Bartleby And The Diabolical Festivities
a Halloween tale by Alex Reynard 


WARNING: Contains sinful scenes of cubs yiffing, pissing, pooping, inflating, swapping heads, being eaten and snuffing each other. Lots and LOTS of snuffing each other! :D

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes place a little more than a week after Bartleby & The Abyssal Nursery, but still several months before A Very Bartleby Christmas Special. And quite a while after Bartleby's Best Yom Kippur Ever. (Tee hee.)

Also, it's costume contest time, people! Since the following macabre little delight takes place at a Halloween party, everyone will naturally be dressed up. But I'm not saying who's who! It's up to you to noodle it out. The answers are at the end of the story though, so don't worry if you miss a few.

Anyway, it looks as if the party's already jumpin', so we'd better join in before all the punch is gone, eh?


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~~~THE INTRODUCTIONS~~~

T'was a rare sight to see students pouring into Perdition Elementary at nighttime when the sky was black and the moon glowed cold above them like a bloated, yellow eye. The air was ripe with shivery breezes, flitting bats and the sounds of loud music and laughter. Tonight was October thirty-first, one of the rare occasions when cubs in Hell relished the idea of going to school twice in one day. The annual Halloween party was something every kid looked forward to; when the always naughty Naughty Level got even more excitingly perilous. There were a million and one ways to die tonight. And everyone was looking forward to experiencing as many of them as possible.

Bartleby Fletch thought they'd done a great job of fixing up the school for the night's revelry. Spires and turrets had sprung up all over to make it resemble a castle. Two enormous Tesla coils on the roof supplied plenty of lightning bolts. All the windows were tinted so the light from inside turned stark yellow, spooky orange or toxic green. Corpses, skeletons and assorted body parts were nailed up everywhere, including many penises. Fog machines churned away, making it impossible to see one's feet.

"Heads up!!"

Bartleby flinched and looked skyward, his gaze and ears scanning all directions for flying projectiles.

Then he spotted it; a net full of dripping severed heads hanging from a tree branch above him.

He rolled his eyes at Xander. "Ha ha ha."

The roly-poly fox bent double in laughter. "I've been doing that to everyone who's walked by so far!"

Bartleby chuckled and trotted over to give his friend a nose-nuzzle. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long. I had some problems with the hairspray. Your costume looks great!"

"Thanks!" said Xander. He looked quite the badass in his dark sunglasses and blonde buzz-cut. He'd pumped up his chest and biceps ridiculously and was carrying around an equally ridiculous amount of weaponry on his back and belt, plus a white plastic jetpack. He reached behind him and whipped out his RPG launcher. Pointing it directly at Bartleby's startled expression, he pulled the trigger with a grin and annihilated them both.

'I smell burning sausage,' Bartleby thought as he picked himself up off the sidewalk moments later. The explosion had knocked him back half a block and scattered bits of his anatomy hither and yon. He caught sight of his colon hanging from a lamppost, swaying in the breeze. His ears were still ringing as he got to his feet, so he carefully tore them both off and shook them a bit to clear them.

After reattaching his auditory appendages, Bartleby looked down and groaned. "Aww, man! My costume's ruined! I spent hours on it!"

Xander, still charred and smoking as well, hustled over. "Wait, what? You put your costume together _yourself_?"

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. I opened a portal in my room and got all the supplies, then did all my makeup in the mirror and dyed my hair. All that work gone to waste." He narrowed his eyes at the fox. "All because SOMEONE had to shoot me in the face with a rocket-propelled grenade!!"

Xander held up his paws in a gesture of surrender. "Chill, dude! I can't believe I forgot to tell you! You don't *need* to go through all that for a costume! I mean, unless you really want to. You can just visit a costume shop, jump in a transformation booth and *ping*: you're whoever you want!"

Bartleby blinked. His lip trembled. "So I just worked for hours... missing trick-or-treating 'cause I thought I wouldn't have time for both that and the party... all for no reason?"

