work is the name of the game.\n\nAs you can guess, this is based on the Billy and Mandy episode \"Dumb Luck\", only Mandy got hit with the snail. Apparently he rewrote the entire ending to make use of Mandy's style of dry humor. It got rave reviews on DA before being scrapped, so I'm glad to be able to host this.\n\nGo check out his page, too. He's a nice guy.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Darkton93 and I are in frequent communication. I often help him out, and we tend to share artwork. It's the reason why you see his Powerpuff stuff on my page: we're gifting each other something we'll both like.

Well, recently, one of his fics about Dee Dee got deleted, and he deleted a Mandy fic on his own for the same reasons. DeviantArt can be a pain in the ass. So, he decided to give me the fics to post on my page. Go say thanks to him for letting me preserve this, because preservation of rare work is the name of the game.

As you can guess, this is based on the Billy and Mandy episode "Dumb Luck", only Mandy got hit with the snail. Apparently he rewrote the entire ending to make use of Mandy's style of dry humor. It got rave reviews on DA before being scrapped, so I'm glad to be able to host this.

Go check out his page, too. He's a nice guy.", "writing": "[center][b]No Such Luck[/b][/center]\n\n\tOne friendly day at Greasy Burger, Billy was engaged in his usual brand of idiocy. Today’s blend was an order of fries down the nose. Naturally he counted each one. “Eleven… eleventy-two… eleventy-three…”\n\tMandy continued her snarky ways. “So… how long before they hit the brain?”\n\tGrim was always ready with a retort. “I’d be sayin’ those fries’ll fill up the hole where the brain should be.”\n\t“You’re probably right.”\n\tA New Yorker waitress came down with an order of chicken. “Chick N’ Chips, whose’m for?”\n\tMandy raised her hand. “Mine.”\n\tAs Billy continued, Mandy reached for her fork and took a bite of the chicken. However… “Hm. Needs more salt.” She did so and took another bite. “Hmm… not enough.” Lather, rinse, repeat. “Still not enough.”\n\tBilly had just about reached the last of his fries. “Eighty one, eighty nine, one-hundred! Hee hee hee!” But a strange sensation came over him. “Oooh… I don’t feel so…” He immediately sneezed out not only a load of snot, but every single fry stuffed down his nose.\n\t…and they all landed on Mandy. She was not happy. So unhappy, in fact, she threw the salt shaker at Billy.\n\tHis response was the usual obliviousness. “What’d I do?”\n\tOf course, when the salt shaker reached the ground, the top unscrewed, the salt spilling over her chicken.\n\tGrim took the situation very seriously. “You’d better be throwing that salt over your shoulder, or you’ll get some serious bad mojo!”\n\tBilly reacted best he could: with a scream and throwing salt into a perfect sand candle formation. “We’re going to be destroyed by MONKEYS!! MOOOONKEEEEEEYS!!!”\n\tMandy was more chill, however. “He means bad luck, and he was talking to me. Not that it matters, since it’s not gonna happen anyway.” She took a bite of her salt-infested chicken. And this time… “Ah. Just right.”\n\t“Of course it is!” Grim said. “Do you doubt years of superstition and terror?!”\n\t“Listen. That’s just a stupid, made up story because people in those times didn’t understand cause and effect. Only an idiot would fall for it. Case in point:” She pointed to Billy, who was digging salt with a pail. “Besides, I had a good meal. So it can’t be that bad.”\n\n\tThe three left the restaurant. Billy looked concerned. “Gosh, Mandy! What’re you going to do with all that bad Mojo Jojo?”\n\tMandy held up a mirror. “Prove to you it’s not real. See this?” Mandy punched the mirror, shattering it. “Supposed to be seven years right there. But it’s not.” The three came across a ladder. Billy and Grim went around it. “Or how about this?” Mandy went straight under the ladder. “Nothing.” They then came across a crack in the sidewalk. “Or how about this? If I step on this I break my mother’s back.” She stepped on it very visibly. More cracks began to form. “See? Nothing happened. It’s just like I said: a stupid, made up…”\n\tThis time, the floor came crumbling down under her, leaving her in a hole. Billy rushed up to it. “You okay, Mandy? Anything I can do to help?”\n\tMandy, annoyed, responded flatly. “You can call a chiropractor, for one.”\n\t“Okay! Heh hyeh!” Billy dialed a phone number.\n\tThe guy on the other line? “Moshi moshi! Tanaka desu.”\n\t“MR. MUSHY MANDY’S IN TROUBLE AND…”\n\t“Eh? Nani o hanashiteru no? Wakarimasen yo!”\n\t“What?”\n\t“Nani?”\n\t“What?”\n\t“Nani? Anta donata?”\n\tGrim sighed. “I’ll get the healin’ scythe.”\n\n\tOne scythe massage later, Mandy decided to read Catcher in the Rye in her hammock.\n\tBilly barged in, as usual. “Hey! Mandy!” He came up with a bunch of lucky charms, including a box of actual Lucky Charms. “I brought you some good luck charms!”\n\tMandy didn’t even dignify it with a response.\n\t“Mandy! You need help! You’ve got serious bad Jomo Momo!”\n\tMandy kept reading.\n\tBilly forced a rubber chicken that came from a set with a cow in her face. “Mandy! The chicken! You need its divine power!”\n\t[i]This[/i] time Mandy pulled her book down to reveal a snarling face.\n\t“Uh oh.”\n\tMandy let it all out, “I told you, I don’t have bad luck!” She threw the book at Billy, which ricocheted into a thin branch on a tree the hammock was tied to. The branch snapped, and the trees came down right on top of her. Poking her head out, Mandy could only sigh and say, “Alright, give me the chicken.”\n\n\tOnce Mandy made it into her room, she pulled out a Magic 8 Ball. “Alright. Superstition got me into this mess, superstition’ll get me out.” She held the ball in her hands. “Okay, Magic 8 Ball, am I cursed or what?” Mandy shook the ball.\n\tThe sign from the ball read “Ask again later.”\n\tShe shook again.\n\t“Lose weight now, ask me how!”\n\tOne more time.\n\t“Made in Taiwan.”\n\tShe chucked the ball behind her. “Yup. Cat’s out of the bag, I’m fine.”\n\tThe ball landed on a pet rat’s tube toy, where it did a perfect circle around the track, and, using the ramp to pounce, conked Mandy on the back of her head. The ball then smashed the cage of the rat, leading it to bite her on the nose for neglect.\n\tMandy sighed. “Signs point to yes.” She facepalmed. “Great.”\n\n\tThe next day, Murphy’s Law acted in overdrive for her. She got up on the wrong side of the bed… the side with the window. After she crashed into a tree, she muttered, “Stupid bad luck.”\n\tOnce back inside and done brushing her teeth, she took to her hairdryer to style her hair. The dryer got caught in her hair, and when she pulled it out she looked absolutely ridiculous. “Stupid bad luck.”\n\tUpon arriving at school, she triggered a prank where someone had left a water bucket on the door, not only splashing her, but knocking the bucket on her head.\n\t“Whoops, that was for the teacher!” the trapmaster said.\n\tMandy’s response, muffled by the bucket? “Stupid bad luck.”\n\tAt classtime, the teacher assigned out a test. “Remember, this test will determine your career in life, so don’t make any mistakes. You have five minutes to finish it.”\n\tWhen she received her test, Mandy began writing her name, only to make an error she needed to erase. However, when she finished, she lifted the pen up right into her eye, jabbing it and knocking her to the ground. “OW! Stupid bad luck!” she said rubbing her eye.