

Love Me 'Till My Heart Stops
a story by Alex Reynard

The French call orgasm 'la petite mort'. Literally; 'the little death'.


     **********


PART ONE
~~~~~

Lily's fingers were trembling as she typed the words, and not just because her bedroom was nearly freezing. Huddled close to her computer, face mere inches from the screen, she watched each letter appear. The room was dark except for the monitor's pearly glow. The only sounds were Lily's breath and the tiny taps from the keyboard. Her posture radiated secrecy, fear and shame.

She read what she'd written and decided it was too long. She cut out half. Then two sentences more. Then she re-wrote the beginning sentence. Then the ending one. Then she erased it all, sat back silent and shivering for a few moments, and typed everything out again.

She hit the 'send' button before she could stop herself.

    SnuffSkwrl:
    My name is Lily. I'm twelve. I'm a squirrel. I'm looking for someone
    to kill me.

She held her breath as she waited for a reply. Time ceased to exist.

When she finally got up the courage to hit 'refresh', a new message had appeared.

    bludbathe:
    lol emo bitch

Lily burst into tears. She shut the computer off and ran to her bed.


~~~~~


It was three days before she could get up the courage to try again.

Her features pinched in determination, she grabbed the seat of her chair and skootched herself closer to the computer. Damn, the room felt even colder today. She wished there was some way to wear mittens and still be able to type.

She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and typed in the URL of her very favorite website. The one she didn't dare bookmark, just in case her parents ever checked the computer while she was at school.

   http://www.yourhost.net/charonsarchive

It took a few seconds to load. Then the familiar banner appeared: the pale-faced ferryman of the river Styx, holding his skeletal arm out towards a vault full of arcane tomes.

It was a website full of death. Art, stories, a message board, even some RP logs. But despite the trappings, it wasn't a horror site. This was a site for furs who found the concept of death... exciting.

Arousing.

Shivering from the cold and her own nervousness, Lily checked the stories section. Nothing new. The last update was a month ago. She grimaced in frustration. She knew that a fetish as small and reviled as hers simply didn't produce many decent artists or writers. Most of the members here were lurkers, like her. Most of the art was refrigerator-door level and most of the stories were without any semblance of correct grammar or spelling. But there was enough. Enough to let Lily know she wasn't an anomaly. Sure, she was weird and ashamed and alone. But not *entirely* alone.

The photo section *had* been updated, however. Someone had posted a few screenshots from a recent TV show where an actress was lying in a coffin, impeccably made up, dressed in blue, surrounded by flowers... Beautiful.

Lily's mouth was hanging open. Her paw had crept to her crotch.

She downloaded every image.

She closed her eyes for a second. She thought about her favorite fantasy. Her paw slipped past her pants elastic, into her panties and found her hot spot. She rubbed. She sunk her fingers in and twitched them faster and faster. She bit her lip. She fantasized. Her mouth was open but she kept completely silent. Her mom and dad were only two rooms away. If they *ever* caught her doing this...

Just like that, her bubble was burst. Her fantasy was gone. Now all she could think about was what they'd say if they ever realized this was the kind of thing she looked at when she was alone.

Lily removed her paw from her panties. Now it was clenched in a fist.

Only one thing could make her feel better now. Even though the stories page had said in plain red text that there were no new uploads, Lily decided to check his page just in case. Just in case.

Nothing new. Just the same eight stories she'd read over and over and over again.

"Dang," she said softly.

Still, while she was here...

She clicked on 'Red Flesh Rose' and scrolled down to page six. Her favorite part. Her paw went back in her panties again.

   ...The knife went in like silk. Her eyes opened suddenly and she let out
   a quick, gentle gasp. He pulled her closer, and with the same motion sunk
   the blade in deeper. He looked down into her eyes. There was fear, but
   also freedom. She didn't say a word. Warm, wet blood trickled down from
   her slit belly. Down to where their sexes joined. He gave the knife a
   twist. She cried out soundlessly, not wanting to spoil her happiest
   moment with a scream. She could hear the knife turn inside her, relishing
   the sound it made as it turned her flesh to meat. The blood was flowing
   faster now. Hot. Red. Leaving her. She wanted to let it go. Let it paint
   them both the color of love. He closed his eyes and nuzzled her cheek. She
   held him closer, feeling the hilt of the knife touch her stomach. They
   kissed. Her heart fluttered. Her world was ending like a dream. This was
   it. Her fantasy made real. She spoke his name, and thanked him. As she
   realized she was now only seconds from death, her last orgasm overtook
   her. As it ended, so did she. He felt her heart stop. Felt her last
   breath. He filled her with his seed. He had delivered his latest victim
   in the arms of ecstacy to the afterlife. His heart knew there would be
   more. Dozens more. Hundreds more...

Lily came in her panties.


~~~~~


Once her heart had stopped thumping so loud she was sure the whole neighborhood could hear it, Lily licked her fingers clean, wiped the rest on her shirt, and clicked on the link to the messageboard. This time she wasn't going to wuss out. Screw that jerk who'd called her a bitch last Friday. What the heck was he even doing on a site like this with an attitude like that?

To Lily's astonishment, her post had gotten quite a few replies over the weekend. She ignored the incredibly rude first one and scrolled down past it to the next.

    CutterZed:
    ill do it!!!!!

'No way,' she thought. 'If you don't even know how to use an apostrophe, there's no way I'm gonna trust you with my life!'

    redlanceatsunset:
    Are you serious? I'll totally kill you if you want. I have my own dungeon.
    I'll make it reeeeeeeally painful. You'll love it.

She winced. 'I don't *want* it to be painful!' she thought, then paused in realization. 'Crap... I probably should have mentioned that.'

    cat'sbanana:
    you're only 12,girl! don't throw your life away! what are you even doing
    on a site like this? some of these guys are really sick and will takeyou
    seriously!!! if you just saidt hat as a prank, its not funny!!! kids
    really do get kidnapped by sick fucksand murdered evry day!!!

Lily scowled. "I *know* someone will take me seriously. That's the whole *point*!" she hissed under her breath. "I know what I'm doing. I. Want. To. Be. DEAD! You think I just woke up this morning and decided that!?"

She was miffed, but not so much that she'd actually write any of that down and post it. The last thing she wanted was to get in an argument with some goody-two-shoes angel who wanted to 'save' her.

"I can make my own decisions," she huffed.

She scrolled down half a page, and when her eyes saw the name, she froze.

It couldn't be. It was _him_! The author of all those stories! The mind behind the hottest stuff she'd ever read! The guy whose words had made her cum more times than she could count! He was actually replying to HER!!

    Thanophile:
    How would you like to die, sweetheart?

That one single sentence became Lily's entire world. 'How would you like to die?' 'How would YOU like to die?' 'How would you LIKE to die?' Not some overeager creepazoid or misguided dummy; he was asking her what *she* wanted. He was thinking of her first. It was exactly what she'd have expected from the guy who'd written "Her Last Breath Smelled Like Toothpaste". (That is, it's what she _would_ have expected if her wildest heart could have ever imagined that the best writer in the entire snuff fetish universe could ever take notice of a lowly little nothing like her.)

For a second, she debated whether she should reply or not.

This was a living god she was thinking of talking to. He was perfection. She was dirt. A fat, ugly little squirrel with ugly, stupid stripes in her fur and ugly, stupid glasses on her face.

But then again, it'd be really rude *not* to say anything back, right?

Biting her lip, Lily typed up a reply, erased half of it, typed it again, erased even more, and kept on editing it and proofreading it for almost an hour. The last thing she wanted was to make a retarded spelling mistake in a reply to a real author like him.

    SnuffSkwrl:
    WOW!!! I can't believe you replied! I've read all your stories here.
    You're my favorite author ever! Your writing is so tender and gentle.
    My favorite is 'Red Flesh Rose'; I've probably read it ten times. *blush*
    It's really sexy!

She hoped he'd be impressed by her use of the semi-colon.

    As for how I'd like to die... I'm not sure. I just know that I want to be
    dead. My very favorite fantasy is imagining how I'd look at my funeral.
    I'd be perfectly still, lying in a gorgeous wooden coffin with pink satin
    inside, flowers everywhere. I'd be smiling. Happy to be a cute corpse.
    ^__^

    I'm sure any way you could think of to put me in that situation would be
    exciting and wonderful!

Just then, her mom called her to supper. Which Lily was exceptionally grateful for. Not only was she sure she'd have to paw off again at writing something so mind-blowingly erotic (and equally embarrassing), but she knew all she had time to do now was click 'send', close the window, clear the history and dash off to the kitchen.


~~~~~


When she got back after dinner, there was a new message waiting for her.

    Thanophile:
    *chuckles* Really? Seriously!? You like my stories THAT much!? I can't
    tell you how flattered I am! Considering the subject matter, I think a
    lot of furs who read my work are too afraid to publicly admit liking it.
    I know it's pretty extreme stuff. But I'm really glad you do like it and
    that you told me so. It makes me feel good to know I'm not just
    scribbling these things for only myself.

    How would I kill you...? Hmmm, that's a toughie. I'm going to guess that
    if Red Flesh Rose is your favorite, you probably don't want it to be
    painful. I could give you an injection first. You wouldn't feel a thing.
    Then I could slit your throat and cuddle you tight as you pass away. How
    does that sound?

Lily's paw was in her panties in a heartbeat. Her whole body went rigid. Her fingers became a jackhammer bit and within seconds she was overwhelmed by the most powerful orgasm she'd ever had in her life. It was like being hit by a tidal wave. It was like leaping off a cliff. It was like walking head-on into a rushing train.

Lily soaked her panties straight through to her jeans.

Blushing furiously, she ran to the bathroom to clean up.


~~~~~


She read his reply thirty-seven times that night. At eleven o' clock, her mother had to scream at her to turn off the damn computer and go to bed.

Scowling, she reluctantly left her chair (after reading his message one more time) and crawled between her covers. She masturbated for half an hour before finally tiring herself out.

She dreamt that night of a handsome, murderous stranger chasing her through her abandoned school with a big silver butcher knife. Sometimes it changed into a noose. Sometimes he caught her.

She woke up with wet panties.


~~~~~




PART TWO
~~~~~

One week later, Lily was biting back tears as she slipped into her bedroom. She shut the door behind her as silently as she could. She sat down on her bed, then put her face in her paws.

School had been as forgettably monotonous as it always was. The real trouble came when she got home. In her haste to check her email, she'd forgotten to take off her shoes.

She'd left a footprint on the carpet.

Mother saw.

The next hour was spent on her hands and knees as she scrubbed the carpet five times in a row. Each and every time she finished, her mother would start in again: 'I can still see dirt! What the hell's the matter with you! God, you can't even do the simplest things I ask!? I don't understand how your teachers yap on and on about how smart you are and when you get home you act like you were born with an empty skull!' Blah blah blah. Lily's paws ached by the time she was finished. The left from holding the scrub brush and the right from supporting her weight for so long. Mom hadn't even let her take her backpack off first.

She'd hoped to sneak off to the sanctuary of her room then, but Mommy wasn't done with her just yet. She decided that she and Lily needed to spend some 'bonding time' together. Lily hated those words. She'd scrub the whole carpet a hundred times over if it meant never having to hear that insufferable phrase again.

Lily's mother plopped her down in front of the TV set. Then they watched afternoon television together. Lily was stiff as a board, achingly uncomfortable. Every few seconds, Mom would chime in with another of her asinine opinions and just keep needling Lily until she finally gave in and agreed with them. Though she would never openly admit to it, Mom had a rule of parenting that she enforced with ruthless vigor: 'Lily only has the right to one opinion. Mine.'

After almost two hours of humiliating psychological pain, Dad came home. Lily seized on the distraction and practically teleported out of the livingroom. She sped to her bedroom and listened at the door for any sign her mother might be coming down the hall to drag her back for more. She was lucky this time. All she heard was the usual 'how was your day' bullshit between them.

She crawled under the covers with her jeans and socks still on. She buried her face in the fur of Sprinkle, her stuffed fox. Sprinkle had fur the colors of vanilla ice cream and raspberry sherbert. She had a perfect squeezability factor. Lily was much too shattered now to go online. All she had the energy to do was hold Sprinkle tight and cry into her artificial fur.

Half an hour later, she'd just barely begun to fall asleep when she heard the angry cry of, "FOOD! Get out here, lazy!!"

She rose from the bed, moaning at a sudden sharp pain. She'd lain in a weird position for too long and now her lower back was pissed at her. She looked back at Sprinkle. "I'd rather die than go out there and eat with those two," she whispered. Her voice was sad, but resigned to the permanence of her existence. "...Literally." she added with a grim smirk.

She trudged down the hall in cower mode. Both her parents were silent as she entered. Lily sat down at the kitchen table without making eye contact or saying a word. That was best; the less she did, the less likely she'd give them anything to start a fight over.

Her father gave her a look like she was some invertebrate parasite stuck to his leg, then started eating.

Mom poured a heaping portion of some steaming, stinking nightmare onto Lily's plate. To call Mom a bad cook would be like calling Hiroshima a big boom. The woman lived in new-age vegetarian cookbooks, always eager to try out the worst, most flavorless atrocities she could find. Lily thought she must have had taste buds from Mars, as she seemed to love every recipe more than she loved her own daughter. Lily didn't know about Dad though; he just shovelled the shit in night after night without a single facial expression.

Lily scooped up a forkful. It looked like it might have started with potatoes, but that was as far as she could guess. She put it in her mouth. Admittedly, the first mouthful didn't seem as bad as some of Mom's other creations. But by number five, Lily was in agony. It seemed to taste progressively worse with every bite. Bitter (as always), but also sour. Like mom had upended a bottle of vinegar into the pot. There were chewy things in it too. Things that felt like little squares of foam rubber in her mouth. Lily looked down at her plate and it seemed impossibly full. A mountain of food. She felt nauseous.

With all the strength of her will, she continued on. By the time she was a third of the way through, she glanced up and noticed her mother had stopped eating. She was just looking at Lily. Watching her.

"How do you like it?" Mom asked.

Lily forced a painful fake smile onto her face. "It's okay."

Mom looked as if someone had just slapped her with roadkill. "How DARE you lie to me!!"

And so it began. Yet another tsunami of verbal abuse. Mom went for volume; throwing insult upon insult at her daughter like a cloud of poison darts. But Dad was worse. His arrows were carefully aimed to slip through her armor no matter how much she piled on. He could hurt her with a single sentence in ways a fist or a belt couldn't touch. Lily would have been _grateful_ for a good beating. At least if he knocked her lights out, she could have shown someone the resulting black eye and they'd believe her and DO something about it.

They kept at it for over an hour as the awful food sat on their plates growing colder and more congealed. They forced her to keep eating it, even as they kept on shooting their word-arrows into her heart. Lily did everything possible to keep from crying. Crying only made it worse. They took it as an insult somehow.

She'd known this was coming the second she sat down. It was The Dinner Game. Whenever Mommy made some new recipe, Lily was forced to play it. And the game only had two outcomes. Either she'd do her best to cram the foul shit down her throat as stone-faced as possible, and Mom would inevitably throw a tantrum about how if Lily didn't like her cooking she should just come out and say it instead of sitting there pretending to. Or Lily would give her honest opinion, as diplomatically-stated as possible, and Mom would inevitably throw a tantrum about how hard she'd worked on this meal and if Lily didn't have anything constructive to say she should just shut her mouth and eat it without saying a word.

(Lily had once tried to point out the glaring insanity of giving her two sets of mutually-exclusive instructions like that. Mom had fiercely denied ever saying anything of the sort. Then she and Daddy put Lily through six straight hours of pure hell for daring to apply logic to their little family world.)

Like all their fights, this one ran out of steam eventually as Mom and Dad used up their best insults and couldn't think of any more. Lily's plate had been clean for thirteen minutes before they finally let her go. Meekly, she offered to do the dishes to make up for 'starting' the fight. Mom just scowled at her and ordered her to her room, which somehow hurt worse than being forced to do the chore would have.

Now that she was in her room, Lily was finally safe. She could finally cry. She did, although not as much as she used to when she was younger. She wasn't sure if this meant she was 'toughening up', or just gradually turning numb as concrete inside.

As an act of pure defiance, Lily knelt down on the floor beside her plastic-lined wastebasket, dug two fingers into her throat, and vomited up the meal Mom had slaved so fucking hard over.

Bad move. The stuff tasted even worse the second time around. And now her mouth felt all acid-y. She didn't dare risk a trip to the bathroom for a drink of water though. Weirdly enough, once she was in her room, Mom and Dad mostly left her alone. It was like an 'out of sight, out of mind' kinda thing. She knew if she stayed put and waited until they fell asleep, she could sneak back to the kitchen for a glass of water and scour the refrigerator for some real food. But if she set foot outside her room before then, it'd be the same as handing them a bullwhip and pulling up the back of her shirt.

At least she was away from them now. At least the taste in her mouth would go away. At least now she was free to lose herself online again.


~~~~~


Getting the computer two years ago had been as unexpected as, say, a unicorn popping out of your asshole and singing 'Oklahoma'. That Christmas morning, Lily had sat under the tree, surrounded by wrapping paper and just stared in disbelief at the giant box. 'This has to be a trick,' her mind thought. And normally she'd be justified in thinking that. Mommy and Daddy set devious little brain-traps all the time for her to step into. But no, the computer was genuine. Just like all the other nice things they bought her for Christmas and her birthday. It was as if they believed these material things were proof of their love for her, and she was simply an ungrateful little pig to expect anything more from them. Things like emotional support, nurturing, hugs, compliments, even basic decency.

Not all, but most of Lily's misery melted away when she saw that, yes, Thanophile had indeed written her a letter like he promised. She clicked on it eagerly.

   Hi, sweetheart!

She loved when he called her that!

   I hope this is the right email address. Last night's RP was the hottest
   thing ever! It's like a miracle for me, finding someone who thinks my
   weird, twisted fantasies are just as sexy as I do. You really can't know
   how much it means to me to be talking to someone like you. Thank you so
   much for your understanding.

Lily felt her heart melt. It had been a full week of constant communication and she STILL felt starstruck reading stuff like that and knowing it was about her. He thought _she_ was a miracle!

   Um... Before we go any further though, I really want to ask you
   something. I feel like it's mostly been me, me, me so far. Like we're
   indulging all MY fantasies and neglecting yours. Maybe I'm just
   worrying too much. I know I tend to do that.

This was inconceivable! He was indulging one of her greatest fantasies just by *acknowledging* her! And he was worried she might think he was being selfish!? Impossible! This guy was too perfect. Lily was nearly in tears again from how perfectly he was able to reach into her heart and find just the right band-aids for it.

   So, what I want is for you to tell me as much about what YOU want as
   possible. Tell me your deepest, darkest dreams. The kind of stuff you
   think no one would ever want to hear. I DO want to hear it. I want to
   know what makes you moist down there, so I can do an even better job
   of making it moistier. *chuckle* I know that's not a word, but I think
   you get my meaning.

She put both paws over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

   Write back soon! I love every word you type!
        Thanophile

Lily swooned in her seat. It was an eternity before she could compose herself enough to even begin a reply.

   I'm blushing so hard right now! I can't believe you wrote all those
   nice things and that you're actually worried I might think you're
   hogging all our time together. Nothing could be further from the truth!
   When I'm reading anything you've written to me, it's the happiest I've
   ever felt. Indulging your fantasies IS my fantasy!! ^__^

   But, if you really wanna know... *blushing even harder!* When I'm
   pawing off, I actually don't think much about HOW I died. I just like
   pretending I'm dead. It's the whole idea of my funeral that really turns
   me on. Almost every time I masturbate, I think about what it'd look like.
   I'd be perfectly stiff and still and quiet. I'd have a pretty smile on my
   face, dressed in a gorgeous white dress, maybe holding a little bouquet to
   my chest. My eyes are closed. I'm not wearing my glasses anymore. I like
   to think about my coffin. My ideal one would be bright shiny wood, dark
   caramel brown, not modern-looking. Rectangular, not like the cartoony
   ones where it tapers at the feet. It has gold handles on the sides.
   Inside, it's all pretty, puffy pink silk. I imagine it'd be the comfiest
   thing I've ever lied on. But of course I can't tell, 'cause I'm dead!
   *giggle*

   I usually don't think a lot about the rest of it. I would like there to
   be lots of beautiful flowers and some nice soft music. Not church organ
   music though; that stuff's boring. Maybe some classical piece with a lot
   of violins. The weird thing is, I never picture my family there or anyone
   else I know. It's just a bunch of anonymous people. They're always in
   shadow. I don't really care who they are, I just know they think I'm
   beautiful lying in my little comfy casket.

   (Biggest blush yet) Don't you DARE tell anyone else this EVER, but once in
   a while I'll even fantasize that all the people there line up and one by
   one they stand in front of my coffin and jerk off into it! They cum all
   over me. My face, my dress, the flowers I'm holding. I end up completely
   covered in cum. One time I even 

Lily couldn't control herself anymore. Just *thinking* of telling him the dirtiest, nastiest fantasy she'd ever had was making her hotter than a jalapeno in July. She leaned back in her seat, closed her eyes, and stuffed both hands in her panties. She diddled furiously. She clawed at her burning hot cunny. In her mind, it wasn't just some anonymous figment anymore, it was _him_. *He* was standing over her gorgeous corpse, holding his cock in his hand and...

Her orgasm hit in less than a minute. Followed by another one even stronger.

She was panting now, and her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was about to burst right out of her chest. Lily took deep breaths to calm herself down. After a few minutes, her horniness had passed enough to let her type again.

        One time I even imagined that they were peeing all over me instead of
   cumming! All that hot, dirty piss splashing on me and filling up the
   coffin! Then they take me out and bury me and that's it. Sometimes I like
   to picture my gravestone too.

   I won't lie; I just had a HUGE orgasm while I was writing this. That's
   because I wasn't just thinking about my fantasy, I was thinking about you
   being in it. ^__^

   I love you.
   Lily

Her whole body was tingling with wonderful, happy energy now. She felt satisfied and sexy and brave. Just one short week ago, she never could have imagined telling anyone else on earth about her weirdo paw-off fantasies. But now she could. She knew that even if Thanophile wasn't as turned on as she was by her letter, at least he wouldn't make fun of her for it. He wouldn't tell her she belonged in a mental hospital. He wouldn't call her an 'emo bitch'.

Knowing you had someone who would accept you no matter what secrets you told them was an incredible feeling.

Lily spellchecked her letter, then clicked 'send'. She didn't change a single sentence this time.


~~~~~




PART THREE
~~~~~

Over the next month, Lily and her online paramour shared more and more of their souls with each other. The magic of the internet was that it was pure mind-to-mind communication, with no messy reality getting in the way. Thanophile didn't have to know how dull and ugly-looking she was on her side of the screen. When they talked, she was just his perpetually willing victim, and he was her dashing, romantic executioner.

He'd killed her dozens of times already. Whenever they were in a chatroom together, it was a virtual certainty they'd roleplay her happy death. It was a great way of testing each other's limits and finding one another's secret hot buttons. Lily discovered, much to her surprise, that she really enjoyed it when they'd be talking normally and he'd suddenly and swiftly dispatch her. They'd be discussing some movie one of them had seen that had a really great death in it, when out of nowhere he'd wrap his hands around her throat, or put a gun to her head, or force her to drink poison. The first time it had startled her. But it also made her honeypot tingle like crazy! She liked being startled. She liked being scared a little, and feeling helpless. She liked giving over control to him and letting him do whatever he wanted with her.

Best of all, he was never cruel when he killed. Lily didn't like that kind of thing at all. She'd scoured the web for quite a while before discovering his stories, and was disgusted with how many of the snuff stories she came across were nothing but sexualized suffering. Angry, powerless little men creating characters to torture and murder because they lacked the balls to stand up to anyone in real life. Those kinds of stories made Lily sick. One she'd read was so bad she'd actually had to run to the bathroom and dry-heave for a few minutes.

Thanophile was the ultimate opposite. Even when he ambushed her, it was playful. He never wanted to hurt her, only help her attain her fantasy. She wanted to die and he wanted to slay; they were a perfect match. Before she'd read his gentle, loving, erotic tales, she'd been repulsed by almost everything else she saw of her fetish. Not surprisingly, it made her feel disgusted with herself, too. But now she knew better. She knew it wasn't the fetish that made her uncomfortable; it was the way most people chose to view it. She could enjoy it _her_ way, the softer, happier way, and there was nothing wrong with that. Thanophile had told her many, many times that she wasn't a bad girl for having these fantasies. In fact, he told her how much he admired her for having the courage to admit to them and accept them. He told her he'd been a lot older than she was when he finally decided to stop pretending his fetishes would just go away if he hated himself over them long enough.

At the moment, Thanophile had just snuffed out SnuffSkwrl's life yet again. They'd been discussing their tastes in music when SnuffSkwrl had mentioned that just talking to him made her panties wet. He responded by snatching them off her and expertly strangling her to death with them. She, of course, loved every second. Now she was just a lifeless squirrel corpse. Which meant he was free to do with her whatever he wished.

   Thanophile: *runs his paws all over your naked body. You are so still. You
     have no heartbeat.*
   SnuffSkwrl: *would shiver in pleasure if she could!*
   Thanophile: You're so beautiful when you're dead, sweetheart... *Caresses
     your little round titties*
   SnuffSkwrl: *blush* Thank you!
   Thanophile: Hey! Corpses can't talk!
   SnuffSkwrl: *giggle*
   SnuffSkwrl: Okay then, I'm a ghost
   Thanophile: Allright then.
   SnuffSkwrl: *my spirit rises out of my dead body. I am a wispy mist in
     the shape of a squirrel*
   Thanophile: How cute!!!
   Thanophile: Too bad I can't hug you now.
   SnuffSkwrl: You can try!
   Thanophile: *tries to hug the little girlghost, but his arms pass right
     through her
   Thanophile: Darn!
   SnuffSkwrl: That tickles!
   Thanophile: *tickles you some more*
   SnuffSkwrl: Hee hee hee! Stop it!! (:
   Thanophile: *Continues rubbing your little nude corpse all over as he
     gazes lovingly at your spirit form*
   Thanophile: *rubs your pretty paws*
   Thanophile: Can you feel that, little ghost?
   SnuffSkwrl: Yes I can! *wiggles in happiness. I have tickly feet!*
   Thanophile: Oh really? *tickle tickle tickle*
   SnuffSkwrl: Yay! *giggle giggle giggle*
   SnuffSkwrl: *wiggles toes*
 sent at 9:04 p.m.
   SnuffSkwrl: Thanophile?
   SnuffSkwrl: Hey? You tsill there?
   Thanophile: Oh, sorry.
   SnuffSkwrl: You got quiet all of a sudden. Did you go take a whiz?
   Thanophile: Ummmmm... Actually, I was thinking about something.
   SnuffSkwrl: Something what?
   Thanophile: I'm kinda afraid to say it because I don't want to rush
     things or do something that'll be like 'too much'.
   SnuffSkwrl: What? What!?
   SnuffSkwrl: *worried now*
   Thanophile: *hesitates* I was thinking that I'd really like to hear
     you giggle for real.
 sent at 9:07 p.m.
   Thanophile: Sweetheart?
   SnuffSkwrl: Sorry! I just had to paw off at the very thought!!
   Thanophile: LOL!
   SnuffSkwrl: So, does this mean you want us to meet somewhere?
   Thanophile: *BIG CARTOON EXCLAMATION POINT OVER HEAD*
   SnuffSkwrl: You don't want to meet!?
   Thanophile: No!
   Thanophile: I mean not yet! Oh shit, I'm sorry.
   Thanophile: Yes,I would absolutely love for us to meet someday, but
     that's in the future. It' only been a month. I was just going to ask
     if there was some way we could talk on the phone.
   SnuffSkwrl: OH! *big blush
   SnuffSkwrl: I'm sorry.
   Thanophile: It's okay. I gotta admit though, I'm really happy that's the
     first thing you thought of!
   SnuffSkwrl: Really? So why NOT meet now?
   Thanophile: I hate to remind you, but I AM a lot older and have been on
     the net longer. Trust me: you don't ever want to meet an online furson
     in RL until you are absolutely 100 percent certain of them first. Beyond
     ALL doubt.
   SnuffSkwrl: *sigh*
   SnuffSkwrl: I sort of understand
   Thanophile: I'm not saying I don't trust you, or that you shouldn't trust
     me. It's just standrad operating procedure.
   Thanophile: And talking on the phone is the next logical step.
   SnuffSkwrl: Okay, okay *still a little dsappointed*
   Thanophile: *pets your headfur*
   SnuffSkwrl: *happychitter*
   Thanophile: We have plenty of time, sweetheart. I'm sure we'll see each
     other one day.