Xander's jaw dropped in sympathy. "Oh, dude, c'mere!" The fox pulled his whimpering buddy into a compassionate hug. "No worries. I'll share my candy loot with ya after the party's over."

Bartleby sighed. "No, no, that's okay. It's just... I've been here long enough, I shoulda known about this costume stuff beforehand."

Xander smiled comfortingly. "Hey, it's barely been two months since you died. There's a practically *infinite* amount of cool stuff to discover here. Don't feel bad just 'cuz you haven't sucked up all of it already. Besides, it's partially my fault for not reminding you. I was too busy choosing MY costume!"

He reached into his blackened jeans pocket and pulled out a small tin filled with faintly-glowing candy corn. He held it out to Bartleby. "Here. Try one."

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. "They look radioactive."

"Naw, I got 'em from the costume shop. It reverts your transformation if it gets messed up accidentally. Or on purpose," he added, grinning. "I'm guessing they'll work on your costume too." He popped one in his mouth. "Besides, they're tasty!"

Xander wasn't finished licking his lips by the time his pants, shirt, ammo vest and various implements of death had reappeared on his body. "Ta da!"

"Why not just wish yourself back to normal like we usually do?" Bartleby asked, still eyeing the sinister corn.

"No real reason. Except we get to eat candy," Xander replied.

That sounded logical enough. Bartleby chewed up the magic candy and felt a surge of energy whooshing across his body.

His Victorian-era clothing cast off its soot and went from blasted rags back to somewhat-grimy-but-still-whole condition. Bartleby's face grew pale, with huge dark circles around his eyes. His hair poofed out into insane uncombed black tangles with a streak of shock-white down one side. And lastly, his twin pearl-handled straight razors reappeared on his belt.

Xander stepped back and his eyes went wide in amazement. "Duuuuuuude! GREAT choice! I didn't really get a good look at you before I blew you up so I hadn't guessed it yet. With that stripe in your hair, I thought you were some kind of mad skunk-thing!"

Bartleby giggled, something which he knew was more than a little out of character. "I thought it'd be unexpected."

"It totally is!!" Xander gushed. "I never in a million billion kazillion years would have pictured you like this. And yet, it looks good on you!"

"Thanks! Did you see the movie?"

Xander gave Bartleby a look. "_Please_. Are you kidding? It's a musical, about cannibalism, and it's *funny*. I own the DVD *and* the soundtrack!"

Bartleby grinned. "Not surprised. Shall we go in?"

"Let's shall," Xander agreed, linking arms with Bartleby and heading for the door.

	~~***~***~~

As they ascended the steps, Bartleby looked up when he heard the sound of a heavy metal sphere thudding to the ground.

Standing in the doorway was Lexi. She was wearing a Japanese schoolgirl's outfit, holding a wicked-looking mace on a twenty-foot chain, with part of a table leg nailed to the side of her head. "Hi!" she said cutely with a little wave.

"That's perfect for you!" Bartleby complimented.

"Tee hee!" she said, and curtseyed.

"Konichiwa," Xander greeted.

"Hiya, Xandy-poo." Quick as a wink, she whirled her mace around and shot it straight at her fox friend's throat. The chain wrapped tightly around it and she gave it a tug, sending Xander flailing helplessly towards her. Making it look effortless, she jerked his muzzle straight into hers for a hot wet kiss. "*MmmmmmMWAH*!"

Lexi let the chain go slack and Xander rubbed the red, ragged remains of his neck and got his breath back. "You wanna... *huff* go someplace private... *puff* and find some other creative... *huff* uses for that thing?" They both grinned and she kissed him again.

Bartleby swiveled around when he heard the unmistakable sound of an approaching garbage truck. "You two keep on killing and or kissing; I'm gonna go say hi to Gillian!" he called back as he hopped down the steps.

Mrs. Loretta Mackenzie braked the smoking, stinky heap to a stop in the parking lot and vaulted down from the cab. Bartleby had half-expected the garbage-loving mink to be dressed as Minerva, but instead she'd dyed her hair blonde, put on a pair of blue goggles, and traded in her usual green jumpsuit for a lavender one. "Good evening to ya, kiddo!" she shouted when she spotted Bartleby. She tugged hard on a lever at the back of the truck and sent several hundred pounds of junk thudding and splatting onto the sidewalk.