\n\tLunchtime she began her order to the cook. “Chicken and chips.”\n\tThe lunchlady responded flatly, “Out.”\n\t“Fish and chips.”\n\t“Out.”\n\t“Potato chips.”\n\t“Out.”\n\t“Potato salad.”\n\t“Out.”\n\t“Fruit salad.”\n\t“Out.”\n\t“One apple.”\n\t“Out.”\n\t“Applesauce.”\n\t“Out.”\n\tMandy grumbled. “Alright, what do you have?”\n\tThe lunchlady served her a pile of green molasses. “Next time try not to be the last one in.” She shut the doors to the kitchen closed.\n\t“Stupid bad luck…”\n\tMandy sat down and, nevertheless, tried to eat the meal. She grabbed a fork to poke it, then put some in her mouth. The instant she took a bite, her eyes bulged open.\n\tShe soon found herself in the bathroom, throwing it all up into the toilet. “BLEEEEH! STUPID! HROOO! BAD! BLUUUGH! LUCK!”\n\tAt the end of the day, Mandy wandered through the halls, pondering to herself. “Why would Grim want me to throw the salt over my shoulder anyway?”\n\tA student noticed a thread on her outfit and pulled it.\n\tAs she pondered, her clothes began to dissolve into thin fabric, her pondering arms blocking her chest from view and her legs those girly bits below. “Is it ‘cause I did all that stuff while we left? No, he didn’t react to that. So then, why the salt?”\n\tOf course, Mandy soon noticed from the crowd of students laughing at her that, except for her hairband, she was totally naked. She sighed and put one hand in between her legs, and used her hairband to cover her chest. “You know what...? …I don’t even care anymore,” she said as she scuttled out of view.\n\n\tGrim was sitting by the TV at Billy’s house when he heard the door open. “Hey dere, Mandy, how’s your day!” he said sarcastically.\n\tMandy, having gotten a replacement outfit, was covered in bird poop, leaves and a dog biting her behind. “We need to talk.”\n\t“Ha! How’s dat bad mojo workin’ out for ya?”\n\t“Shut up, Grim.” Mandy walked over to him and dragged him to her level. “Okay, so you said earlier that if I didn’t throw salt over my shoulder I’d have bad luck. And so far, today’s been pretty horrible. So what gives?”\n\t“Well, I was only tryin’ ta warn ya, but you wouldn’t listen. The olden days people were worried about a deadly threat, one which caused years’ worth o’ damage!”\n\t“Which is…”\n\t“The catastrophe snail! Dey hide out in places with salt, hopin’ the people spill it and remove the only thing that can destroy them! Den, dey climb up the shoulder. Now if you’da thrown the salt over your shoulder, you would’ve gotten it and eliminated it for good, but you [i]didn’t[/i], and now de snail has burrowed into your brain, and thrown your mojo out of whack, causing you to only have BAD luck!”\n\t“So, just get it out. Shouldn’t be that hard, right?”\n\t“Heh, heh, heh, I’m afraid you don’t quite understand. De snail is deep in dere! You’d need some extra help to pull it out, and I don’t really know of any.”\n\tBilly barged in. “Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me! I know, I know!”\n\tMandy facepalmed. “Okay… enlighten me.”\n\n\tWith Mandy lying down on the bed, Billy, dressed in a doctor’s uniform, pulled a stethoscope to Mandy’s brain. Hearing the signal of the snail, he set to work. “Nurse Grim? Eye thingy.”\n\tGrim, decked in a nurse’s uniform, briefly remarked with his arms crossed, “Dey don’t pay me enough for dis.” He then handed out the thing Billy asked for.\n\tBilly opened Mandy’s mouth and shined the light in. Nothing but what was supposed to be there. He then looked into her ear. The snail was plugged into Mandy’s brain with a mini computer. Upon noticing Billy, he waved in his direction. “It would appear our patient has a severe ear infection. This calls for the right tools. Nurse Grim? Fetch me my Q-Tip.”\n\tGrim complied.\n\tBilly fiddled into Mandy’s ear, pulling out lob after lob of earwax. On the third wax, Billy lapped some of it onto his tongue and swallowed it. “Tastes like booger!”\n\tAs Billy continued, the snail noticed the Q-Tip getting closer. He said, “Uh, uh. No way!” and pushed the Q-Tip out of her ear slowly and with effort.\n\tUpon noticing the broken Q-Tip, Billy commented, “This is clearly going to take some advanced treatment. We will have to use another opening. Nurse Grim? Replacement Q-Tip.”\n\t“Don’t break it, dese things are expensive,” Grim said after handing one to him.\n\t“We will begin the extraction through the nasal cavity.” Billy placed the Q-Tip into Mandy’s nose. Mandy began to huff a little bit as the Q-Tip progressed further. Each step of the way made her huff louder and louder. Of course, the Q-Tip did make it to the brain area, and was reaching dangerously close to the computer, until…\n\t…Mandy sneezed, leaving mucus all over Billy, which he proceeded to lick off like those old Scooby Doo cartoons.\n\t“Did’ja get it?” Mandy said.\n\t“Nurse Grim? X-Ray.”\n\tGrim used an X-Ray on Mandy’s head. The snail was still there, and upon noticing Billy, blew a raspberry at him.\n\t“Great, I’m gonna have to deal with this forever, am I?” Mandy said.\n\t“Uhh… I dunno. Grim’s the doctor here.”\n\tGrim sighed. “Yeah, I heard it, too, Mandy.” He then pulled out some fries from a pocket dimension. “I suggest trying again, Billy. Only this time, let go of your senses and act on instinct.”\n\t“Oooh! Don’t mind if I do!” Billy reached for the fries.\n\t“Dese aren’t for you! Dey’re for Mandy, and we’re gonna stuff ‘em down her nose and find out how long until they hit ‘er brain!”\n\t“Oh.” Billy paused. “So can I have them when you’re done?”\n\tGrim grumbled. “Fine, whatever.”\n\t“Yay!”\n\t“Now hold still, Mandy, this won’t hurt a bit!” Grim began stuffing fries down Mandy’s nose one by one, each one reaching closer to the brain. The overload of fries became too much, and they started inching closer to the snail’s computer box. Eventually, they outright smashed it, and began to push him near the nasal cavity.\n\t“Ninety eight, ninety nine, one hundred! Any minute now….”\n\tMandy’s eyes began to bulge and water as she clenched her mouth. She then let out a colossal sneeze, taking the fries out of her along with the snail.\n\t“Okay… looks like I’m out,” the snail said. “No biggie. I’ll just head right back in, and…” Mandy dumped the takeout from Greasy Burger – her leftover incredibly salted chicken – right onto the snail, dissolving it. “Oh no! I’m melting! Meltiiiing!”\n\t“Well, looks like I’m back to normal,” Mandy said.\n\t“And we all did it with a little help from Grim!” Billy said.\n\t“Yeah, that was pretty swell. But you know what’d be better? IF MANDY’D ACTUALLY THROWN THE SALT OVER HER LIKE I SAID!!”\n\t“Honest mistake,” Mandy retorted. “First time for everything.”\n\t“So, what was it like having everything going wrong for you?” Billy said innocently.\n\t“Like I never want it to ever happen again. I’m going home. And then to bed. For the rest of the day.”\n\t“Okay, bye, bye, Mandy! Love ya. Hee hee!”\n\n\tOnce Mandy got to her bed, she set her alarm for the usual time. “Well, that was the worst day of my life. Wonder if tomorrow will be better. Eh, maybe.” She shut off the lights.\n\tHowever, the calendar date for tomorrow begged to differ: Friday the 13th.\n\n[center][b]END[/b][/center]\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "
No Such Luck