'I hope so,' Lily thought. 'I can't think of anything I've ever wanted more.'


~~~~~




PART FOUR
~~~~~

Working out the logistics of a phone call had been a nightmare. Lily's parents kept her under such tight control, there was absolutely no need to ask them if she could call a friend and talk for a few hours. Especially a long distance call. They would have punished her just for *thinking* such a thing.

So, Lily got clever. Despite giving her a computer, a set of rollerblades and other expensive presents, one thing her parents absolutely refused to buy her was a cell phone. This meant Lily had to procure her own. She gathered her saved-up allowance, hauled most of her old CDs off to the used record store to sell (after ripping them all as mp3s, naturally), and even went on a few pop bottle hunts. In two weeks, she was able to purchase a surprisingly cheap little prepaid cell that was good for three hundred minutes. She was certain those would be drained dry within days.

She waited nervously for the day he'd promised to call. She worried a hundred times or more whether she'd typed her number out right or if there would be time zone problems. He assured her there wouldn't be. In fact, when he told her what state he was from, she nearly screamed in bliss. They were only a few hundred miles apart! Much closer than she'd ever imagined. Lily spent that night pawing furiously, dreaming of him pulling into the driveway some random midnight, sneaking into her room and snuffing her before she even had a chance to react. She came seven times and ended up getting only three hours of sleep.

That was two days ago. Now it was after school on *the* day. Like they'd planned, she called her parents from the payphone outside the cafeteria and told them with as few details as possible that she needed to stay a while to work on a project. To her exquisite relief, Mom didn't ask any questions.

Lily ran outside and made her way behind the school to the place where the old toolshed stood. It was perfectly isolated; no one would bother her here. She was a bit too plump to scale the fence, but not so much that she couldn't squeeze through the space between it and the building. Her tummy hurt a bit afterwards, but she didn't notice. She dashed behind the decrepid old shed and sat down on the damp concrete, hidden from view.

She checked her watch. He said he'd call at three-thirty.

She checked her watch again.

She stared at the orangey-red brick of the school wall.

She noticed her butt was getting moist from sitting here so long. It had probably rained sometime during classes. Just her luck. She-

The phone rang.

Some annoying-as-hell electronic tune she hadn't been able to figure out how to get rid of blared out of it. She nearly dropped the phone trying to push the tiny buttons.

"Hello!?" she gasped.

A warm, bass chuckle on the other end. "Is this Lily?"

The little squirrel felt her whole body ripple with relief. "Yes! It's me! And you're you! Oh, I'm so happy! I can't even tell you. Did you have any trouble calling?"

"None at all. This isn't the best connection ever, but that's to be expected with a cell phone."

She giggled. "Your voice!"

"Um, what about it?"

"It sounds a lot like I imagined it. Deep and rich. You sound like you could read audiobooks."

He actually gasped at the compliment. "You think so? Seriously? I don't think anyone's ever said anything like that to me before."

"Well it's true! So, what do you think of my voice?"

"Actually, it's nowhere near as high-pitched as I'd expected. I know you're twelve, but my mind kept hearing your voice as much younger, for whatever reason."

"So, how old are you?"

An obvious, embarrassed hesitation. "Uh... Thirty-two."

Lily shrugged. "That's not that old. Younger than my parents."

"Well that's good. Maybe I could be your uncle then."

She laughed. "Yeah, the crazy uncle who wants to hunt me down and snuff me!"

He laughed too. "Certainly sounds like me!"


~~~~~


Despite the temperature dipping drastically, Lily sat with her wet pants for nearly two and a half hours. Her fingertips were numb and her teeth were chattering so bad it was a little hard to speak clearly, but her body could have been millions of miles away. All that mattered right now was his warm, rich voice.

"C-can I ask you something?" she said shyly.

"Of course. Absolutely anything."

"When you asked if you could call me, and I thought you meant we should meet... How long do you think we should wait before we really do?"

Silence for a few seconds.

"Sweetheart... I... don't know," he said finally.

"Well, do you want to?"

His reply was immediate. "Yes! Of course!"

That made her heart feel warmer. "I do too! I think about it all the time."

"The thing is... If we did decide to, I'd need about a month's advance warning."

She nearly dropped the phone. "A *month*!?"

"At _least_. To prepare, y'see. I have some ideas... for when we finally meet. Stuff that I couldn't set up with just a weekend's notice. Do you understand?"

"Like, what?"

She could very nearly hear his grin. "I can't *tell* you!"

"...Then it wouldn't be a surprise, right?" She rolled her eyes.

"Exactly." He paused, then spoke with genuine tenderness. "When we do meet each other, I want it to be perfect for you. And me, too. But mostly for you. Because, I mean... you know we'll only ever have the one chance."

She shivered. "W-why?"

"You know why," he said quietly. "It's why we found each other. What we both want more than anything."

Her heart sped up like a piston.

"When we meet, sweetheart, I _will_ kill you."

A shudder ran through every inch of Lily's body, from her tailbase to her ears. Her heart wasn't just beating now, it was thudding powerfully. Intense emotions swallowed her: desire, lust, love, and yes, fear. The way he'd *said* it! 'I will kill you', with such emphasis on the WILL! Like it was _destined_ to happen! Like there was no way it could possibly be avoided! Like she was helpless to stop him, or to even think about stopping him!

"Lily?"

"S-s-sorry. I..." Her cheeks felt red as two little skillets. "That was the hottest thing I've ever heard in my whole life! I'm kinda surprised I didn't cum right in my pants!"

A whoosh of breath made the tiny earphone crackle. "Whew! I'm relieved then. I thought I might have gone too far."

"I *like* it when you go too far!" she said, giggling.

"That's good to hear. And you know, I didn't mean that in any other way except I know it's your fantasy. I thought there was a good chance you'd react exactly the way you did. I only want to make you happy, Lily."

She felt a tear at the corner of her eye. "I know..."

She reached up to wipe her nose on her sleeve and caught a glance at her watch. "JESUS!!"

"What!? What!?"

"Oh crap! I just noticed the time! I should have been home an hour ago! My mom's gonna kill me! ...And not in the sexy way!"

"Ha ha ha. I'm sorry I kept you on so long then."

"No! Don't be sorry! Any punishment in the world is worth it! I'm freezing my toenails off and I still wish I could stay out here and talk to you some more!"

"There's always tomorrow."

"Nope. I got a biology test to study for tomorrow."

"Soon, then."

"Soon," she agreed. "We can still chat on the computer though, right?"

"I'll be on after dinner, like usual."

"Okay, see you then."

"See you too. I love you, sweetheart. I really, really do."

Her voice cracked for a second. It struck her out of the blue, and quite forcefully, that she literally could not remember if she'd ever heard the words 'I love you' from either of her parents.

In that moment, if he had told her his address, Lily would have walked a hundred miles through snow and cold to be with him.

"I love you too," she whispered.

She pressed a button. The phone beeped once and turned off.


~~~~~




PART FIVE
~~~~~

The worst Christmas of Lily's life came and went.

For the whole week leading up to the holiday, Lily's home life was quiet. Her parents didn't magically become new people and apologize for all the thousands of horrible, hurtful things they'd said to her over the years, but at least they seemed to mellow a bit. Mom and Dad only insulted her a few times during that week. Mostly the house was silent, which was as close to paradise as Lily could hope for.

Then the morning of the 25th finally arrived. Lily emerged from her room in pajamas and the first thing she noticed was was a square of bright metallic red from down the hallway. As she drew closer, she realized it was an even bigger box than the computer had come in, all wrapped up in shiny paper and topped with an emerald bow. What could it possibly be? A TV? A video game system? Waiting on the couch for her parents to wake up was nail-bitingly torturous. Eventually, she turned on some cartoons to pass the time.

When Mom and Dad finally made an entrance, Lily gave them her presents first. And while they 'Ooh'ed and 'Aah'ed over them quite a bit and seemed to really enjoy them (Lily always did her best to buy gifts she was sure they'd like), she noticed, just like every year, that they never said anything even close to 'thank you'.

Finally Dad said, "Why don't you open your present now?"

Lily had been a coiled spring up until that moment. She lunged for the box and prepared to heft it into her lap and tear it open.

But to her astonishment, as soon as she got a good grip and lifted, the box flew up in the air. It was empty!

'No, It can't be. They wouldn't be THAT mean...' she thought. It probably just meant the size of the box was meant to fool her and there was something small inside. Maybe jewelry? Lily tore off the wrapping and upended the box. A piece of paper wafted out. Lily picked it up and read it.

"Well?" Mom asked eagerly. "How do you like it?"

Confusion. Shock. Disbelief. What Lily was reading was a letter describing how her parents had made a $300 dollar donation to charity in her name. This couldn't be her present. It couldn't be.

Dad sat back, looking smug. "This year, we thought you'd gotten a bit too old for traditional presents. We think you're mature enough to appreciate a gift like this. Instead of buying you silly toys or electronic gizmos, we gave the money we would have spent to fight poverty in Africa."

"Isn't that wonderful?" Mom gushed.

Crushed, Lily looked up into her parents' eyes. Hoping they were kidding. And if they weren't, hoping at least that they were sincere about this. To her horror, she saw The Glint. The little sparkle in their eyes they got when they were playing a mind game on her. They'd really done it. They'd really sent three hundred bucks to another continent. Not because they cared about poor people there, but to make their daughter squirm. She knew that if she dared complain in the slightest, they would harangue her for *hours* about how selfish she was and how she couldn't put aside her petty material wants to help others, or some other such bullshit. It felt like her brain was full of worms to realize that her parents would actually go This Far just to fuck with her. She'd never been more aware in her life of how truly crazy they were. She couldn't take her eyes off them. They were staring at her too, almost grinning in anticipation, waiting for her to say something about the gift.

"Uh... Wow. I'm blown away. That was really thoughtful of you. Thanks." She even managed to put on a fairly convincing fake smile.

From their expressions, she could tell they were a little disappointed she hadn't taken the bait. But then they looked at each other, looked back at her, and smiled. Not a warm, familial smile; a cruel broken-glass grin that meant, 'You may have passed the first hurdle, but we know you'll never make it through the whole day.'

And they tried. All day long, they tried to get her to crack. While an outside observer would have seen nothing more than a happy family engaging in traditional Christmasy activities, inside Lily's mind she was fighting a war. Her parents constantly reminded her of their 'gift'. Saying things like, "We knew you really wanted that DVD, but you don't really *need* it, now do you?" and "We knew you'd be *so* much happier this way." and "Isn't it *nice* how you don't have to worry about more things cluttering up your room?" That last one nearly made Lily snap. They knew damn well her room was neat, tidy and downright barren compared to other kids her age. But she couldn't crack. She couldn't let down her plastered-on smile or do anything other than cheerfully agree with everything they said. If she disagreed even once, they would seize on it and claim she'd 'spoiled the mood of our perfect holiday'. But as the day wore on, she wondered if a fight would really be worse than holding in all this fury for so long. She felt like the stress was causing tiny little rips in her skin from the inside. She felt like she was going to have a heart attack if this went on for much longer.

The only halfway decent part of the day was dinner. Mom had foregone her usual weird new-age gunk and gone more traditional. Most of the food was edible, and the sweet potatoes were actually pretty good. Lily enjoyed some perverse glee in not saying a word about them. She'd be damned if she ever complimented her mom's food even once!

After the meal, her parents seemed to gradually grow bored with their game. The three of them watched a holiday movie after the dishes were done and Mom and Dad only spoiled it a handful of times by making remarks about the gift. And most of those were ones they'd already tried earlier. Lily was lucky in one respect: her parents were cruel, but didn't have much stamina. If she could just manage to avoid their traps long enough, eventually they'd get tired of the whole business and forget about it. Of course, that only meant Lily had a day at best to rest up and prepare for the next assault.

Lily faked yawning enough times to convince them she really meant it when she said she couldn't finish the movie and wanted to go to bed early. They let her go, then snuggled up on the couch together.

'Geez... I hope you two are real happy with yourselves,' Lily thought disgustedly.

As she walked to her room and shut the door, she realized that, now that she finally had time to really think about it, she *was* glad to know those African furs were three hundred bucks richer. That was probably a lot of money to them. So at least some good had come out of her parents' latest shenanigans. She honestly had no idea if either of them had thought at all about the people they were giving money to, or if they'd just chosen a charity at random. Or maybe they chose it simply to rub it in that they'd given Lily's Christmas present money to some kids half a world away she'd never meet.

There was even the possibility the paper had been a fake; that they just printed it up and pocketed the money for themselves. As depraved as the idea was, Lily knew her parents well enough to know it was perfectly plausible.

She had worn her pajamas all day and didn't see any need to change them now, since she was just going to bed anyway. She glanced at the computer, thought about going online, then decided against it. She realized she was simply in too crappy of a mood right now. If Thanophile was available to chat, she'd probably just snap at him and ruin his holiday too. 'Let him be happy,' she thought. 'That'll be my gift to him. Not bumming him down with all my problems.'

Cuddling Sprinkle in her arm, she reached out and turned off the light. The room was covered in a blanket of blue-tinged blackness. She felt better in the dark. She felt alone, in a good way.

For a long time, Lily laid still and let her mind be blank. The slight chill in the room was soothing.

She thought back to a few days ago when she'd finally gotten up the courage to tell Thanophile about how she'd first discovered her fetish for death and funerals and coffins and stuff like that.

It had started months before she even knew who he was, maybe even a year. Like many nights, she'd gone to her bed crying after a fight. She had begun to reluctantly paw off to make herself feel better. She couldn't get into it though. Not for the first time, she wondered if her parents' abuse wasn't really all in her head. Was she just too sensitive? Was she misinterpreting everything they did and just imagining they were playing these sick games on her? What if she were crazy?

"I hate myself," she'd whispered almost inaudibly to Sprinkle. "I hate myself. I hate myself." She wanted it to stop. All the fights, all the stress, and especially not knowing whether she could trust her own perceptions. She wanted it all to end. "I wish I was dead," she told her plushie.

Those words sparked something in her. A strange feeling; equal parts revulsion and attraction.

She said it again. "I wish I was dead."

She began to pump her fingers faster in her cunny.

"I *do*..." she realized. "I wish I'd just die. I wish I was a corpse and they'd put me in a coffin and bury me."

She had no idea why these words were suddenly getting her so hot, but they were. She started thinking about her own death. Picturing her body. What she'd look like in a casket. What she'd look like at her funeral. Her cheeks were flushed and it felt like she couldn't possibly paw off fast enough.

When she'd told Thanophile about this, he'd asked at that point if she'd ever been to a funeral or had a traumatic experience regarding one. Lily had thought a bit. She said she had been to her Grandma's funeral, but it was mostly boring. She'd only met Grandma twice when she was alive and, while she was sorry the woman had died, she hadn't really felt much one way or another during the ceremony. But she did remember a movie she'd watched when she was little. It was a grown-up movie. She'd only been watching it because she was playing with Lego blocks on the floor when Mommy and Daddy came in and put the tape in. There was a vixen lady in the movie that Lily thought was very beautiful. She liked the character a lot. But near the end, the vixen lady died and the next scene showed her funeral. Lily was torn between feeling heartbroken and thinking that the vixen looked even prettier lying in the coffin in her beautiful white dress. Thanophile had said that her having a memory like that didn't surprise him in the least.

Now, on Christmas, she thought about that night over a year ago. The first time she'd realized that wanting to be dead could be a positive thing. A sexy thing. She pictured herself finally meeting Thanophile. Holding him, hugging him. Cuddling and yiffing with him. Him touching her all over and not caring how she looked. She imagined him taking her life, turning her into a silent squirrel shell. Like a statue. She wouldn't be able to move or talk or stop him from doing anything he wanted with her.

She pictured him yiffing her lifeless corpse. Running his fingers through her hair. Kissing her passionately. Touching her flesh and getting no response. Her single paw wasn't enough anymore, so she brought in the other to finish the job. Her pajamas were getting soaked. She was crushing Sprinkle nearly flat from holding her so tight.

She imagined Thanophile doing all sorts of nasty, bad, exciting things to her body. Screwing her and then shooting his cream all over her face. Peeing on her. Maybe even doing taxidermy on her! Yes! That thought sent her pleasure through the roof! She could perfectly picture him cutting her open, taking out all her insides (Maybe even making stew out of them!), popping out her eyes, filling her with foam or stuffing or whatever it was they used. Then she'd be nothing but a doll. A big toy for him to use whenever he felt like. She'd spend forever lying perfectly motionless on his bed, waiting for him to come home and use her however he liked. Waiting for him to hold her, their fur rustling together, his cock dripping and hard, putting it inside her...

Lily's mouth came open in a silent moan. Her orgasm was so forceful her whole body spasmed several times, bucking like a flopping fish. Afterwards, she took in deep, long breaths through her mouth to try and slow her maddeningly fast-beating heart.

The images still swam in her mind: Him meeting her, snuffing her, then loving her forever...

The experience was so intense she fell asleep only a few minutes later, out of sheer exhaustion.


~~~~~




PART SIX
~~~~~

Long bus rides, Lily discovered, were not as boring as she'd foreseen.

Even on lengthy stretches of freeway, there was always something to look at. Strangely-shaped buildings, exotic cars, small patches of woods. It was an interesting feeling, seeing cities and houses she knew she'd never see again. Just one little glimpse, just for a second, and that was it for her whole life.

Not that her life was going to last much longer, she knew.

Lily had finally grown tired of waiting. She had told Thanophile during their fourth phone conversation that if they didn't meet face to face soon, she was going to leap off a cliff. Not literally, of course. Lily wanted her death to be much nicer than just 'AhhhhhhhSPLAT'. But she made sure Thanophile understood her; she could not spend much longer in her parents' house and stay sane.

Far from the resistance she expected, he agreed with her completely that they'd waited long enough. He told her how sorry he was he couldn't simply wave a wand and whisk her away from her monster mother and father right then and there. He said if she could just be patient for a few weeks more, he would do his best to get his surprise ready as quickly as possible. Lily agreed. They both said 'I love you' and hung up.

The young squirrel pestered him relentlessly from then on, whether in emails or chatrooms. It got to be a running gag between them. He'd even remind her to if she forgot. But eventually, three weeks and two days later, he said he was ready. Lily's heart soared to the stars.

He told her he had some very explicit instructions for how they should handle their meeting. He made Lily promise to do exactly what he said, exactly how he said it, and to take this 100% seriously. That was a little hard though, since all she could concentrate on were the things they were going to do once they were finally together.

Thanophile told her that the next day he was going to mail her a letter containing a one-way bus ticket to a neutral location equidistant between their homes. It would be a public place; a hamburger restaurant just outside the bus stop. That way, if she changed her mind, she could either melt into the crowd and back out quietly, or yell for help if she felt she had to.

Lily asked him why he thought they needed all these precautions. She knew she wasn't going to change her mind.

"You might," he typed back. "Doing things in real life is a lot different than doing them online. You might realize at the last minute that this is all really happening and that you don't want to die for real. And if you do, I want you to know you can call it off at any time. I Want You To Feel Safe," he said, adding extra capitals for emphasis. "My safety is absolutely second to yours. No, it's not even that important. It's maybe fifth down the list. Probably less. I'm a grown man and you're a young girl. If I didn't make it absolutely clear to you that YOU'RE the one in control here, I'd be no better than those slimeballs on the news who abduct and rape little kids."

It was almost impossible for Lily to process. That he would care enough about her to basically give control of his life to her. To hand her the ability to have him thrown in jail for the rest of his life.

"But I don't *want* to be in control!" she wrote back fervently. "I want to be a little scared, and feel helpless, and know you're gonna do all sortsa weird stuff to me."

He typed out a smiley face. "Sweetheart, there's play control and then there's real control. When we're together, we both pretend I'm the one in control, but it's really you. That's how I want it, Lily. That's why they call it roleplay: we're only acting. For fun. For our mutual enjoyment. I like it when you pretend to be scared of me, but I like it much more knowing we really trust each other. Understand?"

Calmer now and thinking clearer, Lily replied: "Yes."

So now she was on a big shiny silver bus, travelling farther away from her home than she'd ever been before. She'd left so early in the morning it was still dark out as she walked to the station. She'd been too excited to get much sleep, and had subsequently dozed through the first several miles of her journey. The last stop had been a little over an hour ago. There had been food at the bus stop, but she only bought a little pack of cheese crackers from a vending machine. She wanted to save her appetite for when she got to the burger place. She wanted to sit with Thanophile and eat a big meal and talk for a long time.

To keep Lily's parents from alerting the cops, the media and whoever else they could blab to about their daughter going missing, Thanophile had concocted another scheme. He said that a half-truth is usually a better deception than silence or a lie, since it made it harder to tell what part was made-up and what part was real. He'd instructed Lily to write out a typically-teenage angst letter about how she'd found a boyfriend and was going to run off and live with him forever. Lily caught on; if her parents thought she was canoodling with some boy, they'd focus on tracking down a kid in the neighborhood. A schoolmate. They'd be less likely to guess he was thirty-two and two states away.

Before she left, Thanophile also instructed her to erase her hard drive. He said the last thing he wanted was for the police to check her computer after she turned up dead and find any links to him. The thought of heavy boots kicking in his door and heavy clubs bouncing off his skull (not to mention prison rape), was a constant worry for him. Lily understood perfectly. Yet she just couldn't bring herself to erase all her data permanently. She had so much stuff she'd worked so hard to find and download in the two years she'd owned the computer. Plus there were a pawful of stories and poems she'd written that, while embarrassingly bad, she still didn't want to vanish completely. So, she compromised. The day before she left, she neatly backed up everything on a DVD-R (her downloading habits focused mostly on quality, not quantity, and most of the space went to mp3s), intending to hand the disc to Thanophile in furson. After she was done, she used a program he'd given her a link to that scrubbed her CPU clean and made every last trace of data unretrievable. The process actually turned Lily on a little. All her stories and downloads were being erased. Gone forever. It was like a funeral for her computer.

Lily checked her watch. Assuming they were on schedule, it would be only another hour or so before they reached her destination. By now the sun was up and shining bright enough to make her shield her eyes when she looked out the window. She couldn't believe what time it was. Even though she'd gotten up super-duper-early, it was amazing how quickly she'd crossed a hundred miles and how much of the day was left. She and Thanophile would be able to share a lengthy lunch and still have plenty of time together!

The last hour of her trip seemed to take twice as long as all the others combined. Lily peeked out the window every few seconds, trying to *will* the bus to go faster. They had left her home city behind, passed a few suburbs, gone through a long, flat area with nothing much beyond houses and little stores, and now the buildings were getting tall again. They were cruising through a bustling metropolitan area. Lily watched street signs carefully. Her stop wasn't one of the major ones, so she didn't know if the driver would even notice it or not. It was up to her to keep an eye out.

And finally, there it was! All the street signs finally lined up. She could *see* the burger place down the street!

She hustled to the front of the bus. "Mr. Driver? Mr. Driver? My stop's coming up!"

He chucked at her nervousness. "Hakuna matata, kid. I know. I'll be pickin' up two more there, so you can be sure I'll stop."

Lily nodded politely. She considered going back to her seat, but they were only a few blocks away now and it wasn't like she had any luggage she needed to go back for. All she was carrying was the DVD-R in her pocket.

With a 'psssssht' of air brakes, the big metal bullet came to a halt. Lily nearly smacked into the doors in her exuberance to get through them and finally meet her internet beau. She tossed a quick "G'bye!" to the driver and scooted out into the sunlight. She watched the bus roll away and thought about how good it felt to finally stand up after such a long time sitting. The air was crisp and her breath made icy flowers in it.

Wow! It felt so interesting to be in a completely new city! She didn't know anyone here and had no idea where she was. How exciting! She felt both apprehensive and free, like at any moment she might slip and fly right off into space like a balloon.

Lily went inside the burger place. Not surprisingly, it looked just like the ones back in her hometown. Same colors, same tile. They were probably all built from the same blueprints. She looked around at all the customers. Thanophile had told her what to look for: a guy sitting alone in a green jacket. He hadn't even told her his species (which he said was only because he wanted to remain as anonymous as possible online, just in case). Lily didn't see anyone in a green jacket, much less a guy sitting alone in one. She shrugged though. He'd also told her he might be late. Lily stood in line and tried to decide what to order. Considering he'd be taking care of her for the next few days, she thought it was only fair she should buy her own lunch.

After getting some ketchup and napkins, Lily sat down with her bacon cheeseburger and fries in a booth that faced the entrance so he'd see her right away when he walked in. She slurped her cola. She decided to wait a few minutes on the food, hoping he'd show up soon and they could start eating together.

Lily glanced at her watch. She'd been here seven minutes so far.

After ten minutes, she unwrapped her burger and took a bite. It was okay. Kinda bland. The fries were better.

At fifteen minutes, she was still unconcerned.

At twenty, she began to worry.

In one pocket was her backup disk, in the other was the letter he'd sent. In it she'd found not one, but two bus tickets. The note inside told her to wait in the restaurant exactly one hour. If he hadn't shown up by then, it meant something had gone very wrong, and that she should get out of there immediately and get back on the bus. The note didn't go into any more detail, but she understood why he was behaving so much like they were in a spy movie. She watched the news. She knew the cops were crawling all over the internet, waiting to snare pedophiles who tried to meet up with little girls. Much as she hated waiting, she knew they had to be careful about this so Thanophile wouldn't get caught and sent to jail.

Thirty minutes.

Real fear was starting to set in. Fifteen minutes late was no big deal. But half an hour? That was another story. She hoped it was just a traffic jam.

Forty-five minutes. Her burger and fries were long gone now. She'd even licked some of the ketchup off her fingers. Her drink was also nothing but ice, so she got up to get a refill.

Fifty minutes. Thanophile had ten minutes to get his ass here or else he'd have one very pissed-off and scared-shitless little squirrel on his hands!

At fifty-five minutes, Lily gave up. There was no way he was gonna suddenly waltz in at the last second. Something _had_ gone wrong. Maybe the cops really had found out. Maybe Thanophile was cuffed in a cell right now, or being fingerprinted.

'Or maybe he just stood you up,' a voice inside her head remarked snidely.

'No!' she protested. 'He wouldn't! We've been talking together for months! He said he loves me. He wouldn't do that to me...'

But would he?

She watched the news. There were stories all the time about how meeting someone you met online was the worst idea ever. They said there was no way to know who was really on the other side of the screen. The furson you thought you knew could turn out to be someone playing a mean trick on you, or a con artist. Or a rapist.

"No..." she said, quietly enough so that no one else in the busy restaurant heard her. No one noticed a little squirrel girl put her head down in her folded arms to hide that she was crying.

She looked at her watch. She'd been here for an hour and three minutes.

Lily hastily dried her tears. She got up and took her tray over to the garbage cans. She patted her pockets, making sure she still had the ticket, and headed outside. Back to the bus station.