The mink started wading barefoot through the aromatic pile, obviously searching for something. "Now darnit, I made sure to use a powder blue one so it'd stand out... Must be buried under- Aha!" With a grin, she burrowed down into the trash and came up with the aforementioned powder blue bag. She ripped a hole in the side in one clean motion and let the contents clatter out onto the asphalt.

It took Bartleby a minute to realize that the various decayed-looking plastic body parts were feline in nature, and that they all added up to one familiar calico. "Gillian's costume is a mannequin?" he asked.

Loretta chuckled and waved the idea away. "Heck naw! I just turned her into one, did some kinky stuff with her a while, then disassembled her and buried her at the bottom of a landfill for a week. She *loved* it! Didn't you, hon?" she asked the plastic kittyparts as she put them back together like a jigsaw puzzle.

As soon as she fitted Gillian's bald, expressionless noggin onto the metal peg in her neck, the young feline blinked and suddenly sprang back to life. In a microsecond she went from smooth and hard to furry and affectionate, as she whirled around and gave Mrs. Mackenzie a lavish hug.

Gillian purred and wiggled and radiated pure love. "THANK you, Loretta! That was *wonderful*! My wildest trashy fantasy come true! It was so exciting not being able to move and just letting you do anything you wanted to me!" She shivered in delight, remembering all the yiffy games they'd played with her in her inanimate state. "And staying in the dump so long was really relaxing. I had some totally nifty dreams!" She reached up and tapped the bridge of her nose. "Got my glasses?" she asked.

"Right here hon." Loretta produced them deftly from her breast pocket. "...And your costume too. Don't think I forgot!" She handed Gillian the specs, plus an intricately-shaped sapphire bottle.

Gillian finally noticed Bartleby. "Oh, hi! Awesome costume. Wanna see me change into mine?"

"Sure!" Bartleby wasn't exactly sure how though.

The pretty calico pulled out the stopper on the bottle (which squeaked excruciatingly) and downed the contents in a dainty gulp. She closed her eyes and trembled in anticipation. 

Suddenly, a spray of golden sparkles spiralled down her body from head to toe. Her form began to melt, bulge and reshape. She giggled in delight at the fizzy feeling of the transformation potion doing its work.

When the golden light dispersed, Gillian was revealed in her new identity. She was still naked, but her fur had turned chocolate-brown with vanilla-white on her paws. Her eyes were golden, her tail had shrunk to a powder-puff and her ears had grown enormous and fluffy. A red jewel gleamed on her forehead. "MYAAAAHH!!!" she shouted joyfully.

"I'm not sure what you are, but whatever it is, it's incredibly cute!" Bartleby said.

She pranced over and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll tell ya later. It's kinda complicated." She looked back to her favorite trash collector momentarily. "Are you gonna pick me up after the party?"

"Actually, I'll probably be goin' to another one myself, so you may as well just hop a portal to wherever I am." Loretta lifted Gillian up to nuzzle noses with her. "Have fun, sugarplum," she said tenderly.

"I will!" Gillian assured.

The friendly mink scooped up Bartleby too. "I suppose I can't take off without givin' you a hug too!"

Bartleby wiggled cutely and hugged back. "Thank you, Mrs. M."

She skritched him between the ears and started off for her truck. "Adios, munchkins!"

"Hey look! My ears are actually bigger than yours now!" Gillian teased.

Bartleby chuckled good-naturedly. "Is she just gonna leave all that trash there?" he asked as the truck's engine grumbled to life again.

"Nope. It'll probably explode a few seconds after she leaves," Gillian replied with relish.

Bartleby gulped. "Then let's scoot! I've already been blown up once this evening!"

	~~***~***~~

Gillian spotted Lexi and dashed off to give her a purring hug and let the hyena sniff under her tail. Bartleby followed, but paused when he spotted an open portal glistening in the air at the edge of the parking lot. 'Excellent! That's everyone!' he thought. He excused himself to the others and dashed off to say a new hello.