\tOne friendly day at Greasy Burger, Billy was engaged in his usual brand of idiocy. Today’s blend was an order of fries down the nose. Naturally he counted each one. “Eleven… eleventy-two… eleventy-three…”
\tMandy continued her snarky ways. “So… how long before they hit the brain?”
\tGrim was always ready with a retort. “I’d be sayin’ those fries’ll fill up the hole where the brain should be.”
\t“You’re probably right.”
\tA New Yorker waitress came down with an order of chicken. “Chick N’ Chips, whose’m for?”
\tMandy raised her hand. “Mine.”
\tAs Billy continued, Mandy reached for her fork and took a bite of the chicken. However… “Hm. Needs more salt.” She did so and took another bite. “Hmm… not enough.” Lather, rinse, repeat. “Still not enough.”
\tBilly had just about reached the last of his fries. “Eighty one, eighty nine, one-hundred! Hee hee hee!” But a strange sensation came over him. “Oooh… I don’t feel so…” He immediately sneezed out not only a load of snot, but every single fry stuffed down his nose.
\t…and they all landed on Mandy. She was not happy. So unhappy, in fact, she threw the salt shaker at Billy.
\tHis response was the usual obliviousness. “What’d I do?”
\tOf course, when the salt shaker reached the ground, the top unscrewed, the salt spilling over her chicken.
\tGrim took the situation very seriously. “You’d better be throwing that salt over your shoulder, or you’ll get some serious bad mojo!”
\tBilly reacted best he could: with a scream and throwing salt into a perfect sand candle formation. “We’re going to be destroyed by MONKEYS!! MOOOONKEEEEEEYS!!!”
\tMandy was more chill, however. “He means bad luck, and he was talking to me. Not that it matters, since it’s not gonna happen anyway.” She took a bite of her salt-infested chicken. And this time… “Ah. Just right.”
\t“Of course it is!” Grim said. “Do you doubt years of superstition and terror?!”
\t“Listen. That’s just a stupid, made up story because people in those times didn’t understand cause and effect. Only an idiot would fall for it. Case in point:” She pointed to Billy, who was digging salt with a pail. “Besides, I had a good meal. So it can’t be that bad.”