~~~~~




PART SEVEN
~~~~~

A stranger walking by that particular bus stop on that particular afternoon would have seen this:

A twelve-year-old squirrel with copper-brown fur and raspberry-colored hair so dark it was nearly black. She wore round wire-frame glasses, a turquoise T-shirt, navy blue sweatpants and a warm-grey fleece hoodie, open in the front. In each ear were two round gold stud earrings. Her tail was as bushy as one would expect a squirrel's to be, but with a narrow strip of dark brown running down the length of it. She also had two dark strips over her cheeks, and her fur lightened to pale greyish-brown on her muzzle, throat and tummy. A bit of which was peeking out from the hem of her untucked shirt, since the girl was a bit pudgy for her age. Short, too.

At first glance, she looked like a nerd. At second glance, she looked so far beyond heartbroken that the word was no longer sufficient to describe her.

Lily sat on the metal bench and felt hot tears rolling down her cold cheeks. It was almost freezing out here, but she hadn't zipped up her jacket when she left the restaurant. She didn't care that she was cold. She didn't care if she froze to death out here.

A man with a newspaper walked up and sat down beside her. Lily didn't notice him at first. "Hey little girl... why so sad?"

She sniffled. "I was sposto meet someone. But he didn't show up."

"Gosh, that's terrible," he said with genuine concern. "I know if *I* had an appointment to kill a little girl as cute as you, I'd make sure I was on time."

Lily's heart skipped a beat.

She looked to the side: Green jacket sleeve.

She looked up: A big, warm, gentle smile pointed right at her.

He was nothing like she'd pictured him. She thought the author of such ghoulishly erotic tales would have black spiky hair, or wear clothes like a movie villain, or have a mysterious, sinister air about him. Instead, she was looking at a somewhat-handsome raccoon with a broad face, typical dark mask around his eyes, messy hair, tall, and a little bit fat, just like her.

He looked _normal_.

But in his eyes and his smile, she saw the soul she'd come to love so much in the past few months.

"...It's you."

He nodded. "Sorry I made you wait so long, sweetheart."

Without a word more, she hugged him. She flung herself onto him so forcefully he dropped the newspaper and pages spilled out all over the frosted ground. Lily's smile was as bright and wide as the sun itself. She squeezed Thanophile tight, hearing their jacket fabric rub together, feeling his cheekfur rustling her hair. She had never been so happy in her entire life.

Abruptly, she sat up and punched him in the forearm.

He chuckled and rubbed the spot. "Heh heh. I guess I deserved that for scaring you so bad."

"WHYYY did you do that!?" she growled.

He held up his paws in a gesture of surrender. "Strictly ass-covering! I mean, privacy's pretty much impossible any more, especially on the internet. I _knew_ you weren't some sheriff posing as a little girl, but I figured just in case anyone was listening in our conversations, I'd better give myself a way out. I watched you while you were in the restaurant and I kept an eye out for anything that even *smelled* like cop. When you came back out without anyone walking up to you or trying to lead you away, I knew we were in the clear."

Lily got it now. "Oh, so that's why you told me to wait an hour in the *letter* and not online."

"Yep," he said. "I'm not eager to get arrested, y'know. In case you've forgotten, what we're doing right now is really, really, really illegal. I'm not even sure there's *words* for how illegal this is!"

She giggled. "Sure there's words! Kidnapping, statutory rape, murrrrrr-der..." she said, drawing the word out flirtatiously.

"Cut that out!" He slapped a paw over her mouth to comically shush her. She giggled some more. He leaned in close to nuzzle her ear. "Although, that *is* exactly what I was planning..." he purred.

Lily squealed gleefully.

Thanophile paused, then pulled back and took a few seconds just to look at her. "You know something?"

"What?"

"You're even more beautiful than I ever expected."

A shudder ran through Lily's whole body. "You can't really mean that..."

"I do!" he insisted immediately. "You've got beautiful fur, and your glasses are adorably adorable!"

She was blushing red as a fire engine. She looked down at the ground and, finally realizing her shirt had ridden up in front, hastily pulled it down over her belly.

Seeing her embarrassment, Thanophile reached out to pat her round tummy. "And I think a little bit of pudge just makes you cuter and more huggable. Really."

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't think of a single thing to say. So she hugged him again. She had never expected this. In her mind, she'd always envisioned that during their first meeting, he'd have to wince and make up stuff to get over how ugly she looked. But none of that had happened. As far as she could tell, he was being totally sincere.

Lily had wondered for a long time (but never allowed herself to really believe) if the only reason she thought she was so fat and ugly was because her mother and father constantly told her so. Now, for the first time, she'd just gotten solid evidence of that theory.

Taking her paw in his, Thanophile stood up. "C'mon, I parked my car just a few blocks from here. My apartment's about five minutes away."

Lily's head snapped up. She blinked in confusion. "But... I thought you said you lived another hundred miles from here!"

He gave her a boyish grin. "Sorry; I lied again. Believe me, I've been planning for months how to keep the fuzz off my tail during our meeting."

"You're so tricky!" she said with a laugh.

He nodded proudly. "Besides, I thought it'd be a relief for you not to have to go on another excruciatingly long ride."

She laughed. "That's for sure! My butt went numb after a while!"

"Maybe I should spank it to wake it up?" he suggested.

Giggling freely, her heart as light as a feather, Lily followed Thanophile back to his car.


~~~~~


Two blocks away, a charming powder-blue two-door was parked in front of an office supply company. It had big, wide headlights like frog eyes that Lily liked immediately. The car looked like it had been bought in the nineties and well-loved ever since.

Thanophile unlocked her door first. "Hop in. Let's get out of this cold." She did, then fastened her seatbelt without thinking. Which, she realized, was kind of odd considering the whole point of this trip was for her to die.

Thanophile got in and started the engine. "No bags? I expected at least a backpack or a suitcase."

"I'm not really gonna need anything," Lily replied reasonably. "I'll only be alive a few more days."

He chuckled, and fidgeted in his seat in such a way that implied his pants suddenly felt tighter. "I love how you're so casual about it."

Lily beamed. She loved knowing she was making him excited!

Thanophile reached inside his jacket and pulled out a pair of thick-framed specs and put them on.

"You wear glasses too!?" Lily gasped.

"Mm-hmm. Just for driving, mostly. My near vision's perfect but my far vision's crapola."

"I think you look _really_ handsome in them," Lily said. "Very author-y."

He laughed out loud, grateful for such a unique compliment. "Thanks!" Thanophile pulled out into traffic. "And getting back to luggage for a second, I at least expected you to bring your plushie fox, the one you told me so much about. Was it Sprinkle, or am I misremembering?"

At that, Lily perked up and her smile widened considerably. "Yes! Her name's Sprinkle, and I'm glad you reminded me of her!"

"Why's that?" He hung a left.

Lily grinned at the happy memory. "Because I gave her a funeral last night!"

Thanophile smiled. "Really? Tell me all about it!"

The squirlette was only too happy to. "Okay. See, last night before bed, after I'd erased the hard drive... Oh, before I forget..." She reached in her pocket for the DVD-R. "Here. It's a backup I made. The hard drive's nuked just like you told me, but I wanted you to have a copy of all the stuff on it. Like, to remember me by."

He tussled her hair. "That's sweet, and very thoughtful. But you'd better keep it until I'm finished driving. My hands are kinda busy."

"Oh!" She blushed. "Sorry!"

"No prob. You were telling me about your fox, hm?"

"Right! So, um, I was _really_ excited last night and I tried to fall asleep for a long time and it just wasn't working. I tried telling Sprinkle about it, but that just made me MORE excited. Then I thought of something; once I was gone, what would happen to her? I didn't want my parents to just throw her away. So I decided to give her a special send-off. I snuck downstairs to the basement and got a shoe box. I was hoping we'd have some pretty flowers or something like that, but all I could find was a bunch of Easter grass, y'know, the plastic stuff?"

Thanophile nodded. "The stuff that gets all over the house."

"Exactly! I took everything outside to the big lilac bush by the fence. The flowers were all dead by now, but I thought it'd be a nice place for her in Spring. She'd be surrounded by that nice smell. I put her in the box on top of the Easter grass. I used the garden spade to dig a hole, which took me a long time since the ground was so hard. I was sure my mom and dad were gonna find out somehow. Plus, I was freezing cold, so I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible anyway. I wished there were still some dandelions I could have put in the box with Sprinkle, something pretty at least. But all there was was snow.

"So, I gave her a last kiss and told her that she was a good plushie and she'd always be my favorite and that I'd always love her. Then I put the lid on the box, put her in her grave, and filled in the hole while I sang a lullaby to her."

Thanophile waited a few seconds until they were stopped at a light, then leaned over and patted her paw. "That has to be the most adorable thing I've ever heard."

Lily grinned. "Thanks!"

"By the way, what was the cause of death?"

"Huh?"

"You gave Sprinkle a funeral. What did she die of?"

Lily froze for a second. "...I never thought of that!"

Thanophile pretended to be shocked. "You mean you buried that poor little foxie alive?"

Lily shrugged. "Well, if she's anything like me, I'm sure she enjoyed it!" They both chuckled. Lily thought a bit, then nodded. "No, I'm _sure_ she was happy about it. I just felt it inside, in my heart. I miss her already, but I also feel really good knowing she's safe and cozy in her little box under the ground. Makes me kinda yiffy, too. I really hope my own funeral will be as nice."

He had to look back at the road when the light turned, but he still made her heart flutter when he said, "I'll make sure of it, sweetheart."




~~~~~




PART EIGHT
~~~~~

"Here we are." Thanophile got out and slammed the car door. "You have to give it a bit of a shove; she's old."

Lily swung her door shut so hard the car shook.

"Not _that_ hard." They both laughed.

They were standing outside Thanophile's apartment complex; an amazingly normal-looking three-story structure shaped like half a letter 'H'.

As they walked up to the door, Lily realized something. "Hey, you never did tell me your real name. We're not on the internet anymore, it should be safe."

He stumbled for a second, then looked back with embarrassment clearly on his face. "Um..."

"Well?" Lily gave him her most persuasive stare.

He sighed. "...It's Gordon Delevane."

Lily's eyebrows went up. "Really? I never pictured you as a Gordon."

He fumbled his key into the lock. "Me either. Quite frankly, I try to keep as many of my friends as possible from finding out my first name. It just sounds dumb to me; I hate those 'o' sounds. I much prefer Thanophile."

"I do too," Lily assured him.

As they stepped inside, into the relief of a warm hallway, Thanophile paused just a moment to check his mail. Lily noticed a black label on the mail slot reading: DELEVANE. It seemed so strange to think of him with any other name but Thanophile.

'Just further proof this ain't the internet anymore,' she thought.


~~~~~


The lock made a crunching noise when Thanophile turned the key.

"It always does that," he assured.

Lily was excited to finally see where her idol lived. Considering how un-spooky his life had turned out to be so far, she kinda doubted there's be skulls on the walls or a guillotine in the living room. 'Although that would be really, really cool,' she mentally added.

The door opened on a short, dark hallway. Thanophile closed the door behind them, then flicked on the light. "You can hang your jacket up here, shortcake."

"Hey..." She gave him a look as she sloughed her hoodie off.

He returned a warm smile and patted her ears. "It wasn't a height joke. I'm just saying you look sweet enough to sink my teeth into."

"Oooooooh!!" That cheered her up right away!

Lily looked beyond him to the rest of the apartment. She could see a normal-looking bathroom done in sea-green tile, a normal-looking office-type-place where Thanophile kept his computer (which was much nicer-looking than hers, she thought with a bit of envy), a chest-high cabinet that hosted a phone and uncountable sheets of paper; obviously a message center, and part of a normal-looking kitchen with a really tall refrigerator in it.

Thanophile shook out his fur after hanging up his jacket. Underneath he was wearing an equally green shirt and a dark brown vest, buttoned down the front. "I know it's not much, and probably a lot less exciting than you were expecting, but I try to keep as much of my weirdness in here," he tapped his forehead, "instead of out in plain sight."

Lily thought that was reasonable.

"Um, could you scoot into the livingroom for a second? I have something I want to set up in the bedroom," he asked.

Lily's ears perked up. "In the _bedroom_?" she asked with a flirty lilt.

He 'beep'ed her on the nose. "In the bedroom," he confirmed.

As Thanophile turned and slipped behind the closed door opposite the bathroom, Lily peeked around the hall corner. The livingroom was as unremarkable as the rest of the apartment, but appeared quite comfortable. Thanophile had a big, fat squashy faux-leather sofa that looked like she'd sink half a foot into it if she sat on it. There were several bookshelves, a flat screen TV, a pretty big collection of DVDs and music, plus what appeared to be a foot massager. At the far wall, a wide window looked out across a scenic chunk of the city. She hadn't realized until now that they were on the top floor. Just high up enough to get a really nice view. Lily might've leaned on the sill to look down and see how far up they were, but most of the space there was taken up by a collection of houseplants. In the corner, hanging from the ceiling, a spider plant's dreadlocks hung down almost to the floor.

"Lily? I'm ready."

Lily turned around and forgot about the window in a flash. "Coming!"

She stepped into the bedroom. And for a moment, she froze up like a store mannequin.

There was no way she could possibly believe that what her eyes were looking at was really real.

"It's... it's..."

"Do you like it?" Thanophile asked.

"It's BEAUTIFUL!!!" she exploded.

Set up in the middle of the room, in a place of honor like a shrine, was the coffin of Lily's dreams. It was just like she'd described to him. *Exactly* how she'd described. Dark and light shades of warm, inviting brown chased each other through the whorls in the shiny smooth lacquered wood. The gold handles gleamed regally. The top was open, showing off the cotton-candy pink interior: fluffy silk sides and an equally fluffy head pillow. It looked like the most comfortable place in the world to lie down and sleep forever. It looked like a slice of Heaven made real. And it looked exactly her size.

Weeping tears of unbelievable joy, Lily flung herself at Thanophile and hugged him so hard she left little round impressions of his vest buttons in his flesh. "It's GORGEOUS! Oh my God, HOW did you ever...!?"

"It wasn't easy," he said. He stroked the back of her head lovingly, feeling a deep satisfaction inside at having made her so happy. Watching her face as she walked in was one of the greatest moments of his life. He was exhilarated to have given her this moment; seeing her fantasy come true.

Thanophile's warm, rich voice whispered ticklingly in Lily's ear. "You can't imagine the trouble I went through getting that thing. I had to tell the funeral home this elaborate lie that I was a theater director and we were putting on a play that required a real coffin as the central prop. It was the only way I could think of to buy a little girl's coffin and not arouse suspicion! Not to say they *weren't* suspicious. They asked me a million questions, and I've never been more grateful to be such a good liar. I made up all sorts of stuff right there on the spot. In fact, the plot of the play I made up was so good, I even wrote it down when I got home!"

Lily looked up. "Will you read it to me later?"

"Sure, sweetheart." He tenderly kissed her forehead. Then he hooked a thumb at the casket. "That thing nearly cost me more money than my *car* did when I first bought it. And getting it up the stairs was an absolute nightmare!" She chuckled, and he gently removed her glasses, set them aside, and kissed the bridge of her nose. "But it was all worth it to see you so happy. Every penny, every ounce of effort. All worth it."

Lily let out a small whimper of pleasure and hugged him again. She held him for a very long time.

Finally, he said, "Would you like to try it out?"

Her head popped up like it was spring-loaded. "More than anything!!"

Smiling at her exuberance, he stood up, cracked his knees, and stretched a bit. "Well then, let me take your shoes off first."

Lily started untying her left. "Oh, I can do that."

He knelt down in front of her, looking fidgety. "Um, actually, I'd like to. If you don't mind."

"Ohhh... Is it like, a fetish thing?" she said, making it clear from her tone she didn't mind.

Thanophile took her little shod paw in his hands. "A little. I've just been curious, you know?" He leaned in closer and rubbed his cheek on the scuffed, soft leather. Lily giggled.

Almost reverently, Thanophile finished untying the laces, then did so for the other shoe. He slowly pulled them off, getting a whiff of female squirrel foot odor.

"Whew! Sorry," Lily said, a bit embarrassed by their bouquet. She *had* been walking around rather a lot today.

He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent. "Actually, I don't mind at all. I like it. It's strong, but it's you. Do you understand?"

"You like how I smell because it's *my* smell?" she asked.

He nodded, implying that 'like' was an understatement. He leaned in again and pressed his moist, wide nose right in the middle of her socked left sole.

Lily squealed out a delighted giggle.

He grinned, glad she was enjoying this too. He placed his nose on her other sole and inhaled again. After running his muzzle along and around her sock fabric for a minute or so, he pulled them off to get a look at Lily's hindpaws.

"They're like little works of art," he told her.

She burst out laughing. "Really? Seriously? I mean, they're just feet."

"They're _your_ feet," he corrected. "That makes them the most wonderful feet in the world to me." The fur on Lily's petite paws was a bit lighter than on her legs; the difference between a shiny new penny and an old, worn one. Each of her toes had a little dark pad on the underside, and her soles were furless too. They wrinkled cutely when she flexed her feet. Thanophile closed his eyes again and covered Lily's soles in tiny kisses, inhaling deeply with every breath.

Lily let herself fall back on the bed, as her arms couldn't hold her up anymore. She put her paws over her muzzle to keep her giggles in. Thanophile's gentle movements down there were delightful, but extremely tickly!

After nearly five minutes, Thanophile paused. "Well, I guess that's enough. I don't want to keep you from enjoying your new coffin any longer."

"It's okay; I was enjoying that just fine," she reassured him. Then grinned. "But yeah, I can't wait to get in there!" She sat all the way up and put her arms around him. "Plus, you can kiss my feet for as long as you like once I'm a corpse," she said with a sultry lilt.

Thanophile's grin grew so wide it nearly split his head in half. "I should let you know; I'm having a hard time restraining myself right now!"

"Why bother?" she replied flirtatiously. "We're here because we both want to live out our fantasies. You don't have to be shy. I know you've probly got a great big huge boner right now. I don't mind."

He flinched. "Heh. Well, um, it's not all that big, really."

She bit her lip in an extremely cute expression of interest. "Can I see...?"

Taking deep breaths, clearly nervous, Thanophile stood up in front of her. 'I am really about to take my clothes off in front of a twelve-year-old girl,' he thought. 'But she's not *just* a twelve-year-old. She's Lily. We've discussed this. She's right; we both know why we're here and what we want." Shaking a little, he slipped off his vest, then his shirt.

Thanophile's fur looked really fluffy and soft, Lily thought. Quite snugglable. "The pants, the pants!" she cheered.

Blushing even more now, but glad she wasn't anywhere as timid as he was, he undid his belt. He dropped it to the floor, pulled down his zipper, and with a whoosh of fabric, revealed his boxers.

Lily tumbled backwards laughing.

"I told you I keep my weird stuff where most people can't see!" he said with a grin.

"Where did you FIND those!?"

Thanophile's boxers were dark navy blue, covered in little grey tombstones, each one with a full moon behind it. "I was out clothes shopping around Halloween a few years back and they were right there on the shelf! It was perfect."

"They look great on you. The blue goes nice with your brown fur," she said. "And I just *knew* sooner or later you'd stop being so darn normal!"

"This is pretty much it for me. I've always been a bit over-paranoid about people finding out about my fetishes. Aside from some other halloween-type stuff that makes me think naughty things, the only other non-normal stuff in the house is on my computer. One year I found a plastic window hanger-upper thing of this incredibly cute little zombie girl. I bought it in a heartbeat."

"Ooh, I'd like to see that later!" Needless to say, Lily had always liked Halloween decorations, and had even encountered a few of her own that had made her think naughty thoughts. "You're still wearing them though," she reminded him, pointing to the boxers.

"Right. Okay then..."

"Leave the socks," she said before he could go further. "Um, I think someone naked except for their socks is really hot. Dunno why, but..."

"Will do, sweetheart." He stepped out of his shoes, then shuffled off his pants. Now it was time for the boxers. Wincing in embarrassment, he pulled them down.

Lily shut her mouth tight to keep from saying anything. It really was quite little.

Thanophile shrugged. "What can I say? I'm actually only a bit below normal. The problem with the internet is that in all the pictures you see, everyone has these monster cocks and it's really unrealistic."

Lily looked at it, appraising it like a piece of fine art. Despite its size, it was actually quite aesthetically pleasing. "Your sheath looks like a little turtleneck!" she pointed out.

"In this weather, is that surprising?" he quipped. They both broke up. "Hey, that wasn't bad! I might write that down later."

He turned and sat down on the bed beside her, glad to see that she didn't flinch in the slightest. She wasn't scared. She didn't mind that he was naked. His relief was nearly tangible. "And also... Um... It's kind of a good thing it's so small," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"Be... Because if we decide to yiff later..." He softly patted her thigh. "It won't hurt your little muff."

'What a cute word!' Lily immediately thought. She thought Thanophile's nervousness was cute too. She reached over and boldly placed her paw over his genitals. "Plus, that also means it'll be easier to fit it all in my *mouth*."

She felt his cock twitch! "Cool! You like that idea, huh? That I totally wanna blow you and yiff you and whatever else we can think up?"

Thanophile was almost *vibrating*. "You are a dream come true, Lily."

"So are you," she told him matter-of-factly. His shyness was cute and all, but they only had so much time left together to do fun stuff.

"Um... Wo... Would you like to... To take your..." he stuttered.

"You want me to get naked too?"

"Only if you're comfortable with that," he replied instantly.

Lily sighed. "You know I really don't like how I look, but okay..." She began to shuck off her shirt.

"Why wouldn't you like how you look, sweetheart?" he said softly. "I do."

She gave him a bashful little smile. "I know. And thanks. But for starters, I wish I didn't have this tummy." She gave it a pat and was embarrassed by how much like Jell-o it moved.

He shrugged. "I've got one too if it makes you feel better."

"True. I guess everyone wishes they looked different, huh?"

"Almost everyone," he concurred.

Lily stood up and slid her sweatpants down. She liked seeing her clothes and his lying in a pile together.

"Your panties are incredibly cute. It looks like they're made of strawberry ice cream."

Lily giggled and hesitated a bit before pulling the pink garment down. There. Now they were both nude. 'Except for his socks!' she reminded herself.

Thanophile took a moment to stare. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're an angel," he finally said. "Your muff looks even pinker than your panties. You're perfect."

Lily tensed, so unused to physical complements that they made her a little uncomfortable. She squirmed a bit, feeling exposed.

He picked up on her self-consciousness. He held up his paw and made his fingers into a gun. He pointed it at her forehead. "Bang," he said lovingly.

Lily picked up on the game immediately. "Ugh!" She fell back dramatically on the bed. "Am I dead now?" she whispered out of the side of her mouth.

"Yes, but you're a special magic voodoo kind of dead where you can still carry on a conversation."

She giggled. "How convenient!"

"Absolutely!" He leaned over and slid his hands under her back and legs. He braced himself, knowing he wasn't in the best shape possible and certainly not wanting to drop her or have his back go out. He gritted his teeth and lifted. She was a bit heavier than he'd prepared for. He stumbled a bit, but was able to stand up straight.

"You know, it's true," he remarked. "People *are* heavier to lift when they're dead!"

"Hee hee hee!" Lily tried her best to keep her eyes closed and remain motionless like a good little corpse.

"Here we go. Time to get you into your coffin before you get all rotty and stinky." Lily giggled some more as he gingerly crossed the room towards the casket. He prayed he'd have enough strength to let her down gently. It wasn't that she was too chubby, just that he was pretty much a bona-fide wimp.

Thankfully for both of them, Thanophile settled Lily in for a perfect landing. She cooed when she felt the cushiony cool silk touch her fur. She could feel the smoothness with her pawpads. It was like lying on a bed of whipped cream. It really _was_ the most comfortable thing she'd ever lain on. 'And soon I'll be in the ground, lying here forever!' she thought, then shivered with pleasure.

"Comfy?" he asked, once he'd gotten his breath back.

"More than I've ever been in my whole life," she replied, eyes still closed.

"Makes me happy to hear that. I actually ripped up the inside and put down a layer of that memory foam stuff before replacing the silk. It was hard as a plank before." He took one of the handles at the end and began to scoot the coffin across the room, over to the bed. He'd rearranged the whole bedroom so he'd have the space necessary for them to lie face to face. His bed rested flat on the floor anyway, which made it easier. "Get ready for a little bump," he warned. A moment later, he lined the coffin up against the side of his mattress and nudged it flush with the wall. "That's better."

He flopped down on the bed and wriggled over beside her, as close as possible. "Boo."

She opened one eye, just for a second, and was surprised to see him so close. "Good idea. It's like we're sleeping together, but I'm in my cozy coffin and you're in your bed."

"Exactly. Just seeing you in there makes me stiff as a barbell. You are absolutely gorgeous, Lily. You look like you and that coffin were destined for each other."

She chittered and wiggled around. The silk made pleasant shuffling sounds whenever she moved.

"So," he said, "have you given any thought to how you'd like to die?" He reached over to brush his fingers through her hair.

"I told you I don't mind if you decide. In fact, I want you to. Please, surprise me. I don't want to know when it's coming or how you'll do it. I just want it to be exciting and close, something where we can both savor it."

"And painless?"

She nodded, before realizing dead squirrels weren't supposed to do that. "Yes."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Did I tell you I'm a pharmacist?"

"Nuh-uh." There was another thing she would never have expected about him.

"I could potentially get in a lot of trouble for this, but considering how far we're going with this whole thing, I think it's worth it. Y'see, I've 'appropriated' several drugs from where I work. Anesthetics, and... Other things."

"Ooh!" The way he'd said that made it sound exciting! Like a mad scientist planning to inject her with secret, deadly serums.

"You have nothing to worry about. I was always pretty close to the top of my class in college and I do my job exceptionally well. Not to brag, of course. I'm just letting you know; if you want it to be painless, it will be. You won't feel a thing."

"...Except horny." she added.

He snorted laughing. "Yes, well, that. I gotta admit, my fetish is one of the reasons I ended up with this job. Even when I was younger than you, I was fascinated by death and anatomy. I used to read medical textbooks in grade school. For fun! And it's kind of exciting, knowing I work with all these deadly poisons. If I wanted to, I could place just one little drop on someone's sandwich and, *boom*, they'd drop down dead."

Lily murred, agreeing that that was pretty exciting. And also knowing Thanophile well enough that these were only fantasies and he'd never _ever_ hurt or kill anyone without their explicit consent.

"It's not even really a temptation. I'd never do anything like that for real, not even sprinkling some Dantrophol in Shirley's coffee for a prank."

Lily furrowed her brow. "'Dantrophol'?"

"Most powerful prescription-strength laxative in the world," he clarified. "And I only ever *thought* about it!"

Lily giggled so hard the coffin shook.

"I don't have any trouble keeping my thoughts from becoming more than just that. I think the reason some people snap and do all sort of perverted shit in public is that they *deny* their fantasies. They think, 'Oh, that's horrible! I'm a bad furson if I let myself think about that!'. So they ball it up inside them until it blows up. But we can't control our thoughts. They're just there. In fact, have I told you how proud I am of you for being brave enough to accept yours?"

"Yep. In an email," she replied.

"Good. Just wanted to be sure. Because I *am* proud of you. There's nothing wrong with thinking outrageous thoughts and letting them pass. Like, if I see an adorable little girl come in and her mommy's filling her bronchitis prescription, I might think about giving her cyanide tablets instead. And it's only a thought. I have an evil chuckle about it and get on with my day. I don't even need to paw off in the breakroom. ...Except for that one time."

She chuckled. "When was that?"

"When I was thinking about you," he replied straightforward.

She sighed. "Awww. That's so sweet."

He remembered something then. Something he'd been wanting to talk with her about for some time now. He'd wanted to wait until they were face to face to bring it up, and now they certainly were. He paused for a moment, choosing his next words very, very carefully. "Lily... When you took off your clothes for me..."

"Yes?"

"You seemed..." He hesitated. "Lily, do you think you're ugly?"

Her little face darkened to a frown. She didn't reply for several seconds. Then she said, almost silently, "Yes."

He nodded, knowing already. "Do you think you're too fat?"

This time she didn't hesitate. "Yes."

He hated hearing her say those words. Hated knowing why she felt that way about herself. "Lily... Listen to me carefully."

Her ears perked up.

He took a deep breath, then came out with it. "You _are_ ugly and you _are_ too fat."

Lily's whole body stiffened. She gasped sharply, unable to believe what he'd just said. Was this all some trick? Some horrible mind game like what her parents did to her!?

She opened her mouth to speak, but felt a gentle finger touch her lips and keep them closed. "Just listen for a second, sweetheart," he said, as tenderly and lovingly as she'd ever heard him speak before.

"What I said is true, but it's also not true. By society's standards, yes, you are ugly and fat. By the anatomically-impossible standards of a bunch of coldhearted men who decide how *they* want women to look, you are ugly. And by the standards of stick-thin models who are killing themselves with eating disorders, you are too fat.

"But in MY opinion, you're the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen."

He moved closer to lean into the coffin and kiss her forehead. "Now, whose opinion do you think is more important?"

Lily was crying. She turned over and reached out to hug him. She put her face on his shoulder and sobbed.

"Lily, sweetheart, little angel, I want you to accept what your body looks like. Accept that you'll never meet some ridiculous, cruel, nonexistent ideal, and be happy with that. Be happy that you look the way a normal, healthy girl your age should look. Say to yourself, 'I don't care that stupid ads on TV and magazines are telling me I'm ugly or fat. I don't care that my stupid, awful parents call me those things. I like how I look.'"

"...I like how I look," Lily whispered, barely louder than a breath.

"And I like how you look too," he said.

They stayed like that for several minutes. Thanophile did not move a muscle, even when his foot fell asleep. He held her while she cried as long as she needed him to.