Bartleby wasn't exactly sure what Crystal was supposed to be at first, but she seemed to have gained some girth and lost some height. Her torso had been transformed into a huge hockey-puck shape. The little toothpaste vixen was standing by the portal while her Hellguardian straddled the edge of it and talked to her, holding her paw.

Despite the fact that she certainly talked about her guardian often enough, and with great affection, this was the first time Bartleby had ever actually seen Zelampago. Crystal had said that he'd been an incredible help to her in getting over her shyness and dealing with the pain of her life before her arrival in Hell. Bartleby knew he was a big blue wolfdemon, but he hadn't expected him to be so imposing! He was absolutely enormous, with a crimson belt worn diagonally across his chest, rocket boosters on his back, huge metal hands and a long ribbonlike tail. He was also sporting a pair of sharp-looking shades. Bartleby honestly could not tell if he was in costume or just always looked like this. With demons, anything was possible.

But despite looking like he could kick 100 butts and not break a sweat, when Bartleby had gotten close enough to hear the gentleness in the wolf's voice, he began to understand why he was so dear to Crystal's heart.

"...you know I have to ask again. Are you sure? Are you ready? This is one of the biggest steps you've taken so far. This party will probably be much, much different than the Nursery."

"It'll be okay," Crystal replied, trying her best to be brave. She already knew this was a bold step she was taking. She hoped she was as ready for it in her heart as she wanted to be. "Bartleby and Lexi will be there. And all of their friends too."

Zelampago smiled and affectionately ran his finger through Crystal's gel-like hair. "As long as you're sure, little one. I just don't want you to get scared and then not want to leave your pool for the next millennium or so," he gently teased.

She shook her head. "I won't," she said resolutely. "I... I'm done with that. You showed me how to not be like that anymore."

Endless love showed in the demon's eyes as he leaned over to hug his sweet, brave vixen.

"Is this Bartleby?" he asked when he looked up.

Crystal brightened like a miniature sun when she saw her bat friend approaching. "Yes it is!!" She ran over and grabbed Bartleby's wing, tugging him over to show him off to Zelampago. "Bartleby, this is Zel. Say hello!"

Bartleby looked up, and up, at the towering Hellguardian. "My, you're... big," was the most intelligent thing he could think of to say.

Zelampago laughed like lightning and thunder. "All the better to protect this little one from scary stuff," he said, giving Crystal's ear a skritch and getting a giggle in return.

The wolf clapped a brawny paw on Bartleby's shoulder. "She told me all about how nice you were to her in the Abyssal Nursery. Thank you. I don't think you realize just how much that helped her."

Bartleby blushed. "You're welcome," he said modestly.

"Time to go do fun party stuff!" Crystal declared effervescently. She snuggled up to Bartleby but gave her guardian's paw a kiss as she lifted it off the bat boy's shoulder. "I'll be fine," she pledged to Zelampago.

He nodded. "I trust you. If you say you're ready for this, I have full confidence in you. And I could not possibly be more proud."

Crystal beamed and 'erf!'ed cutely. Her Hellguardian stepped back through the portal and it imploded silently behind him.

"Lexi, Xander and Gillian are over by the door. At least, I assume they haven't gone in yet," Bartleby informed her.

"Neato! I wanna meet Gillian. She sounds nice." She had met Xander before when he had tagged along with Lexi on a visit to the Nursery. The two foxes had yiffed in the ball pit till Crystal had melted all over the place from sheer bliss.

The fox, cat and hyena were indeed still waiting for Bartleby to rejoin them, and Lexi especially perked up when she saw that Crystal was with him. She ran over and embraced the vixen, sploshing toothpaste all over her outfit and not minding a bit.

The five friends said their hellos and admired each other's costumes for a bit before heading for the entrance into a world of loud music, games, dancing, refreshments and gleeful, nonpermanent murder.

"Um, just what exactly are you supposed to *be* though?" Gillian asked Crystal, trying to sound tactful.