\tThe three left the restaurant. Billy looked concerned. “Gosh, Mandy! What’re you going to do with all that bad Mojo Jojo?”
\tMandy held up a mirror. “Prove to you it’s not real. See this?” Mandy punched the mirror, shattering it. “Supposed to be seven years right there. But it’s not.” The three came across a ladder. Billy and Grim went around it. “Or how about this?” Mandy went straight under the ladder. “Nothing.” They then came across a crack in the sidewalk. “Or how about this? If I step on this I break my mother’s back.” She stepped on it very visibly. More cracks began to form. “See? Nothing happened. It’s just like I said: a stupid, made up…”
\tThis time, the floor came crumbling down under her, leaving her in a hole. Billy rushed up to it. “You okay, Mandy? Anything I can do to help?”
\tMandy, annoyed, responded flatly. “You can call a chiropractor, for one.”
\t“Okay! Heh hyeh!” Billy dialed a phone number.
\tThe guy on the other line? “Moshi moshi! Tanaka desu.”
\t“MR. MUSHY MANDY’S IN TROUBLE AND…”
\t“Eh? Nani o hanashiteru no? Wakarimasen yo!”
\t“What?”
\t“Nani?”
\t“What?”
\t“Nani? Anta donata?”
\tGrim sighed. “I’ll get the healin’ scythe.”

