

Bartleby And The Land Where Lost Things Go
another hellish tale from Alex Reynard 


AUTHOR'S NOTE: It is highly reccomended that you read Down In The Dumps before this story. Though I explain enough stuff for you if you haven't. It'll just enhance the experience if you do.

WARNING: This story could practically be renamed The Joy Of Filth. It delights in that which is dirty, messy, smelly, taboo and forbidden. It contains every kind of filth you can imagine. EVERY KIND OF FILTH. If that point is somehow unclear to you, you might want to flee immediately.

On the other hand, it will leave you feeling less unclean than a Twilight book. ;)



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~Chapter One~


**SWAT**!!!

Mrs. Schadenfreude's shapely right hand landed on the cherry-red backside of a certain young bat with a sound like a bullwhip cracking.

"Harder please," a trembling voice requested.

The intimidatingly-beautiful educatrix sat primly in her chair with Bartleby Fletch draped over her lap. She wordlessly asked, 'Are you sure?'

Bartleby, blushing, nodded.

***SMACK***!!!

This one was so powerful it made everyone else in the classroom jump in their seats. They'd all felt a minor shockwave from that last mighty butt-explosion.

Bartleby whimpered cutely with tears streaming down his face. He was not normally into pain, not even a little bit. But his teacher had such a remarkably skillful way of applying it that he would have agreed to this purely for the thrill of experiencing a master at work. It was like front row seats at a symphony helmed by a master conductor. She'd even shaved the fur off his butt beforehand for maximum spankability.

Mrs. S. expertly kneaded Bartleby's erection between her thighs, giving little squeezes to the tip in a precise rhythm. On every fifth squeeze, her hand came down again with another earsplitting crack. It was not administering pain that she loved; but finding ways to elevate it into mind-blowing pleasure.

Bartleby fought to keep himself still, to keep on being a good little target for his teacher's sharp swats. Sweat ran down his forehead. His toes and wingfingers clenched. He steeled himself for the next blissful blow. And...

BRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG

He was momentarily struck by the thought that, back in his pre-death life, he never could have imagined a day when the 3:00 bell interrupting a teacher's spanking would be something he'd get annoyed at.

"Oh fiddlesticks," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said with a pout.

Many students giggled.

"Aww, you still had forty-one to go," Bartleby said.

She gave him a pleased smile. "You were keeping count! Good boy!" She glanced to the door where she could already see and hear students emerging from the other classrooms. "Well, I don't want to keep you boys, girls and herms here any longer than you have to be. Thankfully..." she leaned almost horizontally over to rummage behind her desk, "...I always plan for such contingencies. Aha! Here it is!" She lifted it up for the class to see.

"What is THAT!?" Xander couldn't keep himself from blurting.

Bartleby craned his neck to look. Mrs. S. was holding up something shiny, complicated and unfamiliar. Almost like a cross between a grinding wheel and a Rolodex.

"Keep still, Mr. Fletch," the ladymouse ordered sweetly. He obeyed. She positioned the device in front of his raw, red rump. "If any of you have seen a machine for sorting large sums of paper money, perhaps in an action movie, you may get an idea of how this little beauty works."

Bartleby, suddenly getting it, gulped.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude flipped the switch. The machine powered up and hummed.

The other students leaned forward in anticipation. It didn't matter that it was time to go home; this was too good to miss!

"Now, we just set it to forty-one..." She turned a dial on the side with a ratchety sound. "And press the button!"

"EEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEeEEeeeEEeeeEEeEeeeEEeeeeEEeeeEEeeEEeeeEEee!!!!!"

That was the sound Bartleby made as the device spun like a turbine engine and flat metal panels delivered the equivalent of forty-one spanks to his ass in two-point-two seconds.

Tina Lin, in the back of the room, came in her panties. She resolved to stay after class and pester Mrs. Schaddenfreude till she used that thing on her. Preferably set to a thousand.

"Now then, all done!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude helped Bartleby to his feet, as he was not in the best condition for walking at the moment. "Class dismissed everyone! Have a wonderful evening!"

As the rest of the students began to file out, Bartleby craned his neck around to view the battered remnants of his former rump. "Jeeze!!" He quickly willed some pants on to cover the gruesome sight.

Xander and Lexi passed by. "See you tomorrow!" the hyenafemme said.

"You two have fun!" Bartleby replied. He knew (because they'd been talking fanboyishly about it all day) that a kickass new superhero movie had just opened which they planned to see as soon as school let out. Bartleby wasn't in the mood for it today, but said he'd probably catch it over the weekend.

"I promise not to spoil the good parts!" Xander said as he and Lexi exited.

"You better not!" Bartleby turned back to Mrs. Schaddenfreude. "Thanks for the awesome spanking," he said, giving her a hug.

She returned his hug with a grateful smile. Few things made her happier than to hear a student thank her for a punishment. "You're very welcome, Mr. Fletch. You were very brave and cooperative. And *now* will you remember not to misuse apostrophes?"

He chuckled. "If 100 spanks doesn't help me remember, nothing will!"

"There's always brain surgery," she said with a devilish grin.

He didn't know if she was kidding.


	*   *   *   *   *


Out in the hallway, Bartleby navigated through the usual clog of loud, happy students eager to escape school and go commit mayhem. Of course, some paused to take a sip at the drinking fountain, tie their shoe, check their locker or have noisy, sweaty buttsex involving a fire extinguisher.

An unmistakable smell made Bartleby's nose wrinkle as he turned the corner: Mr. Ordure's class. Every teacher in the school had a favorite kink, and each student had been placed by Hell's Giving Force in whichever classroom they'd have the most fun. Bartleby was still surprised by what it said about himself that Mrs. Schaddenfreude had been the best pick for him (although he couldn't deny that she was). Ms. Peristalsis, a hippo, was fond of vore, and usually taught her students while half or more were in her stomach. Mr. Romeo was a happily-incurable nymphomaniac, and all the surfaces in his classroom were sticky. Mrs. Chaste was just the opposite; keeping her students, and herself, in all manner of fiendish orgasm-denial devices. Mrs. Tako's room was literally a pit of undulating tentacles. Mr. & Mrs. Crinkle jointly taught a room of perpetually-diapered students. And Mr. Ordure's class was an open sewer. Literally. It was home to all things stinky and disposable.

Just as he was about to pass by, the door exploded out with a bone-rattling BANG and a tsunami of brown, rancid sludge poured out.

It congealed quickly. Within seconds it had become a massive, ceiling-high mudslide the consistency of dog food (the kind with gravy). Bits of squirming students could be seen struggling within. From inside the room came a very muffled, "Don't forget tonight's homework, kiddos!"

None of the students in the hallway beforehand had been buried in the surprise filth explosion, though several of them were now faced with the dilemma of how to get around it. Most of them slogged through anyway, giggling or holding their noses at the smell, since they could always wish themselves clean anyway. Bartleby wasn't inconvenienced at all: he could simply fly.

As he fluttered over the stinky heap, Mr. Ordure's students were beginning to extricate themselves from the muck with various squelchy-splortchy sounds. Bartleby recognized one pair of wiggling, upside-down paws. Bartleby helpfully hovered over and dragged his feline friend Gillian to safety.

The first thing she did once her head popped free was to take in a huge gulp of air. Then she looked up and smiled. "Oh, Bartleby! Hi! Thanks a lot! I was kinda havin' trouble there." Bartleby lowered her gently to the floor. Since she was upside down, she had to brace herself with her hands, then do a somersault to get back on her feet. "Not surprised it's you. You're like a little rescue helicopter!"

"What IS that stuff?" Bartleby asked, sniffing in the direction of the big brown pile. "Do I even wanna know?"

Gillian (who was so covered in the stuff she looked like a sasquatch), shrugged. "I dunno. Mr. O. was doing a science experiment. He said, 'This'll be really cool', and then kerplowie!" She licked a generous mouthful of the stuff off her paw and chewed it thoughtfully. "It's not bad, whatever it is."

"Probably not beef stew," Bartleby guessed.

She nodded. "Most definitely." Quite suddenly, she perked up. "Oh! I remembered! I kinda wanted to run into you because, um, I wondered if you're free this afternoon."

"Yeah, actually. I was just gonna go home and do computer stuff."

The kitten smiled bashfully. "Is it cool if I come over then? No big special reason. I just had some stuff I wanted to show you. Plus, y'know, I thought it'd be fun to hang out. Maybe yiff if it's cool."

"Sure! I wouldn't mind some yiffing. Plus there's a video game online I wanted to show you." He chuckled. "Though you might wanna wash off first."

She laughed too. "Yeah. I don't imagine you want this stuff smeared all over your room." She took another taste of it, then closed her eyes and concentrated. She shimmered for a bit, then was sparklingly clean again. "Voila!"

Gillian was dressed in a traditional school uniform: white blouse, tie and green plaid skirt. She'd worn the outfit her first day as kind of a joke, but enough people had given her compliments on it that she'd decided to wear it every day. Several people, including Bartleby, had noticed that the skirt matched her eyes.

"Wanna just portal out from here?" Bartleby asked.

"No, I think I'd like to walk for a bit. I like the smell in class, but after a few hours you're sorta looking forward to fresh air.."

"I can imagine." Bartleby started off for the exit and Gillian followed, taking his paw in hers.

Then abruptly she stopped, meowed in alarm, turned around, ran to the sludge pile and rammed her arm right into the side of it up to the elbow.

Bartleby was briefly baffled. "Uh..."

With a sound like extracting her arm from a dinosaur's anus, Gillian pulled free. She held up something so encrusted with filth it was unguessable. Her cheeks flushed a little.

"Forgot my glasses."


	*   *   *   *   *


After wishing herself clean for a second time, the calico and her bat friend left the building. Outside it was every season at once, as usual (since different parts of Hell, especially populous areas, existed in many different environments and time periods simultaneously). Today it was a bit more winter than anything else. It was January after all. But even though there was snow on approximately 3/4ths of the ground, no area was anything more unpleasant than bracingly chilly. Only a few children wore heavy coats. For most, fur was sufficient. Bartleby was a bit shivery, but since it was just a short walk to the nearest Matter Disintegrator Tube, he mostly ignored it.

"I know you're not into trash as much as I am, but being in Mr. Ordure's class has really been an awesome experience for me!" Gillian said. She gave her friend's paw a grateful squeeze. "I'll never get tired of thanking you for getting me to stop being such a shut-in and go to school here."

"You're welcome," Bartleby replied. "So what kinda stuff do you do in class?" Even though he knew he wasn't keen on a lot of the things Gillian liked, he was nonetheless curious to hear about them.

"Lots more than I ever expected!" she said with enthusiasm. "Lots of sciency stuff. We do math and reading like any other class, but Mr. Ordure likes biology best. Not surprising, huh?"

Bartleby nodded. Most of the world's stinky things did come from living organisms.

"We've done dissections, mostly on each other, and looked at owl pellets. We've looked at all the bodily fluids under a microscope. We took a trip to a forest to watch things rot. We've been to the recycling center once, plus two different landfills! I got lots of great souvenirs both times!"

"Snacks too?" Bartleby gently teased.

She grinned. "You bet."

He giggled. "I should've known!"

"But I think the coolest part," Gillian continued, becoming slightly more serious, "is how there's a whole variety of stuff people like in class. Yet we're all cool with it. I'm mostly a trashfur myself, of course. A lot of the kids like poop; I'm only sorta-kinda into that. Pee's fine. Vomit's something I don't like doing but I don't mind if someone else wants to. Heck, one kid in class only likes toilets. That's his only thing: toilets. Yet nobody's a dickweed about it, y'know? It's not like, 'You're a sicko for liking that!', and that's really nice."

"Well, this *is* the Naughty Level," Bartleby pointed out. Meaning that people here tended to be nice to one another regardless.

"It's more than that," Gillian said. Her tail twitched pensively. "Like, the friends I hang out with when Loretta takes me to the dump? There's a few of them who ONLY like garbage, and they seem kinda... I dunno. Smug about it. Clique-ish." She frowned, trying to find the words to fit her thoughts. "Okay; someone like you, Bartleby, probably thinks trash and poop are pretty much on the same level, right? In terms of 'yuck factor'?"

"I suppose so."

"Right. But some of my friends think that trash is way, WAY more normal than stuff like poop or snuff or diapers. It's so ridiculous! I've actually *seen* one of them root through trash bags with me, *including* dirty diapers, and then not an hour later heard them talk about how weird it is to wanna wear 'em!"

Bartleby snickered.

Gillian shrugged. "I guess... I guess no matter what you're into, everybody wants to think they're normal."

"...And for some people, that means calling other people weirdos," Bartleby agreed. "I know what you mean." They'd reached the Tube station, but didn't go in yet. Bartleby noticed this subject seemed to be very personal to Gillian. She looked upset. Not as though she were about to cry, but as if she were remembering unpleasant memories. "Is that what people used to treat you like when you told them about liking garbage?"

The calico silently nodded. "Um... That and other things too. Back when I was alive, I _never_ told anyone about liking trash. But I still got that attitude for my glasses, or for not liking TV shows everyone else liked, or whatever. Dumb stuff. Even here in Hell, where people are a lot more accepting, I still get weird looks sometimes when I mention trash. So it was really uncomfortable seeing my trash friends saying that kinda stuff too. It was like, 'You should know better. You've felt this way yourself'."

Bartleby sighed. "I guess the Naughty Level doesn't make everyone perfect. We've still got little bits of jerk-ness in us."

That made her chuckle. "Well, YOU don't. You're a sweetie." She bent over and kissed his head.

Bartleby wiggled. "Thanks."

He opened the door for her and they entered the Tube station together. They had just enough time for a hug before they were blasted into atoms and shot at unimaginable speeds across Hell's twisted distances.


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~Chapter Two~


Snacks flowed freely from the mini-fridge in Bartleby's cozy cave room.

The Tube station had let them out at exactly their intended destination: an insta-portal had snapped open over Bartleby's bed with a fiery flash, tumbling them both out onto it. Terry was there to greet them with many loving licks from his little felt tongue. Gillian and the eager li'l Real Plushie were well-acquainted. She adored him. She tickled under his chin and made him squirm in bliss.

Bartleby booted up his computer (which only took three seconds) while Gillian whirled over a wheeled chair to sit beside him. They bumped butts and giggled. Terry jumped up onto her lap for some petting. Both he and Gillian purred

For several happy hours the threesome engaged their eyes as well as their mouths. They consumed mass quantities of the aforementioned snacks while watching the video clips Gillian had brought over on her 616gb flash drive. A few were general funny stuff, but most were fascinating mini-documentaries about scientists working in Hell.

Bartleby had initially been confused by that, since he'd thought Hell had no physics. But as the clips explained, even though Hell was a dimension of pure energy and thought, that didn't mean it was magic. It was still subject to its own internally-consistent laws. Most denizens experienced Hell as a virtual reality playground where anything they imagined could become real. But unlike VR, everything in Hell really WAS real. And it was possible for perception alone to dictate reality. One scientist made the metaphor of a river made of living water: everything in it could take on any shape it wanted, because nothing was solid and everything was made of the same substance. But, he said, there was still a riverbed. And there were still forces that acted upon the river, even if they were imperceptible to the river itself. Scientists still had plenty of challenges in Hell, unlocking the secrets of what was behind the world measurable by their senses.

It was heavy stuff. After a while, Gillian could tell Bartleby's brains were starting to boggle. She suggested they cool down by playing the video game he'd mentioned. "Huh? What video game?" It took him a few more moments to come back to reality. Terry bit him a few times to help.

Bartleby noogied his fox friend and clicked on the game. It was like a demolition derby. Players started with stock vehicles, customized them with all manner of evil, spiky, explodey things, then went head-to-head until only one remained. Bartleby had noticed that one of the vehicles you could start from was a garbage truck, which was why he'd thought of Gillian. Naturally she chose it, and while armoring it up, she also customized it to look like the one Mrs. Mackenzie drove.

The garbage truck was powerful and hard to hurt, but it was slow. Bartleby chose a speedy red ATV that was weak but maneuverable as a mosquito. The hood-mounted machine guns helped too.

While Terry napped on Gillian's lap, the two friends fought online against other car competitors in a huge arena based on Roman ruins. Bartleby, to his surprise, won two out of seven matches. Though not much of a gamer, he was starting to develop good instincts from all his experience playing against Lexi. Gillian, who rarely played video games, didn't win any matches, but still had plenty of fun rolling over other vehicles and crunching them up in her back end.

"Wanna go again?" Bartleby asked after the guy in the bomb-launching Weinermobile had done him in for the second time.

Gillian stretched, letting out an adorable feline yawn. Terry blinked briefly. "Actually, we've been sitting for a while. I think I need to stretch."

Bartleby got up too. He unfolded his wings to their limit with several satisfying pops. "Good idea."

The canny calico glanced meaningfully at his bed. "That's not the kind of stretching I had in mind, Bartleby..."

"Oooh! Better idea!"

Bartleby literally flew out of his chair and bounced onto his mattress. He watched Gillian get up slowly, cradling Terry in the crook of her arm. She sauntered over to the bed, stepping delicately and deliberately. She looked at him and licked her lips. Bartleby grinned and shivered just a little. Though normally quite shy, Gillian was still a predator species. And also a little older than him. So she could be intimidating when she wanted to be. Bartleby liked it.

Gillian's tail swayed like a snake. She bared her claws and pounced!

She managed simultaneously to plop Terry down on Bartleby's crotch while landing a kiss on her bat friend's fuzzy muzzle. She hugged him close and purred into the kiss. They both giggled.

Gillian gave Bartleby a warm smile, flashing her pretty fangs as she did. "You're tasty, Bartleby."

"So, what did you have in mind?" he asked.

She put her finger to her lips in thought. She normally wasn't too adventurous in yiff, but she found herself in a playful mood at the moment. Perhaps all the video game mayhem had revved her up. "Um... you've had a lot of, uh, 'experience' with Xander, right?"

"Well, yeah..." he said.

She tensed up in excited nervousness. "So, um, you'd know how, right? To yiff me? In... umm... the other place?"

Bartleby got it. "Oh! In the butt!"

"Yes!" she squeaked, then blushed scarlet. "...It was kinda hard to come right out and say it."

"Sure, we could do that," Bartleby said softly, easing her worries with a nose nuzzle.

"Oh, okay. I've definitely been curious, I just didn't know who to ask about trying it."

"First: clothes off," Bartleby instructed. Gillian agreed that was a good idea and soon had her blouse over her head. She kicked her skirt off onto the floor. Bartleby willed his shirt off rather than having to finagle it over his wings, then shucked his shorts and plopped them on Terry's head with a giggle. Terry 'Erf?'ed cutely.

The plush fox worked his way out from under the pants. "May I watch, please? I always like to see you having fun." His pleading eyes were full of devotion.

Gillian squeaked again. "He's sooooo cute!! Can he join us, Bartleby?"

"Of course. If you want to, Terry."

The little fox jumped to his feet, tail wagging. "Yes I would! Please, just tell me what to do!"

Gillian could barely contain herself at his eagerness. She opened her arms for a hug and caught Terry as he joyfully pounced her. She stroked his artificial fur. "Actually, Terry, I was thinking of you from the start. I was kinda hoping you'd..." she giggled shyly, "...eat my pussy."

The foxie licked his lips. "Yum! I've had Lexi's before and she's super-tasty! I'd *love* to try yours!"

"Okay, awesome!" Gillian said. "I'll lie on my side and give you both room to do your stuff." She looked down to Bartleby's crotch. "What a handsome boner!"

The little bat's sausage was indeed on display. "Thanks," he chuckled.

"Do we need any lube?" she asked. "I've heard it's really tight back there."

He grinned. "Nope! Naughty Level, remember?"

"Oh cool!" She turned over on her side, revealing her pretty kitty tush. She helpfully glided her tail out of the way. "Go right ahead..."

"May I start now too?" Terry asked, practically vibrating.

"Hee hee! Of course, little guy!" She let him go and he went straight for her crotch like a fuzzy comet. First he paused to take in a deep breath, enjoying the sexy odor of Gillian's petite pink opening. He touched his nose to it. Gillian cooed at the tiny touch of warm fabric.

Bartleby snuggled up behind her. Her fur was thicker than his and very soft. He rubbed his cheek on her shoulder. "Mmmm. You feel nice."

"Thank you," she whispered. She wrapped her long tail around his waist, coaxing him closer. Then she gave a sudden yelp as Terry took his first taste of her!

Bartleby could tell how much Terry was enjoying himself by his energetic tail-wagging.

Gillian purred and moaned. "Oh Terry! Thank you! Wow, you're really going at it!"

Bartleby smiled. "He loves knowing when he's making someone happy. He loves to slurp my wiener too. Such a good boy." He reached over to skritch Terry's back and tailbase.

The little fox was in paradise. Good smells, yummy flavors and loving touches!

Bartleby kissed Gillian. "Okay, I'll start now." He reached down to toggle his penis into position. He shivered uncontrollably at the feel of her wonderful fur brushing against his sensitive hardon. He did his best to compose himself and line it up just right. He'd had more practice being on the receiving end of butt-yiffings, but Xander had let him 'plug the mole hole' on several occasions.

Gillian arched her back and curled her toes when she felt Bartleby slide in. "OH! It's so smooth! I didn't expect it to be!"

"Well, your tailhole's self-lubricating. Everyone's is in Naughty. Plus I'm not a cat, so no barbs."

"That's right," she remembered. "I'm used to thinking about cat's weenies. It's weird; even though I know most boys don't have the barbs, I still can't help but picture them that way at first."

"Did you think *I* had them before you first saw mine?" Bartleby asked, surprised.

She blushed. "Yes! It's sorta automatic."

"I could grow some. At least, I think I could."

Gillian 'Eep!'ed. "No! That's okay! It was thoughtful of you to ask though. Barbs are cool to look at and kinda exciting to fantasize about, but not at all fun in reality."

"When did you find that out?" he asked.

"One of my classmates, Stefan. We did it right there on the desks, but Mr. Ordure made us cut it out because we were yowling too much. I'm pretty sure that was the same day Mr. Romeo got me in the lunch line. Put me right up on the counter and made everyone else detour around us!" 

Bartleby chuckled. "He's yiffed everyone in the whole school by now, hasn't he?"

"Has he ever got *you*?" she asked with a purr.

Bartleby _blushed_. "...Yeah; in the first floor boy's bathroom."

Gillian and Terry both giggled.

"Enough talk!" Gillian said, suddenly becoming bold from all the naughty memories. "C'mon, Bartleby and fill my hiney!"

"Right away!" He'd been inside her the whole time during their brief conversation. Now he pushed in as far as he could go, then pulled back and just as quickly thrust it back in.

Gillian's loud meow conveyed quite effectively how much she'd enjoyed that.

Terry was up to his muzzle in kitty-petals by now. His nose was all the way inside as he explored with his tongue. Gillian's girlhoney had soaked his muzzle all the way to his stuffing. He knew he'd smell like her for a while now, and enjoyed the idea quite a bit.

Bartleby held his breath, then let it out slow. He timed it with his movements in and out of Gillian. Sharp breath in as he thrust, hold hold hold, then ease it out with an exhale. Gillian liked the little puff of air on her neckfur.

Gillian was in calico ecstacy. Boys on both sides! A handsome bat and his adorable plush, both showing her such care and attention. She did her best to reach forward and behind at the same time; to caress Terry and Bartleby both in gratitude. She lovingly stroked Terry's headfur and along his back, urging him on. She ran gentle fingers along Bartleby's big ears. She knew they were sensitive. She even played footsie with him, wrapping her soft feet around his furless ones and teasing them with her leathery pads.