~~~~~




PART NINE
~~~~~

A paw jostled her shoulder. "C'mon, sleepypaws. Time to wake the dead."

Lily blinked, then let out a great big yawn. "Where am..." The coffin! She remembered now. She looked up to see Thanophile standing above her, fully clothed again. He was smiling, and holding a giant spoon for some reason.

"I guess I cried myself to sleep..." she said bashfully.

He knelt down closer. "You certainly did. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think you needed to."

She sat up a little. "Thank you for telling me all that stuff. I was really shocked when you first said it, but then I understood why. And you're right; I shouldn't let my dumb parents decide whether I like myself. I mean... I *do* still wish I was prettier. But I'm never going to be; not by any kind of magic. This is how I look. Total permanent forever. And if you like it... Then I'm happy."

He hugged her, immensely proud. "I think maybe the reason you cried so hard is that you've finally accepted that just wishing won't make you look different, and it was kind of like grieving for that lost idea. When we dream of something for a long time, even if it's hurting us to do so, it still also hurts to give it up."

Lily nodded solemnly.

"You also understand why I wanted to wait and tell you this in furson, right? There's no way I could say the same things in an email and have you understand them. They'd sound cruel. I had to let you know that I was telling you because I love you so much."

"I understand completely," she said. She gave him another quickie hug. "Now, why do you have a spoon?"

He looked down at his hand and was startled to find it there. Like it had appeared by magic. "Well, I'm almost done with dinner, and I've been stirring for half an hour now. Reflex, I guess."

Lily licked her lips. "What're we having?" She sniffed the air. "Wow, it smells good!"

"Ever had homemade ravioli? Not frozen ones heated up, but actual seasoned ground beef rolled up in little pasta blanket-thingies? I even made the sauce from scratch."

Lily's eyes bugged out a little. "Damn, that sounds good!!"

He chuckled. "I imagine *cardboard* must sound good after your mother's cooking. Come on." He grasped her forearm and helped her get up out of the coffin.

Once she'd stepped nimbly down off the bed, she reached over to the clothes pile for her panties.

"Why bother?" he said.

She thought a bit. "Yeah, good point!"


~~~~~


Thanophile walked through the livingroom, a naked squirrel cub in tow. He showed her to the small dining nook, which was arranged next to the kitchen but also close enough to the living room that he could watch TV if he desired. The table was already set for two. He pulled out Lily's chair like a gentleman and she sat down with a grateful smile in response.

"Gimme just a second and I'll finish up and turn the stove off," he said.

"Okey-dokey pukey-dukey," Lily replied.

Thanophile paused for a second, puzzled. "...What was that?"

Lily suddenly burst out giggling. "Oh my god, that's something I used to say when I was in second grade! I don't know how I even remembered it now!" She heard him chuckle from the other room.

He came out a few seconds later bearing a steaming plate of pasta-pillows in one hand, an equally-steaming pot of sauce in the other.

"Don't trip!" she cautioned.

"I'll try," he said through gritted teeth as he nervously sat the sauce down on the table. "I'd be cleaning this out of the rug for weeks..." He positioned the ravioli as well, then dashed back to the kitchen, this time reemerging with two bottles of dressing and two bowls of romaine salad. "Hate to admit it, but this stuff's not homemade. Came from a bag. Fresh produce is getting mucho expensive these days. Italian or bleu cheese?"

"Uh... bleu cheese, I guess. I've never had it before." He nodded and set the bottle in front of her.

He sat down on the opposite side of the table and tucked a napkin into his collar. "Wish we had some candles."

"It's romantic enough like this," Lily said.

"Glad you think so. Here, let me..." He reached across to take her plate. He placed three raviolis on it an an aesthetic arrangement, then drizzled sauce over each, ending with a sprinkle of parmesan and shredded parsley.

Lily was impressed. "It looks almost too good to eat now! Like something I'd expect from a fancy restaurant."

He shrugged modestly. "What can I say? I like to cook and I like to show off."

Lily's eyes sparkled. "Are you gonna poison my food?" she inquired with a naughty grin.

He slyly arched an eyebrow. "Mmmmmaybe..."

She squealed in delight.

"Actually, I have another surprise," he told her as he finished serving himself. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," she said immediately.

He nodded. "Then hold your paws out over my plate."

Curious, she reached over the table. "Like this?"

He took her paws in his and positioned them the way he wanted, the brief touch giving both their hearts a spark. "Paws up," he said, turning them over. Exposing her wrists.

Lily's eyes widened when he reached in his breast pocket and pulled out a straight razor.

He opened it. The brand-new metal gleamed bright.

Neither spoke. Lily held her breath as Thanophile touched the deadly blade ever-so-gently to her left wrist. He did not have to tell her to keep still. He drew the razor swiftly across her skin; so quick she didn't feel a thing. Then he did the same with her right.

He took her paws in his again and eased the flesh open.

Two perfect pearls of red appeared on Lily's wrists.

Thanophile turned her paws over and squeezed her wrists. Tiny trickles of blood fell onto his meal, the bright crimson lost immediately in the darker shade of the tomato sauce.

Lily was trembling slightly as she watched. She was breathing hard. It was like she was under a spell.

The raccoon measured out exactly as much as he wanted, then turned Lily's paws over and, like magic, produced two band-aids and placed them tenderly over the cuts he'd made. Lily drew her shaking paws back. Thanophile looked at her calmly, asking her what she thought of what he'd just done.

When she finally found the voice to speak, she gulped and said, "That was _way_ more romantic than candles!"

He smiled, pleased.

"That was... Wow! For a second there, I thought you were gonna just slash 'em to the bone!"

He clucked his tongue. "That would have drowned out the flavor of the parmesan," he quipped.

Lily giggled. "Seriously though, that was *super* hot. I'm probably getting girl-juice all over your chair now."

He flicked his tongue at her. "Dessert for me."

She squirmed, imagining him doing that and trying not to get so horny she'd cum right here and now. "So, how do I taste?" she asked.

Thanophile picked up his fork, sliced off a corner of one ravioli, dipped it directly in the spot where her blood had fallen, swirled it around with the sauce a bit, then lifted it to his mouth.

He closed his eyes.

"Exquisite."


~~~~~


The before-meal entertainment had been one thing, but the food was so good it was damn near orgasmic too. Lily ate huge helpings of everything until she was stuffed tight as a beachball, shouting out compliments the whole time. Thanophile mostly kept quiet and blushed, but did answer her questions about his preparation. She could see he really did want to brag about it for a few hours or so, but was too polite to bore her.

During the meal, Lily supplied plenty of war stories about her mother's Kitchen O' Terror. She remarked that just being in the presence of Thanophile's cooking would probably make the ol' hash-slopper burst into flames. He said he'd love to see that.

He asked her several questions about her home life. How her parents made her feel, what was school like, etcetera. Lily replied with complete honesty, even though some of the questions were a little uncomfortable for her. It was easy to be honest with him though. With her parents, she'd always had to be constantly on guard. Wary of ever saying too much, of giving her true opinion, of showing her real feelings. She knew through years of experience that it was best to keep her heart hidden from them. The more they knew about the things she loved, the greater the risk they'd find some way to snatch them away just to hurt her. It was like going through life in a bulletproof vest you didn't ever dare take off.

Eventually, Lily's plate was empty and she was reduced to tracing little patterns in the remaining sauce with her fork. She stared absent-mindedly at the table, looking pensive.

Finally she spoke her mind. "Um... D'you think that our fetishes make us weirdos? Like, I know I'm not a *bad* furson because I think funerals are yiffy, and you're not a bad furson either. But do you think we're kinda like freaks? Like there's hardly anyone else out there like us?"

Thanophile 'hmm'ed. His expression clearly read; 'That's a fair question'. "In our cases? Possibly. That should be evident just from how hard it is to download any good porn of it! I think the rest of the internet sees us as a 'fringe' fetish, and one that seems to make a lot of people uncomfortable. Me with my necrophilia and you with your... ah... funeralophilia."

Lily snickered.

"But we're probably nowhere *near* alone if you think of us as part of the whole huge collection of people with strange fetishes. I've been on the net a long time, and I'm a curious guy. I've seen examples of fetishes so bizarre they've left me slack-jawed."

That made Lily curious too. "Like what?" she asked, leaning over the table at him.

He thought a bit. "Oh, um... Les'see... Toilet cleaning, plaster casts, sticky floors, wheelchairs, forced haircuts, stepping on bugs..."

"You're kidding!" she burst out.

"Not at all," Thanophile said matter-of-factly. "I've personally seen examples of each of those. There's even more out-there ones, too. More than I could list if I tried..." He rustled around in his memory further. "All the body-related ones, of course... I read a bellybutton fetish story once, and I've seen more than a few vomit ones. I've seen furs photoshop extra heads or limbs onto photos. Or erase body parts. I saw a whole site that was nothing but pictures of girls with their eyes erased."

Lily felt her brain boggling. Then she remembered an experience of her own. "I saw a sneezing fetish page once! It was actually kinda cute. I couldn't wrap my brain around why anyone could find sneezing sexy, but it was like, 'Okay, this furson enjoys it, and it's harmless, so why not?'"

Thanophile grinned. "Congratulations, Lily. You're more mature than a significant fraction of the rest of the internet. Many people coming across a site like that, their first instinct would be to troll it 'n trash it. Anonymity makes people jerks. It makes them think it's alright to try to eradicate anything they personally dislike or don't want to be bothered learning anything about."

Lily nodded fiercely. "AMEN!! I remember that asshole who called me an 'emo bitch' on the messageboard the first time I posted."

"I heard he got banned for that. Good riddance."

"Damn straight." She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her paws. "Can you think of any more weird fetishes? I find this subject really interesting. It feels like my brain's fulla carbonation, trying to just deal with the idea that people paw off to this stuff."

He chuckled. "I don't know how many more I can remember! Uh, geez... There was the site about sniffing other people's dirty laundry. The site with all the latex mask stuff. Furs who like to play in garbage. LOTS of stuff about furries turning into food or other inanimate objects..." He started counting things off on his fingertips. "Melting, shaving, ear-fucking, farting, roadkill, balloons-"

"Balloons?" Lily perked up.

"Do I detect a hint of interest?" he asked slyly.

Lily bit her lip. "Maybe. A little. I never really thought about it before. Wait; do you mean like inflation? Furries drawing their characters blowing up real big? I've seen that. I don't get it, but I've seen it."

"Nope, I just mean people who think regular ol' party balloons are sexy."

Lily stared into space for a second as she considered the idea. It completely baffled her, and yet intrigued her. "I remember I used to love chewing on balloons when I was a kid. After they'd pop or deflate, I'd chew 'em like gum. I can really remember the texture. And the smell!"

Thanophile nodded as if that didn't surprise him. "I read a book on fetishes, and the author said that any object that has strong tactile qualities and a strange, unique odor can be a candidate for a fetish. I think since scent is the sense most strongly tied to memory, those smells probably bring up emotions that remind the furson of something happy."

Lily mulled it over. "Makes sense, I s'pose. So, *anything* with a unique feel and smell...?" She thought a bit. Then perked up. "Dryer lint," she said challengingly.

He barked out a laugh. "That actually wouldn't surprise me a bit! We'll have to get online later and do a search for hot triple-X laundry lint porno." That made Lily cackle.

Thanophile glanced at the clock. "Yeeps. If we're going to do anything at all later, I'd better start on the dishes."

"I'll help," Lily immediately offered.

Thanophile stood up and pushed his chair in. "No bother. I'll handle it. You're my guest, remember?" He picked up her plate and his, balanced their glasses and silverware on top, and headed for the kitchen.

As the raccoon left, Lily stared back at her placemat and thought about fetishes. She could hear the sink filling up in the other room. 'I'm not a weirdo,' she thought. 'If all those things he mentioned are real fetishes, then there must be *thousands* of furs who get off on weird stuff. Maybe millions. And my fetish isn't any weirder or worse than any of theirs.' It occurred to her that maybe everyone, or pretty close to almost everyone, had some secret desire they kept to themselves. Something they'd never tell anyone about. Something that made them cum like a tsunami when they thought about it. She giggled, liking the idea that the whole world was secretly populated with perverts.

"Lily?" came the raccoon's voice.

She sat up. "Yeah?"

"Actually if you don't mind, I *could* use your help."

"Sure!" She bolted out of her seat and ran around the corner. She didn't mind doing some dishes if it meant spending more time with him. She knew she'd probably be deliciously dead by tomorrow night, so she wanted to pack as much conversation and cuddling into her remaining hours as possible.

She found Thanophile standing over his double sink, full of sauce-soiled cookware on one side, hot water on the other. "Just stand right here. I'll wash; you dry and put them in the drainer, okay?"

"Not a problem!" She stepped up and marvelled at the huge pile. Cooking ravioli took a heck of a lot more paraphernalia than she'd imagined.

Thanophile pointed past the sink, down the counter. "The dish towel's right there."

Lily leaned over to get it.

Immediately, Thanophile reached out with his spread hand and shoved her head into the sink.

Water flew everywhere. Lily flailed about in a panic. Not only was he pressing her head down with steely firmness, his other hand was gripping her by the forearm, making it impossible to escape. Bubbles rose all around her as she thrashed and screamed inaudibly.

'Wait!' she thought. Her rational mind finally kicked in. 'Why I am I struggling? This is it! He's doing it! He's really doing it! He's killing me Right Now!!' She couldn't stop her body from involuntarily wriggling, but she could cease most of her struggles. Enough to let him know she understood and she was more than willing to let him continue.

The response was immediate. She felt fabric brush against her naked hiney. He was standing right behind her. He pushed forward, grinding his crotch into her rear.

'Oh my god! He's humping me! He's humping me while he drowns me in the sink! That is SO HOT!!!' Lily bucked and squirmed, no longer trying to get away; trying to push back against him and urge him on! She could feel his bulge, not seeming so small at all now as it ground insistently against her ass. Her cunny was dribbling down her leg, the moisture lost in the flood of flying splashes from the sink. 'Do it! Drown me! Kill me! Love me to death!!' her mind screamed.

Even in her death throes of passion, Lily's mind was still analytical enough to realize that Thanophile had set this up from the start: the water was pleasantly warm, not boiling, and he hadn't added any soap. 'What a guy!' she thought. 'He's the most considerate executioner I could've hoped for!'

His hand was like iron on the back of her head. Not clutching tight, just impossible to break free from. Impossible to resist. She hadn't realized he was so strong! The power in his hands... Forcing her down, keeping her from breathing... Taking the life she so desperately wanted to give him...

By now her lungs were starting to burn. She'd exhaled almost as soon as her face went under and now had to be careful not to suck down any water and choke. Instead, she shut her mouth tight and tried to concentrate everything on her pleasure. His hot, strong body rubbing against hers, her lust overwhelming, her greatest fantasy fulfilled. And just as she'd wanted, he'd surprised her. Shocked the hell out of her, actually! But that was fine. The fear made it sexier. She knew that she was his to do whatever he wanted with. And once she was dead, he would use her for all sorts of unspeakably sexy purposes...

It felt like little firecrackers were going off behind her eyes. Her brain felt wrapped in fog that was growing denser by the second. Her lungs were screaming for air. She told them to shut up and just accept it.

She was getting giddy now, feeling strangely numb.

'This is it... Here I go...'

Just as she was sure she was going to black out, she came. Her body gave a sudden shudder.

Thanophile immediately lifted her out.

Her head flew back, flinging water droplets across the whole kitchen. She gasped. Her body greedily gulped air, not caring what her mind desired.

Thanophile gave her several firm pats on the back. She coughed up some water, then stood there breathing hard for several seconds.

She looked up at him. And her first question was, naturally, "Why did you stop?"

He smiled. "Well, I thought we hadn't had nearly enough fun together yet."

She grinned and hugged him, getting his shirt all wet. Not that he minded in the slightest. "I didn't go too far, did I?" he asked.

She was panting and quaking, almost glowing with sexual energy. She'd never felt her heart beating so fast in her life! "No, that was *AWESOME*!!" she gushed. "I came like a firetruck! Oh my god, that was the sexiest thing ever! I loved when you were all bumpin' up against me. I thought you were really going to do it! I thought you were really going to kill me for real!!"

Thanophile gave her a kiss in the midst of her wet hair. "And I will. Soon. But not yet. I thought you might like to be teased a little before I do. Keep you on your toes."

She murred, letting him know she heartily approved of the idea. "So, did you come, too?"

"Right in my boxers!" he said proudly.

"Sweet!"

"Actually, I'm sticky, and you're wet already. Wanna go take a shower together?"

Lily did a little jump of joy. "Definitely! But wait, what about the dishes?"

Thanophile 'hmmph'ed. "Fuck 'em. We've got more important things to do."


~~~~~




PART TEN
~~~~~

In the bathroom, Lily watched with fascination as Thanophile got undressed again. The little room was bright, yellow-tiled and severely cramped. But that just meant they kept bumping into each other, rustling their fur together, feeling each other's warmth. Lily didn't mind the small space in the slightest.

Thanophile stepped out of his tombstone boxers. Grinning like an imp, Lily suddenly snatched them up and gave them a sniff. "Whew! Strong. I didn't know cum smelled like that. Mine doesn't, at least."

"It's not *too* gross, is it?" he asked, his cheeks reddening a bit.

"I didn't say it was gross at all." She took another appraising whiff. "I could get used to it." She turned the boxers inside out and looked at the dark, sticky patch where he'd ejaculated. It made her both proud and horny that she was looking at tangible proof of how he felt about her. Tentatively, she brought the undergarment closer and experimentally touched her tongue to the wet spot. "Not bad. I expected it to be much ickier."

She looked up and saw his penis was so hard it was almost pulsating.

She giggled coyly and hid her blushing cheeks behind her paws. "My brain still kinda can't believe you think I'm that sexy."

He bent over and gently pulled her paws away. "Your brain should learn to look at the evidence."

Lily perused his schwanz. "That's some pretty nice-looking evidence!"

He grinned and tickled her under her armpits a little, making her squeak and chitter.

Thanophile pulled back the frosted-plastic shower door and stepped in. "Join me, sweetheart?"

She obeyed, holding her hand out for him to gentlemanly assist her entrance. She liked him treating her like an honored guest. Like a princess.

The tub was just big enough for them both to comfortably stand in, but it meant elbowing the wall or the shower doors every few moments. "Watch out for that soap dish," he pointed out. "I've barked my knee on that thing more times than I can remember."

"I'll just hold onto you and stay out of its way, okay?" Lily took a step forward, opened her arms, and slowly enfolded him in their first naked hug.

A rush of warmth rippled through both of them at the contact. Lily closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest. She rubbed her cheek slowly against the chocolately-colored fur. She felt his arms move to reach down and hold her around the small of her back, then carefully, asking permission every step of the way, migrating south, until his strong paws rested on her soft, pillowy bottom.

"What a nice big butt..." he whispered lovingly in her ear.

She giggled. "I guess there are some advantages to being plump, huh?"

"I think the term 'pleasingly plump' fits you quite well, my little cuddlesquirrel."

She sighed. Letting out a peaceful, contented chitter, she nuzzled her nose into his chestfur. She found a nipple, and playfully tweaked it with her nose, then gave it a little bite. "Found an M&M," she joked.

"Don't bite it too hard. Those kind aren't supposed to come off, you know."

"Wanna bite these ones?" she asked. She reached down to take his paws in hers and guide them along the curve of her hips, up her round tummy, to her small but squeezable breasts. She moaned softly as she gave her nipples a little pinch. Then he softly rubbed them in gentle concentric circles.

"Very soft... Very beautiful..." he whispered.

"I love it when you say stuff like that."

"I love _you_, Lily." He knelt down, not as gracefully as he'd wanted; due to the slippery tub, but at least it brought their muzzles closer together so they could kiss.

Both were silent.

The kiss was simple. No magic, no cartoon fireworks exploding behind her. Just their lips touching. But Lily still couldn't imagine feeling more full of joy. Throughout her life, she had never experienced physical contact like this. Had never known what the touch of someone who truly, deeply cared about her felt like.

When the kiss ended, Thanophile suddenly looked quite nervous. And ashamed.

Lily's happiness fell. "Did I do something wrong?"

He put his paws on her shoulders. "Absolutely not! Lily, you're perfect. You couldn't be any *more* perfect. You're my dream come true." He paused and bit his lip. "...I was just thinking of something I'd maybe like to try, but I'm not really sure if you'll like it or think it's gross."

She gave him a warm, lop-sided smile. "Well *ask* me, dum-dum. You won't know until you do. And odds are, I'll at least give it a try. I've _loved_ all your surprises so far."

She could see that made him feel better right away. He touched noses with her. "Glad to hear it. So, um, I thought that, since we're in the shower and we're about to get cleaned up anyway... Would you like to maybe try some pee play?"

Her ears perked and her tail stood straight up. "Heck yeah!"

"Oh, good! That's a relief. I just... You know. I just didn't want to bring up something that'd spoil the moment."

"You worry too damn much. Pee on me!" she ordered playfully.

From his reaction, Lily could tell Thanophile had expected that *she* would be the one doing the peeing. "You really...?"

"Sure! Remember that email where you asked me what my very favorite fantasy was? When I got to the part about you peeing in my coffin, I had to stop and paw off because I was too horny to type anymore!"

Thanophile laughed and pulled her into another hug. "I love you Lily! You are so accepting and enthusiastic and open to new experiences!"

"I love you too. Now bring on the pee, silly!"

"Actually, I just had an idea..." He stood up. "Can you stand on the edges of the tub there with your back to the wall?"

She looked behind her. "I think so." It looked kinda narrow, but wide enough to plant her paws. She braced herself against the wall and the shower door frame and stepped up.

Thanophile held out his paws. "I won't let you fall."

Lily nodded: 'I know'. "Now what?" she asked when she was in place.

Thanophile came closer and reached down around her legs. "Brace your back against the wall and I'll try to lift you up, okay?"

Another nod. Thanophile gave a grunt and a mighty heave. Lily felt a brief second of fear when her feet left the porcelain, but her legs were soon settled comfortably around her raccoon lover's waist. "Ooooh! Comfy."

"That worked out pretty good, eh?"

"Worked out great! So, do you want to pee on me now, or I pee on you, or what?"

He nuzzled her nose. "You pee first, little angel. I want to feel your warm water running down my fur. Feel it splash all over my cock."

She shivered in naughty pleasure. "I'll try." She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on making herself pee. She leaned forward, her back still braced against the wall, to rest her chin on his wide shoulder. She took deep breaths. "I'm not feeling it yet."

"Take your time, sweetheart."

Lily tried her utmost to pee. She thought about waterfalls, fire hydrants and Super Soakers. Her bladder was being a stubborn jerk.

Thanophile shifted his grip on her. He hoped his arms would hold out and that he wouldn't accidentally drop her.

They waited like that for an excruciatingly long time.

Finally, Lily said sadly, "I'm really sorry. I guess I just don't have to pee right now."

He kissed her forehead, letting her know it was okay. "If you can't perform on command, it's no problem. We have plenty of time. I'll try to set you down gently, okay? I hope your legs didn't fall asleep."

She pointed her foot down to seek out the edge of the tub again. "No, it's fine. I... Wait..." She grinned. "Pick me up again!!"

Thanophile quickly hefted her into position. "It's coming?"

"I think so!" Trying to keep her enthusiasm from cutting off her flow a second time, Lily blanked her mind and let her body do what came naturally.

She felt Thanophile's diamond-hard cock poke into her butt cheek when she finally let loose.

Rivers of gold poured down their fur. Lily forced it out hard, trying to soak them both. It felt almost burning hot. The hiss of her piss echoed off the tile, sounding loud as a running faucet. Thanophile could feel the strong jet of urine blasting into the skin just above his genitals. He could feel the trickles running through the fur of his ballsac.

Growling with lust, he held Lily tight and rubbed his head up against her cheek. His eyes were shut tight and his teeth were grit.

Lily squeaked when she felt him cum all over her ass! "Oh my god! That was freakin' incredible!" she shouted.

With not a moment to spare, Thanophile landed Lily safely right before the last of his strength left him. Like a ragdoll, he slumped to the bottom of the tub and panted.

Pee still trickling out of her, Lily reached back to touch the sticky spot on her behind. "Your cum..." she marvelled. "Whoa! I guess this means I'm officially not a virgin anymore!" She grinned proudly, and slightly giddy.

"But isn't your li'l hymen still intact?" Thanophile pondered between gasps of breath.

Lily hid a snorting giggle behind her paws. "Oh HECK no! I popped that with a cucumber last year!" She thrust her nether-portions at him and spread her lips with a 'V' of her fingers. "See?"

With shaky arms, the raccoon hoisted himself up in a sitting position. "It's gorgeous, Lily. What more can I say? And I'm glad, too. I know we planned to yiff for real later. I was worried I'd hurt you."

Lily carefully stepped over his legs and let herself down slowly to lie beside him in the tub. Even though his feet had ended up dangling off the edge, she fit in the space next to him like a finger in a glove. "It'd only hurt for a minute anyway. I'd heard horror stories before. I thought it was gonna be like the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life. But when I went ahead and did it, it was unpleasant, but nowhere near that bad."

Thanophile reached out a finger. "May I...?"

"You don't have to keep asking me," she said, and pushed his hand towards her sex. He caressed the outer lips with a single fingertip, making Lily shudder all over. She cooed. He made lazy circles around her vulva, exploring every area with a gentleness that bordered on feather-light.

He poked his finger in just a little. Then a little further. "Nope, no hymen here."

Lily squirmed her arm underneath his shoulders to hug them both closer together. "Do you still want to pee on me?" she asked. "I say go for it."

"Mmmm, hearing you say that... Good thing I already came or I'd be so stiff there's no way anything would come out!" He reached down and fiddled with his soft weiner, trying to coax it to do his bidding. "Oh! I think it's ready, actually!"

"Good! It took way too long last time!" She spread herself out as best as she could, making an inviting target. "Fire away!"

Thanophile's first 'shot' went wild and ended up hitting him in the shoulder. "Heh. I'll try to control it better next time." He pointed it towards Lily's creamy-furred tummy. A squirt of pee flew and scored a direct hit.

Lily wriggled and cheered. "Oh, that felt *great*! Even better than I expected. And more *forceful*, too. Like one of those massaging shower heads."

He smiled. "Hey, how about you point to a spot, and I'll try to aim there?"

"Okay!" Lily first pointed to her feet.

A tricky shot, but he thought he could make it. He aimed and let go. It missed her hindpaws, but did manage to spray her shins.

"Good enough!" she giggled, and pointed to her breasts.

He sent a squirt right at them, aiming true this time. Lily moaned and rubbed the hot piss into her fur. Then she pointed at her hair.

"You sure?"

"Completely! I wanna be wet head-to-toe! I wanna *reek* of your sexy pee!"

He 'hrrrrr'ed deep in his throat. "Lily, you are nothing short of astonishing!! Close your eyes now!" He let loose like a firehose, clenching down hard and sending a torrent blasting out and splashing all over Lily's lovely face.

She sputtered a bit. "More!!"

Trying desperately to keep from getting hard again before he could finish, Thanophile forced his every last ounce out. So hard he could actually feel his pee-hole stretch. Piss ran through Lily's hair, her cheekfur, over her eyes and nose, and even trickled into her ears, which tickled like crazy! Giggling, she shook her head and yellow drops went everywhere.

Thanophile's bladder was empty and his dick was once again solid as marble. The sight of this beautiful young squirrelette glistening with droplets of his urine was the second most erotic sight he'd ever beheld. (The first, of course, was seeing her lying in her pretty coffin.)

"That was awesome," Lily said, sounding exhausted from pleasure. She kissed him on the cheek, leaving tiny beads of pee behind. The sight made her giggle.

"I hope none got in your mouth," he said, always concerned about her first.

"A little bit." She stuck her tongue out and licked around her lips. She made a face. "_Salty_! Bleah. I wouldn't wanna drink a glass of it, but it's nowhere near as bad as my mom's borscht."

"...Was that the stuff that stained almost every dish you owned pink?"

Lily nodded. "Exactly. Damn beets..." Forgetting that unpleasant memory, she concentrated instead on the present. The feeling of snuggling in a cool tub with the raccoon she loved, covered in both her and his tingly piss. She could feel the tiny dribbles of it streaming through her fur, tickling her, making her shiver. The smell was pungent and strong, but also undeniably, primally sexual. It made her want to paw off, so she did. She fiddled idly with her cunny and nuzzled Thanophile's shoulder.

"Wanna rinse off now?" he asked, hoping the answer would be no.

"It's still nice 'n warm," she replied. Sighing in contentment, she reached over and took his penis in her other paw. She ran her fingers along it gently, like petting a cat. He turned slightly to caress her cheek. Then he kissed her on the lips. He could taste his liquid gift on her muzzlefur. Feel the heat the tiny drops still held. He ran his fingers through her wet hair and did everything possible to let his body show how much he appreciated her.

That moment in the bathtub seemed to last a hazy eternity.