\tOne scythe massage later, Mandy decided to read Catcher in the Rye in her hammock.
\tBilly barged in, as usual. “Hey! Mandy!” He came up with a bunch of lucky charms, including a box of actual Lucky Charms. “I brought you some good luck charms!”
\tMandy didn’t even dignify it with a response.
\t“Mandy! You need help! You’ve got serious bad Jomo Momo!”
\tMandy kept reading.
\tBilly forced a rubber chicken that came from a set with a cow in her face. “Mandy! The chicken! You need its divine power!”
\tThis time Mandy pulled her book down to reveal a snarling face.
\t“Uh oh.”
\tMandy let it all out, “I told you, I don’t have bad luck!” She threw the book at Billy, which ricocheted into a thin branch on a tree the hammock was tied to. The branch snapped, and the trees came down right on top of her. Poking her head out, Mandy could only sigh and say, “Alright, give me the chicken.”

\tOnce Mandy made it into her room, she pulled out a Magic 8 Ball. “Alright. Superstition got me into this mess, superstition’ll get me out.” She held the ball in her hands. “Okay, Magic 8 Ball, am I cursed or what?” Mandy shook the ball.
\tThe sign from the ball read “Ask again later.”
\tShe shook again.
\t“Lose weight now, ask me how!”
\tOne more time.
\t“Made in Taiwan.”
\tShe chucked the ball behind her. “Yup. Cat’s out of the bag, I’m fine.”
\tThe ball landed on a pet rat’s tube toy, where it did a perfect circle around the track, and, using the ramp to pounce, conked Mandy on the back of her head. The ball then smashed the cage of the rat, leading it to bite her on the nose for neglect.
\tMandy sighed. “Signs point to yes.” She facepalmed. “Great.”