Bartleby's eyes were closed, focusing all his concentration on his sense of touch. Gillian's tunnel was warm and welcoming. It eagerly invited him inside. Her tail was curled around his. The tickles made him twitch. And what she was doing with her paws and feet! He felt like Gillian was trying to melt into him!

Terry was determined to go deeper. He filled Gillian's cunny with his long, toony muzzle. He intended to lick every last millimeter of her nether regions til they sparkled. Plus, she was delicious! Savory and exciting!

The trio's lovemaking was so careful and gentle that the bed did not creak. Perhaps it was too worn out to, from Bartleby's more vigorous romps on it. Either way, the fox, bat and cat were mostly quiet. Just the sounds of breathing and pleasurable moans. Like soft music.

Whenever Bartleby thought he couldn't go deeper, he was proven blissfully wrong on the next thrust. Or at least it felt that way. Gillian's anus was hugging him tight. Bartleby had expected her virgin tailhole to be much less easy to get into. A difficult lock to pick. But instead, Gillian's enjoyment of the act was reflected by her body. She wanted him there. Wanted him to explore as deeply as possible.

Gillian began to gently push on the back of Terry's head. She wanted him to go deeper too.

Like a locomotive gaining steam, Bartleby began to increase his speed. He still paid attention to every thrust though. He could feel the corona of his cocktip rub against the yielding insides of her tailhole, then bump into the tight ring of its entrance. He pulled all the way out to experience the intensity of it coming free, the splash of released lubricating fluid, then the tightness as he pushed it in again.

Gillian mewed helplessly, letting herself be overtaken by sensation. She let her mind blank out. All that existed was touch. Bartleby inside her. Terry inside her. She felt like her body was surrounded in a halo of love.

Terry was a bit surprised when Gillian pressed harder and he felt his cheeks pop into her. All he could see was dark pink.

Bartleby squirmed on the sheets as he nuzzled Gillian lovingly and thrust even faster. He was coming close. The Bartleby Express was nearing the train station.

Gillian moaned and cooed and pushed Terry in with more force. More! More! Oh, his soft fur felt so good inside her!

Terry felt his ears slip in. His whole head was slick with kittyjuice now. The aroma of Gillian was omnipresent, making him feel a little giddy. He continued to lap valiantly at everything he could reach with his tongue. Since he was a toony fox, his head was almost bigger than the rest of his body. So he knew what was inevitably going to happen...

"Gillian..." Bartleby whispered. "I'm gonna..."

"Yes, Bartleby!" she murred. "Give me your cum! You can do it inside, or splash on my fur! Anything's okay!"

She frantically pawed at Terry, slipping one of his arms inside, then the other.

'Sure is dark in here,' he thought.

Bartleby grit his teeth. He stiffened. His whole body tensed. Gillian's tail held him tighter. He pushed as deep as he could within her and felt his flood unleash. Hot bat cum surged through Gillian's tunnel.

Gillian tipped back her head and yowled in feline ecstacy. She gave a great shove and felt Terry pop into her almost all the way. With a blast of kittycum, she reached her peak.

Terry was pretty sure he came too, but he was so wet already it was hard to tell.

Panting, happy, and feeling sleepy like always, Bartleby dotted Gillian's neck with little kisses. "Thank you. That was great, Gillian," he whispered.

"No, thank *you*, Bartleby! That was wonderful!" She rolled over to finally face him, so she could give him the kiss he deserved.

They locked lips and held each other close. Gillian's purr thrummed soothingly through both of them.

"Where's Terry?" Bartleby asked.

"Oh!" Gillian blushed and giggled. She scooted back to let Bartleby see.

He burst out laughing.

Two little wiggling brown paws were poking out of her cunny. Along with his tailtip, that was all of Terry that could be seen.

Bartleby tickled his plushie's plump toes. "Want any help getting out of there?"

"Thanks but no thanks!" Terry said from inside, his voice understandably muffled by her muff.

"Actually, if Terry doesn't mind..." Gillian reached down to push against the little squirming feet.

Terry barked in happiness. "Yes!"

"Foxie wants to go inside, huh?" Gillian smiled and shut her eyes as she concentrated and gently pushed.

With another POP, Terry vanished. Gillian shuddered as she orgasmed again and sent another squirt of cum onto Bartleby's sheets.

Bartleby watched in wonder. Not only was it cool to watch Terry go up the chute, but he was impressed by Gillian's squirt. Lexi could, obviously, but he'd heard it was a rare trait in most girls. He didn't worry about her cum on his sheets though. He never bothered to clean up little sex messes. The stains disappeared anyway, and it left the bed smelling yiffy.

Gillian sighed with satisfaction. "All inside!" She rubbed her petals. "No sign of him. He's in my womb now. I feel like a mommy!"

Bartleby patted her belly. He could feel the extra roundness Terry added. It was hard to believe his favorite plush was really in there.

Gillian suddenly sat straight up. "OH!"

"What is it?" Bartleby asked.

She looked incredibly bashful. "Um... I hate to cut things short, especially since I was hoping for more cuddling, but... um... I *really* have to go poop now!!"

He chortled. "No problem! I know the exact feeling! Bathroom's just around the corner."

"Thanks Bartleby!" she said, and darted off.

The little bat chuckled, remembering all the times he'd felt a similar urge after Xander, or Criss, or Razielphustar, had finished poking him in the patoot. Not so much after he'd been yiffed by Beelzebub though. You don't need to go to the bathroom after the Devil fucks you because, frankly, there's not enough of you left to do so.

Bartleby expected Gillian to be gone a while, so it was a surprise when she suddenly ran back into the room. And even more oddly, she looked like she'd just been scared halfway to a second death!

"Your toilet just tried to EAT me!!!" she shouted.

Bartleby sat up. This was serious. "It's never done that before."

Gillian was upset but managed to get herself under control. She reminded herself that this was the Naughty Level and she was always safe here. She knew nothing bad could happen. Still, it had definitely startled her. "I just sat down like normal. I was rubbing my tummy a little, feeling Terry wiggle in there. Um, I even touched myself a little cuz... Um..."

She was so cute when she was nervous. "You can tell me," Bartleby coaxed.

"Well... I told you I'm not really into poop stuff? But I do like to 'go' in other places. Like, besides my own bathroom. There's something exciting and naughty about pooping in a public place. Or at a friend's house! It's something private and secret, and you're doing it in a totally unfamiliar place!"

Bartleby could see how that could be exciting to someone.

"Plus it's kind of embarrassing too. I mean, it wouldn't be very nice of me to leave a log right on your bed, but here I am about to drop one just a few feet away!"

"I can honestly say I've never thought of it that way," Bartleby said. "But what's this about the toilet trying to eat you?"

"Oh, right!!" she remembered. "I guess it was more unexpected than scary, but I was just starting to push when I felt, like, this vortex! It was like there was a tiny hurricane in there, trying to suck me in!!"

Bartleby raised an eyebrow.

"You believe me, right?" Gillian asked timidly.

"Absolutely," Bartleby reassured. "I"m just trying to think of what could've caused it." He got up off the bed and walked over to the bathroom door.

Gillian stood behind him, tail twitching.

"Let's just see about this carnivorous potty," Bartleby said bravely.

Slowly he turned the doorknob...

Slowly he eased the door open...

They looked inside together.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Bartleby walked over to the toilet. No hurricane here. The water didn't even have ripples.

"I'm telling the truth! It really did happen!" Gillian insisted.

Bartleby nodded and patted her paw. "It's okay. If you say it did, it did. I know you wouldn't lie to me." He reached out to flush it anyway, just in case. "I'm curious though as to-

WHHHRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHHHH!!!!!

The moment Bartleby flushed, the toilet sprung its trap. Just as Gillian had said, gale force suction was coming out of the bowl, trying to pull the bat and cat inside!

Gillian clung tight to Bartleby. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" she shouted over the roar of the wind.

"I HAVE NO IDEA!" He tried to back away, but the toilet-tornado was too strong. His feet slipped on the smooth tile floor. "WHOOPS!"

For just a second, Bartleby, with Gillian clinging onto him, was airborne.

Then that swirling maelstrom inside his toilet was all that he could see. The sound of wind and rushing water was deafening. The opening swirled, growing larger as he fell headlong into it.

The two children vanished inside the hungry porcelain maw.

The winds ceased immediately.

The lid flopped closed with a clatter and the bathroom was as silent as it had been before.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Three~


Water surrounding them, churning, surging, tumbling. Gillian held tight for dear life as the irresistible current swept her and Bartleby along to whoever knew where. Everything was pitch black. Their ears were filled with a wall of noise: rushing water and clanging metal. They were somewhere in the pipes, travelling downward and downward, but turning at crazy angles every second. Bartleby's air was starting to run out. He was just about to will himself to stop worrying about breathing when-


	*   *   *   *   *


With an unceremonious 'sploosh', the pipe abruptly ended and spit Bartleby and Gillian out.

The duo were airborne for a second before thudding into a wet, grimy concrete sidewalk. As they got to their feet, sputtering and disoriented, they thought they'd been disgorged into an area where it was currently nighttime. But actually, they were underground.

Gillian's glasses had been lost in transit, so she willed them into existence on her muzzle. "Oh! We're in a sewer. That makes sense."

Bartleby shook the water from his ears and looked around too.

They were on a walkway on the edge of a wide underground river. The walls were red brick, pockmarked and bumpy from erosion. Every few feet along the arched ceiling, a caged lightbulb provided timid illumination. To his left Bartleby could make out a four-way intersection, and to his right the pipe gently curved out of sight. The walkway they were on was plenty wide enough, which was good because Bartleby had no desire at all to slip and fall in the water below. It looked unimaginably filthy. Brackish black with tinges of green and brown. Occasionally he'd see something bobbing in it and not want to know what it was. The sound of rushing water was everpresent and surprisingly calming. Though the smell here was so bad, Bartleby had to concentrate and turn off his nose.

Actually, that was strange.

Gillian, however, took in a deep breath and purred. "Mmmm! I like it down here!" Then she looked at Bartleby and saw his sour expression. "Oh! I guess you... don't?"

"Not really," he understated. "Actually, something weird just happened. You know how normally when I'm with you and we go someplace stinky, my nose'll get used to the bad smell right away and I won't mind it so much?"

"Mm-hmm," she nodded.

"That didn't happen," he said. "I got a whiff, it was awful, and I had to will my sense of smell completely away."

She shrugged. "Well, try it again."

Bartleby looked around at the damp walls, grime, nasty water and, yes, now he could see bugs and slugs too. And was that a squeaking sewer rat he heard? He was not enthusiastic about this. "Okay..." He switched his nose back on and tried another reluctant sniff.

From his expression, Gillian could tell it hadn't worked. Bartleby looked like he had a mouthful of barf. "Sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault," he replied when he'd switched his olfactory back to off.

Gillian looked around again, smiling. "Actually, this reminds me of something else I wanted to tell you." She swiveled her paws on the slimy concrete and liked how it felt. "We're going on another field trip next week. Mr. Ordure's gonna take us on a tour of the sewers of Paris!"

This confused Bartleby twice. "One; why would you want to tour a sewer? And two; isn't Paris kinda back on Earth? Where we can't go? Because we're dead?"

"Well, it's a replica," she admitted. "Of the whole city, I mean."

"Oh! Right!" Bartleby felt foolish. There were actually many of Earth's locations, from many different time periods, recreated in various places in Hell. It made sense that people would want to spend their afterlife in lands they'd grown to love. He'd even thought about taking a trip to Cairo someday to see the pyramids. (Especially since they let you slide down these ones!)

Gillian went on. "Also, Paris has one of the most remarkable sewer systems in the world. It perfectly mirrors the streets above, so if you had a map, you could totally move all around the city underground. Plus, I think the architecture's quite beautiful."

Bartleby made an impressed sound. "Okay, that does sound kinda neat."

"And after that we'd be doing the Louvre and jumping off the Eiffel tower, of course."

"Of course," Bartleby concurred.

The only sound besides their voices and the water was that of drips falling from the ceiling and echoing eerily off into the darkness.

"It's kinda creepy here. Maybe we should move on?" he suggested, not sure if Gillian might want to stay longer.

She nodded. "Sure. There's nothing much here anyway. I wonder where we are? You know Hell; we could be a continent away from your room or just underneath it."

Bartleby perked up, having an idea. "Terry would know! Real Plushies have all sorts of helpful knowledge programmed into them."

"Oh! I was *wondering* why you didn't have a Hell-o-phone in your room! Terry does the same thing, right? Answer all your questions about stuff?"

"Right! He's like a little information booth with fur."

Gillian chuckled and spread her legs a bit. "Terry!" she called into her cunny. "Come on out!"

A moment later they saw a little black nose appear. Terry wriggled out his head and dripped some Gillian-juice on the ground. (Gillian shuddered pleasantly and bit her lip.) The fox looked around quizzically. "How'd we end up here?"

"A toilet ate us up," Bartleby explained.

"Ohhhh," said Terry. "That seems to happen to you a lot, doesn't it?"

"Mm-hmm. Dunno why," Bartleby shrugged. "Anyway, do you know where we are?"

Terry looked for a moment like he was about to deliver an answer. Then he paused. Then he looked confused. Then he looked a little scared.

Bartleby didn't like this. "Terry?"

The plush fox looked from bat to cat. "I don't know how it's possible but... I don't know where we are at all! I don't think we're even in Hell anymore!"

Gillian gasped. She jumped a little, smooshing Terry between her thighs (he did not mind). "That can't be! I mean, Mr. Ordure said it was *impossible* to just accidentally leave Hell!"

"Mrs. Schaddenfreude said the same thing." Bartleby looked back to Terry. "Are you sure?"

The fox concentrated hard. "Normally when you ask me something, I'll feel a little tingle from Hell's main office as it wires me the answer. But right now, I'm not getting *anything* from them! So either the lines are down... Or more likely..." He whimpered. "We're really, really lost..."

Bartleby had almost forgotten what true fear felt like.

Now, he remembered.

And then his ears picked up a faint sound approaching. A boat motor.

"I think someone's coming," he told Gillian.

She smiled in relief. "They can help us and tell us where we are!"

Bartleby wasn't so confident. "Actually... This doesn't look like the friendliest place ever. Maybe we'd better duck out of sight until we can see who they are first."

"Okay, good idea. There's a corner this way." Bartleby hadn't echolocated, so it was no surprise Gillian's sharp night vision had seen it when he hadn't. She pulled him by the paw into the black shadows. 

The two young furs hid behind the brick corner and waited.

The boat motor got louder.


	*   *   *   *   *


Soon Bartleby could hear voices. Mumbles at first, then he realized it was humming. Then the hum became a song. A song belted out in a girl's voice, loud enough to echo for miles.

          "I'm a stinky sewer rat!
          My ears are big and my tail is fat!
          My feet are like a pair of skiiiiiiiis!!!
          So won't you live in the sewer with meee!"

This was followed by a fit of giggles from three distinct voices. Bartleby and Gillian had to admit, they were giggling too.

Indistinct shapes melted out of the blackness. Bartleby & Gillian ducked back behind the corner. Soon they heard the boat's motor die down to a sputter and the loud 'BONK' of it docking beside the walkway. Although it'd sounded like porcelain hitting concrete instead of metal or wood.

"Here's the drain," a boy's voice said, sounding disappointed and a little puzzled.

"False alarm?" said another boy.

"They're around here. Just hiding I bet," the girl said assuredly. "COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARRRRRE!!!" she bellowed.

Who could resist a command like that? It had been loud enough to make the river ripple. Bartleby, tail between his legs, peeked out from around the corner.

"I see ears!" the girl said.

A moment later, he saw her too. Gillian stepped cautiously out from behind him and now everyone could see each other.

Out in front was the loud girl. She was indeed a rat. But from the positively beaming smile on her face, Bartleby and Gillian could tell they had nothing to fear from this trio. The ratgirl was about as tall as Gillian and looked athletic and mischievous. She had messy brown hair and near-white grey fur. She wore nothing but a dirty, rumpled pair of overalls. Her feet peeked out from the bottom and they were indeed quite long.

Standing beside her was a young canine whose species was hard to guess at a glance. He had the dark grey fur of a wolf, but the wiry build of a fox. He looked cautiously suspicious, sizing up Bartleby and Gillian, but trying not to be obvious about it for politeness' sake. He wore only a large black t-shirt, with his male bits dangling freely below.

Behind them stood a boy about as tall as the wolf/fox, with a round face and a slender body. They guessed he was a skunk, but it was hard to tell because, if he wasn't made entirely out of poo at the moment, he was certainly covered head to toe in it.

"Um, you seem to be poop," Bartleby said without thinking.

"Oh! Er. Right. Sorry about that. Let me change back," he said apologetically.

"Actually..." the rat said, bouncing over to him. She took a lick and a nibble from one of his paws. "You might be even tastier like this," she said with a playful grin.

He smiled to her and gave his whole body a shake. Bits of shit went in all directions, but thankfully not on anyone. Within a few seconds he was back to his usual self. He was indeed a skunk, with pristine white fur on his face and paws. He had on a red plaid shirt and bluejeans, from which he pulled a pair of round wire-frame glasses. "Sorry about that. I fell out of the boat and got eaten by an alligator a little ways back. Forgot to un-digest myself."

Bartleby had plenty of experience with being digested. And Lexi often stayed as poop for a while afterwards too. "No problem, I'm used to it."

"I like your glasses!" Gillian said approvingly.

"Yours too," the little skunk replied politely.

The ratgirl took it upon herself to start the greetings. She strode forward and offered her furless paw for a shake. "I'm Lena Tallevasco! Who're you guys?"

"Gillian Baxter," she said, shaking Lena's paw.

Bartleby did too. "I'm Bartleby Fletch."

The canine boy chuckled at the name, but not in a mean way.

"This is my brother, Justin. He's a wolffox, by the way," Lena introduced.

"Hi," he said shyly, and shook their paws.

Then Lena gave the young skunk a little hug. "And this is our daddy, Adam."

"Daddy!?" Gillian and Bartleby asked simultaneously.

He chuckled. "I look a bit young, don't I?" He closed his eyes and took a breath. Then, in a motion so smooth and flowing it was hard to even tell it had happened, he went from being a little boy to a kneeling full-grown man in mere seconds.

"I get it!" Bartleby said. "I remember Razielphustar telling me that you can be whatever age you want in Hell."

"That's right," Adam said. "Even though I do love caring for these two little fuzzballs..." he pulled Justin and Lena close for a hug, "...when I was alive I never really grew up inside. So, now I switch. I spend some of my time little, then literally grow up whenever I need to do Daddy stuff. Like noogies." And with that he demonstrated on both the rat and wolffox. They giggled and squirmed, but their smiles showed crystal clear how much they loved it. After the noogie attack, Adam shrunk back to kid-size again.

Gillian had a question for Justin and Lena. "So, did you switch species when you got here or are you-"

"Adopted," Lena answered. "And proud of it!" she added, giving Adam another hug.

"We can tell you more, but why don't we get in the boat first?" Justin suggested.

"Um, where are we going?" Bartleby asked.

"To Wastopia," Lena said. And her eyes and smile sparkled with excitement as she did.

"We were out fishing when the alarm went off," Adam said, pointing to a small round device on the bow of the boat with a steady yellow light. "That meant new visitors, and it also meant we were the closest to the drain they'd come in from. There's drains all over. We really don't get many new people though. But we're happy to welcome you both. That's why we weren't surprised to come across two naked kids in a sewer."

Bartleby and Gillian both fidgeted a little bit as they realized they'd never put their clothes back on after yiffing.

Adam didn't appear to mind. "Did you two die together or separately?"

The cat and bat were both puzzled by this question.

"I think I died months before you, Bartleby," Gillian said. "Probly at least a year."

"A year!?" Justin said, as if that didn't make any sense at all.

Bartleby nodded. "Yeah and I've been in Hell, what...? Geez, nearly a year myself."

"I get it now!" Lena exclaimed. "Not totally though. See, we thought you'd just died. Like, today. Most of the time when people come to Wastopia they're new souls."

"I thought they seemed pretty casual about the whole thing," Justin said. "No crying or screaming or 'Where the fuck am I' type stuff."

"Nope, got that out of the way a long time ago," Bartleby chuckled.

"All we know is one minute we're hangin' out together, the next, Bartleby's toilet eats us up and drops us here!" Gillian supplied.

Adam scratched his chinfur thoughtfully. "That's odd. It's rare we get visitors from your neck of the woods. And I've definitely never heard of cat-eating toilets before."

"We can figure this out on the way home," Justin said. "Sorry to push, but I'm actually gettin' pretty hungry."

Lena checked her watch. "Oop, he's right. Dinnertime's pretty close." She turned to where their boat was docked. "C'mon!" she said as she hopped in. Justin followed.

Gillian got in next. Lena helped her down and flicked her playfully with her tail afterwards. Both girls giggled.

For the first time, Bartleby registered the fact that their boat was... A bathtub. And that's all it was. No sails, no oars, no motor. Yet he knew he'd heard a motor. He shrugged mentally. Weirder things had happened. Justin and Lena both took his winghands in their paws to steady him as he stepped in.

"All cubs on deck!" Adam said brightly as he climbed in too. He settled in at the helm with his arm over the side.

The other kids all sat down. Bartleby found it was quite comfy. The cool porcelain felt nice on his fur and paws. Plus there was more than enough space for five young furs. (Plus a bucket in the back filled with horrible, slimy contents. They said they'd been fishing, but not what they'd been fishing *for*...) Also, everyone ended up with their feet together and their fur tickled.

"Hey, someone else with furless feet," Lena remarked approvingly.

"Yours are bigger," he said in a complimentary way, figuring she'd like that.

She did. "Thank you!" She touched her soles to his and kneaded them.

Justin leaned onto his sister and put his arm around her. "I like 'em too." He gave her a smooch on the cheek, then blushed and looked back at Bartleby. "I hope it doesn't squick you that I just kissed my sister."

Bartleby shook his head in a 'no problem' way. (Gillian did too.) "I don't mind. My friend Xander yiffs his mon 'n dad every day."

Justin grinned. "Really? Cool!"

Adam chuckled.  "Everyone ready?"

"Aye aye, Cap'n Daddy!" said Lena.

Adam patted the side of the boat and an unseen motor roared to life. The tub-boat pulled away from the walkway and headed off down the tunnel. It was then Bartleby noticed that it had never actually been anchored to anything.

Lena gave the tub a gentle pat. "Boats are like pets here. They're not exactly 'alive', but all you have to do is treat 'em nice and tell them your destination and they'll take you where you want to go."

"That's pretty neat," said Gillian. "Reminds me of Mrs. Mackenzie's truck; it drives itself sometimes when she's too busy to steer. She's a nice mink lady I'm friends with."

'The sewer doesn't seem so foreboding now', Bartleby thought. The lights were dim, but no moreso than a summer evening. It was quiet and calm. Right away he could tell the boat ride would be a smooth trip. 'This might turn out to be a fun adventure after all.'

Bartleby noticed Justin had been looking over the side of the boat for several moments. His gaze was very focused.

All of a sudden he brightened and grabbed at something in the water.

Before Bartleby could tell what it was, he'd fished it out and taken a big bite out of it.

The little bat felt ill. To eat something out of that nasty, nasty water! And then, to make things worse, Bartleby realized exactly what it was...

Justin gave him a shit-eating grin. "'Brown trout'."

"Pardon me," Bartleby said woozily, "I think I have to throw up for a few decades."

The little wolffox's expression turned suddenly to genuine concern. "I'm sorry. I just wanted a snack before dinner. I didn't even realize how gross that must be to you. And you too probably," he added, acknowledging Gillian. "But here, it's just normal. We're wastelings. We consume all kinds of waste. It's what we do."

"Wastelings?" Gillian asked.

Adam smiled knowingly. "I take it you two've never heard the word before?"