"I'm a cake!" she said huffily.

"With that color, you could be a urinal puck too," Xander observed with a grin. Crystal whapped him with her tail.

But as the young vixen attempted to step through the double doors into the school, a massive wooden mallet appeared and squashed her flat! "COSTUME UNACCEPTABLE!" a harsh electronic voice droned.

The mallet retracted, leaving a thin, disk-shaped vixen behind. The others helped Crystal get back into shape, but she was obviously upset by the incident. "What went wrong? What's wrong with my costume?" She looked down at the ground. "It's just ugly, isn't it..."

"No, no! Of course not!" Bartleby assured. "There's gotta be another reason."

Xander's ears perked up. "Oh! Obviously! We forgot to tell her; this year's theme is pop culture references."

Bartleby grimaced and felt incredibly stupid. "Right! Geez, Crystal, I'm sorry!"

The fragile vixen looked near-tears. "Does this mean I can't go to the party?" she said, her trembling voice absolutely heartbreaking.

A crazed grin suddenly took over Lexi's muzzle. "I've got it!!" She quickly tore open the air to produce a personal portal. "Hold still for a second, Crystal. I'll fix you up!"

The hyena went into a flurry of activity. She hefted an enormous bag of chocolate sprinkles through the portal and applied them liberally to Crystal until her cake-shaped torso was completely covered. Then she positioned six oversize strawberries around her perimeter. Lastly, she stuck a candle into the top of Crystal's head and lit it. "Hey! Don't just stick things into me without asking first!" the fox protested.

Xander and Bartleby both stifled laughter as rude thoughts passed through their minds.

"Sorry about that," Lexi said, "But I think it'll work now. Try to walk though again."

Crystal looked very unsure, but hesitantly poked one paw over the threshold.

"COSTUME ACCEPTABLE!" the same voice droned, sounding much happier now.

Crystal literally jumped for joy and gave Lexi a pounce-hug, sending sprinkles flying everywhere. "Thank you, thank you, THANK you!! I have no idea why that worked, but it DID! Wow!!"

Lexi smiled warmly and touched noses with the younger canine. "You're welcome. And it's a video game thing. I don't wanna spoil it, but you can come over to my house and play it sometime if you like."