~~~~~




PART ELEVEN
~~~~~

They cuddled for quite a while in their porcelain cocoon, but eventually the pee got cold and became very uncomfortable soon after. No problem though, since they were shower-ready anyway. Thanophile slid the door shut and turned the water on. He let Lily choose the temperature, which was a little hotter than he was used to. But he didn't mind.

Soon they were both sudsy with fur shampoo. Lily squeaked and giggled and made happy squirrel sounds as Thanophile washed her fur by fondling every last inch of her. His wonderful hands felt like a sculptor kneading clay. Lily felt them travel all around her body; firmly, gently, squeezing her everywhere. He rubbed the shampoo into her breasts, her buttocks, her lovely hair, and even the little furless soles of her feet. He even took the time to massage each toe.

Lily had more surface area to work with when it was her turn, but she met the challenge with zest. After soaping them up good, she ran her nimble paws over and around Thanophile's every grownup, masculine curve. Sometimes she even just hugged him and let her whole body act as a loofah. And not surprisingly, she spent quite a lot of time making sure his fascinating penis was clean all over.

Inevitably the hot water started to run out, and so the two emerged, still giggling, and Thanophile wrapped them both up in fluffy towels. They snuggled and ruffled each other all over, working the soft towels into their dripping fur. Lily wrapped part of hers around her head like a hood to dry her hair and Thanophile said she looked like a little Eskimo.

When they'd both gotten their fur as dry as it was going to get, Thanophile told Lily to go lie on the couch in the livingroom and he'd set up his next surprise. Lily excitedly dashed off, wondering what it could be. Everything he'd planned for them had been a blast so far. This was _definitely_ the best sleepover ever.

Lily located her glasses, then curled up and got cozy, still wrapped in her towel. Soon she began to smell butter. Towel-clad as well, Thanophile emerged from the kitchen, saying he'd just popped in some microwave popcorn to munch while they watched some movies. Lily asked which ones. He handed her two rental DVDs; she squealed in delight and immediately hugged him.

One of them was a comedic slasher picture that was a mutual favorite. There were *tons* of yiffy death scenes in it, several of which they had both admitted masturbating to. The other film was one they'd only heard of and had been unable to track down until now. It was a foreign film, considered both shocking and artistically brilliant. Of course, it also contained lots of furs shuffling off their mortal coil. Lily had read about it on an internet movie site and was excited to learn it also had sexy female ghosts and zombies. Maybe there'd be someone in a coffin, she hoped. Lily decided to watch the slasher film first. She popped it in the player while Thanophile went to check on the popcorn.

Thanophile soon returned and set a bowl full of white, fluffy kernels down on the floor in easy reach. He hopped onto the sofa and laid down lengthwise. Lily spooned in front of him, snugging her bottom quite comfortably into his crotch. He gave her a kiss between her ears and selected 'play movie' on the DVD menu.

They watched mostly in silence. They'd mentioned before in emails that they were both the type of fur who _hated_ people who talked during movies. Still, Lily couldn't help squirming and squeaking a little when one of the actresses got beheaded by a window pane. She fidgeted not out of fear, but because she was pawing off beneath the blanket! Thanophile heartily approved, and thrust his semi-firm member languidly against her toweled tush.

When the movie ended, Lily got up for a pee break and Thanophile asked if he could watch. Grinning slyly, she said yes. She went into the bathroom and sat down naked on the cool seat. He squatted in front of her, eyes fixed on her little pink tulip. Lily spread her legs and let go. Her urine made musical tinkling sounds in the echoing bowl. Thanophile could not resist moving closer until he could actually smell the beautiful pale amber liquid as it emerged from her body. To Lily's surprise and delight, he even darted out his tongue to taste some!

After their little pee adventure, they put their towels on the rack and went nakedly back to the couch. Now they could cuddle in just their fur. Thanophile started up the second film. Lily curled her tail around herself like a blanket, as squirrels often do. She enjoyed the feeling of Thanophile's tail easing around to join hers, keeping the two of them doubly warm.

The second movie was spooky, and a little sad, but undeniably arousing for them both. They paused and rewound at the good parts. They wriggled slowly against each other, getting warmer both physically and euphemistically. By the time it ended, they were both buzzing with sexual excitement. They reached a consensus without even having to say a word. Thanophile paused only briefly to eject the movie and put it back in its case before speeding to the bedroom after Lily.


~~~~~


Thanophile found her already spread on her back in his bed, her glasses placed safely on the bedstand. He nearly skidded into the door at the sight. He felt his heart skip a beat. Even though she'd been here the whole day, it was *still* a wondrous shock to find a willing, loving, eager young squirrel in his bedroom wearing nothing but a playful smile.

He approached. "Just lay right there. Let me do all the work."

"You don't have to," she said.

"I want to," he replied.

He walked over to the end of the bed, stepped aboard and knelt in front of her slightly spread legs. Lily knew immediately what he was planning and had to force back a squeal of excitement. She'd heard from many sources on the net that cunnilingus was supposed to be a divine treat.

Almost reverently, Thanophile eased down onto all fours, his gaze never leaving the furless spot between her legs. He reached out to caress her thighs, then slipped his hands underneath her bottom. He brought his nose to within a centimeter of the pink petals... And inhaled. He took in a deep, deep breath, savoring every last molecule of her scent. "...Magnificent" he whispered.

Lily felt like royalty. Like a goddess being worshipped. She didn't say a thing, just watched. Thanophile looked like he was experiencing nirvana. Perfect contentment.

Then he kissed her, perfectly, on her lips.

Lily gasped at the sudden, airy touch.

As if a starting gun had gone off, Thanophile dove in and began to ravage and relish Lily's cunny like the finest meal of his life. Lily grabbed handfuls of pillow in both her paws, her eyes shut tight and her mouth opened in a moan.

Thanophile used every part of his muzzle to bring them both a maximum of pleasure. He nudged at her tiny clitoris with his nose. Drove his tongue as deep as he could into her folds. Used his sharp teeth to deliver tiny nips to her labia that made her twitch. But her body language clearly asked him for more. Thanophile obliged with enthusiasm. His sensitive tongue had been transported to Heaven. Lily was absolutely delicious. He could even detect a hint of her savory pee. Just enough to taste.

Lily ground the fabric of the two pillows in her paws, actually leaving several clawmarks. Her head whipped from side to side. She did not speak words, but strange sounds came from her throat. Primal sounds of pleasure.

And then she farted.

*PHFWOOT* Right in Thanophile's face.

Lily recoiled instantly, her eyes going wide as saucers and her paws darting to her mouth. "Oh my god!! I am SO sorry!" she squeaked, mortified beyond words. She felt like the biggest retard on earth for spoiling such a perfect moment.

To her relief though, Thanophile just chuckled. "It's no problem, sweetheart. Your body's just doing what comes naturally. I didn't mind. It was a little surprising, but not the end of the world."

Lily still looked pretty flustered. "Okay. I'm still sorry though. It just... came out!"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," he reassured. "Remember, I've been to med school. There's nothing your body could produce that could surprise me. I've seen it all. Anatomy fascinates me. And that goes double for *your* anatomy."

Her embarrassment ebbed and she smiled. "Thanks. You're so good at sayin' stuff to make me feel better. And here I am constantly worried I'm gonna do something to spoil all this..."

His eyes were warm and welcoming with compassion. "There's almost nothing you *could* do to spoil this. You don't have to be ashamed of every little thing you do. I'm not your mother or your father. I won't get angry at you over trivial things that aren't even your fault."

The words affected her so much she shivered a little. Living with her parents meant being on constant alert. Trying to fully relax, even when they weren't around, was next to impossible.

Thanophile grinned slyly. "In fact, I dare you to do it again."

"What?"

His smile got big and goofy. "Fart, my darling! Fart right in my face! I dare you!"

Lily cringed and giggled. "I couldn't! There's no way!"

"Aw, come on! It wasn't that bad. Everyone's smelled a few farts before. Yours was actually quite nice. Like lilacs and fresh-baked cookies!"

"Now you're just lying!" she challenged, still giggling.

"I'd never lie to you!" He protested dramatically. "I love absolutely every part of you, top to bottom, Lily. And that includes your dainty little air biscuits."

At that, Lily laughed so hard that she released another toot completely by accident. "Oh no!!" she wailed.

Thanophile inhaled, still grinning. "Well, there goes the myth that cute girls don't fart."

"You're terrible," she kidded. "You're a sicko who gets off on little girls' ass-trumpets."

"Only yours," he clarified. Then he surprised her by planting a tender smooch right on her little pink anal pucker.

"Yeep!!" Lily said.

"Surprised?" he asked. "Every inch of you is perfect to me, Lily. There's not a single spot on you I'd consider dirty. I'd even kiss your armpits if you let me."

She looked down the length of her tummy and smiled at him. "I don't know whether that's really sweet, or gross. But I'll go with sweet." Lily propped herself up on her elbows. "So... you watched me fart. Was it what you expected?"

He made a 'somewhat' gesture with his hand. "Partly. It was kind of exciting, but mostly in an 'I haven't done this before' way. And I was surprised by how warm the little puff of air was on my nose. And it really didn't smell that bad. On the whole, I think it was a worthwhile experiment."

Lily chuckled. "You sound like a scientist! Actually, I kinda enjoyed it too. It was weird, but it felt kinda fun to do something I'd never do ordinarily."

Thanophile crawled forward to lie down on the bed beside her. "I'm glad to hear that. Although on the whole, I think I like cuddling you a lot more." He put one arm around her, then reached out with the other to click off the light.

Lily wiggled a bit, getting comfortable. She felt Thanophile slide the sheet and blanket over them. "Me too." she said softly.


~~~~~


In the darkness, the duo let their paws roam freely.

They uttered soft moans and loving whispers as they sleepily explored each other's furry selves. Their movements seemed almost like slow motion.

As they were both starting to yawn, Lily decided to give Thanophile a thank-you present for eating her cunny, making dinner, buying her a coffin, and all the other wonderful things he'd done for her so far.

She shuffled herself under the covers. Beneath the blanket, it was like a hot, stuffy little cave. But in a nice way. Her nose was treated to the strong scents of her lover's body and the fur shampoo they'd both used. Lily felt around before grasping something furless. She could feel Thanophile's heartbeat when she squoze it tight, and that excited her. She opened her mouth and slipped the tip inside.

A paw floated across the back of her head, stroked her ears, and gently encouraged her.

With her eyes closed, she concentrated solely on touch, taste and smell. She simply held the penis in her mouth for a few moments, letting her tongue examine it, then began to bob her head. She licked at it. She bit lightly at it, like he had done for her.

Thanophile's hand spoke for him, letting her know how much he was enjoying her efforts.

She found it was easy to fit it almost all the way inside her mouth. She tried to take in the sheath too, but choked a little when the tip touched her throat. Thanophile patted her back and she said, "I'm okay." Wanting him to know she was no quitter, she immediately went back to tasting and teasing the savory meat in front of her.

Moments later, Thanophile made a noise and Lily tasted something new in her mouth. There wasn't much. Not the huge pools like she'd seen in drawings on websites. Just a small mouthful of thickish liquid. A little salty, a little sweet. Lily was largely neutral towards it. She swallowed, then licked out the inside of her mouth to get rid of the aftertaste.

Thanophile's gentle fingers caressed the inside and outside of her ear. "Thank you," he said softly.

She replied with a kiss on his tip.

Not needing to say anything more, Lily rubbed her cheek on his stomach, settled in, and was soon asleep.


~~~~~




PART TWELVE
~~~~~

In the morning, Lily opened her eyes. It took her a few moments to be properly alarmed that they didn't seem to be working. She was shrouded in pitch black.

She tried to sit up and immediately her forehead bumped into something silky. 'Oh! Duh, okay. I'm in the coffin again. Thanophile must've gotten up first and put me in here.' She wiggled her feet against the smooth, ruffly material lining the inside. A tiny shaft of orange light glowed from where the lid had been propped open with two rubber stoppers. Otherwise, the coffin would have had only an hour's worth of air, tops, and she would have suffocated. 'That was really sweet of him,' she thought. She didn't mind the idea of the coffin itself killing her (in fact, it made her pretty darn yiffy!), but she wanted to be awake and aware of every glorious second of her death when it came. Passing away in her sleep didn't hold much appeal for her.

Lily wriggled her arms up towards her chest to get enough leverage for pushing the lid open. It was heavier than she'd expected. As soon as the coffin opened, morning sunshine and the smell of coffee flooded in. Lily smiled and yawned. She sat for a moment and just watched the dust motes floating in the bedroom window's sunbeam.

Her tummy rumbled. Thanophile was probably having some breakfast right now, so it was off to the kitchen with her. She wondered if he'd made pancakes or eggs or something. She scooted backwards in the coffin until she could flop over onto the bed. Her nose hit the sheet and was momentarily filled with smells of last night's cuddling. Lily took a moment just to inhale the wonderful, sexy aromas. Then she skittered off the bed and got to her feet. She stretched and felt her spine pop a few times. Overall though, she felt very rested.

"Lily? Are you up?" came the voice from the other room. Just quiet enough to not disturb her if she'd still been sleeping.

The young squirrel padded swiftly to the kitchen. Thanophile was sitting at the table holding a steaming mug of coffee. "Yup! And I had a great night's sleep, too. Thanks for putting me in the coffin. It really was comfy. I could sleep in it forever!"

He reached out to ruffle her hair. "And you probably will, too," he said slyly.

She shivered deliciously at the thought. "That's right! You're probably gonna kill me today, aren't you?"

The eagerness in her voice was adorable. "I certainly plan to! Just think; that means by this time tomorrow, you'll be dead. A beautiful corpse for me to cuddle like a teddy bear."

Lily chittered wildly. 'He's so good at finding my hot spots!' she thought. She gave him half a dozen little kisses on the side of his face.

He giggled and placed one big smooch on her cheek in response. "Pull up a seat and I'll pour you some cereal," he said as he stood up. "Sorry it's not as fancy as last night, but the sink's full enough."

She looked over and yes, the mountain of dishes was still there. "Wouldn't it be nice if there was some kind of dishwashing fairy who'd just come during the night and make all of that go away?"

"Ha! Absolutely! Hell, I'd even leave twenties out for her." He got a bowl from the cupboard, slung some flakes into it and went to the fridge for the milk. "Orange juice?"

"Yes please."

"Comin' up." He reached for a tumbler, realized they were all dirty, and hunted for one in the sink. He rinsed it out and filled it with juice. "Actually, sweetie..." The sunny tone left his voice, replaced with mild worry, "I've been having some second thoughts about how to... um, 'dispose' of you, once I snuff you."

She gave him a quizzical look. "I thought we had all that settled. You kill me; have fun yiffing me for a while, then slip me in my coffin and bury me somewhere."

"That's the thing," he replied as he handed her the juice and cereal. "It was an absolute nightmare getting the coffin *into* the apartment. Getting it *out* with you inside, without anyone seeing us... Not going to be easy."

Lily frowned. He had a point there. She looked down at her cereal and blinked. "Spoon."

"Oh, sorry." He jumped up to get her one. "Trying to eat cereal with your paws is an exercise in futility."

She took the spoon and started munching. "Thanks. So then, if we can't do the coffin, how exactly are you gonna get rid of me once I start getting all stinky and rigor-mortis-y?"

"I didn't say we *couldn't* do the coffin; it's just that it's impractical. Still a possibility though." He took a sip from his mug. "I thought over as many different options as I could. Dissolving your body with lye, throwing you in an incinerator, or sinking you in the lake are all plausible ideas, but still too complicated. And _really_ unromantic."

Lily nodded agreement. "Yeah, none of those sound very fun. What else?"

"Welllll... You might not like this, but the simplest and safest option would be to throw you out with the trash."

"The trash!?" she wailed. "Aw, man! That sucks! I don't want my funeral to be in a garbage dump."

He patted her shoulder. "I know. I'm sorry. But I can't think of a better way! I'm going to have to make your pretty little body disappear in a way that won't land me in jail forever." He shrugged. "Butchering you, bagging you and taking you down to the dumpster in the middle of the night before trash day seems like the most logical plan."

Lily was plainly disappointed, but one thing he'd said had aroused her interest. "Wait, did you say *butcher* me?" She grinned a little. "That sounds exciting. Are you gonna, like, chop me to bits in the bathtub?"

He nodded. "That'd be the most likely place. After I'd thoroughly used you for my perverted whims..." They both giggled. "I'd probably skin you first. I mean, look at this beautiful fur!" He ran his fingers through her bushy tail. "How could I just throw it out? I know some basics about tanning, and with some luck and some careful trimming, I could probably make you look enough like, say, a coyote pelt to not be suspicious."

Lily murred. That did sound like an enjoyable way to end up! Turned into a snuggly soft pelt that Thanophile could rub against and maybe even jerk off with whenever he wanted. She gave Thanophile a broad grin and took a swig of OJ. "What'll you do with the rest of me?" She suddenly got a sizzling idea. "Wait, you like to cook, right? *Please* tell me you'll eat some of me!!"

"Exactly what I was planning, sweetheart."

"YESSS!!" Lily shouted. "Oh, I'm sure I'll be delicious! I'm sure you'll find some great recipes for me!"

Thanophile could not resist scooting his chair closer to hug her. "I promise I will. I'm thinking about roasting your cute feet, chopping up your plump, perky ass for stew meat. Maybe fileting your breasts."

"What about my pussy?" Lily asked.

"That, I will pay extra special attention to. I still haven't decided on what exactly, but I'll do my best to find the fanciest recipe in all my cookbooks. Something truly worthy of your delectable little mound. Maybe I'll even eat it raw..." He reached down and gave her vulva a playful squeeze, inspecting her meat, and Lily had a mini-orgasm.

"I take it you like that idea?" he asked suavely.

"Absolutely!! Dang, it gets me so hot thinking about you cutting me up and actually *eating* me!" She patted her thigh. "This is actually gonna go in your oven in a few days!" She wriggled in her seat and chittered.

"You know something else I considered? I don't have the skills to really do it, and I wouldn't trust anyone else to, but it was a sweet little thought."

"What?"

"Turning you into a plush," Thanophile responded.

Lily perked right up! "Oooooh! I actually pawed off a few times thinking about you doing that! So, how?"

"Well, like I said, I just don't have the patternmaking skills. But if I *did*, I'd cut up your fur..." He made scissoring motions with his fingers over her skin; Lily got goosebumps. "...and stuff you. And make you into a cute cartoon of yourself. You'd be adorable, soft and cuddly forever, and I could snuggle with you every night," he said, adding emphasis with a kiss.

Lily sighed and melted in his arms. "That is soooo cute! Oh, I wish you could really make that happen! I'd love to be your plush! Would you fuck me?"

"Every day," he replied, and nuzzled her nose.

"I would _love_ that," Lily swooned. She could perfectly picture herself as a stuffed squirrel, with plastic eyes and pudgy abbreviated limbs and a great big floofy tail.

"Me too. I truly wish I could..." Thanophile tenderly kissed her temple, then whispered in her ear. "But, if it's at all possible, I _really_ want to try preserving your pretty head."

Lily gasped. "Do you think you can?"

He nodded. "I have read some books on taxidermy, and I think I know enough to give it a try. It'd be a challenge, but not impossible to just..." he encircled his hands around her neck and gently jerked upwards, "...*pop* this right off and turn it into a permanent sex toy."

Lily nearly swooned at the idea of becoming a beautiful, sexy ornament for him to use whenever he wanted. She could picture herself perfectly; eyes closed, mouth open. Maybe even open at the neck too so he could enjoy both holes!

In a flash, her paws were at her honeypot. "Sweet damn, I'm getting hot! I still wish I could've ended up buried in that gorgeous coffin, but now I _totally_ want you to behead me! Just cut me up in little bitty pieces, tan my hide and cook the rest!" She groaned loudly and dribbled on the chair. "Then toss my bones out in the trash! Just bag 'em up and toss 'em out! Make me a toy, make me a skin, make me a meal! Do whatever you want with me!!" She wasn't even speaking *to* him anymore, just pumping her fingers in her pussy and impatiently envisioning her inevitable demise.

Then out of nowhere, a strange sensation overtook her. She felt as if a fog had wrapped around her head. Like a thick, wet washcloth was squeezing her brain.

She fell forward in her seat. Thanophile caught her deftly.

She burped, then held a paw to her head. "Ohhhh... Geez, I feel funny all of a sudden..."

"Funny? How?" He asked, his voice tickling the fur inside her ear.

"Like, lightheaded, kinda. Sleepy."

He nodded, unsurprised. "That's probably because I poisoned your orange juice," he said casually.

"You what...?" For a second, a wave of horror flooded over her. Her primal survival instincts surged. But she forced them to back off. "You poisoned me?"

"Mm-hmm. I'm a pharmacist, remember?" He nuzzled between her ears and held her closer. She fit perfectly against his chest with his muzzle resting on her shoulder. "It took about as long as I expected for it to kick in. It starts suddenly, but from there on it's not too fast and not too slow. Just enough time to realize you're dying. And that there's absolutely _nothing_ you can do about it..."

Lily moaned in arousal. He had tricked her again! Oh, he was so wonderfully devious! What an exciting way to die!

She could feel the poison working already. Slowing her down, making her feel like she was about to drift off to dreamland and never, ever come back.

Her senses were beginning to get blurry. She felt like she was floating through clouds.

"Are you surprised?" he asked.

"Yes... Oh, thank you, thank you..." Lily squirmed against him. Her muscles weren't responding very well anymore, but she managed to put her arm around his waist and tuck the other paw between her legs. She tried to masturbate, but her fingers had already gone numb.

"Here, let me," he said lovingly. He brushed her paw away and began to pleasure her cunny.

She twitched and cooed. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest.

She was sinking deeper now. It felt like her arms and legs were being slowly dipped into some cold liquid, like freshly-poured concrete. It was getting hard to think. In her time left, she tried to concentrate as much as she could on Thanophile's soothing voice and his gentle fingers inside of her. "Thank you... I love you... I'm so happy..."

"I'm glad," he whispered. "I wanted your death to be wonderful. Like slipping into your very favorite dream."

"It *is* wonderful... I love it. I'm dying... I'm really dying..."

Lily sighed. Her smile was beautiful; pure contentment, pure fulfillment. Pure ecstacy. Pure love.

"I can _feel_ myself dying... It's so nice... "

Sensing she was close to the edge now, and about to tip over, Thanophile sped up his stimulation.

"I love you..." Lily said.

Thanophile caressed her clit with his thumb and that was enough.

She made a single soft sound, almost like a yawn. Lily's whole body twitched as she came.

It was like popping a bubble. Her orgasm seemed to use up the last of her energy. Lily slumped in Thanophile's arms like a ragdoll.

'This is it...' she thought. Her body had gone completely numb by now, but she still had a little bit of her mind left. Her orgasm had not been her most intense ever, but it had still been her favorite. Because it was her last. Because this was as perfect a final moment as she could have ever hoped for; sitting on the lap of her favorite author and dearest friend, safe in his arms. Knowing he had given her this gift.

Darkness was swallowing Lily rapidly. She felt like she was travelling backwards through a long, dark tube. 'I'm going now... Bye-bye...'

And then, just before she blacked out completely, fuzzy but still discernable, Lily's last sensation was the sound of Thanophile telling her he loved her.

Lily had never been so happy.


~~~~~




PART THIRTEEN
~~~~~

Lily had a dream she was dancing with the grim reaper.

They were in a ballroom. The biggest ballroom she'd ever seen. It looked like an enormous music box. The floor was covered in intricate, mosaic patterns of vivid color. From the ceiling dangled a chandelier with dozens and dozens of lights.

Lily was wearing a white dress that appeared to be nothing but ruffles and sparkles. Like a cartoon exaggeration of a fancy princess' dress. On her head was a tiara. Her hair was long and curly, cascading down her back. She didn't need her glasses anymore.

Strangely, she couldn't hear any music. But that didn't matter; they were dancing anyway.

She and the grim reaper twirled and spun like clockwork figures. They never tired. Lily got the sense that they had always been dancing, and would continue on forever too.

The grim reaper slipped back his hood and, of course, it was Thanophile. His face looked leaner, but still full of gentle compassion. Lily could see beneath his black cloak when it flapped open as they turned. He was a skeleton inside, but his head was normal. And his hands were bones, yet they felt warm as she held them.

The two of them danced, and danced, and danced...

Lily had only one single thought, and this was it; 'This isn't a bad way to spend eternity...'

She rested her head on death's soft dark robe.

'...Not bad at all...'