Gillian and Bartleby both shook their heads.

"By the way," Bartleby said to Justin, "I'm not *that* grossed out. I know folks who are into poo. It was just... sudden."

The wolffox nodded. "Thanks for being understanding."

"And I love to play in garbage, so it's no big deal to me either," said Gillian.

From their reactions, it was as if she'd just told Justin and Lena they'd won the lottery. "YOU PLAY IN GARBAGE!?"

"Um, yeah?"

"AWESOME!!" Justin exploded.

"We totally do too!!" said Lena.

Gillian's smile lit up and she gasped in joy. "Really? Oh wow! It's so rare to find other trash-lovers like me!" She lunged at Justin and Lena and hugged them so forcefully it made the boat wobble.

"You're gonna adore Wastopia then, Gillian," Adam said, patting her on the shoulder.

Gillian broke the hug and sat back, flushed and giddy from delight. "Yes, tell me about Wastopia and wastelings and all that stuff!"

Abruptly, a little plush fox head appeared from her crotch. "I wanna hear too!"

Lena squealed. "Ohmigosh! You have a crotchfox! He's so cuuuute!!" She and Justin both reached over to pat Terry.

"You've got a Real Plushie too?" Justin asked her in awe.

"Actually, he's Bartleby's," Gillian said.

"He just wanted somewhere nice 'n warm to curl up in," Bartleby said, giving his fox a skritch behind the ears.

Lena and Justin shared a conspiratorial look, "Oh, we know all about _that_," the naughty rat said.

"You've had plushies in your, er...?" Bartleby asked.

She nodded proudly. "I know you must really love Terry, otherwise he wouldn't be Real. You are *so* gonna flip when you see our rooms!" she squeaked excitedly.

"But until then, yeah, we can tell you all about who we are and where this is and stuff," Justin said (and surreptitiously gobbled up the last of his poo snack).

"Cool! I'm all ears," Gillian said.

"No, I am," Bartleby deadpanned, wiggling his.

Lena cracked up. She laughed like a teakettle.

"Okay, let's start with us..." Justin said.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Four~


As the tub-boat chugged on through the winding labyrinth of tunnels, Justin, Lena and Adam took turns telling their tale.

Lena started out. She told how she'd been born homeless, to a woman who, though not cruel, nevertheless cared only for day-to-day survival. Lena told of days spent scouring alleys for food and sleeping huddled up in stairwells. She told of bathing in fountains and stealing clothing from the collection bins of resale shops. She told of waiting for hours by herself while her mother went out to find money for food, but mostly for drugs. She told of years of crushing, dulling boredom. And she told how it had all ended.

One afternoon, Lena had been attacked in an alley by a stranger. He had knocked her onto a pile of garbage and cruelly taken what he wanted from her, then threw her into a nearby dumpster when he was done. Broken with shock and shame, she had stayed there until a garbage truck had come along. It had tipped her inside, and she was compacted.

But she hadn't gone on to the afterlife, as Adam then explained. Lena had become a wasteling: a soul that felt so fully discarded from the world that, upon death, it had become bonded to filth and trash and remained trapped there.

As Bartleby and Gillian listened in fascination, Adam explained how emotions were like energy: inanimate objects on Earth became charged with whatever strong feelings they were near. As a young man, Adam had learned how to 'see' this energy and had taken a job as a garbageman to study it. One day in the dump, he'd found an intensely-glowing orb of pure energy, and realized it was a trapped soul. After performing a difficult and arcane ritual, Lena had been reborn.

She was now a phase-two wasteling; basically a trash-zombie. Though unlike a movie zombie, she still had all her thoughts, feelings and memories from before her death. Emotional energy was all that could keep her body together now, so she had to eat highly-charged garbage regularly. Plus she could store mind-boggling quantities of it inside her for later use.

When Adam had brought her back to life, he had used a gift of his own blood to call her spirit back into wakefulness. It had made them truly father and daughter, and they loved one another from the very beginning. Adam took Lena back with him to his apartment, where they lived for many years. They even found an old garbage truck and worked for years to customize it into a thing of badass beauty, named the Green Beast.

During this time they would often search the parts of the city where Lena had lived before, looking for her mother. They never were able to find her, despite a long, bitter effort.

However, one afternoon in the park, Lena spotted the man who had raped and killed her.

Adam followed him into an alley. A swift whack with a thick liquor bottle left the man thoroughly unconscious. They dragged him into their trunk and drove across the city to a disused parking lot where they would not be disturbed. They bound him in rope and duct tape and waited for him to wake up. When he did, Lena reminded him of who she was. His fear let her know he remembered. Then Adam handed Lena a tire iron...

The boat got quiet then, and Lena and Adam both said they didn't want to go on. Bartleby and Gillian didn't blame them. Adam assured them though; they'd made sure that awful man would never do to anyone else what he'd done to Lena. He did not elaborate further.

Justin took up the tale next. He painted a portrait of what his life had been like before he'd met his favorite rat and skunk.

Justin had lived in a small, dirty house with a family from a nightmare. A mother so fat and lazy that she spent over half her life on the couch, drunk and watching television. A perpetually-absent father who, when he did return home, did most of his parenting with his fists. And three brothers; all of them dumb, sadistic and forever fascinated with inventing new cruelties for their little brother. (He was only partially related to these people, Justin pointed out. His fox half had come from his mother having an affair.)

He sought solace from his dysfunctional kin within his mind. He read, wrote poetry and found his greatest happiness exploring the town dump and collecting treasures there. Especially his beloved collection of plushies.

Then Lena and her father came to town. Justin quickly grew to love them. It was great having a friend to share his love of trash with, and a father figure who treated him with kindness and respect. When Justin eventually discovered Lena's bizarre condition, it was easy to look beyond it and see not a freak, but his friend.

Unfortunately, when Justin's father found out about his bastard son's new happiness, he beat the boy almost to death.

Justin had taken the man's abuse for many years. But not anymore. He made a brave plan and managed to escape to be with his true family. At Justin's request, Adam had packed the Green Beast tight with trash, two little cubs nestled inside, and after a brief death and a familiar ritual, Justin had become what Lena was.

Though the world thought he had disappeared (and blamed his family for it), Justin had become Adam's new son and Lena's new brother, and all of them were happy.

"Wow, that was a really neat story," Bartleby said. "I'm glad you guys all came together and overcame the bad stuff."

Adam nodded. "Life was pretty good for us from then on. We stayed near Justin's dump for a little while so he could adjust to being a wasteling, then we just kept moving across the country, place to place, always near landfills so these two'd have plenty to eat. For a long while we stayed in Clover City where my parents lived."

"Gramma and Granpa are here too," Lena said. "Well, not *here*. They live in the Naughty Level, like you guys. But we can still visit 'em whenever."

Gillian perked right up at that. "So, we can go back any time we want?" she asked hopefully

"Well, yes..." said Lena. Her whiskers sagged a little in disappointment.

"Oh, we don't WANT to leave right away," Gillian added quickly, noticing the ratgirl's change of mood. "Right Bartleby?"

"Nuh-uh. We haven't even seen this Wastopia place yet. You were thinking the same thing I was, right? That we might be trapped here?"

The kitten nodded. "Like Oz or something."

Adam waved their concern away. "Not at all. There's big pipes in town that lead back to Hell. We just don't usually get many visitors *from* there, since not a lot of people know this place exists."

"We didn't," Gillian admitted.

"Wastopia's mostly for furs like us; wastelings," Justin explained. "And since there's not a lot of us anyway, its pretty small."

"Only if you're comparing it to Hell," Adam corrected. "Wastopia is vast. That's our name for the main city, but it's also the name of the realm. The whole thing is actually spherical, like a planet. And it seems to be entirely self-contained. There is no 'outside', as far as anyone can tell. The city's on what you'd call the surface, but you can travel down deep in the center too. There's miles upon miles of tunnels and sewers and old structures nobody knows what they're for. There may not be a purpose to any of it. This whole place might be just one giant architectural artwork."

"Or an ant farm," Justin speculated.

Adam shrugged.

"But like... Where are we in relation to Hell? Or Earth?" Gillian asked.

Adam looked uncertain. "The best we can tell is that we're near Hell, and tethered by a few travel pipes, but not actually a part of it. You could say we're like Hell's moon."

"That's a pretty cool idea," Bartleby said, imagining Hell as a gargantuan red sphere in space, with a little ball of sewer pipes orbiting it.

Then Adam suddenly perked up and turned around in the boat. "Hey, I think I hear the falls!"

The bat's ears swivelled too. "Yeah, I noticed the water getting louder too."

Adam grinned in anticipation. "Oh, you're in for a treat! No one ever forgets their first look at the falls."

Bartleby and Gillian both sat up and craned their necks to see what was up ahead. The tub-boat began to turn a corner, and they could see light up ahead. A *lot* of light...


	*   *   *   *   *


"There's not a lot of fancy names for stuff down here, so we just call it Sewer Falls," Justin said. "It's a lot prettier than the name sounds, though."

Up ahead they could hear massive amounts of moving water. The tunnel they were in eased into a straight line, which meant Bartleby could see a circle of light far up ahead. It was so bright, especially compared to the dimness they'd been travelling through, he had to squint to look at it.

As they approached, the light got brighter and the noise got louder. The gentle rushing of the river changed into the roar of thousands of gallons of water, churning, thrashing and falling. Shielding his eyes with his wings, Bartleby could see that Gillian looked as curious as he did, and that both Justin and Lena were practically bouncing in excitement.

The tub-boat left the tunnel, and for a moment, it was too bright for any of them to see.

Then his eyes adjusted, and Bartleby took his first look at the falls.

He was speechless.

He couldn't think of anything he'd ever seen that looked like this. He couldn't think at *all*, actually.

The river continued on in a white marble aqueduct that spanned half a mile or so, eventually connecting to another tunnel identical to the one they'd been in. The aqueduct was as narrow as the tunnel had been, and just barely deep enough to contain the flowing water. Bartleby saw some splashing over the side in places. And falling hundreds and hundreds of feet straight down.

The aqueduct was supported by a bridge spanning a massive underground canyon. Huge arches underneath, narrow but incredibly tall, stretched down into the unimaginable depths below. Bartleby wondered if they were anchored to anything at all. It didn't seem possible.

Above them, the ceiling was just as high. But Bartleby could only look for a moment because the higher up it went, the brighter it became. The walls of this incredible chasm were red brick just like the tunnel. But there were dozens of wide, tall windows at the top. Perfectly pure white light poured in from some unknowable source. There was no blue sky, only light.

And why was it called Sewer Falls? Because on either side of them, far across the great width of the canyon, were six of the largest pipe openings that Bartleby's mind could possibly comprehend.

They looked like the mouths of Gods. The pipes were close enough to barely touch each other, with the middle one on each side being slightly elevated. Old stone, crusted with moss and plant growths, looking regal and eternal. Sparkling white water cascaded from all six openings, disgorged with the force of a tsunami each. It seemed impossible that anyone could have built this; it must have existed since the dawn of time. The sound was deafening, exciting as a rollercoaster. Bartleby could feel little sprinkles hit his fur all over, even though the pipes themselves were quite far away. Bartleby sang out soundlessly at the incredible sight, the powerful sound, and how it all travelled through him like an intense vibration.

He looked around and everyone in the boat was experiencing the same feeling. Terry had pulled himself from Gillian's warm twat to see better. And even though Justin, Lena and Adam had all seen this before, they still wore the same wide-eyed expressions of pure "WOW".

Bartleby just couldn't get over the sheer _bigness_ of this place. Leaning as far over the side of the boat as he dared, he could catch small glimpses of the pipes' water crashing and splashing below. He wondered if there were more pipes below him that he couldn't see. The water looked powerful enough to pulverize him to nothing in seconds, and Bartleby felt a sudden intense desire to leap off the aqueduct and experience that power for himself.

Looking up again, he wondered if they were truly underground and where that incredible light was coming from. He'd almost describe it as heavenly. He saw motion up there. Squinting carefully, he could just make out the forms of birds. Possibly seagulls. Whirling slowly in the air, looking like they were swimming in the light.

Bartleby resolved to find his way back here some time to fly in that light himself. (And to bring some dark goggles.)

The wonder and astonishment couldn't last forever though. Soon enough they were approaching the next tunnel. Bartleby (and everyone else) turned around to look back for as long as they could. He never wanted to forget the sight. As the tunnel pulled them all back into darkness, Bartleby watched those immense pipes and that magnificent, sparkling water slowly recede until it was all just a point of white light again, making reflections in the river.


	*   *   *   *   *


For a while, the tunnel seemed pitch black. It took their eyes longer to adjust this time, but soon they could see again in the familiar dimness of the caged electric lights. It was quiet again. Just the thrum of the motor and the lapping of the river against the sides of their boat.

Terry's fur was damp and he decided to snuggle back up inside Gillian again. She hardly even noticed. She was still so affected by the falls. "...Wowwwww."

Bartleby chuckled. "Ditto."

"Ain't it great?" Lena said with a rapturous sigh. "We've been living here for two years now and've been through there I don't know how many times... But it never loses that feeling. It's always the same. Total awe."

"It was so amazing!" Bartleby said. "I felt this strange desire, like I wanted to jump in!"

"Hey, me too!" Gillian agreed.

Adam nodded. "Perfectly natural. Most people feel that. There's something about a force that powerful that makes people want to experience it themselves, no matter the consequences. And a lot of people do. Thankfully, we're just as indestructible here as you are in Hell. So if you want, we can come back later and take a swim."

Bartleby beamed. "Hot damn! That'd be awesome!"

"Doesn't the water just... rip you to shreds?" asked Gillian.

Justin's expression let her know that was exactly the point. "Yep! It's incredible. You just blank your mind and let it happen. It's intense beyond intense. You go wherever it takes you, and you wash up somewhere in the lower caverns."

"There's sewers underneath the sewer?" Bartleby asked.

Adam nodded. "The tunnels go on for miles and miles down there. There's even a legendary planet core that few people have ever reached. Anyone can go exploring if they like, and most people do at least a few times. Wastelings tend to be explorers at heart."

Gillian was looking down at her paws, fidgeting her fingers. "D'you mind if I ask another question? About wastelings?"

Adam's warm smile helped ease her nervousness. "It's perfectly okay. Heck, I used to be an assistant professor; I love rambling on about stuff."

"He totally does," Justin muttered, and giggled.

"So, um... Do you know why Wastelings go here instead of Hell when they die?" Gillian asked.

The skunk's body language conveyed, 'I have no idea' before he'd said a word. "Lots of people have pondered that and nobody's sure. Heck, we don't even know why Wastopia itself exists or who built it. Supposedly, back when Hell was new, Satan sent a few dozen of his fellow Fallen out to map the territory, and one of them just stumbled onto this place by accident. We don't even know if Wastopia is unique; there may be all *sorts* of weird little 'moons' hanging around Hell."

Bartleby was a little stunned. Just when he thought he was getting a handle on how things worked in Hell, it turned out there were still plenty more he'd never even suspected.

"What was it like when you guys came here?" Gillian asked the Tallevascos. "Did you all 'go' together?"

At the mention of the subject, Justin and Lena shared a quick glance, their ears lowered sadly, and they held each other's paws.

Justin looked up to her. "Actually, Dad died first."

From his solemnity, Gillian worried she may have brought up an uncomfortable subject.

But the wolffox went on. The tale was sad, yes, but knowing the ending helped to make it easier. "See, something Dad and Lena found out before they met me was that wastelings don't age. After all, we're technically zombies. Only living things grow older. So when Lena 'n me met, I thought she was maybe a year or so older, but she was actually *four* years ahead of me."

Lena nodded. "Though even now I still _feel_ the same age as when I died. The first time I mean. I've always felt twelve. And the more the years passed, it started to get really creepy seeing the same us in the mirror all the time. Eventually we stopped counting our birthdays. Like, we'd still celebrate 'em. But without ever mentioning how many years old we were, y'know? It felt too strange."

"I understand," Bartleby said. "A lot of people I know in Hell are a lot older than they look. My teacher's over 200 but looks about 30."

"Yeah, but in the afterlife, everyone's like that," Justin said. "For us though, we stayed the same age while Dad..."

Adam was looking down at the bottom of the boat, his tail swaying thoughtfully. "We had to move a lot. I mean, we did anyway because these two little trash-munchers could go through a whole landfill's energy in a few years or so. But we also had to keep moving because people kept noticing that my kids never grew up. Yet I grew older and older. I remember the first time someone asked if they were my grandchildren. We were in a diner and the waitress handed me the senior menu and I looked at my reflection in the plastic cover and thought, 'Am I really that old? Have we really been together that long?'"

"We'd been through about seven cities by then, hadn't we?" Lena asked.

"Eight if you count Waterston Heights," Justin corrected. She nodded.

"Even though I'd been around trash my whole life and it had never given me any problems, eventually my immune system just got rusty," Adam said. "I got a bad infection. It dealt with me fast, but it felt horribly slow. Lena and Justin took good care of me for as long as they could, but I was afraid to go to a hospital. Remember; I didn't have papers showing I was their father. We'd been living off the grid for our whole lives, so I didn't even consider seeing a doctor. I just went to bed, and they sat with me and made me chicken soup." He reached over to ruffle Lena's headfur lovingly.

Gillian thought it was strange to see two furs who looked roughly the same age, yet whose body language showed clearly they were father and daughter.

"It was hard watching Daddy die," Lena said. "Me and Justin both sat beside him and held his paws and it was like watching a clock stop. He just... Ran down. He got quieter and quieter and then that was it."

Justin wrapped his tail around her. "Then it was just the two of us in the room. We had no idea what to do. Like, about Daddy's body, or where we would go now, or if someone would think we were runaways and lock us up. It was too much to deal with, so... We just fell asleep.

"And the next day, everything kinda got decided for us."


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Five~


The morning after Adam Tallevasco's death, Lena and Justin awoke to an unpleasant complication.

They had stayed with him all night, lying with him in the bed on either side. Holding him close as they eventually drifted off.

All three had known they had no reason to fear death. They knew there was a world beyond for Daddy to go to. He had looked peaceful, relieved and free at the end. But knowing all that still didn't stop the hurt the two siblings felt, and the awful thought of, 'What if we're wrong, and we'll never, ever see him again?'

As Lena was rising with the morning sun's soothing rays on her fur, she blinked her eyes and realized one of her fingers was melting.

She quickly shoved Justin awake and he stared at her paw too. The skin there was... sliding. They could see bone beneath, but no blood. Justin checked himself and found some patches where fur had fallen out of his tail and the skin there felt strange. Oddly runny.

The sensation was familiar but the circumstances were frightening. They knew what this meant: this was what happened when they went too long without eating any high-energy trash. They both remembered a long cross-country train trip where raiding the on-board garbage bins just hadn't been enough. When they'd finally gotten to their destination, they were both starting to fall apart and they *ran* to the nearest garbage can and started wolfing down everything without thought. Adam had done what he could to block their feast from view.

But this was different. They'd both been to the dumpster down the street just yesterday, and even brought back take-out. Just to be sure, they opened a fresh bag and gobbled some tasty shirts and pizza boxes. But it was like they couldn't get full no matter what they ate. Even after stuffing themselves on the contents of the whole bag, Lena scratched her head and a clump of hair fell out.

They were beginning to rot.

It had always been a looming possibility. They were walking corpses made of garbage after all. Not exactly the sturdiest material. It took an ongoing effort to keep their junky bodies from decaying.

Since Adam had brought them both back to life by forming a soul-bond with them so long ago, Justin theorized that, now that Daddy's soul was gone, there was nothing left to tether them to this life. The two siblings looked into one another's eyes and wordlessly accepted the simple truth that this was their end too.

Their decomposition progressed exponentially. By the time they'd had a cleansing cry and set about getting their earthly affairs in order, Lena had lost the skin off four fingers. Justin's tail had split in half. And there were other signs. Sagging skin. Small holes. Flakes falling off. They tried not to look at each other too often.

Eventually they got around to saying goodbye to their beloved stuffed animals. Since they knew whatever trash they ate stayed inside them unharmed, and seemingly forever, they gobbled up their plushie companions one by one until none were left. It was a comforting feeling to know they were inside and safe.

Justin had to help Lena with the door since by now her left paw was nothing but bones and her right one was melting too. They left their apartment behind. Justin had called 911 beforehand and left the phone off the hook, knowing someone who came to investigate would find Adam and give him a proper burial. Justin almost wished they could have taken him to the landfill. He would have liked that.

That was where they planned to go too. They couldn't think of a more perfect place to spend their final moments than by returning to the trash from which they'd come. But travel was hard on bodies that were slowly betraying them. The deteriorating duo had put on heavy clothes to hide themselves, but were attracting stares anyway. They realized they were starting to stink horribly. They stopped in an alley and talked a bit, coming to the conclusion that they could either rot to bits on the way, or try to find someplace else to say their goodbye to the world.

Across the street was a construction site. And a large, exposed drainage pipe.

They darted across traffic (Lena leaving a toe behind in the intersection) and made a beeline for the pipe. It was dark and damp and cool inside. Not only a nice reprieve from the morning heat, but the kind of place they enjoyed anyway. They crawled on and on, losing bits and pieces here and there. Justin was in front and had to warn Lena when his right eye fell out. She stepped in it by accident anyway.

Eventually they reached a grating where a considerable amount of debris had collected and they could see the sewer beyond. "This is a nice spot," Lena said.

She settled in and hugged her brother close. It was peaceful here. The sound of running water was soothing.

Justin and Lena held each other and closed their eyes.

"This really isn't such a bad way to go," Justin mumbled.

"Hm?"

"I get to fall asleep in a comfy place, hugging my sister," he said, and nuzzled her neck lovingly.

She chuckled sweetly. "I guess so. And now that I think about it... I'm kinda glad. I don't know how I'd live without Daddy. I'm still not really over the shock of it happening. But now we'll get to join him. We'll all be together."

Justin nodded. He could feel little tatters of himself slipping off down the drain. He knew when he and Lena finished decomposing, they'd pour through the grate and on into the sewer. He didn't mind. Right now all he cared about was her soft fur.

"You're the best sister ever," he whispered. "The best and beautifullest, and I'm so lucky." He gently kissed her cheek.

Lena was a bit embarrassed when the place he'd kissed came loose and flopped open. She glanced at herself and her brother and recoiled a little. "Thanks, but I'm kinda getting all gunky at the moment."

He shrugged. "I've never minded what you were made of before," he replied.

"That's true." She remembered back to the summer they'd met. How he had found out about her being a wasteling in the worst way possible, and how he'd gotten over his shock and stayed by her side. Because it didn't matter to him that she was made of garbage. He loved her for her soul, not her appearance.

She nuzzled, then kissed his forehead and hugged him a little closer. "You're the best brother ever, Justin. You and Daddy are the most loyal people I've ever known."

"You are too," he told her. "And even if I do spend my last moments sittin' in a sewer and turning into wolffox stew, it's all been worth it. Even all the years with my stupid, abusive other family was worth it. Because I got to be with you in the end."

"Thanks, Justin. I love you."

"Love you too, Lena."

As last words went, they couldn't imagine needing anything more. They smiled in contentment and listened to the flowing water and breathed in each other's comforting scents.

Slowly they broke down. Slowly they fell apart. By the time they had been reduced to little piles of bones, they did not notice. They were only aware of peace and thoughts of each other.

Eventually even their bones crumbled. Then they were merely a collection of thoughts, flowing down the drain, down into the sewer. Riding the waters to whatever lay beyond...


	*   *   *   *   *


Justin smiled calmly. "I remember waking up in shallow water with this sparkling white light around me. Not real bright; just like through a window on an afternoon. Lena was with me. We woke up at the same time and we were in a little stone square room. It looked like somewhere in the sewers. And we were okay. Nothing melted. All of our fur was back. We grinned and hugged each other and we kissed a lot."