Xander leaned over to sniff Crystal. "Mmmm! I always did like mint chocolate."



~~~THE PARTY~~~

Signs cut from pupils' pelts pointed the way to the gym where the main action was taking place. But all up and down the main hallway, the classrooms were lit up too; shadows on the windows and excited screams giving clues to the activities going on inside.

"They've really outdone themselves this year," Xander commented. "Red carpet treatment and everything."

Bartleby looked down at his soles, which were now dripping with congealing blood. "I wondered why it was so sticky."

"Eeeeeeeeeew!" Crystal said, sticking her tongue out.

Up ahead, one of the lockers burst open and a kid who'd been completely mummified with toilet paper came hopping out.

"I have no idea if that was a cruel prank or just his fetish," Gillian remarked.

"Look for a boner," Bartleby suggested.

Gillian smiled. "Hey, there it is!"

Bartleby chuckled. While Crystal was here as his guest tonight, Gillian had just recently become a full-fledged schoolmate. He'd prodded and nudged her intermittently about how fun Perdition Elementary was, and finally she gave in and agreed to try it out. After her first day, she'd ended up giving him a huge thank-you hug (and a nice long thank-you yiff too). While they weren't in the same class together, they did get to see each other at recess and lunch every day. (Gillian was quite fond of eschewing the lunch lines in favor of rooting through the trash cans for treats.) She had met with Mrs. Schaddenfreude and, while she thought the mouselady was very nice, yiffy punishments just weren't her thing. Gillian found a much better fit in Mr. Ordure's class, where every type of filth was always welcome. She'd told Bartleby that she didn't even have to worry about getting lost trying to find the room, as the stench could be detected from anywhere in the school. And for a few blocks in any given direction, too.

Bartleby was also glad to see the relationship between her and Mrs. Mackenzie growing deeper. When he'd first met Gillian, she had been living alone in her magic dumpster, and was so sensitive about it she'd initially lied to him about having foster parents. The reason why was simple: she loved her real parents so much, she couldn't imagine staying with anyone else until they died and joined her. Yet Bartleby had noticed her spending more and more time with her favorite garbagemink. He'd watched their interaction slowly change from the affection of two friends, into the kind of love seen between an aunt and a favorite niece. To say he was overjoyed for them was an understatement.

Lexi pulled a candy bar from her pocket, peeled it and took a bite. "Mmmmm!" She offered some to Crystal. "Wanna try some? It's milk chocolate, caramel nougat, and real boogers!"

Crystal turned a very pale shade of turquoise. "Um... Thanks but no thanks," she said as politely as she could.

"This is it!" Xander declared, having reached the doors to the gymnasium. "It's time to party; Xander style!!"

A blast of noise nearly knocked Bartleby off his feet when Xander held the door open. The frazzled bat quickly opened up a personal portal and produced some cotton for his sensitive ears. Bauhaus' "Bela Lugosi's Dead" was playing so loud it was actually flaying some of the cubs who were dancing in front of the speakers.

"Ladies first," Xander said gentlemanly as he held the door for Crystal, Gillian and Lexi.

Bartleby saw so much in his first glimpse of the gym that he had no idea where to head first. A light machine high in the rafters tinted everything red and orange, while laser spiders and shadow bats swarmed the walls. A crunching crowd of cubs were dancing at the far end of the gym while a strobe light pulsed above. Closer to the door, kids were carving jack-o-lanterns; with their friends volunteering their heads, torsos and butts as pumpkins. Several more kids were bathing naked in a swimming pool full of candy. And there were all sorts of carnival-like party games going on as well. Bartleby saw booths with signs for "Tug-o-esophagus", "Bobbing For Hand Grenades" and "How Many Pumpkins Can You Fit In Your Ass?". Along one wall, seven boys stood giggling with bare crotches while an equal number of girls stirred through a hat full of all of their penises and tried to guess whose was whose. One of them figured out that the easiest way was to tickle the dicks until they came, then see which boy reacted the most.

Standing in the middle of the room were two familiar figures performing chaperone duty (as well as a little demonic and angelic magic as called for). Bartleby "Eep!"ed with glee and flew over to give hugs to Llywyalla and Razielphustar.

Raz was all pirated up in swashbuckling clothes that reeked of the sea. He had dark paint around his eyes, a black mustache, a red headband and beads woven into his hair. He was also sporting a three-cornered hat, a sword and an apparently-broken compass. "Do my eyes deceive me?" he slurred, hinting at the several pints of rum he'd consumed in preparation for his role. "It be a fine cabin boy approaching for some noogies!"

Bartleby giggled as the squirrelpirate did indeed affectionately knuckle his cranium a bit. Raz had told him before the party who he was going as, and he looked the part perfectly. "Great job on the costume!" Bartleby complimented.

"A magnificent disguise yourself, me lad. I wouldn't have known it was you if I didn't know it was you." He winked. "Did my choice perchance inspire yours?"