~~~~~




PART FOURTEEN
~~~~~

'Huh?'

"Nrrr mrph nrrmrrrrr."

It sounded like a voice, but none of the words made sense. Her awakening mind was still too foggy to process them properly.

"Lllyy? Rrr nn awwk?"

Almost... She could almost make it out. She thought her eyes were open, but couldn't tell for sure. Everything was grey.

"Lily? Taa ih eeesy. Ca nyoo unnnnorstand me?"

Lily husked a tiny, "Uh huh" without really being aware of it. She could feel warmth now. Her vision was still blurry, but shapes were beginning to approach through the mist. Shapes of a face.

Thanophile brushed his paw across her cheek. "Can you see me yet?"

"Mnnnh," she replied.

"Was that a yes?"

"Uh... Yuh..."

He kissed her forehead. His eyes clearly showed how glad he was to see she'd made the return trip safely. "You're doing fine, little Lily. Take it slow. No hurry."

Things were starting to make sense again. Lily could feel the scattered pieces of her mind coming together like a jigsaw puzzle. Her senses were almost reliable now. She could almost remember...

And then, bitter disappointment. "But... I wuh dead," she said sadly. Her words were slurred, but clearly conveyed that she felt cheated, and wanted to go back to that dancing place.

Thanophile shook his head. "Sorry. Not yet." He caressed the side of her face compassionately, knowing she was disappointed, but hoping his next surprise would make up for it.

She pouted. She still wasn't back 100%, but she could feel his paw resting on her cheek, feel the couch fabric with her paws, taste something strange in her mouth. Realize she was still naked. "Why?"

He kissed her nose. "Because I'm still not done making you happy, sweetheart. We still have so much to do."

She blinked and thought it over. "Okay."

"You still feelin' groggy?"

She nodded cutely. "Mm-hmm."

"That's because you've been asleep for a long while now."

"How? Did th' poison not work?" Her mind was clear now, but her tongue hadn't completely caught up yet.

"Nope. It worked exactly how I planned. It was never _meant_ to kill you; just put you in a little bitty coma while I set up your next surprise."

She smiled. "How ma'y more s'rprises do you have for me?"

His grin grew. "Lots. And if your mouth tastes funny, it's because of the drug I gave you to bring you back. Here." He pressed a small paper cup of water to Lily's lips and she drank. "Actually, I may know a lot about medicine, but I'm not a certified anesthesiologist. I'd say there was perhaps a twenty to twenty-five percent chance you could have really died."

Lily perked up a little. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. I figured it was worth the risk, and that you'd be happy with either outcome."

She giggled. "It is pretty exciting knowing I really could've. But I thought I _was_! I mean, I was happy dying like that. If that had been it for me, I wouldn't have minded at all. I had a dream, and it was nice there."

"I wasn't sure if you'd be able to dream. I'm glad to hear it. What was it like?"

Lily furrowed her brow. "I remembered it for a second there... It's gone now. Just a feeling left. And I think there was dancing. All I know is, I wouldn't have minded staying there forever."

His eyebrows went up in playful mock surprise. "And leave me here by myself? We haven't even yiffed yet!"

"Oh, right!" She giggled. "Well, okay. Yeah. I would've been sad we hadn't done that."

He chuckled and gave her tummy a playful tickle. "But now we can," he purred smoothly.

"That's why you brought me back?"

He smiled craftily. "Nope. I brought you back so I could show you a little video I took while you were temporarily departed. Roll over, honey."

Lily wasn't sure her wobbly muscles were ready to work yet, but she tried and found they were willing to cooperate. She wiggled until she was facing the television. "What's it of?"

Thanophile reached out with the remote control. "You'll see."

The screen went from black to white. Then the image cleared, and Lily gasped.

First Thanophile had delivered her dream coffin, and now she felt a second wave of joyful unreality.

Just like she had fantasized countless times, Lily was now looking at her own funeral.

She couldn't tell what part of the apartment it had been shot in, but there she was in her gorgeous, welcoming coffin, lying still as a statue. Her eyes were closed. No more glasses. A soft, dreamy smile was on her lips. The perfect picture of serenity.

She wore a simple white dress that seemed to glow in the sunlight. The fabric looked smooth as milk. Small lace ruffles decorated her sleeves and neckline. Her paws were arranged on her chest, holding a single white instance of her namesake.

The outside of the coffin was surrounded by even more flowers, more than Lily had ever seen before in her life. None silk; all real. Little purple blossoms. Big yellow petals. Cascades of white. Sparkles of pink. And well over a dozen lusciously-red roses. The colors created a strong feeling of happiness; the feeling she'd always wanted for her funeral. She was happy to have passed away, and wanted everyone else to be too.

Lily had begun to cry. She pointed at the screen. Her mouth opened, but she couldn't find words.

"Is it what you dreamed?" Thanophile whispered in her ear.

"YES!" Lily shouted. She twisted around as best she could to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him deeply on the muzzle. She thanked him, told him how perfect it was, told him how beautiful it was, but her words were drowned by her kisses.

Thanophile gently nudged her, then gestured with his shoulder in the direction of the screen. "Keep watching, sweetheart. There's more..." His smile had the eagerness of watching a loved one open a gift on Christmas morning.

Lily turned around again. Her eyes shone with euphoria as she watched her fantasy coming true. There she was, as lovely as she'd always hoped. Silent, still and perfect. (She must have really been in a deep coma, since she couldn't even see her whiskers twitching.) Her face looked like an angel's. And Lily, who had thought of herself as ugly and chubby and unattractive for so many years, finally saw herself as Thanophile saw her. She was finally looking at undeniable proof that she was beautiful.

On screen, a paw reached past the bountiful bouquets to stroke the pretty dead girl's forehead. The paw played with her hair; a finger circled her ear. It was exciting for Lily to see him touching her and to see herself not responding in the slightest.

Up until now, only the top half of the coffin lid had been open. The black-furred paw was joined by its twin and together they lifted the bottom lid. Lily gasped anew at seeing her whole body perfectly motionless and decorated in white. The magical dress ended just below her knees in a simple, dignified ruffle. Her hind paws were bare and resting on her fluffy tail.

"I cannot imagine a more beautiful sight," said Thanophile.

Lily couldn't speak above an awed hush. "Me either. I'm so... I can't even think of a word! Where did you get that dress? I love it! It makes me look so pretty."

"*You* make yourself look pretty," he corrected. "And the where is not important. I deduced your size over the course of our emails, asking tiny questions here and there so you wouldn't get suspicious."

"I love it," Lily repeated. "So where is it now?" A reasonable question, considering her current nudeness.

"Lying on my bed, waiting for you," he replied. "You can put it back on later if you like. I'm not sure whether I prefer you with it on, or like this." He gave her hip a gentle pat, then rustled the fur there.

Lily reached a conclusion. "Hey... While I was out of it, you must have put that on me, then took it off. I must've been totally limp." She grinned. "I bet that got you pretty yiffy, huh?"

He chuckled. "Can't you tell?" Just then, she felt something cylindrical, and *very* hard, press itself against her bottom.

Lily chittered and pressed back against it. "Oh good! I'll bet seeing me all almost-dead like that probably gave you the biggest hard-on ever. I'm surprised you didn't cum all over me."

Thanophile kissed behind her left ear. "Who says I didn't?" he asked, and pointed at the screen.

Lily gasped in naughty expectation. She looked back. She hadn't noticed that the two paws had left the screen. Even though there was no sound with the video, she could tell from how the camera moved that the furson behind the lens was very obviously pulling down his pants zipper.

Lily's paws were at her cunny before she was even aware of it. If what happened next was what she thought was about to happen next, it would be the yiffiest thing she had ever seen in her life. She thought she might actually explode. Thanophile snuggled her closer, looking over her shoulder to watch.

In the video, Lily saw a very familiar cock emerge at the bottom of the screen. It was pointing right at her peaceful face. She moaned, digging her fingers in deep. The sight of her serene, perfect funeral invaded by that nasty penis got her hot, wet and euphoric. What she had only ever imagined, she was seeing for real now.

Just like Lily was masturbating, the paws onscreen were too. Lily's eyes were wide, glazed with arousal. She was silent as her sleeping image, except for her quick, panting breaths. She could feel Thanophile's warm hands slowly caressing her stomach and thigh; the same hands that were stroking his cock in the video; the same cock that was nudging at her tailbase right now.

The notion that this had already happened, that Lily had slept through it all and had been powerless to prevent it, sent burning flames of arousal shooting through her mind. She had no idea *why* it was such a powerful turn on; it just was. The thought of being totally out of it, and Thanophile taking advantage of her... doing all sorts of naughty things to her that she wasn't even aware of... She loved the idea, and loved the idea that he wanted to do things with her sexy, unconscious self. Feeling helpless made her feel... strangely powerful.

It didn't take Thanophile long. Lily had a feeling he'd probably been right on the brink throughout his whole preparation. How he'd kept from creaming so far was beyond her. But then, he released. It happened so fast she barely caught a glimpse. On the video, Lily watched, holding her breath, as a thin stream of sticky cum launched from Thanophile's cockhead and landed right across the bridge of her nose.

Lily felt like a lust bomb had just gone off in her cunny. He was cumming on her in her coffin! Just like in her favorite fantasy ever! Her paws were a blur of motion, sticky all the way to her wrist.

The penis shot forward and another volley fell on her, this time making little round dots on her throat.

Lily moaned long and low in her throat. She didn't dare take her hands away from her burning sex, but she knew that if she felt around her face now, she would be able to feel the dried seed on her fur. Proof that this had really happened to her. Not a dream any more. Finally, wonderfully, real.

Onscreen, a third ejaculation fell like a kiss on her cheek.

Lily's beautiful corpse in her coffin. Lily naked on the couch. Thanophile standing over her, giving her his gift. Thanophile on the couch, holding her in his arms.

When Lily felt a weak but still definitely noticeable splash of cum hit her under her tail, she came too. Like a bolt of lightning had shot straight up her spine. The orgasm was almost painfully hard, intense beyond description.

Her whole body stiffened, then fell completely limp. Like all her bones had melted.

On the screen, Thanophile's paws reached out to close the coffin lids over Lily. She could imagine spending eternity in there, buried in the cool, dark ground, the proof of his love forever painting her features.

Whimpering from exhaustion and eros, Lily turned back around and snuggled into Thanophile's furry chest. She closed her eyes and just hugged him.

Barely audible, she whispered, "Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you..."


~~~~~




PART FIFTEEN
~~~~~

For a very long time, they held each other on the couch and cuddled. Their world became their sense of touch. Their hands, feet and tails slid across fur and flesh. Aside from occasional tiny involuntary whimpers, moans and sounds of breath, they were silent.

Lily could feel and hear the couch squeak and shift beneath her as she writhed against Thanophile's body. Him so much bigger than her. Enveloping her in his fur. Body heat like an oven. Uncomfortably hot in a comfortable way. She touched him all over, wanting to melt into him and be absorbed.

Thanophile held his little furry lover close. Making her dreams real had made him happier than he'd ever thought possible. He couldn't deny that the physical sensations of caressing and kissing her small nude form were more pleasurable than anything else he'd experienced in his life, but that wasn't the only reason he'd wanted to be with Lily, and wanted her to stay with him now. His life had been solitary for a very long time. It was good to be holding proof in his hands that the rest of the world was real, that he wasn't alone, and that he had the ability to make someone else happy.

Thanophile's onyx nose travelled through Lily's raspberry hair. He breathed in her scent. Their scent. Her nose was close to his armpit. Musky. Comforting. Their paws met and took hold of each other. They were so close, they could feel each other's heartbeats.

Thoughts of death had brought them together, yet now they simply celebrated the sensations of being alive.


~~~~~


Eventually, their muscles started to get a bit stiff and Lily's foot fell asleep. They both got up to stretch, fluff their fur, and take a potty break. Lily grinned in the mirror as she felt all the places on her fur and neck where Thanophile's spooge had landed. She liked teasing the little spots of hardened fur with her fingers. Thanophile recommended some liquid soap to wash it off with, and she looked at him like he was crazy.

He showed her the dress. It was spread out serenely still on his bed, just like Lily knew she had been earlier. Just looking at the dress made her yiffy. It was like a stand-in for her soon-to-be-dead self. She said she might try it on later, but for now she preferred to remain invigoratingly naked. (The flowers, by the way, were currently clogging up a lion's share of the dining nook.)

When they returned to the couch, they both felt fizzy and refreshed. Their sleepy, sexual mood had shifted into a giggly one. They poked at each other's tickly spots, laughed a lot, and eventually Lily asked about Thanophile's video camera.


~~~~~


In the video, which was later recovered by police after the bizarre incident in Officer Lemke's squad car, the first thing seen is a naked male raccoon backing away from where he has obviously just set a small video camera to record. Judging from the angle, it has probably been set on top of the television set in the living room of his apartment.

The raccoon male then sits down on a sofa next to a preteen female squirrel, also naked. They are both grinning. They look into the camera lens and begin to speak. From here on, what follows is a transcript of the recording:

RACCOON: It's on.

SQUIRREL: Okay. So, you talk first, then I go?

RACCOON: [nods] Right. [looks directly into camera lens] Hi there! My name is Thanophile. I'm a necrophiliac pedophile, and this is my victim, Lily. [puts arm around her shoulder]

SQUIRREL: [smiles broadly] Hi!

RACCOON: And by the time you see this, she'll be dead!

SQUIRREL: [shivers, apparently in anticipation]

RACCOON: Yup, I'm gonna kill her pretty soon. But before I do, I wanted to take this opportunity- Well, actually Lily had the idea to fool around with the camera some more. -take this opportunity for you all to get a good look at me. I'm a sick deviant. A monster! A freak of nature! [his tone is obviously sarcastic] And you know what? No different from you, probably. Sure, I'll bet you don't have any desire to kidnap little defenseless squirrels and subject them to erotic torments culminating in their yiffy demise...

SQUIRREL: [giggles and hugs him]

RACCOON: ...but I am willing to bet there's something you jerk off to that you don't tell anyone else about. Something that maybe you share with your spouse or lover, and that's it. Or maybe you even hide it from them. If you have the internet, then I'm certain of it. Admit it! You like vore porn, or diaper porn, or piss porn. Maybe even snuff porn like me. It makes you feel horribly guilty afterwards, but yet you just keep on goin' back to those websites, don't you?

SQUIRREL: [snorts laughter]

RACCOON: Maybe it's something simple and widespread. Maybe you like to put on your wife's undies when you go out. Heck, bondage and S&M are so mainstream they're barely kinks anymore. And foot fetishes are so common, probably everyone's at least thought about it. So just admit it. There is no other world out there hiding below the surface of normality. There is no sub-species of freaky sex perverts. It's YOU. All of you. All of us. We just don't want to admit it. The news makes it seem like most of us are decent, God-fearing citizens, hiding in our nice suburban homes from all the pedophiles and sex maniacs out there. So where are the pedophiles and sex maniacs? Right next door. And maybe in your own house. Maybe in your own bedroom. We all have desires, whether we want the ones we end up with or not. We don't choose them. They just happen. And they're not evil. Not unless you act on them in a way that harms someone else. Lily and me talked out all our fantasies long before we met, and we both want me to snuff her more than anything. [looks at the squirrel] Right?

SQUIRREL: [looks up at him and nods vigorously] Right!

RACCOON: [pats her on the back] So where's the harm? Who are you to call us sick freaks just because we accept who we are and you don't? If you don't like the thought of snuff sex, then don't participate in it. But unless it's directly affecting you, what gives you the right to try to eradicate something just because you don't like it? You can be disgusted by me all you want; that's your right. But don't try to pretend your soul's any more pure than mine. And for those who would say, 'But she's too young to understand her actions' or 'what about her parents?', I will yield the floor to Lily. Lily?

SQUIRREL: [nods] Thank you. [looks into camera lens] I know exactly what I'm doing and I _want_ to die. I cum almost every time I think about it! When I first went online and started talking to Thanophile, he let me decide how far we were gonna go. He even made me wait a month, almost two months, before he'd even think about us meeting face to face! I scraped together enough money to buy a cell phone to call him. He sent me bus tickets and I travelled all the way out here all by myself to meet him. If I can do all that, then what makes you think I can't decide for myself how I wanna end my life?

RACCOON: Well said, sweetheart. [puts paw on back of her head]

SQUIRREL: Thanks! And as far as my parents... I hope you two are listening because YOU'RE the ones who made me do this! You're the ones who teased me and insulted me night and day for years and made me feel like shit about myself. You made me hate myself. You called me worthless and lazy and stupid and fat and ugly and everything else you could think of! You made me want to kill myself. But I decided for myself that that could be a good thing. I pawed off every single night while you two were sleeping, thinking about my funeral and wishing I could just go in the ground and get the heck outta here! Your stupid-ass parenting made me run away with a guy who's gonna kill me. And he loves me more than you do, and I love him more than I love you. [stands up and points at the camera] You guys SUCK! I hate you both! You're the worst parents EVER! I hope you both get some horrible disease that'll make your junk go all spotty. I hope your house burns down. I hope bugs crawl up your assholes!

RACCOON: [stifles laughter]

SQUIRREL: I hope you see this and get scarred for life. What's it like, knowing your daughter's dead and there's nothing you can do about it? 'Cuz in just a few hours, Thanophile's gonna snuff me and then he's gonna fuck my corpse! Yeah! [makes thrusting gestures with her pelvis] How's that sound? I love it! I want him to! Maybe you'll see this and both drop dead from shock. That'd be cool! [starts giggling and sits back down]

RACCOON: Is that everything you wanted to say?

SQUIRREL: [appears to be thinking] Um, yeah: [looks back at camera] Eat a bunch of turds with broken glass sprinkled on top!

RACCOON: [laughs loudly] Bravo! I think they got the message. We all done now?

SQUIRREL: [nods] I think that's it.

RACCOON: [gets up off the couch and walks towards the camera until the image goes dark] Alright then. I hope this thing recorded it all. The battery-

Video ends here.


~~~~~


As Thanophile shut off the camera, Lily was rolling on the couch and laughing so hard she could barely breathe. "I can't believe we just did that! I can't believe I just *said* all that stuff!!"

"How'd it feel?" Thanophile asked over his shoulder.

"It felt GREAT!!" Lily shouted. She felt energized and full of glee.

Thanophile checked the camera's memory. "Oh, fantastic. It got everything! I'm kinda surprised."

"And we did it all in one take!" Lily added.

Thanophile popped out the memory card. "Yepper."

Lily knelt on the cushions and got serious for a second. "And, just so we're clear, we're not ever gonna show this to _anyone_, right?"

Thanophile paled. "Oh, of *course* not!"


~~~~~




PART SIXTEEN
~~~~~

It wasn't too long afterwards that Thanophile glanced at the clock and pronounced it close to dinnertime (which gave Lily an idea of how long she'd been out after he'd poisoned her and played funeral dress-up games). He said he didn't much feel like cooking and would she mind if he treated her to a night out? Lily surprised him, not by agreeing, but by asking if they could go to the same fast food place by the bus stop where they'd first met. He asked why. She told him that ever since her bus ride, she'd been looking forward to having a meal with him there and talking while they ate. It was a simple thing, but they'd made so many other of their dreams come true so far, why not? Smiling, he told her he thought it was a wonderful idea.

Lily considered for a moment going out in her beautiful funeral dress. What a head-turner she'd be in that! But practicality overcame pride. It would attract *too* much attention, and she certainly didn't want anyone butting in on her and Thanophile's fun before he got a chance to deliver her coup de grace. Lily's sweatpants and hoodie were still laying in a pile by the foot of the bed. She sniffed them; found them a bit stinky. Thanophile said that he liked their sweaty girl scent and didn't care what anyone else thought. Blushingly grateful for the compliment, Lily put her old clothes on (but couldn't resist leaving off her panties; which Thanophile then crumpled and stuffed down the front of his boxers).

The sun was already down and the evening air was much colder than yesterday when she'd gotten off the bus. Yesterday? It seemed impossible. These last two days had felt to Lily as long as a whole season. She couldn't remember life before Thanophile. As she stood in the frosty apartment building parking lot, listening to her lover swear discreetly as he tried to jam his key in the car lock, Lily looked to the black velvet sky and wished there was some way for her to still die and yet stay in this moment forever.

Dinner was magical. True, it was only burgers and fries, but it was exactly the moment Lily had hoped for. They chose a booth by the window and watched cars, buses and people hustle past as they ate. Since they were out in public they could no longer discuss their yiffy interests, so they limited their conversation to all the small, fun, personal stuff they didn't yet know about each other. All the little stories that made up their lives. The kind of moments you'd never guess just from looking at a furson. Lily told about the time when she was five and the blue frosting on her birthday cake had made her throw up all over her presents. About the time she won a gold ribbon in the school science fair for the homemade electromagnet she'd built all by herself. About the time she'd been on the news when she was interviewed at a local mall as to whether or not she believed in Santa Claus ("No, but I do believe in Mommy's credit cards," had been her out-of-her-mouth-before-she-realized-it response). Thanophile in turn had told her about the summer he spent in a cast after falling down a twenty foot ravine during a hiking trip in junior high. About searching for his name online and discovering there were two more Gordon Delevanes right here in his home state, and apparently no more in the rest of the country. About the time in med school when his class had observed their first live autopsy. He'd gained the nickname 'Stony' after that for being the only one of his classmates not to flinch, shout or puke when they peeled the skin back.

They stayed so late, Lily's drink turned completely to ice water without her realizing. Eventually the dinnertime crowd thinned out and they were two of only five customers in the whole place.

They cleaned up their trash and walked back to the car. The weather was bitingly cold, but Lily almost wished they could just leave the car and walk home. She liked seeing her breath make cottonballs in the air when she spoke. And she liked holding Thanophile's paw in hers as they walked.


~~~~~


"I wish I could eat you," Thanophile muttered as he twirled his finger in her hair.

They were naked again now. Almost as soon as the apartment door closed behind them, they'd shucked off their coats, dispensed with their clothes and headed for the bedroom. They were lying face to face on the bed now, warm and dreamy. Lily's dress was lying in her coffin in the same pose she hoped she'd soon be in.

Lily murred.

"Really. I wish I could just unhinge my jaw like one of those pythons and swallow you whole," Thanophile told her lovingly. He touched her nose, then tapped his throat and drew a line all the way to his stomach. "It'd be cozy and safe in there. Like a little room just for you. You could stay in there as long as you liked, and I'd keep you safe."

Lily closed her eyes and chittered at the sweet thought. She could see herself in her imagination, curled up in a little furball inside him. Eyes closed and at peace. Surrounded by his warm pink flesh. Held tight, but gently. Slowly digesting and becoming a part of him. "I'd like that," she said.

He grinned. "Really? You'd like to be my little entree? Should I start preparing a marinade for you?"

She giggled. "If by 'marinade' you mean you wanna spooge on me again, then go right ahead!"

He giggled too and pulled her close, nuzzling her hair and ears and tickling her bottom.

Lily wished briefly to be a cat so she could purr. "I really do like that idea; being inside you. I wish you could just gulp me and I could stay in your belly from now on. I'd never have to go home or go to school again. I could just sleep, knowing I was safe. Knowing how much you love me. And when I woke up, I could hear your heart beat." She put her ear to his chest. Pum-pum. Pum-pum. Pum-pum. "...Just like that."

Thanophile took in a long breath, held it, felt his own heart beat, then exhaled. "I wrote a little poem for you this morning as I was getting you ready for your funeral. Actually, it's not much. Doesn't rhyme. It's just something I thought of off the top of my head."

"I'd love to hear it," she said earnestly.

Thanophile looked up at the ceiling as he tried to remember all the words. "Wait, give me a moment..." She watched his lips move as he rehearsed it. "Okay, I think I got it." He looked in her eyes and recited:

   "Soon I'll snuff my little girl, then she'll be my little angel.
   "The ground will hold her safe and tight, and she will move no more.
   "Never speak or see or cry again, but dream in peace forever."

When he finished, Lily had tears in her eyes.

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," she said.

"For real?" he said modestly. "It... I just sort of thought of it on the spot."

"I like it 'cause it's so heartfelt. It's like a little snuff lullaby." She smiled. "A snuffabye!"

He nuzzled her cheek, feeling a tiny spot of moisture from her happy tear. "I'm glad you like it then." He paused, and his expression turned more serious. "I've also been doing some thinking about you. About maybe why you want so much to be snuffed."

Lily was interested. "Okay. Go ahead 'n psychoanalyze me."

He chuckled. "I'm just a pharmacist, not a shrink. But I have been thinking a lot about you, your family life, all the stuff you wrote me in your emails. Even some of the things you told me tonight."

He propped himself up a bit more on his elbow. "Lily, I read a book about abnormal parental psychology a few months ago, and it said that a lot of times in an abusive household, there will be unspoken rules. Rules that everyone follows on a gut level, but they're never spoken of. Usually, the people in the house don't even realize what they are."

Lily's interest was piqued.

"In your case, I think your parents are giving you two very strong, contradictory rules. Rules that, if you obey one, you automatically break the other."

"Like with whether I should shut up or be honest about my mom's cooking?" she guessed.

"Exactly! In fact, that's what started me thinking about this. In your case, I think that what your parents are telling you is, one: 'you must always be perfect and never make any mistakes', and two: 'you must constantly make mistakes so that we can always have a reason for yelling at you and insulting you'. Does that ring true?"

Lily stiffened up and felt a chill up her spine. "That... Geez, that rings *spooky* true! I never thought of it before. But that's *it*! I mean, that's totally it. That's exactly what I feel like they're telling me. Like, 'Don't you dare screw up, Lily!' But then they set all these traps for me to try to trick me into screwing up!"

"The book said it happens a lot," Thanophile concurred. "That probably every family has unspoken rules, even positive ones sometimes. And that it's not at all uncommon for them to conflict with each other. So, now that you're older and smarter, you're starting to catch glimpses of those rules and see for yourself how crazy your life is. Before, you were too little. You didn't have any reference points to realize that this isn't how normal families are supposed to act."

Lily was nodding like a bobblehead, almost freaked out. Thanophile was reading her like a book. Way more accurate than a psychic.

"So, naturally, you want to rebel. You want to get out of there. And since you also started to learn about 'down there' around the same time..." He reached over to teasingly tickle her vulva, which made her flinch and grin and giggle. "...it's also not surprising that this desire to rebel showed up in your yiff fantasies. Only you know why you like the thought of funerals so much; why your mind chose that instead of some other fetish. But death can certainly be a metaphor for escape. If you were dead, that would mean running away to a place where your parents could never find you."

"Wow... Yeah." Lily felt almost foolish for not realizing all this on her own. It seemed so clear now, she didn't understand why her mind hadn't pieced it together before.

Thanophile's gaze became more intense. He put his arms around Lily and pulled her closer, letting her know that this was the most important part. "But Lily, because they've given you two paradoxical rules all your life, you still want to obey both of them. Even as you want to rebel, there's still a part of you that can't quite let go. You still want your mom and dad to love you. You still remember what few good times you've had with them, and wish it could always be like that. Am I right?"

Eyes wide, Lily mutely nodded.

"So, you want to rebel, but you also want to obey. But what if *you* weren't the one who rebelled? What if someone else did it for you? Then you wouldn't have to feel guilty. You want to die, partly because you want to escape from your parents and piss them off, but they still have enough hooks in you that you can't quite break free of them all the way. But what if you found someone *else* who could kill you? Who could make the choice for you instead...?"

Lily gasped. "Ohmygosh... I- Wow. Oh, geez. So... I'm just using you?" she said, sounding horrified at her own selfishness.

"Not at all!" he quickly reassured her. "I've got my own death fetish too, and I made my own choice to help you live out your fantasy. Don't feel ashamed, Lily. These are things your subconscious mind is deciding without letting you in on the process. You don't have to feel bad about things you're not even aware of."

"Alright," she said meekly.

He put a paw on her cheek. "Remember, I _want_ to help you. I know your emotions are all locked up inside. I know you couldn't make the choice to break away from them all on your own. I know you needed me."

"But _how_ did you know?" Lily asked.

Thanophile smiled slyly. "Because in all the time we've known each other, in all your fantasies about dying, I have never once heard you mention suicide."

Lily blinked. Was that possible? She combed through her own memories. "I... You're right. I don't think I've _ever_ really thought about killing myself. I mean, I've thought about it. But it was just like I had the idea and then went, 'Nah. Don't want it. Not for me'."

Thanophile looked like he could not have been less surprised. "See how torn up and tied up your little heart is?" he asked, touching a fingertip to her chest. "You couldn't even let yourself consider the possibility. They've kept you down for so many years, they've made you believe you're powerless. That you can't make choices on your own without doubting them so much you end up gridlocked. It's easier to control someone when they feel that way about themselves. You were thinking, 'I want to rebel, but I can't rebel. I want to die but I can't leave them.' They hurt you _deeply_, Lily. They took away the part of you that lets you make these kinds of decisions on your own."

A long, deep, whimpering sigh. Lily felt torn open, her insides exposed. Like a book with its cover torn off. It hurt, but she didn't blame Thanophile for it. Like before, when he had told her she was ugly, it was a truth that hurt at first, but made her feel better later. Like getting a shot at the doctor's.

Thanophile could see the sadness and hurt on her face. He massaged her shoulder. "I don't know... Do you still want to go through with it now? Me snuffing you? We could stop. I could-"

Lily looked up suddenly and cut him off. "No. I want to do it even _more_ now!"

Her reaction surprised him. "Why's that?"

She bit her lip, unsure. "I kinda don't know. Like, I sort of know. I think... I think, like, you said about me wanting to die but not being able to do it myself so I need you?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Then... Then that's what my heart knows it wants, right? I _know_ I want to die. I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life. I feel good and happy when I even just *think* of dying. I know I want it. And if my heart knows I can't do it myself, and that I need you, then... I trust it. I trust my heart. If it says I need you, then I need you."

Lily placed her small paw on his chest, feeling his fur. "And I trust _you_. Everything you've done so far has been exactly what I've wanted. Even when you've surprised me and tricked me. *Especially* then! I love it when you do stuff like that. You've been so thoughtful. You've gone so far to make me happy. I know there's no one else on Earth who could give me the wonderful, happy death I've always wanted. So, if that will make you happy too, and if it's not asking too much, then that's what I want. My life is yours."

Thanophile exhaled, closed his eyes, and pulled Lily close. His hug was his reply.

Lily was surrounded by his fur and warmth again, like on the couch after they'd watched the video. "Do it now..." she whispered. "Yiff me, then snuff me. Please. I know I told you I wanted you to surprise me, but now I want this moment to be my last. I've never been happier. I want to die right here and now, on this bed, with you."

Eyes still closed, Thanophile spoke softly in her ear. "Are you sure? One hundred percent sure? I have to ask first; you know that."

"I know," she said, understanding perfectly that he could not go through with it unless they were both totally committed to seeing it through. "And I am."

He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Alright then, sweetheart. But first I have to get up and get something. I'll be right back." With that, he pushed himself up on his arm and left the room.


~~~~~


Lily felt incomplete until he returned. She felt his footsteps behind her, then heard his voice. "I have to give you a shot first. I was saving this until now. It'll keep you from feeling too much pain, sweetheart. You'll still feel a little, but not as much. Okay?"