"And then it got even better," Lena said with a grin. "We looked up when we heard footsteps splashing in the water, and there was this skunk kid coming toward us. Just for a second we were like, 'Who the heck is this?'. And then we knew. It didn't matter that he was little now. It was Daddy."

And with that, she scooted closer to give him a big hug. Justin couldn't help but join in. Even Bartleby and Gillian hugged each other.

"And that's the story," Adam said. "I told them I'd been here for a day, getting things ready. We had a new house and a new neighborhood, and we never had to worry about moving or finding new landfills ever again."

From somewhere down the tunnel they heard what sounded like a tugboat toot.

Adam grinned. "Ah. Perfect timing. I'll bet that happens in the Naughty Level too; things happening at just the right time?"

The bat and cat nodded agreement.

"Look at that. Our story's ended and here we are, finally, at Wastopia. I think you'll like it here."


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Six~


Sounds of people and ships could be heard from just up the pipe. Soon their little boat turned a corner and passed through a huge stone arch. Tall enough for the highest mast to pass through easily.

Here was one of Wastopia's many harbors. As Bartleby and Gillian gasped at the sights and bustling activity, they realized two things right away:

One, that Wastopia was set up a lot like Venice. Past several blocks worth of docks where all manner of boats were anchored, they could see a bustling little downtown street. Except the street was still the river. Wastopia's streets were canals. Instead of cars, innumerable personal watercraft scooted about, kicking up waves. There were plenty more bathtub-boats out on the water; some single-seaters and others big enough to fit eight or more. But there were even more people zipping along seated on toilets, which cut through the water like jet skis.

Two, they looked up and realized that this section of Wastopia was the largest enclosed area they'd ever seen. The ceiling was literally sky high: red brick, like most of the architecture they'd seen so far, and with oddly shaped windows spaced at random intervals, which let in just enough light for it to feel like early evening. They could see more birds too; so high up they looked like specks. Bartleby thought back to Hell's beach and the lake of lava. All of it was held within a single unthinkably huge cave. And yet this place was STILL bigger!

Bartleby didn't see any structural supports, so he wondered if maybe there was an outer shell free-floating around the whole surface of Wastopia. In various places, there were massive metal pipes that had seemingly erupted through the ceiling. He wondered what they were for at first, then caught a glimpse of one suddenly disgorging several barges' worth of garbage onto whatever lay below. Bartleby couldn't see that far, but made an educated guess that Wastopia probably had a lot of little landfills all over.

"I think Terry'd like to see this place," he said.

Gillian was fascinated by all the big boats, so it took her a moment to register what he'd said. "Mm? Oh, right!" She tapped her tummy and a fox face poked out.

Terry looked a little befuddled for a moment, then his eyes went wide and he scrambled up out of Gillian's honeypot to perch on her shoulder like a parrot for a better view.

They were passing dozens of boats now. All shapes, all sizes, and made from all kinds of materials. Some looked relatively new and modern, but others looked cobbled together from salvage. Frankenships! They saw a bathysphere rising up out of the water on eight seaweed-strangled iron limbs.

All along the docks people hurried to and fro. Some readying to depart, others hauling in their catches. Bartleby noticed with a wince that what they were proudly unloading did _not_ appear to be fish. Beyond the maze of masts and sails he could see little restaurants and bait shops and supply stores.

Once they were past the docks, they entered the downtown area. Now other furs on toilets and in bathtubs were crowded all around them (Bartleby saw one kid in a plastic sandbox rigged with an outboard motor). No one cared about steering though, as the boats themselves handled that with as much precision as a flock of birds all travelling in sync.

Bartleby hadn't noticed a street sign, but where they were headed now had a very 'main street' feel to it. Crowded sidewalks and all sorts of interesting businesses to look at.

"This is where we live," Lena said proudly. They could see in her smile that this place was paradise to her, and sometimes she still couldn't believe she was lucky enough to live here.

Nifty little shops were all around them. Bartleby couldn't tell if the buildings were really old or if they were just built to look that way, but all the architecture he saw had a kind of timeless quality. Plus there was fungus growing on everything. Big sprawling, colorful colonies of it ran all over the walls and sidewalks like creeping ivy. He saw mushrooms as big as fire hydrants. People paused periodically to pull off little ones to nibble on.

Some of the shops seemed obvious for a place like this. Bartleby saw an antique store, a used book store, several clothing shops, an electronics place, etcetera. All of the merchandise in the windows looked like it had been in the trash at some point, but carefully cleaned and restored. They even passed a toy shop, with a variety of decades-old retro wind-ups in the window.

"We gotta go there at some point," Justin whispered, nudging him and grinning.

Other places looked just plain weird. There was what seemed to be a laundromat, but the machines inside appeared to be making the clothes filthier. Another place was simply a building-sized compactor with people climbing in to be squished. There were restaurants too, specializing in rotten food, bodily wastes and toxic sludge (among even grosser things).

Amidst the stores was a small apartment building. Bartleby spotted a robot made to look like an archetypical milkman. It was carefully leaving bottles filled with pee on the building steps.

All the people Bartleby saw looked content. People smiled to one another as they passed. No one was shoving or yelling. He even spotted one lady letting out a thunderous fart, and several strangers all stopped to breathe it in and compliment her on it.

There were obviously no anti-littering laws in Wastopia, because the sidewalks were practically ankle-deep in trash. No one seemed to mind. In fact, Bartleby saw several kids gleefully looking around for stuff to stomp on. (It reminded him of the many times he'd come upon a half-full soda cup in a fast food parking lot and was filled with the impish desire to go all Godzilla on it.) Plus, the edges of the sidewalks were lined with more trash bags than New York City during a garbage strike. Sometimes they'd tip over into the water with a cannonball splash. Bartleby wondered if they were like a border, to keep people from falling into the sewage river, or if they were just there for aesthetics' sake.

Or maybe snacks. He did see nonev rats, gulls and pigeons nibbling at the bags. And a fleet of crocodiles had passed their boat moments ago; too quickly to tell if they were anthro or nonev.

Then he saw a pet store, and his mind felt like it had slipped a gear. "What are THOSE!?" he burst out.

In the cages around the pet store, and in the arms of the customers leaving, Bartleby could see all sorts of cat-sized unicellular organisms. Lena giggled. "They're germs!" she explained. "They make great pets!" There was a cage full of rapidly multiplying amoebas; some of them squishing through the bars to splat on the sidewalk. One woman was cuddling a paramecium and talking to it like a prize poodle. There was also a man walking a spindly-legged virus on a leash like a dog. The shopkeeper was even feeding some wiggly little bacteria to a bacteriophage.

Bartleby looked to the other side of the street and discovered that snuff was just as much a part of life here as in the Naughty level. Two grownup foxes were hanging their adopted children from a streetlamp. The little girl sparrow and pudgy wolfcub boy smiled and rubbed their fur and feathers together as they swung side by side, their little faces beaming with joy as they turned blue. Several citizens stopped to watch the show with approving smiles and boners.

At that moment a nonev sewer rat the size of a dustbuster crawled up the side of the boat and jumped in. It pulled a pipe from somewhere in its inky, matted fur, tapped it on the hull, lit it (somehow), then gave Bartleby a 'just passing through' look and hopped off the boat onto a nearby buoy.

Bartleby shook that little bit of surrealism off and regarded downtown again. As weird as this place was, he had to admit that it looked like a pretty fun place. It had a lively, artistic feel to it. (He'd noticed several statues and murals so far.) Yet at the same time it was calm. He'd have expected a busy city street like this to be a lot louder. But even though the sidewalks were full of people on cell phones and kids playing games, the noise was pretty subdued. Wastopia was surprisingly peaceful.

It occurred to him that, if everyone here had been wastelings on Earth, it made sense. Someone who had died feeling abandoned and alone would probably want a peaceful, calm place to spend their afterlife.

Gillian was looking eagerly at a music store full of old records and repaired instruments. "Wow... This place is great! This is just where I'd wanna live if I wasn't in the Naughty level!" She thought of her upcoming field trip. "I highly doubt the sewers of Paris could compare to this!"

Lena giggled. "Speaking of Paris, we've got an Eiffel tower made of poop," she said proudly.

Bartleby blinked. "Like, in your backyard?"

The rat cracked up. "No, ya doof! I mean, Wastopia has. Some artist on the other side of the city made a 1/8th replica. All out of poop."

"His own or other people's?" the bat wondered.

"...I'm not sure," Lena realized. Then she turned to Gillian and clasped the calico's paws in hers. "I'm really glad you like our city though. We've been, like, skull-explodingly happy ever since we got here," she said.

"It looks like a blast! Very bohemian," the happy kitty assessed.

"There's tons of stuff to do here," Justin agreed. "It's like all the best parts about Earth, except you can be as messy as you want and no one will mind. You can explore anywhere you want, keep anything you find, even eat anything you want to."

"Literally anything?" Bartleby asked.

The wolffox nodded. "That's a big part of being a wasteling. Did we mention why wastelings exist?"

Bartleby shook his head.

Justin summarized what he knew. A few months after he'd become a wasteling, he and Lena had been outside playing when a cloud of purple lightning had appeared, and from out of it stepped a towering alabaster-furred feline in a dark cloak. He was followed by a little boysquirrel with fur as black as midnight. They explained that they were Thanatos and Croak; Agents of The Beyond. Thanatos said it was his job to send paranormal beings on to the afterworld, and he'd been willing to make an exception for one wasteling but two was really stretching it. Terrified that this weird guy was going to take them away from their daddy, they rushed to Adam and he vowed he'd fight to the death to protect them. This bit of family solidarity softened Thanatos a bit (though he later claimed he was letting them off because it meant less paperwork for him). He said that so long as they stayed together and didn't cause too much trouble, he'd allow their continued existence on Earth. Adam hugged his kids tightly in triumph.

Before Thanatos left though, Adam had asked him the one question he'd never found an answer to; why wastelings exist. Croak's internal organs consisted of a single enormous encyclopedia of arcane lore, which he then whipped out and consulted.

Agents of The Beyond existed to make sure things didn't spill over from the ethereal world into the mortal world. But there was always too much day-to-day work for mere immortals to handle. So a lot of their duties were carried out automatically, by spells programmed into the very fabric of the Earth. If a rogue ghost were running amok, an Agent might merely have to press a button to activate the spell and dispatch it off to Hell. But among these programmed spells, one was only meant to go into effect in the event of a catastrophic extinction of all life on Earth. If that were to happen, the planet itself would spawn from the corpses an army of reanimated fursons, to clean up the mess by literally eating it out of sight. (This explained Lena & Justin's infinite-capacity tummies.) The extinction spell was designed to target people who had a natural inclination towards filth anyway, so they'd enjoy their new job. But like all software, no matter how good it is, there are always unexplained glitches. Sometimes, when just the right conditions were met, wastelings simply happened. It was as simple as that.

Justin wrapped up. "Since our original purpose was to clean up after a catastrophe, we're designed to not just be able to eat anything, but to *want* to. It did take me a little while to get into it though."

"I remember making you eat your first shoe!" Lena interrupted.

He grinned at the happy memory. "But yeah, now I think I eat even more weird stuff than she does!"

Lexi had definitely helped Bartleby get used to people who enjoyed eating weird stuff. "So I could open up a dictionary and point to just about anything... and you could eat it?" he kidded.

"Sure!" said Justin.

"...And the dictionary itself," Adam pointed out. He gave a stretch and became grown-up sized again. Bartleby wondered if he shifted back and forth with his mood.

Justin looked thoughtful. "It's hard to explain why eating weird stuff is so important to me," he told Bartleby and Gillian. "It's not just like if you dare yourself to do something gross and it's kinda exciting. It's like... I really love the *freedom* of knowing that everything in the whole world can be food if I want it to be. You know that feeling you get when you see something really nasty, and you think about all the bacteria on it? And you worry about how sick it could make you if you touched it? I don't ever have to feel that ever again. I never have to be scared like that. For all the rest of eternity! Heck, the germier something looks now, the better! I feel all invincible when I scoop up a handful of sewer crud and just pop it in my mouth."

That example made Bartleby wince a little.

"Is it kind of a taboo-breaking thing too?" Gillian asked. "'Cause it's that way for me with my garbage and my magic dumpster. Back on Earth, someone who caught me playing in garbage would probably yell at me. I'd be _really_ embarrassed. But now I can do it whenever I want and I don't have to feel bad about it anymore!"

"YES!" Justin shouted, pointing right at her. "That's totally it!! I remember a buncha times back on Earth when I was still at my old school and I'd have no lunch so I'd have to scrounge in the trash for food 'n shit. And kids would give me these _looks_! Like I was the filthiest thing alive. That really pissed me off. I'm starving and they treat me like an alien scum creature. But it also made me feel bad inside. Even after I met Lena and she helped me not care so much, we'd still get nasty looks from people. And we'd both always notice."

Lena nodded. "Remember that one time we were in the Chinese food place's dumpster and that guy came out unexpectedly and caught us? And he chased us down the alley like he'd caught us killing someone!"

Adam sighed. "Society makes it pretty clear: be normal or be shunned. Of course, there's perfectly understandable evolutionary reasons for people to prefer cleanliness. And even when I could get these two rascals to bathe, we'd all still retain a bit of odor. But still, that's no reason to look at another living being like they're a monster." He sat up straighter and took his glasses off to clean them on his shirtsleeve. "Thankfully, we're all dead as doorknobs now and don't have to deal with that attitude anymore."

"Isn't it 'doornails'?" Gillian asked.

Adam chuckled. He playfully pinched Lena's shoulder. "You've got me saying it now!"

She giggled rodentishly.

Justin lit up with an idea. "Hey, we were gonna get something to eat anyway. You guys wanna come to a restaurant with us?" he asked the two visitors.

Lena squealed and clung to Adam's arm. "Oh yes! We HAVE to treat them to dinner! Lets go see Chunks!"

"...Chunks?" Bartleby asked.

She flashed him a knowing wink: 'You'll see when we get there'.

Adam pretended to be annoyed. "I like how you kids are just deciding all this without consulting me."

Justin hugged Adam's other arm. "Oh come on, Dad! You know you wanna! Besides, you were a kid a few minutes ago too."

"All right, you conniving little ragamuffins," Adam said, nuzzling both of them with his nose. "As if I can say no to you. Bartleby, Gillian; would you like to accompany us to dinner?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Gillian said gratefully.

"Sure," Bartleby agreed. "So long as Terry can come too," he added. His little fox jumped over to give him a thank-you lick for that.

"Sure, plushies are welcome," Lena said. Then she got suddenly excited and stood up in the boat, nearly capsizing them. "HEY!!! There's Big Stinky!!" She waved excitedly.

Bartleby turned to see where she was looking and caught a slim glimpse of an absolutely massive furson walking down the sidewalk. He'd been surrounded by other people, and turned a corner before Bartleby got a good look, but he was probably a skunk judging from the black and white fur. Plus he'd looked like he was wearing the world's biggest backpack.

Before the cat or bat could ask 'Who's Big Stinky?', Adam preemptively answered. "Just like Hell has the Devil, we've got Big Stinky. He's like our mayor. There's not much to do to keep Wastopia running, but he does it. He's also nearly as old as Lucifer himself and very wise. A lot of people look up to him as a guru."

"Plus he's really good at eating people," Lena said. "...Especially little kids who ask politely."

"Maybe you can meet him later, but he's usually pretty busy," Justin said. "Most of the time he just walks around all over the city seeing if people need help with anything."

"Ooh, ooh!" Lena perked up. "You know what else we got in Wastopia?"

"What?" Gillian asked.

She grinned. "Three words: Edible disposable toilet seats."

"That's four words," Justin corrected.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Seven~


After a bit more conversation about Wastopia's many attractions, the boat (having overheard their plans for dinner) docked just outside a restaurant called The Rancid Troubadour.

'Heck of a name,' Bartleby thought.

It looked like a typical family restaurant; maybe a bit more stylish. Kind of a fifties feel. The name was written in big red neon loops on a rotating sign on the roof.

Terry hopped up and settled on his owner's head, tucked between the big ears.

Adam disembarked first and extended a paw to help the others out. Bartleby merely flapped his wings and made a short flight to the sidewalk (and wondered why he hadn't thought of that earlier when he'd been getting in).

Bartleby looked around for a parking lot. "Does the boat park itself?" he wondered.

"Nope; it just sinks until we need it again," Adam answered. Just as he said it, the drain plug popped and the tub-boat quickly started submerging. Bartleby wasn't sure how, but he was certain the bathtub seemed pleased by this; like a faithful pet taking a rest after a good long walk.


	*   *   *   *   *


It was good and loud inside The Rancid Troubadour, filled with the conversation of diners, classic rock from a jukebox, plus two TVs in the upper corners with the volume down low. The floor looked like it hadn't been swept in weeks, though that was hardly surprising. The booths had puffy red vinyl seats. On the walls were a series of framed photographs of animal butts.

Then a bunny made of vomit showed up on rollerskates.

"CHUNKS!" Lena squealed, and hurled herself at the rabbit in a feral hug.

"Hey, rat-kiddo! Ya ain't been in here in a while. I was starting to get worried!"

"We were here last Wednesday!" Lena said with a giggle.

"Still, that's a long time for you guys!" She looked up to see that the usual party of three had increased by two this time, plus a plush. "You brought friends?"

"Yup, they're visiting from the Naughty level!"

"No shit, really?" Chunks was so surprised that the bubblegum she'd been chewing fell out. She snatched it off the floor and put it back in her mouth in a single casual motion.

"I'm Gillian and this is my friend Bartleby and his fox Terry," the calico introduced.

"It's a pleasure ta meetcha!" Chunks said, extending a gooey paw for a hearty handshake.

All three were a little reluctant.

"Heh, you outsiders probably never seen a puke-person before," she said, sounding a little bashful and a little proud. Chunks was literally vomit from head to ears. She was the color of creamed corn, and little bits of food could be seen in her 'flesh' here and there like sequins. She dripped constantly, and streaks ran down her rollerskates (which was all she was wearing, apart from an earring).

With a shake of her head her body changed completely. Yellow puke became gorgeous yellow fur. "How 'bout that shake now?" she asked.

Bartleby, Gillian and Terry were more than happy to oblige.

"Cool. Now that that's outta the way, lemme find you all a place to park yer asses." She made a 'follow along' gesture and scooted off to the back to find a booth.

Luckily, a deer couple were just leaving. Chunks snatched her tip off the table just in time, as the table itself grew a gaping mouth and sucked down all the previous diners' leavings.

By the time everyone had squeezed in, Bartleby noticed that Chunks had reverted to her squishier state. "My real name's Claudia, by the way," she told the two visitors. "I just happen to like vomit a lot. I assume the kiddlers told you all about wastelings and how most of us tend to specialize?"

Seeing Gillian and Bartleby's blank looks, Lena quickly filled them in. "Each of us usually has a preference for one type of filth. We all love garbage best," she said, indicating Justin, Daddy and herself, "But other wastelings might like poop or pee or rotting stuff or sewage or chemical wastes or whatever."

"Yummy," Bartleby deadpanned.

"I've got a friend who loves to eat cement," Justin added.

"Anyway, as you can guess, I specialize in barf," Chunks said, with a flip of her semisolid hair. "Before ya ask, I'm not bulimic. I just... I dunno. Who really knows why they like anything? Plus, I like to stand out. And it's hard to in the afterlife where everybody's already seen everything! Mohawks and tongue piercings don't cut it here. Everyone's already seen that shit a million times. A skating barfbunny's still pretty unique tho'." She tossed off a charming smile, then dealt out five menus around the table. "I'll give you guys a minute to let the newcomers decide what they want. Drinks?"

The Tallevascos had been to the Troubadour often enough that Lena didn't even have to ask Justin or Adam. "Three Pee Sodas for us please."

"Make mine stale," Adam noted.

"Pee Soda?" Bartleby asked.

"It's like club soda, except not with water," Justin explained.

Bartleby thought about the times he'd played watersports games with Lexi and how she'd tasted. "Um, I like pee sometimes, but I'm a little particular who it comes from. I'll just have milk."

"Do you want it from anyone in particular?" Chunks teased, bouncing one of her bunnyboobs.

Bartleby blushed a bit, but laughed with everyone else. "No, that's okay."

Gillian was blushing even harder though. "Um... I don't know if you'll have any, but is there any chance I could get a glass of that liquid that pools at the bottoms of dumpsters?" She licked her whiskers just thinking about it.

Chunks chuckled. "Are you kiddin'? That's one of our house specialties!"

"Really!? Oh, AWESOME!!"

Chunks liked seeing Gillian so happy. "Would you like it chilled or lukewarm?"

"Oh, lukewarm! Definitely!"

"Just water for me, please!" Terry piped up quickly.

"Righty-o. I'll be back in a minnit then." Chunks made a graceful pirouette and scooted back to the front of the restaurant.

Before he could pick up his menu, Bartleby noticed that another waitress was talking to two rhinoceroses, father and son, directly across the aisle.

"Would you like any appetizers?"

"No thanks," the papa rhino said, "We'll make our own."

As the waitress left, the two rhinos both got up and pulled down their pants. With big smiles, they took turns pushing out big round clumps of dung on each others' plates. (Junior's were much smaller than daddy's.) Then they sat back down and dug in, complimenting each other on the taste.

A small part of Bartleby's mind was repulsed by this tableau. But a far bigger part saw how big their smiles were and was happy for them.

He looked down at the menu and was a little scared to open it. There was a cartoon tiger in a chef's hat on the front, holding out a skillet with something green, oozing and horrible in it. They'd even added cartoon stink lines.

Bartleby nudged Gillian surreptitiously. "Psst."

She looked over. Seeing that he wanted secrecy, she held her menu in front of their faces.

"I'm a little worried I might not be able to eat anything here," he whispered.

She had to admit, it was a likely concern. "Well... There's probably all sorts of filth, so maybe there's bugs. You're an insectivore, right?"

He smiled. "Hey, yeah! Maybe they have some nice moths."

Though when he finally did open his menu, all his fears disappeared. There was an incredibly wide variety of meals here, and only sixty percent or so involved filth. "Oh, cool They've got regular food too."

Lena overheard and giggled. "Sure they do. Just because I like to eat shoes 'n diapers 'n stuff doesn't mean I gave up liking pizza and hamburgers too!"

That was a good point, Bartleby had to admit.

"By the way, the pizza here's really good. I recommend it," she added.

"Hm. Maybe I will. Thanks!"

Justin was occupying himself seeing how many coffee creamers he could balance on the blade of his butter knife.


	*   *   *   *   *


Bartleby did end up ordering the pizza. Adam knew that bats were insectivorous too and had ordered a platter of deep-fried grasshoppers with ranch sauce for an appetizer. They were delicious, and extremely crunchy!

Almost the instant they'd finished the last of the grasshoppers, Chunks came skating back with their orders. Bartleby had no idea how she kept them straight, since each one was wrapped up in its own little garbage bag.

Lena assured him that Chunks _always_ got their orders right. And also that he needn't worry about the little garbage bag: it was edible! Made from seaweed, like a sushi wrap. "It's kinda like parsley though; you don't *really* have to eat it if you don't wanna."

Bartleby was no coward though, and boldly nibbled his bag open. Inside was exactly what he'd ordered: a pizzaball. It was a regular medium pizza, but squished into a volleyball-sized sphere. It oozed cheese and sauce all over. Bartleby grinned: this was going to be hellaciously messy to eat.

He'd also decided to be brave and try it with a little Wastopia touch: live maggots. Maggots were just bugs after all. And he'd eaten several buckets' worth of bugs in his life.