\tThe next day, Murphy’s Law acted in overdrive for her. She got up on the wrong side of the bed… the side with the window. After she crashed into a tree, she muttered, “Stupid bad luck.”
\tOnce back inside and done brushing her teeth, she took to her hairdryer to style her hair. The dryer got caught in her hair, and when she pulled it out she looked absolutely ridiculous. “Stupid bad luck.”
\tUpon arriving at school, she triggered a prank where someone had left a water bucket on the door, not only splashing her, but knocking the bucket on her head.
\t“Whoops, that was for the teacher!” the trapmaster said.
\tMandy’s response, muffled by the bucket? “Stupid bad luck.”
\tAt classtime, the teacher assigned out a test. “Remember, this test will determine your career in life, so don’t make any mistakes. You have five minutes to finish it.”
\tWhen she received her test, Mandy began writing her name, only to make an error she needed to erase. However, when she finished, she lifted the pen up right into her eye, jabbing it and knocking her to the ground. “OW! Stupid bad luck!” she said rubbing her eye.
\tLunchtime she began her order to the cook. “Chicken and chips.”
\tThe lunchlady responded flatly, “Out.”
\t“Fish and chips.”
\t“Out.”
\t“Potato chips.”
\t“Out.”
\t“Potato salad.”
\t“Out.”
\t“Fruit salad.”
\t“Out.”
\t“One apple.”
\t“Out.”
\t“Applesauce.”
\t“Out.”
\tMandy grumbled. “Alright, what do you have?”
\tThe lunchlady served her a pile of green molasses. “Next time try not to be the last one in.” She shut the doors to the kitchen closed.
\t“Stupid bad luck…”
\tMandy sat down and, nevertheless, tried to eat the meal. She grabbed a fork to poke it, then put some in her mouth. The instant she took a bite, her eyes bulged open.
\tShe soon found herself in the bathroom, throwing it all up into the toilet. “BLEEEEH! STUPID! HROOO! BAD! BLUUUGH! LUCK!”
\tAt the end of the day, Mandy wandered through the halls, pondering to herself. “Why would Grim want me to throw the salt over my shoulder anyway?”
\tA student noticed a thread on her outfit and pulled it.
\tAs she pondered, her clothes began to dissolve into thin fabric, her pondering arms blocking her chest from view and her legs those girly bits below. “Is it ‘cause I did all that stuff while we left? No, he didn’t react to that. So then, why the salt?”
\tOf course, Mandy soon noticed from the crowd of students laughing at her that, except for her hairband, she was totally naked. She sighed and put one hand in between her legs, and used her hairband to cover her chest. “You know what...? …I don’t even care anymore,” she said as she scuttled out of view.

\tGrim was sitting by the TV at Billy’s house when he heard the door open. “Hey dere, Mandy, how’s your day!” he said sarcastically.
\tMandy, having gotten a replacement outfit, was covered in bird poop, leaves and a dog biting her behind. “We need to talk.”
\t“Ha! How’s dat bad mojo workin’ out for ya?”
\t“Shut up, Grim.” Mandy walked over to him and dragged him to her level. “Okay, so you said earlier that if I didn’t throw salt over my shoulder I’d have bad luck. And so far, today’s been pretty horrible. So what gives?”
\t“Well, I was only tryin’ ta warn ya, but you wouldn’t listen. The olden days people were worried about a deadly threat, one which caused years’ worth o’ damage!”
\t“Which is…”
\t“The catastrophe snail! Dey hide out in places with salt, hopin’ the people spill it and remove the only thing that can destroy them! Den, dey climb up the shoulder. Now if you’da thrown the salt over your shoulder, you would’ve gotten it and eliminated it for good, but you didn’t, and now de snail has burrowed into your brain, and thrown your mojo out of whack, causing you to only have BAD luck!”
\t“So, just get it out. Shouldn’t be that hard, right?”
\t“Heh, heh, heh, I’m afraid you don’t quite understand. De snail is deep in dere! You’d need some extra help to pull it out, and I don’t really know of any.”
\tBilly barged in. “Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me! I know, I know!”
\tMandy facepalmed. “Okay… enlighten me.”