"Okay," Lily said.

"Keep still. It'll be over in a second."

Lily felt a paw on her thigh, then a tiny pinprick on her buttock. She 'Eep'ed and jerked a little, less from the pain and more from the surprise at where he'd stuck her.

Thanophile chuckled. "Your hiney just made such an inviting target," he explained.

She smiled, then her smile became a wide grin as he walked around the bed into her field of vision. His cock was out and erect, and thoroughly covered in lube. But what made her even more excited was that he was carrying a violet silk scarf stretched tightly between his fists.

"You're gonna strangle me?" she asked eagerly. "While we have sex?"

He nodded. "Exactly. When would you like me to?"

She thought for a second. So many delicious possibilities! Her heartrate was speeding up just thinking about them! Should it be while he was cumming in her? Or while she came? Or after? "Um... How about right after both of us come? Like, have the scarf around my throat the whole time, then pull it as tight as you can right after we finish!"

He grinned sinfully. "Sounds good to me." He advanced towards her and gave the scarf two sharp tugs. Lily could see his arms bulge when he did. Her cheeks were red hot now. She was feeling hornier than she could remember in weeks.

Thanophile knelt down and knee-walked closer to her on the bed. He laid himself down by her side. Then, looking into her eyes the whole time, he unraveled the silk from around his paws, torturously slow, and reached behind Lily's head. When she felt the silk touch her throat, she came very close to having an orgasm on the spot. "Ohhhh... You're really gonna do it this time!"

"Yup. For real. Still sure?" he said with a smirk.

"Quit asking and start yiffing me!" she whined, transparently needful.

Grinning wider now, he let go of one end of the silk and pulled their hips together. Lily chittered cutely when the tip of his penis touched her tummyfur. "I'm going to put it in nice and slow so I don't hurt you," he told her.

"I don't care if you shove it in and it hurts!" she whimpered. "Just yiff me! And don't worry about hurting me. I kinda want you to. Be rough. Like when you were grinding up against me when you pushed my head in the sink."

Thanophile took hold of his rock-solid slippery cock and guided it towards her entry. "Really? That's what you want?"

"Uh-huh. I like feeling helpless with you. Like, remember what you said about me needing you to do it? You're taking the choice away from me so I won't feel guilty. And I want that. But also because I know you won't *really* be rough, and if it hurts it'll only be for a second 'cause you really do love me and you want to be gentle with me."

"Sounds like you're pretty insightful yourself," he told her, proud of her for accepting herself and what she wanted.

"It's just roleplay. It's just a game. Like you said," Lily told him. "I can pretend you're the big mean killer who's taking me and I don't have a choice. But really, I know that's not at all true and... And that..." Epiphany sparkled in her eyes. "I really am in control, aren't I?"

He nodded. "You have been from the start. I guess you just couldn't quite accept it until now."

"It really *is* my choice," Lily marvelled. "I *am* doing it on my own, I'm just asking for your help. And because it's so much better with you than by myself."

"It makes me feel good to hear that," he said. "I can't imagine ever doing this with anyone but you."

"Then do it!" Lily said, smiling bright as starlight. "Yiff me and kill me! Fuck me silly, then strangle me 'till my head pops off!" she cried lustily, then giggled like a shower of tiny bubbles.

"Whatever you say!" Thanophile took hold of Lily by her hips, then rolled them both over so she was on top of him. He cupped her perfectly squeezable buns in his paws and pushed her down onto his penis.

"Oh!!" Lily cried.

Thanophile felt himself sheathed in warm, wet, gripping silk. He shut his eyes and grimaced at the intensity of the sensation. "Lily... You are *tight*!"

She was breathing hard. She sat up on his lap so she could feel it within her, spearing her. Impaling her like a knife. (That thought made her dizzy for a second from its sheer hotness) "It does kinda hurt... A little. But it's going away."

"Should I...?"

"No! Just let me get used to it." She shifted around experimentally. Even with it being smaller than average, it was still a grownup cock and she was still not quite out of cubhood. It burned in her. Her cunny felt sore, but in a good way. Like how sometimes it hurt her tummy to finally eat after being hungry for a long time. Pain mixed with satisfaction.

The scarf had fallen away from Lily's neck when she sat up. Thanophile reached up to wrap it around again. She cooed at the feel of the supple fabric. He wrapped the other end tightly around his other hand, then gave a slow tug. "How's that feel?"

Lily moaned; a sound so blatantly sexual he had no doubt as to her answer.

"Tighter," she said. "I want to gasp for breath while you yiff me."

His eyes lit up at the idea. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep from cumming right this second!"

"Then hurry up!" she urged. "It feels good now; go for it!"

Trusting her, he pulled back his hips, then shot them forward.

Lily squeaked! The scarf had tightened as he'd bucked. An extremely enjoyable sensation! "Again!!"

With all hesitation finally out of the way, Thanophile let himself go. He thrust his hips hard, sending Lily up at least an inch. He kept the scarf taut; he could see the fur on her throat fluffed out around its edges.

Lily was mindless with ecstacy. This was it. The climax of her life. The perfect ending. As soon as she came, that would be her death sentence. Like the executioner pulling the rope on a guillotine. Once she came, her life was over forever. That frightening, inescapable deadline made her moist as a fresh peach.

Thanophile's paws caressed her firmly, as if sculpting her every curve. He bounced her hard, and her cunny held onto him tight as a fist. He could feel sweat all over his face. He didn't think there were words for pleasure like this.

The tight silk around Lily's throat indeed made her fight for each breath. Thanophile's cock was thick, filling her painfully, marvelously tight. With every thrust, she felt herself fly for a heartbeat, then crash into his lap, the pain and pleasure spiking together, intertwined.

"Yiff me!" she shouted, her voice choked by the silk. He loosened it just enough for her to talk. "Yiff me hard and promise me you'll yiff me even more after I'm dead! Even if I don't exist anymore and never even know it, promise me you'll use me and enjoy me for as long as you can!" She was almost delirious with lust, her thoughts of being loved, owned and useful overpowering her.

"I promise!" he growled back, his concentration and control almost more than he could bear. His member wanted to go Krakatoa any second now, but he forced it with all his might to hold off just a little longer.

"Kill me and yiff me and then cut me up into bits! Make me a pretty pelt that you can hang on your wall! Cook my meat and eat me! Love me with your tummy! Digest me! Throw my bones away! Put them in the coffin in my gorgeous dress, or put them in a trash bag and send me to the dump! I don't care, just get rid of me! Cut off my head and make it your toy! Use me all the time! All the time! Use me till I'm worn out! Cut me, kill me, destroy me, love me! Anything you want is okay and I want it too because I want you to be happy and I LOVE YOU!!!"

Lily's scream of raw, unrestrained passion shattered Thanophile's ability to control himself any longer. His semen boiled out of him in an unimaginably powerful orgasm. And at the same time, he reflexively pulled the scarf tight.

Pain scissored through Lily like a thousand tiny lightning bolts. Her vision went nearly black. It was almost too intense a sensation to process, but she did. She knew what it meant. It meant he loved her too, and was showing it by not backing down.

He did back down though, but only for a moment. Once he realized he'd promised to wait until Lily came too, he loosened the scarf just enough for her to speak. Already he could see how red her throat was, right through her fur.

"Lily," he gasped, "If you have any last words, you'll never get another chance to tell me them." His tone made it clear; he could barely control himself anymore. He was trembling from the effort of restraining his lust. His arms wanted to pull the scarf with all their might and watch Lily's face turn black.

Lily gathered her senses just long enough to look in his eyes. Her smile was radiant with devotion. "Everything I've ever said to you has been my last words."

For a second, their bodies ceased to exist. In that moment while their gaze was locked, their souls connected perfectly. In the reflections of their eyes, they saw each other come together in a quiet, gentle hug, and kiss each other goodbye. They both knew this was the end, and that it was not a sad farewell.

Thanophile gripped the silk in his fists and yanked it in opposite directions as hard as he could.

Lily came.

Her throat exploded in pain again. She welcomed the sensation, made love to it. She felt something hot splash inside her. Honey poured down Thanophile's cock. She knew this was it. Her last moment alive. Her time was up. No more Lily.

She was happy.

She spiralled so suddenly into unconsciousness that Thanophile had to catch her when she fell forwards, limp as a corpse.


~~~~~




PART SEVENTEEN
~~~~~

Much later, after the deed was done, Thanophile sat on his bed, head down, and wished he was a smoker.

It was over. He had done what he had to and now it was over. He felt nothing but bitterness towards his actions. Loss. Regret.

He was happy for Lily though. That at least called a small smile out of hiding for a second.

He took a deep breath, then got up and went to the phone to do what he'd been planning to do all along.

He held the receiver in his hand for a long time before he'd worked up the courage to punch in the numbers. Eventually, that squawking voice started up with, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again..."

Thanophile hung up, picked up the receiver again, and dialed.

He waited a few seconds. Then a young woman's voice was in his ear. "911; what is your emergency?"

He thought at first his voice would go out and he'd end up just standing here holding the phone like a wooden statue. But somehow his lips bypassed his brain and he found himself saying, "Please connect me to the police. I've just killed a little girl."

Just like that. It was done. He'd said it as calmly and with as little emotion as the lady who'd asked him to hang up and dial again.

The woman on the other end of the line was flustered for a second. "C-could you repeat that, sir?"

"Get me the *police*! I just strangled a little girl to death!!" he barked harshly.

The woman said nothing. The phone went dead for a second, then he heard a dial tone.

A bored-sounding male answered this time. "This is the police. Fifth precinct."

"I just murdered a little girl."

"You WHAT!?" Thanophile thought he could hear food flying out of the man's mouth.

Thanophile felt his cheeks burning. "How many goddamn times do I have to repeat myself? I just killed a little girl! I strangled her! I did it while I was *fucking* her, do you comprehend that!?"

"If this is a-"

"No, it's not a joke or a hoax or any other bullshit! I live at 614 Peregrine avenue, apartment 3C. I'm not going anywhere. Figure out what you're going to do with this information and get a move on doing it!!" Thanophile slammed the receiver down hard, nearly cracking the plastic.

He stood there, naked, panting, heart pounding, barely believing he'd had the balls to actually go through with it.

'They're on their way,' he told himself. 'This is it. Your life is now over. You knew it had to end this way, so don't just stand here. Remember what you planned.'

Thanophile nodded, and followed his own good advice.

He took a small tour of the apartment, making sure everything was in place. He watered each of his plants. He tidied up a few things. Ate a handful of cookies. He paused to stare at Lily's coffin for a few moments. Finally, he sat down on the bed and put on his shoes.

He stood up and walked to the livingroom. He sat on the couch with both arms out in front of him. He would remain motionless until they came. He wanted them to see his hands; see that they were empty. He would cooperate with everything they said, but he would force them to arrest him if he had to. Just in case they thought he was some loon lying for attention and couldn't see the evidence in plain sight all over his apartment.

"Fuck it," he said, smiling strangely. "When they get here and ask why, I'll just tell 'em I didn't feel like doing the dishes..."


~~~~~




PART EIGHTEEN
~~~~~

Lily awoke to cold.

She came out of her sleep slowly, groggy like last time. And the first thing she was aware of was how badly she was shivering.

'I'm outside,' she thought.

She waited a few moments for all her sensory apparatus to come back online, to see if things would start making any more sense. They didn't. She was still freezing. 'I don't remember hearing about Heaven being cold. And I know Hell wouldn't be. Maybe I'm in limbo? Or what's it called... purgatory?'

Lily blinked, saw only darkness.

She sat up; realized she'd been asleep with her arm over her eyes. Unfamiliar fabric creaked when she moved. She was back in her sweatpants and hoodie again, but someone had also put an oversize winter coat on her, along with a scratchy wool cap and a pair of mittens with something square in her left palm. From the straps over her shoulders, she also deduced she was wearing a backpack.

Reality coalesced to the point where she finally knew where she was, but not why.

She was back at the bus stop. Street lamps glared down at her; their light as cold and heartless as the weather. She'd been lying down on the bench, asleep. So deeply asleep, in fact, that the wrinkles on her sleeve had left impressions in her cheek.

In front of her was the dark, silent city. For things to be this quiet, it had to be way early in the morning. Well past midnight. She looked behind her and saw that the fast food place's lights were off except for a dim one way in the back.

For a second, her insides clenched horribly at the thought that it had all been a dream.

But no, this was real. And there was something square in her palm. Something that felt like paper.

She pulled off her mitten and a small white square came out. Typing paper. Folded up as tightly as possible. "Lily, I'm sorry" was written on it.

She understood enough now for her to start crying.

Slowly, she unfolded the note. She almost didn't want to read it at first, afraid of what it would say. What possible reason could he have had for rejecting her like this? Her mind could not comprehend why a second ago she'd been wrapped in the purest bliss of her life, and now she was cold and shivering on this icy metal bench that was freezing her butt right through her sweatpants.

She wiped her tears off on her sleeve and started reading anyway.

   I'll bet you're really starting to get sick of waking up like this, huh?

She sniffed. Almost laughed.

   I'm so sorry. So sorry I can't say it enough. I wanted to go through
   with it, like you wanted. I wanted to go all the way and really snuff
   you and then have fun with your beautiful little body and do all the
   things I promised. But I couldn't. I chickened out. I don't know if my
   reasons are good enough or if I'm just a coward.

   That shot I gave you? The same stuff I put in your orange juise, just
   diluted a little so it'd take longer to work. I knew it'd make you go
   unconscious long before you would have run out of breath. I even
   checked to make sure you were still breathing after you collapsed.
   After I finish this letter, I'm going to dress you and take you back
   to the bus stop. I didn't plan this out enough to buy you a ticket,
   but there's $500 in your coat pocket. (Actually it's my old coat; I
   didn;'t want you to get cold) If I've timed this right, the bus
   should be showing up soon. Tell the driver you need to get to
   Jurrensville. Show himt he money and tel him you'll pay for the
   ticket once you get there. I've given you five hundred dollars. One
   because it's all I had in my savings stash, two because I don't ever
   want you to go home again. The last sheet of paper here is information
   on a shelter for runaways that's not too far from here. They'll take
   you in for free. don't let them see how much money you have at first.
   Keep it hidden just in case. And make DAMN SURE they don't try to
   contact your parents. I'm sure they won't, after you tell them all
   that you've been through, but you still have to be careful.

   I'm writing this as fast as I can to make sure I get you to the bus
   stop in time. After that, thats the last I'll see of you. I hate that
   fact, but this is the way it has to be. I don't feel like I can trust
   myself anymore. I'm afraid of myself.

   I'll try to explain. Okay, see, I've always wanted to snuff a pretty
   little girl like you, and for my whole life up until I met you that was
   all just fantasy. Harmles, safe fantasy. But with you, it turned real.
   And I realized that if I went through with it with you, I'd want to do
   it again. That's how it is almost every time you fantasize about a
   fetish for a long, long time and then try it in real life. It never
   lives up to your expectations. No matter how much you plan. I realized
   that once you were dead for real, it wouldn't be like when I

Lily looked up suddenly as a bright light reflected off the glass walls of the bus stop into her eyes. Headlights.

Dammit! She was only halfway through the letter (which he really must've written hastily since she'd never seen him make so many typos before). She stood up so the driver would see her. The big silver bus crawled to a stop and braked with a hiss. The door opened. Lily ran over to it.

Her shoes clunked on the big steps inside. It was warm in here, and nearly empty except for one sleeping woman in the back in a green overcoat.

The driver, a badger, was portly and had a nice smile. "Ticket, little girl?"

Lily didn't have to act confused and scared to gain his sympathy; she already was. She quickly folded the note and stuffed it in her pocket. "I don't have a ticket. But just give me a second..." She rooted around in the big coat's pockets before her paw fell on something her mind couldn't believe at first. She'd never felt a stack of bills so thick in her life. She pulled it out and was amazed a second time to actually see it. "I've got money."

The driver's eyes bulged a little. "Woooo-wee! Girl, you sure do! Where you headed?"

"Jurrensville," Lily remembered.

At the mention of the word, the driver's demeanor immediately changed. "Put your money away, honey. I know what's there," he said gently. His voice was warm like honey.

Lily froze for a second in disbelief. "You're sure?"

"Is it the shelter?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Ride's free then," he stated, his tone making it clear the matter was settled. "I'll take you right to the doorstep and drop you off. You just go on back there and find you a seat. Make yourself comfortable."

Lily smiled, and felt her frozen cheeks burn a little. "Thank you very much, sir," she said as politely as she could.

He reached out with a big grin and patted her on the head. "Go on now. I'll get you there before sunup."

Buoyed by this sudden magical display of goodwill, Lily walked past the driver and took a seat a few rows down. She snugged her rear into the corner of the seat between the vinyl and the crinkly-textured metal wall. The window felt nice and cool on her cheek.

The driver started the bus up again. Soon they were moving.

There was enough light from the streetlamps to continue reading. Lily pulled out Thanophile's note again and found her place.

   I realized that once you were dead for real, it wouldn't be like when
   I set you up for your funeral. You weren't going to wake up this time.

   Ad I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with the finality of
   that. No matter how good that moment would be when I snuffed you, no
   matter how intense the orgasm was (and it WAS a really good cum, by
   the way!), afterwards, nothing would change the fact that you'd be
   nothing but a shell from then on. As many times as I jerked off
   imaginign doing sexy things to your sexy dead body, you were always
   alive the next time I wated to fantasize again. Do you understand now?
   If I had killed you for real, I know I would have inevitably been
   disappointed. I'd never be able to smell your lovely scent again. Hear
   your pretty voice. Listen to you tell me your own fantasies. YOU would
   be gone, and all I'd have would be your fur, your meat and your bones.
   And then, inevitably, I'd want to do it again. I'd grieve for a while,
   but then myfantasies would start up again, I'd go online again, and
   I'd find someone else. And maybe that someone else wouldn't be quite
   as willing as you were. Maybe I'd have to coax them into it. And then
   after they were dead, I'd want to do it again. And again and again and
   again until I either got caught or had become so addicted to it that
   I'd lose my soul and end up a monster. The possibility exists that
   someday I could actually force someone to submit to me murdering them.
   And I can't let that happen to me. I love myself, and I love you, too
   much to let that happen.

   You won't see me again. Google my name in a couple of days. I've
   already planned out what I'm going to do so it'll be easy to find a
   news story about me. I can't tell you, because you might try to stop
   me. And I can't even let MYSELF stop me.

   Again, I'm sorry. I hate that I cheated you out of your happiest
   moment, but consequences are more important than a single moment's
   pleasure. I tried to make up for it though. There's the money, and your
   white dress is folded up and sealed in a bag in that backpack. I wish
   I could have seen you try it on for yourself. Also, my flash drive's
   in there. Don't Ever Let Anyone See It! It's got the video of us
   yelling stuff at the camera and, of course, your funeral. I even
   remembered to put your backup disk in there. That was smart of you,
   making that!

   I know you're sad right now and maybe even really pissed off at me. but
   think about this and be happy: you have your fantasy, right there in
   the backpack. Whenever you want, you can watch that video and see
   yourself looking more beautiful than any other little squirrel in the
   world in your coffin (I wish there was a way for me to give you that,
   too!). A lot of times, fantasy is better than reality. In fantasy, you
   can control it and have it end any way you want. In real life, we're
   very rarely that lucky.

   I will alwyas love you, Lily. More than anything else forever.

   -Thanophile.

By the time she finished, Lily had fresh tears pouring down her cheeks. And yes, some parts of her were bitterly disappointed and furious at Thanophile. But much more of her knew that he'd done the right thing. Even without the video clip on the flash drive, she still had her memory. She had lived out her two biggest, most yifftastic fantasies: seeing her own funeral, and getting to spend a magical weekend with her very favorite author.

From what he'd written, Lily was able to infer that Thanophile was very likely going to kill himself now. In fact, it was possible he'd already done so. That made her sad. But she also realized that she always had the option to join him later on.

It was her choice. Her life. She could live it, or end it, any way she wanted.


~~~~~


After about two hours, the bus stopped in front of a slightly large but relatively normal-looking residence. There was a sign out front that said 'The Lighthouse' and beneath that, 'Lighting the way for those in the dark'.

"This is it," the driver said from up front. "You're not asleep are you?"

"Nope, I'm awake." Lily stood up, stretched hard (not realizing until just now how cramped her legs felt), and walked up to the front of the bus. "Thanks again. That was really nice of you."

He nodded and touched the brim of his cap. "Anyone going to this place needs a little helping hand, catch my drift?"

She nodded.

He opened the doors for her. "Good luck, little girl."

She stepped off and turned back to give him a parting smile. "Goodbye! Thanks again!"

He grinned, shut the door, and the bus rumbled slowly away.

Standing in the street in the frozen morning, Lily watched the bus disappear from sight. Then she turned and looked at her new temporary home. A light was on in the window. She wondered who'd be there to greet her. She wondered if there'd be other kids.

'Geez, I hope they have a computer!' she realized. 'A flash drive's about as useful as a toenail clipping without something to plug it into!'

Then she heard a sound behind her.


~~~~~




PART NINETEEN
~~~~~


Handcuffs hurt like hell, Thanophile realized.

"Move it, you sick fuck!!" Officer Schultz screamed in the raccoon's face as he frog-marched him down the hall. Thanophile felt the man's spittle hit his cheeks.

"I *am* moving it. I've been walking at the same pace since we left my apartment," he said reasonably.

"Then move FASTER!!" The feline officer tightened his grip on the rubber device that was wrapped around Thanophile's hand. It had looked like nunchuks to him at first, but then he very quickly realized that their purpose was to cause maximum pain while leaving no visible marks. He winced and hissed back a cry of pain. His thumb had gone completely numb by now. This loud sonofabitch hadn't let up on him for a second. His partner, while still thuggish and brutal, was mercifully less so.

"No funny shit," Officer Lemke advised as the trio exited Thanophile's apartment building. The raccoon didn't have to look behind him to know that four or five more officers were in his home right now, overturning all of his possessions and probably stealing whatever they could get their hands on that wouldn't be missed.

The two officers led him to their squad car where another cop holding a styrofoam cup of coffee helpfully held the door open for them. Officer Schultz yapped, "Head down!" while shoving Thanophile into the backseat so hard the raccoon hit his temple on the doorframe and saw stars.

"Asshole," Thanophile growled.

In less than a heartbeat, Officer Schultz was in his face. "Do you know what's going to happen to you, pedo? Huh!? You are going to prison. Even if all it's for is for filing a false report. And do you know what is going to happen to you there? You're gonna get raped! That's what happens to sick pedophile monster motherfuckers like you! You are gonna get raped so hard, your asshole's not gonna stop bleeding from the time you enter to the time you get shanked in your sleep!!"

Looking him directly in the eye, Thanophile replied pithily, "Sounds better than spending five minutes with you."

Officer Schultz punched him in the face. Hard enough to knock him across the backseat and hit his skull on the opposite door.

When his head stopped buzzing, he was at least rewarded by the sound of the coffee cup cop chuckling. Thanophile looked up and saw Schultz was Not Happy. That made him smile.

Officer Lemke got behind the wheel, put the car in drive, and eased out of the parking lot. Thanophile was not surprised to see that most of his neighbors were gathered out on the lawn or at their windows, wondering what all the sirens and flashing red and blue lights were about. He supposed it was cruel of him to deal them such an unpleasant surprise. Undoubtedly, some would demand out of their leases immediately after learning they'd been living in the same building as a pedophile. As if proximity made it contagious.

As the cop car drove off, Thanophile smiled to himself as he imagined what would happen when they tried fiddling with his computer. The software had been extremely pricey (and highly illegal), but would hopefully prove well worth the expense. First, it erased all his data. Then he'd set it so that the next time it turned on, the hard drive would irreparably corrupt itself. Then, if anyone at the police station tried to divulge what had been on it, it was set to infect their computers with a nasty little worm. Thanophile thought of it as a parting 'fuck you' present.

"What the fuck are you smiling about!?" Officer Schultz screeched, banging hard on the wire window separating them.

Thanophile shrugged. "Little girls' pussies. Or whatever else it is you think pedophiles think about."

Officer Schultz was getting dangerously angry. "I could shoot you in the balls, claim it was an accident, and all I'd face is a bunch of paperwork."

"I'm sure that's true," Thanophile agreed with a perfect poker face. 'Gotta love that Blue Wall Of Silence...' He decided to leave the wired feline alone for a while. No sense tipping the prick over the breaking point too soon. He reached down to tie his shoe, then was silent.

A few minutes later, Officer Lemke turned to his partner at a red light. "I didn't catch it all; what'd this guy supposedly do?"

Schultz snorted. "Called up saying he raped a little girl and then killed her. We haven't found a body yet, but the lab fags say there's body fluids all over the place."

Thanophile spoke up politely. "Um, excuse me. I didn't rape her. As a matter of fact, she was an extremely willing partner."

Officer Schultz immediately rammed his elbow into the wire grille. "SHUT UP!!! You fucking freaks are all the same! 'They loved it, they loved it!' Yeah, and what other fuckin' delusions do you have!?"

Thanophile thought the setup was perfect. He sat back coolly. "Oh, how about the delusion that you'll never get me back to the station. How's that?"

Officer Schultz laughed like a teakettle. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Wanna wager? I'll bet you both five bucks I will never walk into that station you're driving me to. I will never go before a judge. I will never go to prison. Whaddaya say? Five bucks on that?"

Lemke chortled, obviously thinking that their perp was insane. "I'll take that."

Thanophile smiled. "Pay up."

And then he tipped sideways and slid down the backseat to the floor.


~~~~~


Officers Lemke and Schultz initially had no idea what had happened to the raccoon in their custody. It took days to piece it all together, especially considering the massive tech repairs they had to call in after a careless computer geek had forgotten to check for malicious software before diving into the suspect's home computer.

The autopsy showed that the suspect, a pharmacist, had created a few tablets of an incredibly toxic poison while at work, then smuggled them home. He had hidden them in a small depression in the heel of his left shoe, which was covered by his insole. He had kept them there for days, possibly weeks, making it clear that this had all been part of a meticulously thought-out plan. In the back of the car, he had slipped the two tablets into his hand, then into his mouth. When he bit through the coating, he had died almost instantly.

The suspect must have had a perverted sense of humor, because he was apparently well aware that the poison had a side effect of loosening all his body's muscles, including his sphincters.

Officer Schultz was reported as saying, "I'm not cleaning that up! You are!"


~~~~~




PART TWENTY
~~~~~


Thanophile awoke with a start, like being wrenched out of a bad dream by a wailing alarm clock, and the first thing he realized was that he couldn't move his arms. The second thing he noticed was that he was sitting naked on a wooden chair. The third thing he noticed was that whatever room he was in was nearly pitch-black, lit only by a dim bulb several feet directly over head.

"Time to rise and shine, sleepyhead."

The voice sent needles down Thanophile's spine. It was reptilian, snippy and bloodless, like some kind of mincing, merciless snake.

"Do you know where you are, snookums? Any ideas? What's the last thing you rememberrrrr?" The voice lingered on that last 'r', trailing it out for almost five seconds.

"I..." Thanophile gasped. "I killed myself in the back of that cop car." There was no way the poison could have failed. He'd perfected it for exactly this occasion! It was supposed to stop his heart *instantly*! Now here he was, tied up naked in some warehouse with a lisping sadist looming somewhere in the shadows!

"Oo, clever boy! Yes, that *was* quite the ingenious bit of handiwork. Proud of it? I'd be."

"Who Are You!?" Thanophile roared.

He heard the owner of the voice 'tsk tsk'. "Not yet, silly. First, you have to guess where *you* are."

Snarling, he rattled his securely-bound arms against the chair frame. "I don't know! Hell?"

The voice grinned audibly. "Bing-go."

Thanophile froze. His jaw fell open. "No..." He'd never believed in this place. Always thought the afterlife was either a myth or something so incomprehensible he didn't even bother trying to imagine it. Hell? That was ridiculous!

The voice slithered out into the light, and Thanophile let out a very womanly shriek when he saw its owner.

It was sort of a blood-red fox, but with the body design of a lizard. There were places with fur, places with scales, and at least six arms. The thing was small and spindly, yet still looked like it could rend him to shreds in mere seconds. It's eyes were fuchsia, the inside of it's mouth day-glo green. On it's furred head were two silver horns that looked disturbingly like knife blades.