Bartleby took a bite and found it rather disappointing though. That's when he remembered he'd turned his nose off. He was more than a little worried to turn it back on again, but he decided it was worth the risk for pizza. In an instant, a WALL of smell made him rock back in his seat. Foremost was the mouthwatering aroma of his meal. And beyond that was what everyone else had ordered, plus the general ambiance of the restaurant (and yes; he could detect a hint of rhino dung in there). To his surprise, either this place just smelled really good or his nose had adapted without him noticing. There were rather unpleasant elements to the overall odor, but nothing too awful. It was kind of like a recipe with one ingredient he didn't like at first, and how sometimes that could be interesting enough to make you appreciate the meal more.

Bartleby peeled off a second chunk of pizza and took another bite. MUCH better! The cheese was unfamiliar, but very flavorful and a little tangy. Somewhere between parmesan and feta. And the grubs tasted almost exactly like shrimp, to his surprise.

Terry was standing on all fours on the table, happily gobbling down a plateful of dog biscuits in chocolate syrup.

Gillian was slurping her dumpster-water through a bendy straw with an expression of perfect bliss. Bartleby could tell without asking that they'd gotten it just the way she liked it. She'd ordered a chicken stew boiled in a leather boot, with a small side salad and garlic bread.

Justin had ordered a nacho toilet. This was pretty much what it sounded like: a miniature toilet sculpted out of nacho chips, and the bowl was full of queso dip (the tank lid came off too, revealing guacamole). Bartleby had to admit, the moment he saw it, he wanted one too.

Lena had ordered a whole pie. Blueberry socks pie, to be specific. Adam had given her a rather parental look at seeing her order a huge dessert for dinner like that, but she reminded him (not for the first time) that being dead meant nutrition didn't matter anymore. He grimaced in a way that suggested this was something he kept forgetting constantly. Lena grinned with gusto as she dug into the pie and pulled out a huge blue-stained gym sock, sucking it down like spaghetti.

Adam's selection was a rather colorful salad made entirely out of rotten produce. Spoiled food, he explained, was capable of producing an entire spectrum of flavor that the living were completely unaware of. If one had the tastebuds of a wasteling, even the most far-gone ingredients could provide exquisite flavors, every bit as delicious as when they'd been fresh. "It's a bit like letting a fine wine age," he added, taking a sip of his stale Pee Soda.

Bartleby had to admit, he was beginning to understand this Wastopia place. Even though he doubted he was courageous enough to try most of the things on the menu here, he was starting to dig the appeal of having absolutely no limits on what you could eat.

He started thinking about his room. What might the walls taste like? What would his blankets taste like, or his chair, or his clothes? Or Terry for that matter! And what if his tongue was hardwired to enjoy it all? Not to change the tastes into something different, but to accept and appreciate each one just as they were.

It made him wonder to himself: 'What might I end up liking if I could just not think about what I *think* it's gonna be like beforehand?'


	*   *   *   *   *


When she refilled all their drinks, Chunks bent over and a little piece of herself fell in Lena's glass with a 'plop'.

Naturally, the little ratgirl took a big swig and smiled.

As they ate, Chunks stopped by to talk for a few minutes, mostly with Justin and Lena. There was definitely a bond between them, Bartleby could tell. He made an educated guess that perhaps she was their babysitter.

Chunks lived a block down the street from the Tallevascos. Her last name was Verdina and she had died in 1963 when a car fell on her as she was walking under a freeway overpass. She was quite fond of telling the story. At first, like nearly all Wastelings, her soul had become a tiny point of light, trapped in the car's wreckage and sent to the scrapyard. (Wastelings with bodies, like Justin and Lena, were the rarest of all supernatural beings.) After a decade or so of unaware dreaming, an Agent of The Beyond, named Mrityu, had rescued her and ferried her soul to its final resting place. She had fallen in love with Wastopia at first sight.

"Free refills on everything, you guys. That includes food," she said.

"No thanks," Terry said, grinning foxily, "...I'm stuffed."

Bartleby groaned in pain.


	*   *   *   *   *


After dinner, everyone ordered dessert. It was just ice cream. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except for Justin's; he ordered his with slugs.

All of them felt full enough to burst. Bartleby slid out of the booth wondering if he was a perfect sphere now. He couldn't believe he'd eaten the whole pizzaball. But it was so *good*!

Adam said they took care of the bill up front, so the kids waddled along behind him and they met up with Chunks again at the register.

The gallant skunk gave her an opal brooch he'd found the previous day for her tip. She was clearly delighted by it, though when she tried to pin it on it simply sank into her and vanished. "The total comes to fifty-four pounds exactly," she rang up.

Bartleby blinked. "You guys use English pounds down here?" It had been so long since he'd needed to use money in the Naughty Level, he was starting to forget what it looked like.

Lena was slipping her overalls down and smirking. "Nope! When she said pounds, she meant _literal_ pounds!"

Bartleby gulped hard. "This is not gonna be pleasant, is it?"

He got his answer when Adam leaned over a large washbasin beside the register and vomited spectacularly.

Bartleby had no idea what it was, only that it was wet, green and there was lots of it.

Justin stepped up to the washbasin and disgorged a respectable amount of gunk out of his bellybutton.

Looking closer, Bartleby could see that it was a sticky mess of half-digested trash. He could see bits of all sorts of stuff mixed in with the green slime. There was even a bent umbrella in there.

Lena made her contribution from her navel as well. She looked back over her shoulder as a torrent of green shit came blasting out of her. "We run on filth, and so does everything else here. Once we suck up the energy from some garbage, we don't need the garbage itself anymore, so when we wanna pay for stuff, either we barter, or we just upchuck a bunch of what we ate and it gets recycled into fuel for the machines in the kitchen."

"...Robot chefs that run on garbage..." Bartleby said, sounding a little dazed.

"You're a bit short, sweetie," Chunks told Adam.

"Do forgive me," he said gentlemanly, and ralphed up another few pounds until the scale under the wash basin went 'ding'.

Gillian, by the way, was laughing so hard she could barely breathe at this point.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Eight~


They left the diner waving goodbye to their bunny friend and found the tub boat already un-sunk and waiting for them. They were too full for much conversation, so they spent the ride to Justin & Lena's house in calm, quiet contemplation of Wastopia at night. The last sunlight had vanished long ago. Everything was deep blue now, with moonbeams coming through the windows in the city ceiling and fireflies flitting around the garbage piles. On the horizon was a warm orange glow, which Adam said was from a mile-wide tire fire that'd been burning for nearly a century.

Soon enough the boat took them to a fairly normal-looking suburban neighborhood. Normal for Wastopia at least. There were still canals leading up to every driveway. And the houses here seemed to have more personality than in a regular Earth subdivision. Kids played in their yards and families sipped drinks on their porches. Everything was laid back and quiet. No one seemed to care about mowing their lawns either, so the grass grew high and wildflowers spread like wildfire. 'Quite pretty,' Gillian thought.

The Tallevasco's house was modest but welcoming. It was painted blue with chocolate-brown trim. Two stories and an attached garage. Dozens of trashbags decorated the curb, naturally. In the backyard was a towering tree with a sprawling, double-decker treehouse. "Here we are," Adam said.

Instead of docking itself, this time the boat walked right up the driveway; revealing itself to be a literal claw-foot tub. Everyone hopped out. Bartleby watched as the tub waddled back down the drive to the water to cheerfully sink again. It moved kind of like a bulldog, he thought.

Just as they were walking up the path to the front door, Bartleby was startled by an earsplitting "HONNNNKK!!!"

"Here comes The Beast!!" Justin shouted.

Bartleby's eyes went wide as the door of their garage was smashed open by an enormous emerald green blur. Something huge and loud with blinding bright headlights came howling out, headed straight for them!

Bartleby was airborne before he could even think about it. Gillian yelped and launched herself over a hedge and landed ass-first on a possum.

Justin, Lena and Adam weren't fazed a bit. The big green thing slammed to a stop inches in front of the kids and actually started nuzzling them with its front bumper!

Lena hugged it and gave its chrome a kiss. "Come on over and meet The Green Beast! She's our pet garbage truck!!"

Once the bat and cat's nerves had settled down, they crept closer. (Terry had instinctively hidden inside one of Bartleby's big ears. His nose poked out cautiously now.)

Panting like a St. Bernard, the driverless vintage trash truck regarded them playfully. It was obviously a custom job, and very well-maintained judging by the gleaming paint and spotless chrome. The hood ornament was a tiny Lena with angel wings.

There was no doubt the truck was at least semi-alive. It moved like a nonev; its metal squashing and stretching cartoonishly. It bounced on its whitewall tires like an excited puppy.

"Wow!!" said Gillian, walking over to pat its hood. "How the heck...? I've never seen anything like it before!!"

"The Beast is special," Lena purred proudly. "She's not like a Real Plushie; she's something unique. See, Justin and I died inside her. When I made him a wasteling, I mean. After that, he ended up a girl for a little while, since he'd absorbed a bit of me during the process, but that's another story. Anyway, soon we started suspecting that The Beast had absorbed some of our 'aliveness' too. After the ritual to bring Justin back, she'd do stuff like opening the doors when we were coming, turning on the radio for us... Sometimes she'd even surprise us when we played in the back by turning the compactor on all by herself!" She giggled in delight.

Adam caressed the truck's hood too. "So it wasn't really a surprise when, after I died, she was right there waiting for me."

"That's seriously cool," Bartleby said. "But it must suck for her though. Since, y'know, there's no roads here."

Adam chuckled. "No worries! Wastopia isn't *all* canals. There's plenty of dry land elsewhere. So whenever she wants to go out for a spin, we just slam through the garage wall and off we go."

"We're trying to teach her how to open portals by herself," Justin said, tickling her hood ornament.

Gillian nibbled her lip, looking both excited and bashful. "Could... could I get compacted in her sometime?"

Lena lit up. "Are you NUTS!? We wouldn't DREAM of letting you leave without all of us getting squished in her together! It's the _best_!!"

"Oh thank you!!" Gillian said, leaping at Lena and hugging her gratefully.

"You ever been trash-truck'd?" Justin asked Bartleby.

He grinned. "Sure! You think I could hang out with Gillian and *not* end up in one at least a few times?"


	*   *   *   *   *


After they'd all petted the Green Beast and she'd responded by playfully running them over a bit, Adam let everyone inside. Bartleby noticed there was no lock on the door (a few people in Hell still had those, but mostly out of habit). Adam said that there was no need for door locks in Wastopia because theft was irrelevant. Anything you could ever imagine wanting was just a few minute's hunt through a dumpster away. Bartleby wondered how the shops downtown stayed in business though. Adam explained that a lot of people enjoyed finding old things here and there and fixing them up just as a hobby. Plus it was always fun to trade something you'd found that you didn't want for something you wanted that someone else had found. Every day was flea market day in Wastopia.

The front door opened into the kitchen, which was a little small and heavily disorganized. Food containers of every kind competed for space on every available surface. Gillian thought she saw some cockroaches scatter when the lights had gone on. Nearby was the livingroom. It was spacious and cozy, with a big TV, dozens of overflowing bookshelves and an enormous couch that looked like it had seen decades of use. Despite the general theme of trashiness in Wastopia, Bartleby noticed that the Tallevascos' home looked cluttered, but clean.

"I wanna show you our room, guys!" Lena called out to her new friends from the foot of the stairs.

"I was hoping to spend a little family time together," Adam told his kids as he poured out a cup of coffee. "But you can go play for a bit first. Give our guests the grand tour."

"Roger, Daddo," Justin said. He bounded up the stairs. "This way!"

From the top of the stairs Justin and Lena pointed out the rest of the rooms on the ground floor: a bathroom, a big storage closet and their dad's bedroom. Upstairs was Justin and Lena territory.

There were three doors on the second floor. One was closed and plain (probably a closet), another led to a second bathroom, and the third was encrusted with posters and stickers and food stains, and toys were spilling into the hall like creeping lava.

"Gee, I wonder which one leads to your room," Gillian said with a chuckle.

"You must be psychic," Justin deadpanned.

He turned the knob and suddenly they all heard a dozen tiny voices cry out in joy from inside: "They're home! They're home!"

As the kids stepped inside and flicked on the light, Bartleby's jaw dropped as he saw more Real Plushies in one place than he'd ever seen before. Terry perked up and his tail nearly tore itself off from wagging so hard.

Justin & Lena's room was nearly as wide as the whole house, and it was every tidy parent's most apocalyptic nightmare. There were closets and beds at either end, both near windows. In between was a vast minefield of toys. Shelves and boxes were full of toys too. Plus half-eaten foodstuffs, comic books, caseless CDs and even a few dildos. There was not a visible square foot of floor in the entire room. Yet Bartleby noticed that a path seemed to clear itself automatically wherever any of them stepped. 'Very convenient!' he thought.

From both beds charged an army of plush. Stuffed animals of a dozen different species descended upon the rat and wolffox, smothering them in affection. Justin and Lena both knelt down to give and receive tons of hugs.

"There's so MANY!" Terry marvelled.

Justin stood up with a grey mouse on his shoulder. "Yup! Me 'n Lena were both big plushie collectors when we were alive. We always treated them like they were real. And when we got here, they were all waiting for us! This is Rachel, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you," the mouse said in a shy voice. Terry shook her paw.

"Ooh, I'm so jealous!" Gillian said. "Everyone has Real Plushies except for me!"

"Well, there's Mrs. MacKensie; she's snuggly and huggable," Bartleby said.

"Not *quite* the same thing," she replied.

"I wonder if it'd be possible for Gillian to borrow me for a few days sometime?" Terry mused. Real Plushies only tended to stay Real when their owners were nearby, otherwise they usually fell into a pleasant sleep (if they had nothing else to occupy them).

Lena was playfully stomping on some of her plush. "These guys like a good foot massage!" The plushies purred and cooed. "We play all sorts of rough games; we all love it. Justin and I are always trying to sneak over to the other's bed and destroy each other's plush creatively. Sometimes we even use fireworks!"

Terry looked just a little worried. Bartleby skritched him reassuringly.

"Oh, there's nothing mean-spirited about it!" Lena quickly clarified.

"Yeah, it's just in fun," Justin said. "They're as immortal as we are. We all love knowing that we're indestructible. Plus, there's no sound in the world like hearing your favorite plushie's seams pop!" he said with a shiver of delight.

Lena smiled. "We can have a total plushie war before we go to bed and strew stuffing all over the room, and by morning they're all back in our beds; safe and sound and happy."

Terry jumped up to Bartleby's shoulder and gave him a look of curiosity. "Well... I have always sorta wondered what it'd feel like to have you pull off my tail," he admitted bashfully.

Lena got a wicked glint in her eye. "Like this!" Quick as a wink she'd snatched Terry off Bartleby's shoulder. She wrapped her hands tight around his waist and tail and TUGGED with all her might.

Bartleby and Gillian gasped. Terry cried out in startled pleasure. Justin and Lena's plushies cheered the ratgirl on.

Bartleby heard Terry's seams pop and, he had to admit, there really was nothing like it. It twanged the deepest fears in his heart of losing his beloved plush friend, but it also made him excited, since Terry's expression was one of helpless, overwhelming bliss.

RRRRRRIPP!!!

Just like that, Lena was holding a fox in one hand and a tail in the other. She turned Terry around and held his tail up to see. "How was that?" she asked, giving his nose a kiss.

Terry was trembling from the intensity of the experience. "...Unexpected!" he gasped. "But AWESOME!"

Lena nuzzled him and handed him back to Bartleby gently and lovingly. "Hope I didn't scare you *too* much!" she said. She placed Terry's tail back in his plush paws.

Bartleby was slightly stunned. "That was definitely unexpected, and I think it made my heart stop for a second, but it *was* pretty cool!" He looked down at his plush. "Does it fit back on okay?"

Terry was staring at his dismembered tail in awe. "Actually, I think I'll leave it off for a while. It feels pretty neat like this."

Gillian was blushing and squeezing her thighs together. "Um... I gotta admit... I kinda wanna know what that feels like too..."

Justin grinned. "Like THIS!!"


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Nine~


After showing off their toys and other cool stuff for a few more minutes, Justin remembered Adam's mention of family time, so the four kids headed back downstairs again. The rat and wolffox made sure to kiss all their plushies goodnight first.

Adam was just finishing off his coffee in the livingroom. "Ah, there you are." He noticed Gillian was wearing her tail around her neck like a feather boa. "Um..."

She giggled secretively and stuck it back on.

Adam stood up and rubbed his hands together. "So, kiddos! I thought we all could do something fun together with our new friends to show our hospitality. Any ideas? We could watch a movie or play some video games? We've got board games too. Or I could get out the photo album."

Lena fidgeted naughtily. "Does anyone else just wanna go in the bedroom and fuck?"

Everyone burst out laughing.

Lena looked pleadingly at Bartleby and Gillian. "I mean, I know we just met, but you guys ARE still naked. And I kinda got the sense you're both as yiffy as we are. So I hope it's not too much to ask."

"Not at all!" Bartleby reassured. "I like yiffing new friends!"

"Me too," Gillian said, though a little shyly. 

"Good; 'cause I'm REEEEEALLY horny!!" Lena squeaked, kneading at her crotch.

"Sweet," Justin said. "I always like a good sweaty rumpus after a big meal."

"To the bedroom then!" Adam said, like a captain leading an expedition. "Avanti!" They trooped through the livingroom as their imaginations switched into naughty gear and started imagining scenarios.

"We're gonna FUCK! We're gonna FUCK! Tra-la-la-la-la!" Lena sang.

Adam's bedroom was about half the size of Justin and Lena's. There was a computer and more bookshelves, but most of the space was dominated by a big bed that looked like it had been bounced halfway to death. The blankets smelled of many happy hours' worth of yiff.

"You guys can decide," Justin said to their guests. "I'm in the mood for just about anything."

Gillian looked at Adam and squeaked shyly. "Um, if it's okay... I kind of have a thing for skunks. Especially handsome, grownup skunks..."

Adam padded closer and enfolded her in a gentle hug. "That's absolutely okay, Gillian. You're a very pretty kitty yourself. Did I mention I liked your glasses?"

"I think so, but thanks anyway!"

Lena was looking at Terry. "I know he's your plush, Bartleby, but... I'd kinda like to play with him a while if that's okay."

"Sure!" Bartleby lifted the little fox off his shoulder.

"Oh noo! Don't give me to the terrible tail-ripper!" Terry said, pretending to be scared. But the disembodied tail wagging in his arms gave his real feelings away.

Lena took him in her paws and grinned at him toothily. "I've got plans for that nice big muzzle of yours, fuzzybutt," she said evilly.

Terry wriggled with excitement.

"Looks like you 'n me are paired up then!" Justin said, giving Bartleby a friendly pat on the ass. "That's okay, right?"

Bartleby smiled. "Totally! I like boys more than girls anyway. Well, usually. It depends on the furson."

Justin nodded in acceptance. "I useta be straight, but cuddling with Dad kinda turned me a little gay too," he admitted. "I agree though; who someone is matters more than what they got in their crotch."

The Tallevascos soon shed their clothes, tossing them haphazardly around the room.


	*   *   *   *   *


Adam scooped Gillian up into his arms and gallantly carried her to the bed. She purred at his gentle touch. He slid onto the bed beside her and ran his fingers through her tummyfur, making her curl up and mew happily.

"Wrap me in your big, gorgeous tail..." she asked in a whisper.

Adam was very happy that she liked it so much. He skooched closer and draped it over her. She gasped and lost herself in the incredible softness. The skunk's tailfur was so long and luxurious! She grabbed handfuls and thrust her nose deep into the magic fur, inhaling the intoxicating musk.

Meanwhile Justin had tackled Bartleby onto the bed and the two were rolling back and forth, hugging and giggling. Bartleby thought Justin was rather puppyish.

Justin paused to close his eyes and breathe in a deep sniff. "Mmmmm! You smell good!"

Bartleby chuckled. "Thanks!"

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm _really_ into smells. Especially body smells." He touched his moist nose to Bartleby's chestfur and the bat instinctively jumped a little. Justin sniffed all around. Bartleby jumped again when he felt that questing little nose sink right into his armpit!

"Whoa! Tickly!"

"Sorry, but your pits REALLY smell good! Bat musk is a totally different smell from rat or skunk. I love Dad and Lena's smells too. And, yeah, my own. Did you ever notice that sometimes you'll be away from your house for a while and when you get back, you notice your room smells like you?"

"Hey, yeah!" Bartleby realized.

"I _love_ that feeling! I want me 'n Lena's room to be as smelly as possible at all times," he said, tail wagging.

"I actually didn't notice. I was just impressed by all your toys and plushies!"

Justin grinned. "Speaking of plushies, I'll bet Terry smells like you too and you don't even realize. But that smell's still comforting anyway, isn't it?"

Bartleby blinked. "You're right... I hadn't noticed, but I do like nuzzling him and how his fur smells." He chuckled. "Wow, are you like the guru of smells?" Justin laughed too.

Meanwhile, Lena was covering Terry in kisses. "I love how plushie fur feels," she cooed. "It's so nice to snuggle and hug and rub against." She gave him a kiss right on his little round felt nose.

Terry wriggled with joy. "Thank you so much, Miss Lena. I think I speak for all plushies when I say we love to be cuddled! It's our purpose! Touch is everything to us."

She nodded. "Uh huh! My plushies tell me the same thing. They mean the world to me. I know *lots* of things plushies like..." She held Terry in both paws around his middle and began to drag him slowly up and down her softly-furred chest. Terry murred at getting to nuzzle her small rat titties. Lena let out little moans and coos at the feel of their fur rustling together.

The ratgirl rubbed Terry sensuously all over her naked self. Every part of Terry touched every part of her. She rubbed her cunny with his big cute feet. She nuzzled his round bottom. She tickled her sensitive spots with his tail. She sat on him and rocked back and forth. She pulled her legs up to her chest and squished him into the soft mattress, slowly and lovingly crushing him flat. He was overwhelmed with pleasure, and was already thinking about asking Bartleby if they could try some of these things together too.

Lena brought Terry face to face with her again for more kisses. "Um, Terry? There's something else I like to do with my plushies but it might be a little gross and I wanted to ask you first."

"Thanks very much for being considerate."

She grinned at his cute politeness. "Well, I saw you in Gillian's muff a few times already. I was wondering if you'd mind if I put you in my... other hole."

Terry grabbed his tail and stuck it back on just so he could wag it properly.

Meanwhile, Adam was lying on top of Gillian. Not coupling yet; just enjoying the warmth of each other's bodies. He looked into her eyes and stroked her hair. "I'm not too heavy, am I?"

"Oh, not at all!" said Gillian. "I like how it feels. I love getting squished and flattened. I have a friend with a garbage truck who compacts me all the time. And one time at the zoo I let an elephant step on me! So, having you on top of me... All that warm weight... It's VERY exciting!"

He smiled warmly. "Wonderful! I'm glad you're happy. You feel so soft and small under me. I bet I could pop you like a soap bubble if I wanted," he said, nuzzling her nose.

She giggled effervescently. "Oh, please do!"

"I don't think I weigh enough to pop you, but maybe if I bounce, we could try?"

"That sounds like a good idea..." She reached underneath them and wriggled a paw between their thighs. Carefully, she sought out his penis and aimed it towards her. She mewed when it touched her petals. Mission accomplished! She extracted her hand so she could put both her arms around him and run her hands through his wonderful tail.

"Bounce me," she said.

Meanwhile, Bartleby had rolled over onto his tummy and Justin was lying on top of him. "I'm ready," the little bat said.

Justin nodded, and stroked Bartleby's small, slender tail. "Here we go." He murred low in his throat as he guided himself to Bartleby's pink pucker and pushed forward.

Bartleby gasped softly in butty pleasure. He'd had dozens of penises up there by now and every one still felt great.

