"Deep sadness"
It's been a long time sicne the last drawing of this kind I made.
Commissions & other projects didn't leave me a window of time to express my mood; when I started drawing I used it to let all my feelings out. In those last twp years I passed through many changes, hardships and doubts and I wasn't able to draw anything like that. And now here I am, full of pain.
There's something I'd really want to tell you, because I feel the need to talk about it.
I started comic school, but only now I realize it isn't what I really want to do in my life. I want to work as a creature designer, to bring alive people's immagination, to help them make it more perfect.
That's why I decided to leave the school as soon as the school year is over (in about 2 months) and enrol into my local University again (I failed 2 years ago due to an internet connection problem during the registration phase. Long story).
I will keep drawing of course, this is what I want to do in my life, I simply don't want to work in the Comic industry.
Another reason I decided to leave the shool is because I feel empty.
I feel the need to study something, to have a piece of paper which certifies I know something, to find a temporary job I'll do between my personal artistic studies. Another thing I realised in these two years is that all notions and information the Comic school gave me can be found in manuals and books. Everything can be done without the school.
I'm sick of spending so much (one year of said course costs more than double a year of a scientific University). In the end, I don't like the environment at all... This isn't a school, these are professional cartoonists who are told to teach some random guys how to do things they probably have learned by themselves. Some of them have been fantastic, while others... Simply weren't meant to be teachers.
I'm sad, I've lost two years of my life. I needed them to understand what I wanted to do, but I still feel guilty. I've been childish. I've always been and this is the proper consequence.
Plus... In these two years I decided to cut all ties with people I've met up until two years ago, because I don't feel comfortable being around them. I was really mentally unstable during high schools, I was weak and not the person I am now. I ruined a lot of potentially good relationships because of me and only now I realize that.
I'm uncomfortable with facing these people of my past again. Some of them hurt me so much. (I insisted to go studying Comic which is another city, far from the one I live in, for that reason too).
Some friends helped me and are helping me right now to pass throught all of this. But some of the people I considered to be "friends", haven't been friends at all, demanding drawings and attention and magically appearing before me immediatelly after I announced some kind of a freebie, and then returning to their quantum void of existance after reciving something, without ever giving any help back. I'm done with them... I'm done with people using me just to accomplish their stupid needs. I'm sad because I gave too much faith again, and this is what I get.
This drawing represent how I feel. Empty.
The dragon isn't screaming, it's just there. Looking. It doesn't matter how hurt it is. He doesn't care anymore.
I didn't meant to indulge in any drama, I just needed to release some concerns and thoughts.
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