\tWith Mandy lying down on the bed, Billy, dressed in a doctor’s uniform, pulled a stethoscope to Mandy’s brain. Hearing the signal of the snail, he set to work. “Nurse Grim? Eye thingy.”
\tGrim, decked in a nurse’s uniform, briefly remarked with his arms crossed, “Dey don’t pay me enough for dis.” He then handed out the thing Billy asked for.
\tBilly opened Mandy’s mouth and shined the light in. Nothing but what was supposed to be there. He then looked into her ear. The snail was plugged into Mandy’s brain with a mini computer. Upon noticing Billy, he waved in his direction. “It would appear our patient has a severe ear infection. This calls for the right tools. Nurse Grim? Fetch me my Q-Tip.”
\tGrim complied.
\tBilly fiddled into Mandy’s ear, pulling out lob after lob of earwax. On the third wax, Billy lapped some of it onto his tongue and swallowed it. “Tastes like booger!”
\tAs Billy continued, the snail noticed the Q-Tip getting closer. He said, “Uh, uh. No way!” and pushed the Q-Tip out of her ear slowly and with effort.
\tUpon noticing the broken Q-Tip, Billy commented, “This is clearly going to take some advanced treatment. We will have to use another opening. Nurse Grim? Replacement Q-Tip.”
\t“Don’t break it, dese things are expensive,” Grim said after handing one to him.
\t“We will begin the extraction through the nasal cavity.” Billy placed the Q-Tip into Mandy’s nose. Mandy began to huff a little bit as the Q-Tip progressed further. Each step of the way made her huff louder and louder. Of course, the Q-Tip did make it to the brain area, and was reaching dangerously close to the computer, until…
\t…Mandy sneezed, leaving mucus all over Billy, which he proceeded to lick off like those old Scooby Doo cartoons.
\t“Did’ja get it?” Mandy said.
\t“Nurse Grim? X-Ray.”
\tGrim used an X-Ray on Mandy’s head. The snail was still there, and upon noticing Billy, blew a raspberry at him.
\t“Great, I’m gonna have to deal with this forever, am I?” Mandy said.
\t“Uhh… I dunno. Grim’s the doctor here.”
\tGrim sighed. “Yeah, I heard it, too, Mandy.” He then pulled out some fries from a pocket dimension. “I suggest trying again, Billy. Only this time, let go of your senses and act on instinct.”
\t“Oooh! Don’t mind if I do!” Billy reached for the fries.
\t“Dese aren’t for you! Dey’re for Mandy, and we’re gonna stuff ‘em down her nose and find out how long until they hit ‘er brain!”
\t“Oh.” Billy paused. “So can I have them when you’re done?”
\tGrim grumbled. “Fine, whatever.”
\t“Yay!”
\t“Now hold still, Mandy, this won’t hurt a bit!” Grim began stuffing fries down Mandy’s nose one by one, each one reaching closer to the brain. The overload of fries became too much, and they started inching closer to the snail’s computer box. Eventually, they outright smashed it, and began to push him near the nasal cavity.
\t“Ninety eight, ninety nine, one hundred! Any minute now….”
\tMandy’s eyes began to bulge and water as she clenched her mouth. She then let out a colossal sneeze, taking the fries out of her along with the snail.
\t“Okay… looks like I’m out,” the snail said. “No biggie. I’ll just head right back in, and…” Mandy dumped the takeout from Greasy Burger – her leftover incredibly salted chicken – right onto the snail, dissolving it. “Oh no! I’m melting! Meltiiiing!”
\t“Well, looks like I’m back to normal,” Mandy said.
\t“And we all did it with a little help from Grim!” Billy said.
\t“Yeah, that was pretty swell. But you know what’d be better? IF MANDY’D ACTUALLY THROWN THE SALT OVER HER LIKE I SAID!!”
\t“Honest mistake,” Mandy retorted. “First time for everything.”
\t“So, what was it like having everything going wrong for you?” Billy said innocently.
\t“Like I never want it to ever happen again. I’m going home. And then to bed. For the rest of the day.”
\t“Okay, bye, bye, Mandy! Love ya. Hee hee!”

\tOnce Mandy got to her bed, she set her alarm for the usual time. “Well, that was the worst day of my life. Wonder if tomorrow will be better. Eh, maybe.” She shut off the lights.
\tHowever, the calendar date for tomorrow begged to differ: Friday the 13th.

END


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