"Me 'n Lena get kinda rough when we yiff. Is that okay?" Justin asked.

"Well, not *too* rough," Bartleby said. "But I've been butt-yiffed a few million times by now probly, so you don't have to be gentle either."

"Allrighty, I'll do my best," Justin said with a grin. He grabbed Bartleby's soft buns and plunged his sword in deep. One strong, smooth motion.

Bartleby balled up blankets in his fists and his toes curled. The tip of his penis was rubbing against the soft blankets they were lying on. "You can go harder," he said.

Justin pulled out, then slammed back in again fast. Both boys groaned in pleasure. "I haven't yiffed too many other guys before, Bartleby, but your ass is fantastic!"

"Better than Lena's?" he teased.

"Sorry, but no way! My sister has the best ass the universe ever created!!"

Lena happened to overhear this and squeaked happily. She'd never been exactly happy with her appearance, but she knew her brother thought that every last part of her was beautiful. From her big round rat ass to her furless feet to her too-big muzzle to her too-big ears. She thought he was just as handsome himself. Being loved, appreciated and accepted exactly as you are is a wonderful feeling, she thought.

Terry also had to agree that Lena had one damn fine butt. Lena had mashed his face into her honeypot for a while to get it good and slicked up. Terry couldn't believe how lucky he was to taste two yummy pussies in one day! When he was dripping wet with ratgirl syrup, she flopped over on all fours with her tush in the air and rammed him roughly into her cheeks. Terry rubbed her big soft buns and teased her anus with his nose.

"Poke it in, Terry!" she pled.

With a push and a pop, Terry's nose went inside. It was a bit stinky inside her, but nothing he minded. Lena started kneading him in one hand while she teased her cunny with the other. He liked that she was rough, but lovingly so. He felt her claws dig into his fur, but never too hard. He could tell she was passionate and had a playfully destructive streak in her, but not a drop of cruelty.

Lena rhythmically pushed and pulled Terry's muzzle into and out of her hiney-hole. "I'm gonna get you all the way in there, you realize," she panted.

"No problem!" Terry called back.

Meanwhile, Gillian's purr was at full blast as Adam made love to her. He held her wrists loosely in each hand, arms up over her head. She had her spotted tail curled around his waist. She'd also tugged his tail closer so she could turn her head to the side and bury her face in its softness.

The handsome grown-up skunk was infinitely caring and gentle, paying attention to all her body language, making sure he was doing exactly what she wanted him to. He nuzzled her cheek feather-lightly with his pink nose. Then traced along her left ear with it, making her fidget cutely. "Hey, that's tickly!"

"Sorry sweetheart."

"I liked it though! I like all of this. You're very gentle. I love yiffing with grownups. My cunny feels stretched sooo tight. I love how thick and warm you are inside me!"

He kissed her cheek. "I'm glad I'm making you so happy! Would you like me to go a little faster?"

"If you want to. The pace is okay, but what I really like is feeling how heavy you are on my chest each time you thrust in! Do it harder! Squish me! Take my breath away!"

He kissed her more. "Lena likes being squished too. I know just what you mean." Bracing his legs against the backboard, he pumped into his lovely kitten in a hard downward motion.

She gasped out a tiny squeak "That's perfect!"

Adam closed his eyes and continued, pretending Gillian was a balloon he was trying to pop.

Meanwhile, Justin and Bartleby were rocking back and forth like a clock pendulum. They'd found a rhythm they both enjoyed and went with it, full steam ahead.

Justin was draped over Bartleby's back. His eyes were closed and his nose was in heaven. He loved all the musky boy odors their lovemaking was producing. It intensified Bartleby's sweat, so he kept nuzzling his bat friend's armpits. This resulted in a squeak and a shiver every time, which made both of them giggle.

Justin was in a world of luscious scent. Him and Bartleby. His wonderful stinky sister. His awesome stinky dad yiffing the cute, shy calico girl. Even Bartleby's plush fox. He could smell *everyone*! Each smell was warm and happy, each was different yet similar. He could almost taste the yummy, exciting smells. It made him as happy as smelling popcorn at the movies or freshly-made pizza.

Bartleby wasn't thinking about smells. He was thinking about the nice thick knot on Justin's cock. He was well trained in taking Xander's, so Justin's posed no problem. Justin had gotten it wedged in good, then popped it out, then back in again enough times to get Bartleby's anus used to it. Now it was resting halfway in, halfway out, stretching the bat intensely with each thrust.

"I think I'm about to..." Justin panted.

"Me too! I just don't wanna make a mess on your blanket!"

Justin laughed. "Don't worry! We've covered half the house in cum since we moved in! Probably two-thirds!"

Bartleby laughed too and continued humping the soft fabric. He thought of all the other yiffing the bed had seen and felt a little honored to be making his own contribution. With a long, low groan, he made a little white puddle underneath him.

Seconds later, Bartleby's tunnel was filled with sticky hot Justin cum. The wolffox boy tugged Bartleby's tail tight when he came (though not hard enough to pull it off!), then sighed and collapsed onto the bed. He managed to scoot closer though and gave Bartleby's big ears several kisses. He was still tied in the bat's behind, and both of them were content to stay that way for a while.

Meanwhile, Gillian couldn't breathe.

Adam was yiffing her as hard as a freight train now, but every thrust was carefully controlled. He was concentrating intently on doing it just how Gillian had asked.

She hadn't drawn a breath in almost a minute now. She was starting to feel lightheaded. But she didn't dare say a thing for fear he'd stop! This was BETTER than perfect! He was squishing her exactly how she liked best. She loved the scary-but-euphoric feeling of asphyxia. She loved feeling her heart pound in her chest as it searched for oxygen but found none. She knew in her mind she was perfectly safe, just like always, but she ignored that and let her instincts wash over her. The fear added spice to her literally breathtaking pleasure. She wondered if she'd die before he came. A large part of her hoped so.

Adam knew perfectly well what he was doing. Lena had asked for his 'Daddy Squish Special' plenty of times. He was pushing down on Gillian's little ribcage with all his weight, but made sure it was a continuous, steady pressure. He wanted to leave her blissfully breathless, but never did he want to cause a cub the slightest bit of pain. His pleasure derived from seeing how much pleasure she was in. The higher he drove her, the closer he came.

Gillian's head was spinning. She couldn't remember the last breath of air she'd taken. Her chest felt like it wanted to explode. Her heart was frantic. Her pussy was on fire. She held Adam's paws tight in hers. The pressure on her chest was tremendous. At the exact moment her heart stopped, she came.

Adam felt her ribs crack and a second later she was gushing kittyjuice all over his cock. It was like a tiny tidal wave of love. Adam knew well that back on Earth mutual climaxes were the stuff of urban legend. But here in the afterlife, where desires designed reality, they were the rule instead of the exception. Her orgasm touched off his and he grit his teeth and shut his eyes tight as he came like a volcano into her small, fragile body.

Meanwhile, Lena was frantically pounding at her pussy, like her paw was a jackhammer pulverizing concrete. Terry was buried halfway up her ass by now. She was pushing him as hard as she could to get him in deeper, and he wasn't resisting a bit.

Terry was enjoying the hell out of the experience, actually. Bartleby was always so gentle with him; this rough treatment was new and very exciting! He kind of wanted Lena to tear his tail off again. Or maybe his paws! The thought of his stuffing falling out all over the place thrilled him. It was normally an image from a nightmare for a plush, but there was something delicious about confronting your worst fear and embracing it and making it something you loved instead.

By now Lena had made a hellacious bed-puddle of pussy juice and anal lube and even a bit of pee. Lena loved pee games, and didn't think anyone would notice if she let a few squirts go.

"Deeper, Terry, deeper!" she shouted. "All the way in!!"

"Yes, please!!" he cried out. She could feel his shout vibrating through her insides! How exciting!

Lena moaned loudly and gave her mightiest push. She could feel Terry's arms pass inside her sphincter. Soon just his feet were left. She squeezed and poked and pinched her cunny in every way possible, feeling her nectar drip down her fur and tickle her paws.

It was so *warm* inside Lena's butt! Terry had no idea a butt could be so comfortable. It was even better than a tummy in some ways. It was drier in here, and no acid. And being a canine, he had to admit the smell was beginning to grow on him.

"UNNNNNNNNGH!!!" Lena strained her muscles with all her might and finally felt the little fox's feet pop inside! There was a gush of anal goo as he finally slipped in, and then all Lena's strength left her. She flopped down on the bed like a ragdoll, face mushed into the pillows, and brought her other hand to her cunny to help finish the job.

By now Justin and Bartleby were past the haze of afterglow and had seen Terry's vanishing act. They watched Lena masturbate with all the fury of a category 4 hurricane. Adam had also revived Gillian with a kiss, and after she thanked him with about two dozen of her own, they eagerly watched Lena's finale too.

Grunting like a wild bull, Lena writhed and sweated and pumped her hands. She tore the blankets up with her toeclaws. She knocked the pillow off onto the floor. She panted hard and moaned and finally her eyes popped open and for a split-second she was completely silent.

Then she did her Old Faithful impression.

Lena hadn't been a squirter before her arrival in the afterlife, but she'd always wanted to be. For someone who loved so much to be messy, it was a perfect match. She cooed helplessly as she came buckets all over the bed. Her fluid spurted in graceful foot-high arcs as she shuddered in total surrender to her pleasure.

Eventually her spasms subdued and her panting grew quieter.

But just when everyone thought the show was over, she farted as loud as a truck backfiring and blew Terry clear across the room.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" said Terry.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Ten~


Everyone congratulated Lena on her amazing performance, none moreso than Justin. He was already asking if his sister could do that again (with him taking Terry's place, of course).

The thoroughly-soaked foxplush toddled back over to the bed and tried to climb up, but he was far too slippery. Bartleby helped him up. Justin and Lena immediately started licking him clean.

That was when Bartleby yawned.

All of a sudden, he felt incredibly sleepy. He wasn't really sure why. True, he'd had plenty of adventures today. But he'd done lots more on other days and hadn't felt this fatigued afterwards. And it had come on so suddenly too.

With a heavy heart he asked to excuse himself. They were all sad to see him go, as everyone else was feeling super-yiffy and already ready for round two. Bartleby yawned again and said he really didn't have much choice but to decline.

As Bartleby turned towards the door, he noticed Terry following him with a very conflicted expression. Bartleby smiled, picked up his faithful companion, and kissed him with all the love in his heart. "It's okay if you wanna stay up and play some more."

"Oh THANK you, Bartleby!!" Terry exploded. He covered his boy's face with kisses and his tail wagged like an outboard motor.

As Terry vaulted into Lena's lovingly dangerous embrace, Justin got up off the bed too. "Be back in a second."

He patted Bartleby's shoulder. "C'mon, you can sleep in my room tonight."

He led the sleepy bat out of the livingroom and to the stairs. "It's okay, I can sleep on the couch. I don't mind," Bartleby said.

Justin made a 'no way' sound. "It's no problem. Either we'll all fall asleep together in Dad's bed or I'll just sleep with Lena again. We share beds about half the time anyway."

Bartleby smiled as he pulled himself up the creaky stairs. "That's cool how you 'n Lena love each other so much."

"D'you have any siblings?" Justin asked.

"Three. A little sister, a big sister... and a big brother."

Justin could tell that not only were Bartleby's siblings still alive and that he missed them terribly, but from that little pause, he knew Bartleby's big brother was extra special to him. "Have you ever thought... y'know... yiffy thoughts about them?"

Bartleby looked down at his paws bashfully. "Mmmmaybe..." Truth be told, he'd imagined being held on Chuck's lap with them in nothing but fur many, many times.

"You might think it'll be weird once they get here and you're all used to yiff and they aren't. But you might be surprised." They reached the second floor and Justin turned to pat Bartleby on the back and rub his fur there a little. "Lena and Dad were already into yiff before they ever met me. They'd lived together for a few years already. He loved Lena, but was afraid of her ever finding out. So he wrote stories about her. Little short stories about them yiffing and cuddling and long descriptions of how pretty he thought she was. He kept 'em all in a box in his dresser."

Justin opened the door to his room and turned on the light. His plushies all perked up.

"Anyway, one day he got out of the shower and found Lena standing there at his dresser, holding that box. And crying."

"Uh oh," Bartleby said.

"That's what he thought too. He told me that he couldn't remember ever feeling so scared in his whole life. He thought he was going to lose Lena's love and trust forever. But then she ran over and hugged him. She said she'd been snooping around months ago and found the box, and since then she'd been reading his stories over and over and over. She said she was crying because she couldn't believe anyone could ever think she was so beautiful."

Bartleby smiled. "Awww."

"And she said she wanted to try absolutely everything he'd written about. So they did. And then later on after they rescued me, they sat me down in the livingroom one day and said that if I was going to choose to be a part of their family, I should know all their secrets.

"First they told me about finding the guy who raped Lena and beating the shit out of him. I was totally okay with that. I just said I wished I could've helped. But then they told me about the yiff stuff."

Bartleby sat down on Justin's bed. His attention was diverted from Justin's story by the feel of a dozen or so plushies all surrounding him with gentle hugs. He of course hugged them back.

Justin was happy to see Bartleby being loving with his plushies. "So, anyway, they told me about Lena finding the stories and about everything they did afterwards, and then they asked me if I was okay with that. I asked Adam if he'd ever had yiffy feelings for me. And he said yes."

The wolffox pup stared off into space, remembering. "I'd never been in a situation even the slightest bit like that before. In my old family, the closest I got to physical affection was swirlies. And not being slapped by my father *too* hard."

Bartleby winced in empathy.

"But the more I thought about it, I realized that I trusted Adam completely. I knew without even having to ask that he'd never do anything I said no to. And I also realized... That there was nothing Adam could do to me that could ever feel worse than my old dad punching me."

Bartleby put a wing around the young canine. "I'm sorry to hear about your old dad, but I'm really happy you got a new one. I... Um, my dad was like your old dad too. He was the one who killed me actually. But about a month ago he died, and I got to see him again and confront him, and after that things were better."

Justin nodded. "That's cool. For me though, I don't know if any of my old family is still alive or not, and I don't care. I've thought about confronting them lots of times, but eventually it just didn't matter to me anymore. Finally I realized that all I wanted was to forget them, and I pretty much have by now, so I'm happy with that."

Bartleby nodded. "Good for you."

Justin smiled. "By the way, after I thought about it for awhile that day, I told Adam; my new dad; my *real* dad, that I was okay with anything he wanted to do with me, and that all I wanted was to be with him and Lena forever.

"And eventually he wrote some stories with me in them too."

Bartleby stretched out on Justin's cozy bed and yawned again. "That was an awesome bedtime story."

"Thanks." He gave all his plushies a pat then walked over to the lightswitch. "And thanks for the fuckin' excellent yiff too! I hope you'll come over and visit again sometime."

"I'll try to. I'm not sure how I got here in the first place, but if there's a way back I'll try to find it."

"Cool." Justin clicked off the light, and the room turned blue with moonlight. "Hey plushies! Be good and keep Bartleby company. Be soft and fluffy. I know you will, since you're the best plushies in the whole world."

Bartleby giggled as all the stuffed animals thanked Justin for his praise. Then all of them jumped the bat in a tackle of pure love. A little vixen with curly fur and a green hat said, "Don't worry, Bartleby! We're excellent at cuddling!"

"I'm sure you are!" he replied, and kissed her nose.

Justin felt a strong burst of emotion. He had kept his precious plushies a secret for many years, out of fear of his wicked family ever finding them. But then he met Lena, and trusted her enough to show them to her. And now a cub he barely knew was cuddling his most precious plush possessions. And he was okay with that. They were safe, and they were happy. That meant he was happy too.

"G'night, Bartleby."

"Goodnight, Justin. Make Gillian happy down there!"

He chuckled naughtily. "We sure will! And I'll wake you for breakfast. See ya then."

Justin shut the door.

Bartleby yawned again.

He wrapped his wings around the huddled furry friends surrounding him and was sound asleep within minutes.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Eleven~


Soon Bartleby was waking to the sound of birds chirping outside and a canine paw gently jogging his shoulders.

"Yo, Bartleby! Wake-up time! Everyone else is already up. Let's get some goddam breakfast, amigo!"

Bartleby chuckled and rubbed some sleep from his eyes. Before him was a tail-wagging wolffox, and surrounding him were a dozen or so pairs of bright plastic eyes and smiling plush muzzles.

"Didja give him good dreams?" Justin asked his plushies, reaching over to give them skritches.

"Oh *yes*, Justin!!" said a little coffee-furred fembat. "We made sure he was smiling all night long!"

A plump skunk handpuppet nuzzled Justin's hand. "We took turns playing with his weenie to keep it stiff all night long too!"

Justin chuckled. "How's it feel to have been worked over by a bunch of plushie perverts?"

Bartleby blinked a few times and managed to sit up. "Pretty damn good, actually!"

"Yaaaaaay!!!" cheered the plushies.

Bartleby stood up and yawned. "Actually, I really gotta go pee."

Justin nodded. "Allright; bathroom's right next door." He paused just as he was about to leave, then grinned. "...Although if you want, you can just wet the bed! I do it all the time. And guess what the mattress is made of?"

Bartleby sat up and bounced on it. He *thought* he'd noticed a slight crinkling sound! "Aw man! Have I been sleeping on diapers?"

Justin cracked up. "Yup! I figured if I didn't tell you, you probly wouldn't notice."

"It's okay. My friend Lexi got me pretty used to 'em. I've even worn them sometimes." He bounced on the bed again. "Used, I assume?"

A nod and a tailwag. "Of course! Usually by Lena. She usually goes in my bed and I go in hers. Heck, we use each other's beds more than the toilet!" He took in a deep sniff and smiled blissfully. "Mmmm! Nothin' nicer when you're falling asleep than the sweet smell of your stinky sister!"

"Wanna know what bat pee smells like?" Bartleby asked with a smirk.

"I'd be more interested in what it *tastes* like," Justin replied, and opened his mouth to make a nice, inviting target...


	*   *   *   *   *


After a refreshing morning drink, Justin wiped his mouth on his arm and the two giggling boys ran to the stairs. Justin hopped up on the handrail and slid all the way down backwards. Bartleby followed close behind. At the bottom, his tush bumped into Justin's crotch, and both of them went 'Eep!'. Justin smooched Bartleby's cheek and vamoosed to the kitchen.

Bartleby had half-expected everyone to be eating rotting fish heads out of old hubcaps, but so far the Tallevasco's breakfast looked pretty normal. Except for everyone being naked, of course. Justin sat down at the flimsy metal table with its checkered vinyl tablecloth. They all had bowls, spoons and glasses in front of them, though none of them matched. Terry was nowhere to be seen and Bartleby half wondered if Lena had ripped him to bits or shoved him up her bum again. Adam had returned to kid-size. Lena was crosseyed and sucking the air from her juice glass to make it stick on her muzzle. Gillian looked as full of energy and cheer as Bartleby had ever seen her.

"You had fun last night?" he asked, pulling up a chair.

"Yes, Bartleby, yes!!" Gillian practically sang. She looked as if hearts and rainbows were about to come exploding out of her. "We had a wonderful time! First Justin yiffed me from behind while Adam yiffed Lena, and me 'n her cuddled and kissed. I felt so happy! So... included! I trusted them completely. Oh Bartleby, it was *wonderful*! I almost melted!"

Bartleby was overjoyed to see her like this. He hugged her tight. As he did though, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to get a better look, he saw a chandelier-like device descending from the kitchen ceiling. Except it wasn't a chandelier; it was a cluster of folded-up robot arms, each with a cartoonish white glove on the end. As Bartleby watched, the arms extended to reach all over the kitchen. They grabbed up boxes of cereal from here and there, then opened the fridge to get at the milk and juice.

"What'll you have?" Adam asked Bartleby and Gillian.

"Oh, whatever you're having'll be fine," Gillian said. Bartleby nodded.

"We usually do a mix," Justin said. The robot arms shook small portions of eight or so different cereals into his bowl, then topped it with a generous portion of milk. Justin dug in with gusto.

Bartleby and Gillian liked watching the robot hands fill everyone's bowls. Both of them wondered how they kept from knocking into one another. They also noticed the arms adding what looked like dog kibbles to Adam's bowl, and neither had any idea if that was intentional or not.

"And to drink?" Adam asked.

"Try my pee!" Lena butted in, grinning. "Daddy mixes it with orange pineapple juice and it's *sooo* good!"

That did sound good, Bartleby had to admit. "I'll try some!"

Gillian thought a bit. "I'm not in the mood for pee right now. Maybe later. Got any grape juice?" And as soon as the words left her mouth, a robot hand was already filling her cup.

"I had a great dream last night!" Lena said as she crammed massive spoonfuls of cereal into her mouth. "I ate so much garbage, I EXPLODED!! My guts went everywhere! It was fuckin' excellent!"

Justin swigged some grapefruit juice. "I had a good dream too. I was playing in the street when I looked up and saw a steamroller. I let it squash me; natch. But then I was all flat and got stuck to the big roller part. Then it started running over a bunch of dog turds!"

Bartleby shook his head a little, chuckling and wondering how someone could consider that a 'good' dream. He started in on his cereal. Quite nummy.

"How about you?" Justin asked Bartleby.

"Actually, I think your plushies inspired me. I dreamt I was floating on an endless sea of fur."

Gillian murred. "That sounds nice. I'm sure I dreamed, but I don't remember anything now. How about you, Adam?"

He took a moment to thoroughly chew and then swallow. "Had another one about being alive again and living in the old apartment with Lena. I think we were hiding from the landlord. We did a lot of that in those days. Later on though, we yiffed in the bathtub, so that made up for it."

Lena 'awww'ed at that. Then she looked over at her brother and gasped in sudden shock. "Holy black puffy shitclouds, Justin!! There's something terribly wrong with your cereal!!"

Justin's tail frizzed up. "What, what!?"

She jumped up from her chair and ran around the table to him. "It doesn't have any rat turds in it!!" Quick as a wink she'd scrambled up onto the table and squatted over his bowl.

"Oh, right!" He smacked his forehead. "How could I have left out the very best ingredient?"

Lena grunted cutely and her tail quivered. Two bronze-brown poops, about the size of kiwifruits, dropped into her brother's bowl. He leaned over to savor their aroma. Then he took his sister's paw and gallantly helped her down from the table.

"Thanks, sis." He gave her a loving kiss on the lips.

"No problem." She tossed him a flirty little fart as she skipped back to her side of the table and sat back down.

Bartleby looked only slightly weirded-out. "This is a daily ritual, I'm guessing?"

"Ayup," said Adam.

"Oh, that reminds me of what else we did last night..." Gillian said. She managed to blush, giggle, fidget and squirm in her seat all at once.

Justin and Lena giggled too.

"What?" Bartleby asked.

"Well... I didn't plan to at first, but I kinda got swept up in the moment and..." Her smile was full of naughty joy, "...I let them feed me."

That seemed innocent enough at first. But then Bartleby put two and two together and realized what she'd really meant. "You mean you...?"

"Ayup," said Justin, with half of a Lenapoop in his spoon. And teethmarks in it.

"I thought you said you weren't into scat," Bartleby said, surprised.

Gillian looked bashful, but also a little proud of herself. "I know! I thought I was too. But I felt a real connection last night. I felt... Welcomed. There's something about Adam and Lena and Justin... And about Wastopia too. I feel different here than I've ever felt before in the Naughty level. It's like there was a puzzle piece missing from me. Not enough for me to realize it was gone, but just enough for me to notice when it was suddenly there again."

She took a sip of her grape juice. "After we yiffed, I felt this urge. It was strange, I'd never felt it before. It was kinda submissive, but also kinda empowering. I wanted to let them feed me. We'd already talked about poo a little by then. About how Justin and Lena are especially crazy for it. He talked about how he loves Lena so much that every part of her is precious to him, and that includes everything that comes from her. I thought that was really beautiful. I wanted to feel that myself.