"Ta da!" it said.

The fox/lizard/demon sashayed over to cup Thanophile's chin in one of its hands. "Believe me now, sweetie?"

Thanophile screamed. He jerked away, purely on instinct, and very nearly toppled the chair over.

The red thing rolled it's eyes. "Rude, rude, rude! What a beastly attitude!"

Thanophile faced the thing, his heart thudding and his breath coming in ragged fragments. He stared at it, forcing himself to acknowledge its existence. It was just so *wrong* though. So hideously unearthly. Its existence caused a primal revulsion. This thing spat on all the laws of physics just by standing there and talking to him.

"Do you know why you're here?" it asked primly.

'I should really stop calling him an 'it',' Thanophile thought, given that the thing's very red genitals were prominently swaying between his legs. "...I have an idea," he finally managed.

The demon narrowed his eyes. "Do you deny obtaining sexual gratification from thoughts of death, corpses and murder?"

The thing obviously knew already, so what was the sense in lying? "No," Thanophile said quietly.

"Do you deny making contact over the internet with a twelve-year-old cub and indulging in sexual dialogue with her?"

Thanophile winced. "No."

"Do you deny arranging to meet her for the express purpose of having sex with her and then killing her?"

Thanophile winced harder. "No."

"Do you deny raping this g-"

Thanophile's head shot up and his eyes were blazing with rage. "YES I deny raping her, you red-scaled piece of shit!!! I *love* Lily! The only reason I ever agreed to do *anything* with her is that she wanted me to and I wanted to make her happy. Say I raped her again and I will break these ropes and rip your tongue out!"

The demon merely arched an eyebrow. "Such theatrics. Careful, you'll make me moist," he quipped.

"I mean it," Thanophile said, his voice gravelly with hatred. "Punish me all you want, torture me forever, but you will never get me to say I raped her. I *killed* myself to keep from ever going that far!!"

"Did you? Are you sure? Search your heart now, is that the only reason?"

Thanophile took in a deep breath. "I think so. I don't know," he admitted. "I'm much better at understanding other people's problems than my own. I can only hope I did it for the right reasons."

The demon smiled slyly. "So... do you deny that you fully planned to kill this girl, then stopped yourself at the crucial moment?"

"I knew _hours_ in advance that I couldn't go through with it."

"But you didn't tell her the real reason why in that letter you wrote," the demon returned.

"What!?" Thanophile was pissed again. "I was nothing but honest in that letter! I'd never lie to her!"

The demon put his hands up. "Simmer down, cutie! Simmer down! I never said you lied. Only that you didn't know the real reason yourself. Want me to tell you?"

Thanophile sneered. "Why should I believe you?"

The demon grinned. "Let me just lay it on you and you tell me if it feels right, m'kay?" He waited for a response, got none, and continued. "The reason you couldn't kill Lily is because you could never hurt her. All the other times, you knew the risk was minimal. You even fibbed to her when you said there was a twenty to twenty-five percent chance that little OJ cocktail could have done her in. What was the real percentage, mmm?"

"Two point six," he admitted.

The demon patted him on the head like he'd been a good pupil. "And you only exaggerated so much because you knew that'd make her horny, right? So there you go. You couldn't kill her because there were too many uncertain variables."

Thanophile furrowed his brow. "Come again?"

The demon came even closer, and for the first time his blazing purple eyes showed a trace of compassion. "If you had killed her, she might have gone to Heaven to dance about forever on little fluffy clouds. Or her soul might have stayed with her body to enjoy all the lascivious things you intended to do with it. Or she might have ceased to exist. Or she might have been sent here, to burn for all eternity like naughty girls do.

"Because there was that unknown chance that killing her might cause her to suffer, you couldn't go through with it. Do you deny this?"

Thanophile was quiet for a second as he slowly realized that the demon was right. Totally and completely right. He hadn't been able to put it into words himself, but it had been a feeling. And now he knew. "No. I don't deny it."

Bright lights came on, klaxons blared, Thanophile was showered in confetti and the demon did a backwards cartwheel and threw his hands in the air, shrieking gaily, "Then congratulations!!! You've passed with flying colors!!!"

Needless to say, Thanophile was a bit disoriented by this.

But then he heard the sound of a metal door rising open somewhere behind him, and an unmistakable voice shouted his name in joy.

He swivelled around in his seat, the ropes binding him having disappeared. "...Lily!?"

The plump little naked squirrel ran like a rocket and hurled herself at him in a hug so fierce it tipped them both to the ground.

"THANOPHILE!!!" she squealed again. "Holy poop, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you!!" she covered his face in a multitude of happy little kisses.

"Wha-? I-!?" he sputtered.

"I *love* what you've done with your fur!" she gushed.

"What? I haven't..." That was when he looked down and finally took the time to look at himself. He was struck silent. All of his brown fur had turned jet black, and all of his black fur had turned milky-white. And as expected, he was barely able to see the diamond-shaped patch of bright crimson just below his throat. "How the...?"

"You look just like the main character of 'Razors Need To Eat Too', right?" she already knew, of course, since she'd read that one at least three times.

Finding yourself suddenly looking like a character from one of your own stories, a character you've wanted to look like for more years than you can remember, creates an interesting blend of disbelief and euphoria. This can be heightened by realizing that a little squirrel girl you love is not only still featuring her glasses, but also a pair of stubby rubber-looking black horns. "Whu- I- Oh, I am so confused right now! Lily, why are you *here*!? I made sure you were breathing after I strangled you. I made sure-" Realization hit and terror flooded his eyes. "Oh, sweet Jesus. You froze to death at the bus stop, didn't you?"

She giggled. "No way. I got hit by a truck!" The glee with which she related this last sentence was both counterintuitive and quite adorable.

"Perhaps I can clear things up, hmmm?" the demon said as he approached the pair. "By the way, my name's Sargonicus; Hellguardian and total bitch. Pleased to meet you." He held out two paws to each of them for a quadruple-shake.

"Where's Zylth?" Lily asked.

"Oh, you'll meet up with her again later. Probably at Orientation."

"Who's Zylth?" Thanophile naturally asked.

"The nice demon who explained stuff to me when I first died. She told me you'd be along in a little while and gave me some cookies while I waited."

Thanophile blinked. Then he looked at Sargonicus. "...You were saying something about an explanation?"

The demon tittered. "Oh, you mortals! You're so cute when you first get here and I fuck around with your widdle headsy-weadsies!" He rolled his eyes. "Aaaaaanyway, it goes like this. Stop worrying immediately. We're not pissed at you and no one's gonna throw you into a lake of fire. Heck, we *like* perverts down here! And because I can see into your heart and I know you're being truthful about genuinely loving Lily and never doing anything to hurt her, you two have Hell's blessing to stay together until the end of time, yiff each other senseless, and kill each other as many times as you like."

"Yay!!" Lily shouted.

A goofy grin appeared on Thanophile's face. "This can't be real, can it?"

Lily patted his cheek. "Why? Don't you want it to be?"

"Of course I do!" And with that, he finally let his confusion go and focused on the most important thing in front of him: the most wonderful little squirrel in all the world. He hugged Lily tight, rocking her gently and crying happy tears into her shoulder. Her fur was as soft as he remembered, and she still smelled as sweet.

Sargonicus gave them a few moments to enjoy their reunion. He always got sentimental over such things, and was soon crying too. "Oh, you two are just TOO cute together!"

Thanophile broke the hug and held Lily at arm's length just to look at her and cement the fact in his mind that this was real and so was she. "I don't care how any of this is happening, I'm just glad to see you. But how the heck did you die exactly? A truck?"

Lily nodded happily. "Yup! Almost as soon as I got off the bus, I heard this 'ZOOOOMMM!' and I turned around and all I had time to realize was that I must have had a _ton_ of blood in me, 'cause it went _everywhere_!"

"Oh, geez!" He hugged her again. "I hope it didn't hurt too much!" he fretted, kissing her cheek and petting her hair.

"It didn't hurt at all!" she giggled. "It was over too quick. I do hope the poor driver wasn't too traumatized though. I wish I could've told him I totally didn't mind."

"Actually..." Sargonicus stepped in with a wicked smirk, "...we set up the whole thing. Demons can only interact with Earthlings on very rare occasions, but this one was too scrumptiously ironic to pass up!" He knelt beside Lily and patted her on the shoulder. "You see, honey, the man who hit you was a fucking dirtbag sonofabitch who deserved exactly what he got. The man drove drunk practically every day of his life, and was convicted for it twice. Yet he just kept right on chuggin'. So, when we spotted him weaving along, and you standing in the road looking all thoughtful-like, it was too perfect to resist! We gave him a little nudge in your direction and the rest is history. Trust me; that man deserves none of your sympathy and all of the prison sentence he'll eventually get after the cops found your blood splatted all over his fender!"

"You mean he just drove off after hitting me?" Lily asked, incredulous.

"Honey, he thought you were a squirrel." The demon did a double take and giggled. "A nonev, sweetie. You know what I mean."

"What a dick!" Lily said vehemently.

"But that means... You did get to read my letter, right?" Thanophile asked. "You know why I had to just... drop you off like that?"

She nodded and hugged him again. "Uh-huh. And I'm not mad at all. I was a little at first, but you made the right decision and everything worked out in the end."

"Indeed," Sargonicus added, sounding serious for the first time. "The biggest reason we let that truck hit you was because the odds were overwhelming that you'd eventually end up back with your parents and live there in misery into your thirties."

Lily gulped in horror. "No! But I was just about to go to that shelter place!"

Sargonicus shook his head sadly. "Honey, instinct makes us almost always return to whatever we perceive is normal. Even if that normal hurts us terribly."

Thanophile knew that was true. "Well, at least here you're as far away from them as possible, right?"

That drew a grin out of her. "Right!"

Sargonicus grinned too. "Oh, by the way, this'll make you happy. See, time works funny here, so even though it only seems like hours to you, it's already been a few _days_ back on terra firma. It took a while to identify your body, since it was all mangled up 'n nasty, but eventually they did. And your parents are Soooo Pissed at you for making them spend so much on funeral arrangements! I can't even describe!"

Lily laughed out loud. "That's GREAT!!"

"It gets better!" the demon said with glee. "Not only was it a *very* closed casket funeral, so those bastards didn't get the honor of beholding your glamorous little corpse..." Lily giggled bashfully at that, "...but the police turned over 'your' backpack to Mommy and Daddy." He let it drop, letting them figure it out on their own.

"So, wait..." The flash drive! The backup disk!! Lily gasped. "How much did they see!?"

The demon's eyes were dancing with naughty glee. "The disk got crunched to bits-o, but the flash drive was fine as wine. They plugged it in, and when they watched that video of you and Thanny here telling them off, your mom got so furious she actually pissed herself!"

Lily howled with laughter and fell over backwards. Thanophile caught her in time, just barely, since he was chortling almost as hard. "Oh, WOW! I wish I could've seen their reactions!" Lily said.

Sargonicus giggled. "Who says you can't? We got it all on tape!"

"Excellent!!" she exploded.

"I will make popcorn for that," Thanophile added. "And, um, Sargonicus? Just out of curiosity, why do I look like The Nameless Slasher from my story? Not that I don't like it..."

"You look that way because you wanted to look that way," the demon explained. "You're not flesh 'n bone anymore. You two can transform yourselves into any form you desire, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon!" he said theatrically, while making appropriately swishy hand gestures.

"Nifty," Thanophile assessed. But then he looked at Lily. "Wait... So how come you look the same, sweetheart? I thought you wanted to be slimmer and lose your glasses?"

She smiled warmly at him, her buck teeth peeking out cutely. "I didn't change, because I knew you like me this way. And I like me this way too." Lily put her arms around him and squeezed.

Thanophile returned her hug. Tenderly he whispered, "You're beautiful even with horns, my little Lily."


~~~~~


PART TWENTY ONE
~~~~~

Soon after, Sargonicus shuffled them out a side door with a friendly "Toodle-oo!" and a portal made of undulating black jellylike stuff spat them out in a humongous auditorium. The noise level was tremendous. The audience was filled nearly to capacity with other naked newly-dead souls, all of them sporting horns. A bird-demon whose feathers looked like they were made of tree bark showed Lily and Thanophile to their seats. They waited for a little while, looking around at everybody else the way everybody else was doing, and eventually the seats were full and the lights went down.

Bright red velvet curtains parted to reveal a silver screen. Loud, cheerful brassy music exploded out of the sides of the theater, and a grainy retro-style educational film began to play. A handsome sounding voice boomed, "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to HELL!"

Lily guffawed in astonishment.

A sprightly little cartoon devil popped up and explained to everyone the rules of the abyss. For starters, yes, they really were dead and this was not a dream. But everyone should put on a happy face because they'd been sent to the second-best level in all of Hades. The little devil told them about the true history of God, Lucifer and the Fall, then described some of the many fun and naughty adventures that awaited them here. By the time the film was over, Lily was so excited she could barely keep still. This place sounded better than her wildest, yiffiest dreams!

After the house lights went up, a pretty ferret demon with stone hands the size of watermelons told everyone to line up neatly by the exit and prepare to be processed. Neither Lily or Thanophile knew whether that meant they'd be divided into groups, given instructions, or turned into sausages.

The line moved faster than anyone expected. When it was their turn, Zylth; the purple-furred alligator/jaguar Lily had met earlier, explained that they had already been assigned living quarters and that there was only one more little formality to take care of.
"What's that?" Thanophile asked.

"Oh, I just have to rip both your hearts out," she said, trying to make it sound like no big deal.

To no one's surprise, Lily thrust out her chest and said, "Do it!!"

Chuckling, Zylth plucked out the little squirrel's heart with practiced efficiency. Lily shuddered and leaked girlhoney all down her thighs.

Thanophile bravely offered his chest as well, and was totally unprepared for the erotic sensation that followed. He looked at the gaping hole in his chest, then at Lily's. "Groovy!"

Then with a smile and a wave, Zylth bade them enter the portal ahead. Thanophile and Lily held hands and stepped forward into their new destiny.


~~~~~


Neither of them expected to emerge standing on the sidewalk in front of a perfectly maintained two-bedroom house in the middle of suburbia. Red brick, two shrubberies, picture window, TV antenna on the roof. There was even a white picket fence.

"Th' heck?" Thanophile said.

"I think it's ours," said Lily. "Look, it's got our names on the mailbox." And indeed it did.

As the two of them tried to decide whether or not they should just walk right in, a head popped up over the hedge next door. "Oh, hi! New neighbors?" The head belonged to a smiling red panda woman in her thirties who was holding a pair of hedge clippers and was wearing nothing more than a hat and gardening gloves.

That was when Thanophile and Lily remembered that they were naked as well. Right out in the open! They both squeaked and tried to cover themselves.

The panda chuckled. "You ARE new, aren't you? This is Hell! We don't worry about clothes here. Wear 'em if you want, leave 'em if you don't."

The raccoon and squirrel relaxed a little. "So, um... You are?" Thanophile asked.

"Your new neighbor!" she replied with a sunny grin. She extended her paw over the tall greenery. "Tamara Wilcox. I'm happy to be the first to welcome you to Deathville."

Thanophile walked over to shake. Lily had to reach up a little, but was able to as well. "Deathville?" she asked.

"Yup. I take it you two are both necrophiles?" Tamara inquired, as casually as you'd ask someone for a stick of gum.

Thanophile flinched hard for a second, then realized the obvious. "...You are too?"

She nodded without the slightest bit of reluctance. "Mm-hmm. So's my husband and our two boys. In fact, the whole town is!"

Lily's eyes went wide. "Seriously!? That's *awesome*!"

Tamara chuckled. "Take a look around. See if you don't spot some signs."

The street was mostly quiet, since it appeared to be early afternoon in this part of Hell. The day was bright and warm, but the sky overhead was a swirly, ominous grey that seemed to herald doom. Thanophile didn't see anything out of the ordinary at first, until he spotted one house with a gallows where a basketball hoop would normally be. On the road here and there were dark spots that could have been bloodstains. And Lily eagerly pointed out a front lawn that had been decorated with severed heads instead of pink flamingos.

Thanophile turned slowly back to Tamara, barely believing this could all be real. It felt like some kind of surreal cartoon. "So... everybody's like us?"

"Of course! See, where we are is called the Naughty level for a good reason. They do everything possible here to help us feel comfortable with being as yiffy as we want. And in the case of certain fetishes that tend to upset a majority of furs, we get our own separate community. We're not held here; we're free to travel anywhere we like. Just last week, Joseph and I took a trip down to New Nyarlahotep. But this is our home. And it's wonderful knowing we don't have to hide ourselves anymore while we're here."

Lily was overwhelmed. She gave Thanophile's paw a squeeze. "We're gonna be so happy here!"

"I hope so!" Tamara said. "You two make a really cute couple. Nice fur, by the way," she told Thanophile.

He grinned bashfully. "Thanks."

From the side of Tamara's house, a slim, grey-furred mouse with glasses a lot like Lily's emerged wearing only a sky-blue tank top. "Oh, fantastic! New neighbors already? Hi, I'm Joseph. Welcome to th-"

He was cut off quite abruptly when Tamara shoved her hedge clippers deep into the side of his neck. Blood went everywhere.

Both Lily and Thanophile gasped as the sheer suddenness of it. The mouse went down and Tamara pounced on him. The hedge blocked most of the view, but from the sounds and the arterial spray, it was pretty obvious that she was stabbing him at least a dozen more times (and enjoying every one).

Lily and Thanophile glanced at each other, exchanging an 'Is this what living here's always gonna be like?' look.

Then Lily giggled. "Boner," she pointed out.

Thanophile was indeed displaying a fine thigh-high salute. "Heh."

Tamara stood up again with a sharp exhale, sounding like she'd just completed a satisfying workout. She was shiny with sweat and crimson with blood, and had also just very obviously had an orgasm. "Whew! That was fun!" She wiped her forehead with the back of her arm, succeeding only in getting half her face red. She smiled apologetically at her new neighbors. "Couldn't help myself."

"I'm guessing you do that a lot?" Lily ventured.

"All the time! I tend to be the more aggressive one in the relationship, although he has snuck up on me with the piano wire a time or two." She pointed back and forth between the two of them. "Let me guess; you're the killer and she's your victim?"

Thanophile nodded, putting his arm lovingly around Lily. She beamed and proudly said, "Absolutely!"

"Aww, that's cute!" Tamara said. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta drag this big sexy man carcass back inside and 'do stuff' to him, if you know what I mean. I'm sure we'll see each other later after supper."

"Oh?" said Thanophile.

She nodded. "Yep, that'll be about when the whole town comes by to welcome you with a good old-fashioned public execution."

"Execution!" the coon said, alarmed. "What for?"

Tamara looked at him like he wasn't too bright. "Why? Because it's fun! And a good way to get introduced around. We'll all have torches 'n rakes and things. You'll be up in front of everybody with nooses around your necks. We'll all tell you how happy we are to have you here, then it's pull the lever and down you go! I hope you like dangling!"

Lily bounced on her heels with enthusiasm. "Sounds fun!!"

"Afterwards, you'll get a chance to visit our town cemetery," Tamara continued, her voice brimming with civic pride. "It's a great big grassy circular patch right in the middle of downtown. Very pretty. Your tombstones probably showed up there the same time you did. In fact, we all love it so much, at any given time half the city's buried there." She glanced at her watch. "...Including my two boys. And if they don't get themselves dug up and home in time for supper, I'll march down there and exhume them myself!"

Thanophile thought that living next door to this family was going to be extremely interesting. Lily was just amazed at the thought of other kids who were as into death as she was. Maybe she'd finally make some real friends!

From down on the lawn, something gurgled. "Ugghhhh... Honey, did you just stab me with the-"

Tamara was on her knees in an instant, jamming the hedge clippers into her husband half a dozen more times to finish him off properly. "Yes dear, I did." She stood up and grinned at Lily and Thanophile. "You know what they say; you can't keep a good man down!"

Thanophile facepalmed at the awful pun. Lily doubled over laughing.

As Tamara gathered up her beloved mouse's ankles and started dragging him back to the side door, she said seeya-laters to Lily and Thanophile and told them she hoped they'd both be very happy living here. They waved back, then decided to finally find out what was waiting for them inside their new home.


~~~~~


They stepped through the front door and both said simultaneously, "Wowww..."

It was everything a modest fur with a death fetish could want in a home. Great big livingroom. Fireplace. Tall, full bookshelves. A TV twice as wide as Thanophile's old one. Racks of swords on the wall. He and Lily both noticed their possessions from back on Earth were already neatly arranged on the shelves. In the spotless kitchen, they found a fridge full of food and a countertop full of razor-sharp cutlery, plus a complete range of exciting-looking shiny surgical implements. The bathroom medicine cabinet was stocked with every type of poison a pharmacist/murderer could want. Thanophile discovered his own little quiet writing studio (with convenient noose hanging from the ceiling fan in case of writer's block). In the garage, Thanophile's car had been returned to pristine showroom condition. Additionally, all sorts of lethal goodies were waiting for them here. Including three different chainsaws, a guillotine with Lily's name carved above the lunette, a basket of assorted explosives, and a taxidermy workshop in the corner. It was perfection. Everything they could have ever hoped for.

Lily was not surprised to see it there, but when she opened the door to her new bedroom, she still let out a shriek of joy to see her dream coffin waiting for her in place of a bed. Its polished wood gleamed like glass and was surrounded by dozens of flower bouquets. All her old books and toys and clothes were here too (Plus her computer, which she was sure would contain a fully restored hard drive). It was the room she'd always dreamed of.

She turned to Thanophile and leapt into his arms. To his surprise, he caught her easily and had no trouble holding onto her. Her smile radiated total contentment. "It's wonderful. It's even better than the best dream I've ever had! I'm so happy! And I'm even happier that I get to stay in this cool new house with *you*! From now on!" She hugged him around his neck and planted a big kiss on each cheek.

His heart singing in joy, Thanophile turned her head and gave her his own kiss, this time on the lips. Slowly, lovingly, he told her of his happiness without needing a word.

The kiss ended and they looked into each other's eyes, feeling giddy, fresh and effervescent.

"I have a feeling that everything bad is over now, Lily," Thanophile told her softly. "You can finally be as happy as you've always deserved to be."

"_We_ can," she corrected.

Thanophile held her close, tucking her head over his shoulder and patting her on the back. "I love you, Lily."

She nuzzled into his soft fur. "I love you too, Thanophile. More than anything."

And that was when she felt the butcher knife slide in through her back, up into her ribcage.

She could feel her own hot blood pouring out from the wound, sliding down the blade; could hear it dripping on the hall carpet.

She looked up at Thanophile, her eyes sparkling in delight at such a wonderful surprise.

"You're so tricky..." she said. And quietly died.

Thanophile chuckled and kissed her forehead. He withdrew the knife and gave it a lick. He had to shut his eyes and murr at the impeccable flavor. He tossed the knife aside and carried Lily to her bedroom.

Before, he'd been unable to go through with it. But here he had no hesitation. Killing Lily just now was nothing like he'd predicted it would be back in reality. There, it would have been brutal, messy and ultimately devastating. For all the reasons he'd described in his letter, and for the one Sardonicus had shown him. He knew he could never have had his cub and killed her too. Not while he was alive. But now, here, in this place where nothing was forever and pain was nearly nonexistent, he wasn't just holding a corpse in his arms; merely an inanimate hunk of meat. He could feel Lily's spirit inside. Silent now, but ready to wake up at any time for more hugs and cuddles and laughter and love. This had always been his true fantasy, one he'd never imagined possible until now. Snuff with no harm. Death that never had to be permanent. Here in the realm of the impossible.

He took Lily into her bedroom, carrying her like a bride on her honeymoon. He knelt down and laid her body on the soft carpet beside her coffin. He took a moment just to soak up her beauty. Still as ice, warm as toast. Her fur shimmering as the light touched it. Her mouth still open in the most adorable expression of surprise.

"Happy, my little angel?" he whispered.

'I can't imagine being happier,' came a reply inside his mind.

"Telepathy too?" he asked, surprised.

'Why not? After all, little dead squirrels can't talk!' followed by a ghostly giggle.

Thanophile chuckled and tickled her tummy, loving how he could hear her laughter but her beautiful body remained inert.

He turned to the coffin and lifted the lid, intending to slip Lily inside for a pleasant afternoon nap while he sat by her side and simply enjoyed watching her sleep.

But it turned out the coffin was already occupied.

Inside was a shoe box that was still smudged with dirt in a few places. Not realizing the significance at first, Thanophile picked it up, dusted it off and opened it.

Inside, lying on a bed of easter grass, was a little fox with fur the colors of vanilla ice cream and raspberry sherbert. He grinned, understanding now.

He lifted Lily up and laid her down gently on the pink silk, then tucked her favorite plushie beneath her arm.

Even though she was supposed to be dead, she couldn't resist a smile.



The End
...for now





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I never intended to write this one, but my muse knows better than me, and it can be one persistent mofo when it wants.

Lying in bed night after night, masturbating merrily away, my brain conjures all sorts of worlds and characters and scenarios that will never become written stories. Maybe there's nothing to them that could be turned into a linear plot. Maybe there's not enough internal logic. Maybe the characters are too similar to others I've created. Maybe the subject matter is simply too extreme to present to an audience. (Think I'm exaggeratin'?)

But one night I started thinking about a sweet, pudgy little squirrel girl who got off on imagining her own funeral, and about the internet friend she finds to help her make her dream come true. I fell in love with Lily. She charmed me from the start. I came in my hand and I thought that was the end of it. Yet my mind kept returning to her over the next few days. I didn't think there was enough there to base a story on however, even though her character, and Thanophile's, grew more clearly defined every time I thought about them. Eventually though, it got to the point where I could imagine whole conversations between them, for hours, and would completely forget to jerk off! That's when I finally got the message that my muse would not let me alone until I told their story.

I've never been more hesitant when starting a project. Even after exploring my garbage fetish in Down In The Dumps, and doing the hardest hard vore scene I've ever written in All You Can Eat, I still thought this story might make people cringe. Death is simply not a subject a lot of people find sexy. Yet when I finally told a friend about it, his immediate reaction was, 'I want to read that.' Other people expressed similar interest. So, I kept writing. For the most part, this story is set more firmly in reality than my others. I wanted the reader to feel like they had something in common with Lily. And what's more universal these days than meeting a friend on the internet? Like with a lot of my works, I wanted to present an unpopular fetish in a way that says, 'You don't have to like it, I only ask that you try to empathize with those who do'. Even though I don't agree with everything Lily & Thanophile say in the video they make together (their statements are a bit too broad, but I believe in letting my characters say and do whatever's true to their own nature, not necessarily mine), I do think that there's a very strong possibility that ALL of us are perverts on the inside. And that means it's pure foolishness for us to squabble over individual wanking preferences. Picture a million pots and a million kettles, all yapping endlessly about shades of black. That's what kinkbashing looks like to me.

Overall though, I love Lily and Thanophile, just like all my other characters. And the biggest reason I wrote this was to see them happy.

Enormous thanks go to Wolfblade, who I discussed this with over the phone in its very early stages and he had the guts to tell me the original too-simple ending just didn't work. And he was right. I wasn't even sure about it myself. With his help, I changed it, and it made the story about a billion times better. Thank you, Wuffy. :)

Thanks of equal enormousness go to my ever-faithful editor, Alfador. I hope he will not mind me relating that, when I first sent this to him, he sent me a quick reply a short time later, telling me he hadn't done any proofreading yet because he'd been pawing off continuously through the whole thing and his hands were too sticky to use the keyboard! Can you possibly think of higher praise for a porn writer!? I was tickled pink, and still am.

P.S. It took me _months_ to decide on a title for this one. Alfador and I went through dozens. I was originally going to call it "I Love You To Death", but then I remembered that's the name of a Kevin Kline movie. I very nearly went with Alf's suggestion of "I'll Be There When Your Heart Stops Beating", until I found out that's a song title and that the song itself makes me cringe. Something about 'heart' stuck with me though, and a week or so later it just came to me. Further proof that you always find what you're looking for when you finally stop trying.

P.P.S. If this were animated, I'd totally want John Waters to do Sargonicus' voice.



"Love Me Till My Heart Stops"
Started 11/27/07, Finished 12/31/07 (which just happens to be my birthday. Woohoo!)