"So I just knelt down and held my mouth open and said I wanted to receive anything they wanted to give me. And they all did. It wasn't bad at all! It didn't taste nasty; I didn't choke on it. It was smooth and warm, and it even smelled good. It really felt like they were giving a gift to me. An important gift. I liked being a little kitty toilet for them. It made me feel fulfilled in an odd way.

"When they'd all fed me, I patted my tummy and just kinda marvelled at how full I felt. I thought, 'Something from inside my new wonderful friends is inside me now!'. I think I cried a little. I couldn't even understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. And from something I'd normally think was so icky... But this was special. More special than I can really describe." Gillian realized she was crying a little now too, and she smiled as she wiped off her glasses on her fur.

Adam patted her shoulder. "Watching you last night was amazing. Your emotions, I mean. You looked like you were going through a very important personal moment."

She nodded. "That's what it felt like! I still can't believe it was from poo-eating, of all things!"

"There's always an intensity in breaking a strictly-held taboo," Adam said wisely. "Maybe Gillian... You said last night that you haven't felt quite at home in the Naughty level ever since you died. That even though you have some wonderful friends..." Here he nodded to Bartleby, who felt proud. "...you've still felt out of place. Maybe last night was special for you because it was a different kind of intimacy than you've had before in your afterlife."

Gillian nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes! Definitely!" She turned to Bartleby and gave him a little hug. "I don't want you to think you haven't been a good enough friend, Bartleby, because you've been more than I could have ever hoped for! You went along with my trash kink, even though it's not something you're as much into yourself, and you made me feel like it was normal and okay to like the things I like. That means the world to me. And you helped me get out more, and go to school, and I've had a blast so far there."

Bartleby took her paw in his winghand. "...But there was still something missing, I understand. I think I always sensed that about you Gillian. And if this place makes you happy, then that makes me happy too. Heck, you can just drop in and get sucked up by my toilet any time you like!"

She giggled and pulled him close. She nuzzled his cheekfur, purring warmly. "Thank you, Bartleby. You're a good friend."

"You're a good friend too, Gillian."

A muffled sound came from the calico's tummy.

Bartleby looked down at Gillian's bellybutton. "What was that?"

"Oh!" she blushed. "Terry went back to my hidey-hole when we fell asleep."

A little fox nose popped out down below. "What's for breakfast?"


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Twelve~


Everyone was happy to share with Terry and soon the little plush was scampering around the table, sampling from all their bowls (Bartleby noticed he seemed to especially like Adam's). Terry's tail stuck straight up like a sail while he ate, then down it would come as up popped his milk-dripping muzzle.

Everyone made small talk while they ate. Adam had been glancing at the clock all along and was the first to finish. "I just remembered something," he said, gliding back into adult mode again. "I forgot I made an appointment to see Cleo today. She's a mouse downtown with a shop full of strange and mysterious items," he explained to Bartleby and Gillian.

Justin nodded. "She's got all kindsa cool stuff from all over Wastopia. Transformation potions are her specialty."

"She turned me into a newt!" Lena couldn't resist saying.

"Anyway, she called me yesterday afternoon and told me to come by before the shop opened," Adam continued. "Someone brought in a box of really old toys, and she thinks they might have been the ones I told her about. The ones I lost as a kid when we moved."

Bartleby puzzled at that. "How would they get down here if you lost them on Earth?"

Adam stared wide-eyed at the bat. "You mean I didn't tell you!? Lordy, I am forgetting things lately..."

"Wastopia is also called The Land Where Lost Things Go," Lena said authoritatively.

Adam got up to fix a quick piece of toast. "Everything you've ever lost, is here. Not the physical objects, but... It's hard to describe. It's like Wastopia draws in the memories of forgotten objects. And people too. Hence why Wastelings come here when we die. No one knows why, but Wastopia is like a magnet for forgotten ideas, dreams, everything! Whenever you don't know where something went, this is where it went. And even if you were to find the item you were looking for on Earth, it's still here too. It's like you create its duplicate by your wanting it back. It's very strange."

"Are there any theories as to why?" Gillian asked.

"It's very possible we're literally a garbage dump for the universe," said Adam. "Or for The Beyond, where Mr. Thanatos comes from. Since emotional energy can build up in lost or forgotten items, some people think that part of that energy is transferred to Wastopia. Some people think there might be a danger of Earth items bursting if they build up too much energy. Maybe. We just don't know." He walked over to Lena and patted her tummy. "Remember when I mentioned Lena's storage dimension? I think it's pretty likely that she had a portal directly to Wastopia in her tummy all the time."

Lena nodded. "I used to be able to store tons and tons of stuff in there, and remember everything exactly. And I still can, but now it seems like I can remember better and retrieve stuff quicker."

"Same for me," said Justin, patting his tummy too. "If we were holding all our gunk somewhere in Wastopia, it'd make sense that, since we're actually here now, it's loads easier to access the stuff, since it doesn't have as far to travel."

Gillian had a thought. "Did you ever try, um, *exploring* each other's storage dimensions?"

Lena giggled. "You mean did I ever eat him? Of course! How could I resist such a tasty brother!" She leaned over to nibble Justin's ear a bit. "I stuffed him right into my bellybutton, and it felt great! Of course, we took precautions first. I didn't want him to get lost in there, or for me to accidentally digest his soul or something!"

"We put a rope around me and hooked it to The Green Beast. I had a flashlight and a walkie-talkie, and Adam was ready to haul ass in reverse and pull me out if there was any danger," Justin said. "But it was totally okay. It was like floating around in this endless, dim, weightless junkyard. All kinda stuff was floating around me. I tried eating some, but Lena had already sucked up all the energy so it was pretty bland. I was fine inside though. I could even see a little light from where Lena's bellybutton was. When I'd dicked around enough, I just swam back and crawled out."

"There was water in there?" Bartleby asked.

"Well, it was sort of air. I could breathe it, but it *felt* like water when I was moving around in it. Weird stuff."

"Since there's no danger, we gobbled each other up all the time," Lena said, "and even more often now that we're down here. It feels really nice having Justin inside me, like he's safe and protected. Daddy goes inside sometimes too. And I've been inside them plenty. It's really relaxing. You can just get eaten, then float around weightless for a while; read a book, take a nap, whatever."

"That sounds really nice! Maybe you can eat me later!" Gillian said.

"Actually..." Bartleby looked at the clock. "Don't we have school today?"

Gillian's fur frizzed up. "Yikes! Oh crap! Oh poop! I don't wanna go to school! I wanna stay here and do fun Wastopia stuff!" She stamped her foot in disappointment.

Adam looked thoughtfully at the clock too. "Assuming it's the same time here as in your part of Hell, and assuming time can stretch a bit in Hell like it does here..."

"It does," Bartleby assured.

"Oh good," Adam said. "That means you should still have plenty enough time for a trip to the dump with us."

"Great!" shouted Gillian.

"Well, actually, with Justin and Lena," he amended. "I've got my appointment with a beautiful mouse, who'll probably turn me into who-knows-what before I leave!"

Justin grinned, remembering the time his dad had come home as a thirty-foot dragon and couldn't get through the front door. "Okay then, Dad. You can take the tub and the Beast'll take us, and there's a transport pipe near there anyway, so we'll make sure Barty 'n Gilly get back to Hell on time."

"Do NOT call me Barty," Bartleby fumed.

Justin laughed and punched his arm lightly. "Just fuckin' with you."

Adam's toast popped up and he quickly drowned it in oleo. "Sounds like we've got a solid plan. I assume you'll spend the whole afternoon there like usual, so I'll come by after Cleo and we can have lunch together."

The plan was agreed on by all and goodbye hugs and kisses were exchanged.

Gillian gave Adam a super-deluxe-extra-big hug. "Thank you so much, Mr. Tallevasco, for letting me 'n Bartleby visit and for being so incredibly nice to us! I had so much fun! I can't wait to come back!!"

He tenderly ran his paw through her headfur and tickled behind her ear, making her purr. "You've been a wonderful guest. It's made me incredibly happy to see the effect this place has had on you, dear Gillian."

Bartleby joined the hug. "Thanks from me too! For showing us around and dinner and the great yiff and everything else!"

Adam grinned and gave the boy a squeeze. "You're very welcome, Bartleby! You and Gillian are always welcome here."

Lena and Justin were bouncing with anticipation by now. They didn't want to interrupt, since this was the last time Bartleby & Gillian would be seeing their dad (at least until their next visit), but the dump awaited, ripe for plunder.

Adam noticed his squirming rugrats. "Well, I'd best be off. Start up the Beast and try to crash into a few fire hydrants on the way for me." He patted Gillian and Bartleby's heads one more time. "I'm sure we'll meet again."


	*   *   *   *   *


Bartleby had wondered how a garbage truck could get around in a city without roads, but this question was answered before he even needed to ask it. After everyone materialized some clothes, J & L led B & G out to the garage where the Green Beast was snoozing. A kiss from Lena started her motor running. The whole back wall of the garage appeared to be made of some perpetually-oozing green glorpy substance. Justin explained that it was a portal they manifested whenever they wanted to leave. They could drive right through and instantly arrive where the canals turned to roads. Plus, he pointed out, the Beast also had inflatable pontoons in case water travel was necessary.

The Beast opened up it's mouthlike bin and everyone hopped inside. Lena pulled on a lever in the bottom and a rumble seat popped up, facing the rear. Everyone crammed in and Justin shouted out where they wanted to go. The Beast gave two happy honks and revved her engine. They took off like a rocket and were through the portal before Bartleby could blink.

The next thing he knew they were tearing ass at a ridiculously unsafe speed through a part of Wastopia he hadn't seen before. Architecturally, it looked like a lot of other cities Bartleby had been to. There were restaurants and businesses and a few modest skyscrapers. But they were all made from the most bizarre assortment of building materials! It was as if everything had been cobbled together from the wreckage of other buildings. They were driving too fast for Bartleby to make out details, but every building he saw had a crumbling, crazy-quilt look to it. Far from looking trashy and dangerous, it looked exciting. Like all the citizens had gotten together and crafted their town with their bare hands. The place had personality.

The Beast vroomed along on cobblestone roads, gleefully annihilating fire hydrants and mailboxes as she went. No one seemed to mind from what Bartleby could tell. All the pedestrians were smiling as they went by, and the other vehicles on the road were driving just as recklessly. Lena pointed out where a jaywalker had just gotten pancaked, but he was already peeling himself off the street and smiling.

Justin was laughing as his ears and hair flapped in the breeze. "She's like a puppy that's been let out after being cooped up!" he said, giving the Beast an affectionate rub. "She mostly sleeps when she's in the garage, but she absolutely loves it when we let her out. We hardly ever use portals since she's so eager to take us places!"

Terry was wiggling with excitement in Bartleby's arms. "Can I go up front, Bartleby? I wanna play hood ornament!"

The bat chuckled, remembering how much Terry had enjoyed this game the last time they'd gone on a road trip with Xander's family. The little plush had braced himself at the very front of their hood as the car rocketed down the freeway, the rushing air blowing all his fur straight back. Bartleby gave Terry's rump a pat and the little plush scampered off towards the custom-installed window in the bin that led to the Green Beast's cab.

Gillian looked worried. "Are you sure that's okay? What if he falls off and we get separated?"

Bartleby was unconcerned. "Even if that happened it'd be no problem. Terry can make portals. He'd probably just get run over a bit then pop one and come find us."

"Oh, okay. Glad to hear it," Gillian said.

As the Green Beast blew through an intersection and t-boned a dune buggy, Lena leaned over to give Bartleby a poke. "Say... How'd you sleep last night?"

He knew just what was on her mind from her rattish grin. "Justin already told me the beds are made of diapers, and I only freaked out a little bit!"

"Oh poo," Lena said, disappointed at her missed opportunity to tease him.

"I slept on diapers?" Gillian realized.

"Oops. Sorry to, uh, let the cat out of the diaper bag," Bartleby said.

She shoved him for that horrid joke. "I don't mind! Heck, I do it at home sometimes. Diapers are great for that! Just the right amount of bounce to 'em."

"Cool! I was gonna ask if you liked them too," Lena said. "Do you wear them?"

"Sometimes," Gillian admitted shyly. "Not too much though. I kinda don't 'get it'. Lexi's crazy about them. I certainly wouldn't mind being more enthusiastic, but I don't feel whatever she feels."

Lena imagined herself crinkling around the house and sighed happily. "For some people it's how comfy they are, or they like feeling like a baby again. I admit, I just like the filthiness. I like making a great big mess and carrying it around with me. I like my stink. I'm proud to be smelly!"

Gillian giggled. Justin leaned closer to nuzzle through his sister's fur. "Mmmmm... I'd be proud of this smell too."

Lena lovingly ensnared her brother in a headlock and made him sniff her armpits. His tail started wagging enthusiastically.

The ratgirl turned back to Gillian (without releasing Justin, of course). "You know what's one of the best feelings in the world?"

Gillian shook her head.

A look of pure bliss came over the rat. "Sometimes when Justin and I spend the night in the same bed, I'll have him spoon real close right behind me, so we're all warm and snuggly and our smells are mingling perfectly... And I'll ask him to just let go. And he'll wet my bed and I'll feel it; warm and tickly all over my tail. And sometimes I'll poo and we'll squish it between us and get it all over our pajamas. Cuddling together in our cozy little cocoon of stinkiness..." She smiled and gave Justin a kiss between his ears.

Bartleby had to admit, while it wasn't something he thought he'd be trying anytime soon, it did sound pretty adorable.

Lena's whiskers suddenly perked up. "HEY! I just remembered! I totally promised you I'd let the Beasterino compact us before you guys left!"

"Yay!!" Gillian shouted.

"Let 'er rip!" Justin called out.

With a grown of metal that sounded a lot like a chuckle, the garbage truck's blade began to descend towards the foursome and Bartleby's eyes got wide. 'I'm still not entirely used to this!' he thought.


	*   *   *   *   *


On his first day in Hell, a series of interesting encounters had led to the young bat falling into a dumpster and meeting a friendly calico. That day, they had both travelled via Mrs. Mackenzie's garbage truck to a landfill that had been more like a carnival.

But when The Green Beast finally came to a halt and Bartleby uncompacted himself and got his first look at one of Wastopia's dumps, all he could think was, 'If that one was a carnival, this one's a state fair!!!'

The dump spread out for miles and miles: seemingly infinite mountains of trash gleaming in the morning sunlight. The air was so full of seagulls it looked like a blizzard. People weren't just rooting through piles of trash; there were food booths and rides and games and performers and pretty much anything else you could imagine seeing at a big festival. The colors were overwhelming.

"And it's like this All The Time!?" he said in amazed disbelief.

"Hell yeah! 24/7!" Justin said. Something caught his eye. He pointed high up to the sky-ceiling. "Hey look! Just in time for a fresh load!"

Bartleby and Gillian could see an unfathomably wide pipe set into the brick ceiling. It seemed to be shuddering and scraps of trash were leaking out. Then it gave a great bass groan and a FLOOD of refuse gushed out. More than a hundred Green Beasts could carry. Everything it landed on below was completely buried. Bartleby could hear faint cheers as the people dug themselves out.

"C'mon, let's go inside!" Justin said, tugging Bartleby's arm.

"Do we have to pay anything?"

"Nope! Always free!"

"Oh, okay. Some places make you give up body parts 'n stuff."

"That's for when you get tickets."

'Naturally,' Bartleby thought.

Terry jumped off the hood into his owner's wings. "Let's go!" Bartleby had to giggle; Terry looked like he'd just been through a spin-dry.


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Thirteen~


Bartleby's ears were assaulted with an unending cacophony of fun sounds. Roller coaster cars rumbling past, carnies yelling, people shrieking, games and rides buzzing and dinging. On Earth his family didn't go to fairs often because this level of noise could be hard on a bat (Rare was the bat who ever attended a rock concert). Here in the afterlife, it was much more tolerable.

Aside from sounds, there were also smells. Bartleby's nose was quite confused. The unremitting reek of garbage was everywhere, but here and there delicious smells of carnival food tickled his nostrils too. Despite having breakfast minutes ago, Bartleby couldn't resist getting an elephant ear, drenched in cinnamon sugar and cherry topping. Anywhere he looked there were steam-powered robot pushcart vendors selling anything imaginable, and he was soon paying one of his own ears to a monocled, mustachioed, creaking, tooting automaton.

There were paved paths through the dumpgrounds, but they were barely visible through all the litter. It was kinda fun to see what would squish or crunch when you stepped on it. Lena spotted an overturned tub of popcorn on the ground and happily scooped it back into the bucket to begin munching away. Terry, riding piggyback on Bartleby's shoulders, opened his mouth wide and Lena tossed some kernels for him to catch.

"A fair is a veritable smorgasbord-orgasbord!" Gillian couldn't resist singing. Justin joined in as he grabbed a half-eaten hotdog out of a trash bin.

Before they reached the main part of the dump where all the happy scavenging was going on, they passed through a midway and Gillian could not resist trying one of the games. It was a cross between a dunk tank and a shooting gallery. A volunteer sat in a chair inside the booth while a ring of dangerously full trash bags rotated above. The players were given BB guns and the object of the game was to see who could make a bag burst over the target first. Gillian gripped the sides of her chair in anticipation as the bulbous bags circled overhead. A keen observer might have noticed the wet spot growing on the seat between her legs. Bartleby was not very good at operating a rifle with his wings, but Justin and Lena had both tried this game lots of times. Either of them could have gotten Gillian on the first shot, except they kept playfully shoving each other's aim off. Finally one of them (neither knew which) fired one off that split black plastic directly over their calico friend. Gillian squealed in sheer delight as a very thrilling assortment of wet kitchen trash cascaded onto her. As they walked away afterwards, her smile was radiant and she left a little trail of schmutz behind.

Justin suggested letting one of the rides take them to the main part of the dump. They got in line at a thrillingly rickety-looking roller coaster. Bartleby could swear he saw rivets falling out as some of the cars zoomed past. He was also astonished at how quick the line moved. It seemed like he'd barely blinked before they were being ushered towards a set of cars shaped like little bullet trains. The lap bars clamped shut. Bartleby had a sudden feeling that he probably wouldn't survive this ride. 'But that's probably the point!' he realized.

Far from the usual slow ascent of most roller coasters, this one took off like a rocket. Probably because each train was individually powered by a fucking jet turbine engine. At least that was what Bartleby had to assume from the sheer noise and the fact that the g-forces were peeling his lips off. Poor Terry had exploded into fluff at liftoff. Bits and pieces of him went sailing through the sky as the coaster climbed a hundred foot spike.

At the very top, Bartleby had just enough time to realize that he could see the whole park from here, and also that he had already shat his pants.

Then they went down the first dip, and he shat them again.

What followed was about four minutes of pure screaming insanity as the coaster whipped through turns, corkscrews, tunnels, hills and the occasional gap in the track. Bartleby could barely focus on anything, but he was pretty sure he'd seen several other cars go flying off at different points. His eyes were watering and his thumbclaws made dents in the steel lapbar. Justin was screaming something and it wasn't until a few seconds later that Bartleby guessed it was "Isn't this great!?" Soon after, Lena puked on a loop-de-loop and watched it go flying over her head.

Just as Bartleby was beginning to wish he'd never been born, He saw the end of the ride up ahead. Not too surprisingly, a straight ramp rose about fifty feet and then simply ended in open air. They were going so fast he wasn't sure, but Bartleby thought just before he sailed off the rails that there had been a little sign there saying 'Sayonara'.

The train flew in a graceful arc for what felt like a weightless eternity. Then it nosedived into a mountain of decomposing garbage bags.

As everyone pulled themselves from the wreckage, they were all puking. No exceptions. Lena dragged herself out on her hands, since both of her legs had been sheared off. "I could do that all day!"

They'd all shat their pants too and Justin and Lena were bragging to each other about how many times. Justin claimed fifteen, Lena twelve. Bartleby was panting and woozy as he wished his underwear clean and felt all his bones unbreaking themselves. "That was a little too intense for me, Gillian."

He sat up. "Gillian?"

He spotted a spotted tail wiggling in the trash pile. A moment later she popped up holding a pink plastic pony toy. "Look what I found!" 

Then a portal opened and a half-assembled Terry spilled out onto Bartleby's head. "That was FUN!!" he arfed. "How was the rest of the ride?"

"I think it rearranged my geometry," said Bartleby. Then he puked again.

Out of his ass.


	*   *   *   *   *


Exploring the dump was, thankfully, a lot more relaxing. Bartleby found himself smiling as he walked along the litter-strewn dirt paths with his friends. The gulls called to one another overhead. The sun was shining warmly (from wherever it was it shined). He hadn't found anything yet of his own, but he was happy to see the others unearthing all sorts of loot everywhere.

The garbage was piled up in little hills all over the place. Tons of people were leisurely digging through them and ripping open bags. Almost everyone was smiling. People waved to one another. Bartleby liked the friendly, easygoing atmosphere here. He noticed an otter guy dragging a huge, moldy steamer trunk out from the bottom of a pile. He opened it with a crowbar and another otter sat up from inside.

"Steve!!"

"Holy shit! How long have I been asleep?"

Gillian, Lena and Justin were clearly in heaven, darting to and fro amongst the fragrant piles and finding treasure everywhere. They all had their personal portals floating alongside them like balloons. They could put their finds inside and everything would emerge in their rooms, piled on their beds for them to come home to.

The quartet kept on walking through the dump for quite some time. Bartleby did eventually find a box of old comic books and a music CD, but on the whole he was a starting to get a little bored. He'd gone trash-exploring with Gillian many times before, and it was fun, sure. But it was definitely her thing more than his. It only held his interest for a while, whereas she could have gone on all day.

His mind wandered while they walked and he kept quiet. Eventually he just let them continue on while he sat down on a milk crate. Terry hopped down from his shoulders to inspect a nearby mouse plushie. He sniffed it, then gobbled it up.

Gillian noticed Bartleby wasn't following behind her anymore. She turned around to see her friend sitting by himself several yards back. She let Justin and Lena go on ahead while she walked back to Bartleby. "What's wrong?"

Bartleby looked a little embarrassed. "Um, nothing. I just... Well, I kinda thought, since you guys are having fun, you can just go do whatever and I'll stay here until you're ready to leave."

Gillian pulled up a trash bag to sit down next to him. "I'm sorry. Are you not having fun here?"

"No. I mean... This is a fun place. It's just..." He felt bad about being a buzzkill. "Okay, I admit it. I just don't have as much enthusiasm as you do for this. It kinda reminds me of going clothes shopping with my mom. When she lets me go by the toy section it's fun, but having to try on pants 'n stuff for hours isn't."

Gillian nodded. "I understand." Her nose twitched. She clawed open a nearby bag and found a tasty sardine can to lick. "So, do you wanna go home now?" She checked her watch. "It's not too much longer until school starts."

"No, it's okay." Bartleby fidgeted. Part of him did kinda wanna go, but a bigger part saw how much Gillian was enjoying herself and didn't want to spoil that. "It's fine. I'll stay here and play with Terry and you can do stuff with Justin and Lena."

Her ears drooped. "I just don't want you to think I'm abandoning you for my new friends," she said, then winced. "Not to say you're an *old* friend or anything. I..."

Bartleby felt awful now. Gillian was visibly nervous and fretting. He hated this. He didn't want to take her fun away, but also didn't want to deny his own feelings. The choice seemed to be between being polite and dishonest with himself, or honest and rude to her.

Terry padded over and nuzzled Bartleby's leg comfortingly.

The little bat managed a smile and petted him.

"I'm sorry, Gillian. This whole time I've been-"

He was interrupted suddenly by a "HEY!!"

Lena and Justin came running up, looking excited. "Look what we found!" She held up a small lavender-purple stuffed bunny.

Bartleby's eyes widened when he saw it. His heart stopped.

"It was over in this big heap of dolls and plushies and other toy stuff," Lena said. "Justin noticed it had a different aura-type-thing than the rest of the junk, and he said it felt a little bit like you. Did it used to be yours?" she asked, handing the bunny to Bartleby.

The bat boy was stunned speechless. He took the plush in quivering winghands. Everyone could see the overwhelming disbelief on his face.

Suddenly, Bartleby clutched the little bunny to his chest and started to loudly cry.

Gillian took a step back, quite startled. Justin and Lena both stared. They couldn't tell what Bartleby was feeling, only that it was _powerfully_ intense.

Bartleby blinked away tears enough to look down at the little stitched face and smile. He ran his thumb over the fabric. A little dirty, but exactly how he'd remembered.

"Bosco!!" he finally shouted.

"Bosco?" asked Justin.

Bartleby nodded fiercely. "Bosco bunny! Mom bought him for me for my first Easter! I *loved* him!! Before Terry, he was my very favorite plush! I took him everywhere and slept with him and shared my food with him and probably drooled on him and mom had to repair him like a gajillion times!"

He paused to catch his breath. His heart was hammering in his chest. "I must have been no older than five. One day mom picked me up from kindergarten or somewhere and told me that she was really sorry but she'd been vacuuming my room and Bosco had been under the bed and the vacuum cleaner... It tore him to pieces. To shreds! She said there was no way she could fix him so she threw him out. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him.

"And then, when my heart was breaking all over the place, she said something that made me feel like dying. I know she didn't mean for it to hurt so much, and probably doesn't even remember she said it now, but... she said, 'Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you kept your room a little more tidy'."

Justin winced. Lena whimpered. Gillian hugged him. "Oh Bartleby! That must have made you feel awful!" she said.

He nodded. "It's not bad enough I lose my best friend, now I gotta deal with thinking it's all my fault. That I killed him." He looked back at the little bunny in his hands. It felt like this had to be a dream. "I actually forgot all about Bosco till just now. I don't know how many years it's been since I last thought about him."

Bartleby suddenly jumped up and threw his arms around Lena in a powerful hug. He buried his face in her shoulder and she could feel his tears on her fur. Bartleby glanced at Justin and motioned with his wing for him to join the hug too. He did, happily.

"I can't thank you enough for this. I could say 'thank you' a million times and it wouldn't be enough. I don't know what I could ever do to repay you. Thank you both so, so much..."

Lena was crying a little now too. "I think we've both had this same feeling before, so we know what it's like. Remember, we've lived here two whole years. I can't tell you how many old, lost, forgotten toys I've found, or Justin or Daddy have found for me."

Justin nodded. "It's like your heart explodes. But in the best way possible. It's like you can't believe it's really happening, and it seems like it was just yesterday you were holding it and loving it, yet you also can't believe how long it's been."

"Yes!!" Bartleby said. He kissed Justin's cheek. "That's it exactly!"

He gave them both another extra-big squeeze, then turned to Gillian.

He took her paws gently in his and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Gillian," he said.

Her tail curled in confusion. "For what?"

Bartleby bit his lip. She noticed he was crying again. "Ever since we came here, I feel like I've been kind of a jerk. Like I've been kind of just going along with things and watching you really enjoy yourself, and I haven't been trying hard enough. Some of this stuff's been just too weird for me, and I feel awful about that."

"But-"

"No! I should have tried more to like things. I want you to be happy, Gillian. I don't want to be intolerant of the things you like and spoil your good time."

She laughed sadly. "Bartleby! I can't believe you said that! That's not how tolerance works."

"What do you mean?"

The calico gave him a brief hug and then it was her turn to look him in the eyes. "You don't have to like everything I like. I've never expected you to. I've never *wanted* you too. I *like* that we have different interests. And I totally admit; I have some weird kinks. And they've definitely gotten even weirder since I've been here! Bartleby, I never expected you to go along with everything one hundred percent. Heck, I think you've done an incredible job so far! I've been amazed at you! You have been INCREDIBLY tolerant of all this garbage-y, poop-y stuff!"

He shrugged. "I guess so."

"No; you have. Don't argue. You've been wonderful. There were TONS of times I thought you were gonna flip out and barf and insist on going home. Especially when we were at the restaurant! But every single time, I was blown away by how much you were able to stay cool about it. There was some stuff where I could see you were really trying to not show you were not exactly comfortable with, and other times when you totally went with something that I never expected you to be into! Bartleby, you think you've been worried!? *I've* been practically losing my mind this whole time worrying that this'd be too much for you and you wouldn't wanna be friends with a creepy garbage girl like me anymore!"

Upon hearing this, he automatically hugged her. "There's no way. No way! You're my friend, Gillian. I like YOU too much for anything you do or like to get in the way of that."

By now, Justin and Lena were hugging too, uplifted by this display of friendship.

"I'll always be your friend, Gillian. Even if you like rooting through trashbags more than I do."

She giggled and touched noses with him. "And you'll always be my friend, even if sometimes you wanna sit out something I love doing."

Justin spoke up. "This is why Dad says honesty and good communication are the most important things in any kind of relationship."

"Mister Smarty-head," Lena teased, and licked his ear.

Gillian took a deep breath. Now she looked a little nervous, but excited too. "Bartleby, you were honest with me, so I have to be honest with you now. I really don't wanna go back with you today."

Bartleby blinked. "Like, back to school? I'm sure Mr. Ordure would let you have the day off. I'll just tell him when I get there-"

She cut him off.

"No, Bartleby. I mean like permanently."


	*   *   *   *   *


~Chapter Fourteen~


He staggered back a step, unable to believe what she'd said. "WHAT!?"

Gillian held her tail in her paws, wringing it nervously. "Don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at all, I'm just..." Bartleby gulped. "...Really surprised. You really want to stay here? Forever?"

She nodded. "I think I felt it pretty much as soon as I got here. Even the air felt different. Then we met Lena and Justin and Adam. And when I saw the falls, and Wastopia for the first time... The feeling's been building and building! It's not even a choice anymore. I'm HOME, Bartleby!" Her eyes gleamed with tears behind her glasses. "I can't even tell you how completely I feel it. It's in everything around me. This Is Where I'm Supposed To Be."

Bartleby nodded. "I can understand. You've been different this whole time. I've never seen you so happy and looking so comfortable. I've always noticed this kind of, I dunno, fidgetiness about you before. Like you were waiting for something, or you knew you weren't in the right place. But here you're totally different." He knelt to pick up Terry and began petting him to calm himself. "I guess I actually suspected this a little. I just didn't expect you to say it so soon. I figured you'd want to come back here a lot, and maybe move here *some*day."

"I thought about that too, but the more I think of going back to the Naughty Level, all I can think about is how long it'd be till I came back here."

"What about Mrs. Mackensie though?" Bartleby asked.

Gillian flinched and mewed sadly. "I know! That'll be the hardest part, not seeing her every day! I don't know how I'm gonna tell her. But that's how I know how right this is. My heart knows it wants to be here so much that it's already decided."

Bartleby 'hmm'ed. "Actually, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she wanted to move here too."

Gillian lit up. "You think so? I'd been hoping for that too, but also worrying that it'd be selfish of me to ask." Her tail suddenly frizzed up. "And what about school!? I love Mr. Ordure's class! I don't wanna transfer!"

Lena stepped forward. "You know, this might not be as big of a deal as you're making it out to be."

"How so?" Gillian asked hopefully.

"There *are* plenty of ways to travel between Hell and Wastopia," the ratgirl said. "At least on this end there are. I'm sure there has to be a way you could live here but still be able to do stuff in Hell whenever you want."

"Big Stinky would know," Justin piped up.

Bartleby was about to say 'Who?', but remembered the great big skunk with the backpack from the day before. "Can we go see him and ask?"

Justin grinned craftily. "We may not have to." The wolffox tilted his head to the sky and cupped his hands to his mouth. He drew in a deep breath, then bellowed as loud as he could, "BIIIG STINKYYYYY!!!"

A moment later a portal popped open and an immensely rotund skunk waddled out. "Someone call?"


	*   *   *   *   *


Not only did the skunk who stood before them have one of the most huggable-looking bellies he'd ever seen, but Bartleby also realized he wasn't wearing a backpack at all. Bartleby was reminded of ships that had been at sea so long they became encrusted with barnacles. Big Stinky had apparently become partly Wastopia itself. Or maybe it had spawned him. Either way, there was a mini-mountain of assorted junk seemingly growing from his back and shoulders, plus lots more sprouting from him everywhere else. His fur was dirty white and coal black, but still looked very soft. He had a thick bushy beard and a comical round nose. He wore a vest made of colorful candy wrappers and had boots with holes in them.

Lena rushed over to hug his belly. "Always an honor, your stinkiness!" she giggled, nuzzling him happy. Soon everyone was hugging his tummy. It was like a cuddle magnet.

Big Stinky laughed with approval and patted the children's heads. He had a voice and an air of everyone's grandpa. Or Santa Claus, actually. "You didn't have to yell so loud, little pup. True I'll come on the double if anyone needs me, but I was just on the other side of the dump. I'd've heard you regardless."

Justin shrugged. "Well, you heard me, that's the important part."

"So, what's the emergency?" he asked. "Stubbed toe? Lost toy? Crapped your pants on the roller coaster?"

"Twelve times!!" Lena bragged.

"Fifteen!!!" Justin hollered.

"I don't even remember..." Bartleby muttered.

Gillian looked up at the big skunk reverently. "Actually, sir, um, I wanted to ask you a question."

Big Stinky chuckled; recognizing her as a visitor the moment she'd actually called him 'sir'. "Ask away. I sense you're new to my realm, and it's my fondest wish that all here are happy."

She smiled, visibly relaxing. "That's actually kind of the point. I love it here. Really! I've never been happier anywhere else. Except I live up in Hell, in the Naughty Level."

"So I gathered. I must say, I'm a trifle surprised. Not many furs find their way here."

"We found 'em in the sewers outside town when we were out fishing and the visitor alarm went off," Lena said.

"My toilet ate us up!" Bartleby interjected. "Gillian came over to visit and it was like a tornado! The toilet just sucked us right into the bowl and the next thing we knew we wound up here!"

Big Stinky nodded in a 'that explains everything' kind of way. "Not surprising. All toilets are friends of Wastopia. They keep an eye out for things that belong here."

Gillian had a revelation. "So you mean..."

A big paw came down to caress her ears feather-gently. "Isn't it obvious? You said yourself you've never felt happier anywhere else. I'm not sure why it was your friend's toilet who spotted you, but the fact remains, it instinctually knew this was your place."

"Then why did I go to the Naughty Level when I died and not here?" Gillian asked.

He smiled, proud that she'd thought of it. "A *very* good question. Maybe it's as simple as there were some important friends you needed to meet there first." And here he cast a praising nod to Bartleby, who blushed cutely.

Gillian's mind was blown. "Wowwwwww! It all totally makes sense!"

"There are rarely coincidences in the afterworld," Big Stinky said. "When I first stepped through my portal, I assumed you four had been friends for years. But if your tale is true, then you two," he indicated the bat and cat, "have only been here a short time. Perhaps that's an indication that Hell's Giving Force had recognized that you'd accomplished all that was necessary for you to accomplish there, so it was time to send you on to your new home, and meet just the right friends to show you around."

Gillian started purring at the synchronicity of it all. She scooped Bartleby, Justin and Lena up in a hug and nuzzled them all.

"Would you like to move in today?" Big Stinky asked.

"Yes, very much so!" Gillian said. "But that was where I ran into some problems. I still wanna go to school in the Naughty Level. I still have a lot of friends there."

"Ah. So you want to know if it's possible to get back and forth from here to there easily?"

She nodded. "'Zactly."

He smiled craftily. "My dear, the answer is incredibly simple. I'm nearly surprised you didn't think of it yourselves." He turned to Bartleby. "Young man, would you be willing to sell Gillian your toilet?"

Bartleby blinked. "It's that easy!?"

Big Stinky shrugged (and debris showered down from the trashheap on his shoulders). "If your impetuous potty pulled yon pretty pussycat here once, then why not as many times as she wants?"

"COOL!!!" Gillian shrieked.

Bartleby hugged her happily. "And don't worry; as soon as I get home I'll open a portal to your magic dumpster and my toilet will be waiting for you whenever you decide to come back! I won't even charge you anything!"

"I'll pay you in kisses anyway!" she said, then walloped him with several dozen rapid-fire smooches.

Big Stinky rumbled with laughter. There was nothing he enjoyed more than seeing other fursons happy, especially when he could help contribute to that. "If you like, I can make it even easier than that for you to travel back and forth."

"Ooh! How?" Gillian asked eagerly.

"I am correct in assuming that your assigned Hellguardian took your heart when you first arrived on the other side of your life?"

"Uh huh. I was really scared of the whole idea for a while, but she was so nice she eventually wore me down. And it felt way nicer than I expected."

"May I further assume that you've found enough happiness since to regrow your heart?"

Gillian nodded. "That took me an even _longer_ time, but yeah." She gave Bartleby another kiss. "And *you* helped with that!"

"Really? I didn't know!" he said, happily startled.

"Mm hmm! I was still heartless when I met you, but about a week or so later, I was cuddling with Mrs. Mackenzie at her place and I felt it beating again."

"Well, she probly deserves the credit then."

Gillian rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you do too, sillybat! You started me on the road to feeling better so my heart *could* come back." She hugged him close again and softly kissed inside his ear. "Thank you, Bartleby."

He giggled and wiggled at her tickly nose. "You're very, very welcome! Hee hee! Now cut it out!"

She giggled too and gave him an extra nose-tickle before letting him go.

"You two cubs are ridiculously cute, you know," Big Stinky said.

"We sure are!" Gillian said proudly with a purr.

"But as I was saying," the big skunk continued, "if you'd allow me to take your heart again, it will grant you a kind of dual citizenship. Your heart will be in both places, so you'll be able to go back and forth with ease. It's a rare thing, but I've done it enough times to get the knack."

"That's awesome! Thank you so much, Mr. Stinky!" Gillian said, giving him a great big tummyhug.

Bartleby had an interesting thought. "Say, did you guys have to lose your hearts when you died?" he asked Justin & Lena.

"Yeah," Justin said. "Wastopia's just close enough to Hell to be governed by some of the same rules."

"We had a big ceremony though," Lena said. "Instead of the Hellguardian thing, when new people come here, the whole town comes out to welcome them. We got up on stage and Big Stinky welcomed us. He took our hearts and he was real, real gentle. The whole thing was exciting, and kinda flattering!"

Big Stinky gave Gillian a tender pat on the back. "Are you ready? We can do this now or later; it's easy and over quickly."

"Right now would be fine," Gillian said with certainty in her voice and heart.

Lena nudged Bartleby and indicated for him to step back a bit. Justin already had. Bartleby felt a tingle in the air, of something important about to happen. Other fursons were stopping to watch.

Big Stinky knelt down and took Gillian's small white paws in his. His eyes shone with centuries of gentle love. "Tell me your full name," he said.

"Gillian Trudeaux Baxter," she replied proudly. Her heart was fluttering in anticipation. She didn't know how he was going to take it, but she knew it would feel wonderful to give it. She knew she wanted more than anything for her heart to remain here in her new home.

The old skunk held out one paw towards her, palm up. Gillian felt an energy ripple through her. She felt paralyzed, but it wasn't scary. It was like being wrapped up tightly in a warm blanket. She couldn't move, but didn't want to.

Big Stinky slowly stood, and as his hand moved, Gillian felt herself tip backwards. Her feet left the ground. Now she was hovering on nothing; floating like a lady in a levitation trick.

"Do you give your heart freely?" he asked.

"Absolutely..." she purred.

He held his paw above her chest where her heart was. The area began to glow a golden red.

Big Stinky lifted his paw slowly, with the precision and effortlessness borne from performing this special task an uncountable number of times. Gillian's heart began to materialize through her chest and rise into the skunk's open palm.

She gasped softly. It was a delicate sensation, like a shiver. Pleasure. Unlike any pleasure she'd ever felt before.

The glowing heart found it's way to Big Stinky's hand and he closed his fingers carefully around it. It seemed to shrink, or fade, or be absorbed. When his fingers closed, it, and the glow, were gone.

Gillian floated back to her feet.

"You are home now," he said.


	*   *   *   *   *


Needless to say, there was a lot more hugging after that.

Gillian felt lighter than air. She danced and spun around and shouted laughter and radiated joy. She thanked Bartleby and Lena and Justin, and Big Stinky most of all. Unlike the first time, when there had been an empty place inside her for many weeks afterwards, Gillian felt a brand new heart come into being in her chest almost immediately. Bartleby, with his bat ears, heard its very first beat.

Then came the questions. Gillian asked Big Stinky everything about what this meant for her now and what this next step in her life would bring. Justin & Lena both promised that she could stay over at their place for as long as she needed to get settled in, and they were sure Adam wouldn't mind.

Gillian began to plan her new residence already. She thought she might move her room down here from Hell, and leave her magic dumpster right where it was as a station between her two favorite places.

Big Stinky assured her that communication was possible between the two realms. Gillian thought that if Mrs. Mackenzie wanted to stay in Naughty, she could equip her magic dumpster with a doorbell, or an intercom, so the friendly garbagemink could come and pick her up at any time.

Or maybe Mrs. Mackenzie would want to move to Wastopia. The idea was so wonderful Gillian could hardly allow herself to hope for it. But if it came true... Maybe they could live together. Maybe they could have a little house on the river, and a tub boat, and be like an aunt and niece...

To say Gillian was overwhelmed with happiness would be a bit of an understatement.

Bartleby remembered school suddenly. His watch said that he'd already need to bend time a bit to get there before class started. He hated to go though. As bizarre as some of his adventures here had been, he had to admit he'd had fun. And he definitely wanted to come back sometime and visit Justin and Lena some more. Maybe ride in the Green Beast again, or play with their plushies. 'Or get to yiff their sexy dad...' he thought to himself with a naughty grin.

He reminded Gillian of the time and she gave him a goodbye hug. He asked again if she wanted to come back with him to set things in order, but she declined. She said she just couldn't bear to leave yet. She promised she'd return soon, to set up the toilet portal and tell everyone at school where she'd be going, and to have an important talk with her favorite mink. But for now she wanted to stay and explore Wastopia as much as she could, and just bask in how right it felt for her.

Bartleby understood. He promised to let Mr. Ordure know she wouldn't be in class today (and after all, schools in Naughty were never strict about perfect attendance anyway). He promised to tell Xander and Lexi everything. And he promised to visit Gillian here as often as he could.

Many more hugs were exchanged. Bartleby said goodbye to his new rat and wolffox friends. He thanked them again, several times actually, for finding his lost toy bunny. (Since Bosco was not a Real plushie, Terry didn't feel any jealousy.) He thanked Big Stinky for making Gillian so happy, and complimented him on how cool Wastopia looked. The jolly skunk was very happy to hear this.

When Bartleby was ready to go, Justin explained that all he'd need to do was call down a transport pipe. Bartleby looked way up at the ceiling and did so. Right away, they saw something move in the sky. Soon, an apparently-infinite length of green PVC pipe was descending from above. It was just wide enough for one furson (plus plushies). It stopped a few feet above Bartleby. Justin said it'd suck him up whenever he asked.

Bartleby said one last goodbye and waved to everyone. Terry arfed and wagged his tail.

As the pipe schlooped them up with a 'glug glug glug' sound, the last thing Bartleby saw was Gillian's radiant smile.

The last thing he heard, however, was Big Stinky saying, "Now who wants to get gobbled up by a big fat skunk?"

"I do!" "I do!" "I do!"


	*   *   *   *   *


~Epilogue~


The pipe spat Bartleby out several million miles from home in the middle of a dessert sandstorm.

This was no problem, however, as Bartleby simply opened a portal to home.

Lying on the bed were his finds from the dump. He set Terry down on the bed and the little fox immediately started nosing through the comic books. Bartleby was glad Terry would have something to occupy himself with while he was at school.

Just before heading out the door with his backpack, he remembered to send his toilet to Gillian's dumpster. He'd wish for a new one when he got home.

He flew to Perdition Elementary at what felt like mach five. With scant minutes to spare, he headed straight for Mr. Ordure's class and told him all about Gillian. The bespectacled ferret was very understanding. He said he'd vacationed in Wastopia several times, and was even planning to make it a surprise field trip for his class at the end of the semester.

Just as Bartleby was turning the knob to Mrs. Schaddenfreude's room, the bell rang.

He winced as he stepped inside.

His teacher's eyes lit up. "You're late, Mister Fletch!" she said gleefully. "This will require The Big Paddle."

Bartleby's brain blew a fuse as she held up something made of black lacquered wood that had knives and corkscrews coming out of it.


	*   *   *   *   *


Limping to his seat a few minutes later (and dripping cum the whole way), Bartleby sat down very carefully and was met on either side with huge grins from Lexi and Xander.

"I wish you coulda come with us yesterday," the roly poly fox said. "The movie was fuckin' excellent!"

"So what did you do all day?" Lexi asked.

Now it was Bartleby's turn to grin...




	The End
	for now...





AUTHOR'S NOTES
*****

This story was birthed from three different wombs, you might say.

I'd had an idea for the longest time for a story called To The Land Where Lost Things Go, and while I loved the location, I was very lukewarm about the characters. And for me, character trumps everything else in a story. I can't care about the journey or the destination if I don't like who I'm travelling with.

I had also for a very long time wanted to tell another story about Justin and Lena; my two beloved trash-zombies from Down In The Dumps. A certain, very clearly envisioned story about how they died. However, it was just a fragment and wouldn't work on its own.

I had ALSO noticed that a pattern had begun to emerge in my Bartleby tales: Infernal Menagerie featured Bartleby, Xander, Lexi and Gillian. All You Can Eat was a Bartleby and Xander story. Abyssal Nursery was a Bartleby and Lexi story. Diabolical Festivities went back to including everyone. But I hadn't yet done a Bartleby and Gillian story.

If you can guess where all this is heading, you're sharper than I. I had all three of these ideas bumping around in my noggin for literally years before it occurred to me that what they all needed was each other. One night they all clicked together like a puzzle box. I got excited enough to start writing it, and it blasted me out of a months-long writing drought. I did end up stagnating several times along the way to completion, but finally finishing it felt indescribably wonderful.

(Actually, saying  *four* different wombs might be more accurate, since Chunks came from an aborted Love Me Till My Heart Stops sequel where she was the only idea in it I genuinely liked. Besides, she fits in in Wastopia far better than Deathville!)

Muchas gracias go to my awesome friends Alfador & Zephon for very excellent proofreading help. Thanks go also to Poe the Ether Bunny for reading this whole thing with me via Skype one night (from 10pm to 5:30 am!!!) and providing many, many excellent ideas. Some were wonderful but I had no place for them; like a little plastic Justin in a grass skirt bobbling on the Green Beast's dashboard. Tee hee. Also, Ether and Alfador both mentioned that I could have made a joke about someone blowing Chunks. But I'm far too classy for that. (Lie.)

BTW, I'm still not sure who'd do Big Stinky's voice, but Chunks is definitely Arleen "Harley Quinn" Sorkin.

Lastly, one idea I'd had for the restaurant scene, which I didn't include because I had no room for it, and also because it was too fucking disgusting even for this story, was maxi pad lasagna. I apologize to everyone in the world for that thought. :3



"Bartleby And The Land Where Lost Things Go"
Started 04/18/10, Finished 09/02/10, Editing completed 09/12/10