Bartleby rolled his eyes innocently. "Mmmmmaybe!"

In contrast to Razielphustar's flamboyantness, Llywyalla was attired in a perfectly-tailored brown suit (with her wings poking out through the back) and a red tie. She was also carrying a briefcase. Her hair was cut short, dyed brown and combed immaculately. She looked perfectly androgynous, and succeeded in making it work for her quite nicely.

Bartleby looked the cheetah angel up and down. "I'm stumped. You actually look kinda like a lawyer."

Llywyalla and Raz shared a knowing grin. The cheetah held up a finger in a 'here's a hint' gesture. She took a second to get into character, then bellowed painfully, "I... CAN'T... LIE!!!"

Bartleby burst out laughing. Now that he got it, he was blown away by how perfectly paradoxical a fit it was for her.

"I didn't find out a while ago that I can say movie quotes all I want, since they're all fiction. Of course, that one happens to be not untrue for me to boot," she explained in her usual self-negating way.

"I thought Satan would've found a cure for you by now," Bartleby said with concern.

She shrugged: 'These things take time'.

"Speaking of our boss..." Razielphustar dug in his pocket for a remote. At his command, a huge screen descended from the ceiling in the back and Satan's annual Halloween special came on. Each year promised three commercial-free hours of music, celebrity guests and mass executions. This year's main event featured a thousand participants strapped to a rocket which was going to be shot into an approaching tsunami of molten lava, which would then incinerate the main stage and everyone on it. Good times.

Bartleby was just about to head over and watch the opening act when Xander appeared out of the blue and tugged on his arm. "No no no, amigo! There'll be time for all that stuff later. Right now we gotta get over to Mrs. Schaddenfreude's room!"

The bat looked confused. "But we just got _here_!"

Lexi was just behind Xander, her grin showing off every one of her sharp teeth. "Oh? Didn't we tell you? I guess we forgot!" she teased, oozing sarcasm.

"What manner of skullduggery is this?" Bartleby said warily. They were grinning way too much for his comfort levels.

"Oh nothing..." Xander said casually, "...just THE AWESOMEST PARTY GAME EVER!!!"

Now Razielphustar was grinning too. "Methinks I know what the pudgy foxling has in mind, mate. Participation guarantees an evening of thrills and excitement for all!"

Lexi explained. "Every year, Mrs. S. has a serial killer game, and it's _definitely_ the best part of the evening! One kid gets picked to be the killer, and they bump off everyone else until either they get caught or no one's left! Whoever survives longest wins a prize!"

A look of extreme apprehension came over Bartleby's face. "Ohhhhh no! Count me out! Guys, I'm sorry, but that really doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy. I hate horror movies! *Especially* ones where the characters get picked off like that!"

Surprised by his strong reaction, Lexi massaged Bartleby's shoulder a bit. "Geez, I'm sorry. We just kinda assumed you'd wanna do it with us. Me 'n Xander *love* it. But, I mean, if you really don't want to..." The disappointment was quite evident in her voice.

Xander shook his head. "Dude, no. You've totally got the wrong idea. This is Mrs. Schaddenfreude we're talkin' about here! She snuffs us all the time and it's never scary. Fun-scary maybe, but not mean-scary." He clapped his friend on the back. "There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Trust me."

"Well..." Bartleby fidgeted.

"Just try it for a little while, and if you really hate it, you can back out," the fox assured.

"Plus, no one really dies for real," Lexi added. "It's like tag. When you cack out, they just drag you to another room and you can watch the rest of the game on a big TV." She poked Xander. "Remember that year I was the killer and I shoved a scythe all the way up your butt and out your mouth?"

He giggled at the memory. "I knew it was you the whole time. I was just waiting for you to do something creative to me!"

Lexi snickered. "There was another kid I blasted with a disintegrator beam." she told Bartleby, looking quite proud. "All that was left of him was a shoe!"

"A shoe?" said Bartleby.

"Gesundheit," said Xander.

Bartleby groaned and shook his head while his two friends cracked up.

"So... are you in or out?" Xander asked, doing his very best pleading-puppydog-eyes routine.

"Well... I *guess* I'll give it a try," the little bat said, not sounding too sure of his decision. "I should've known it'd be nonpermanent like everything else, I just... Well, like I said; horror movies give me the creeps. My dad made me watch one with him once when I was way too little and I slept with all the lights on for, like, a month after that."

Xander was heartened to see his friend willing to give it a go. "Nothing like that's gonna happen. Just stick with me and Lexi; we'll keep you safe."

"We can't make any guarantees though," the hyena added with a smirk.

Xander nodded. "Cool. Let's go find Gillian and Crystal and invite them along too. I think they were headed over to the candy pool when I last saw them."

Just before turning to leave, the fox glanced up at the giant TV screen and was momentarily dumbstruck. The prince of darkness was wearing the exact same shades, haircut, ammo, jetpack and weaponry he was! "Satan stole my fucking costume idea!!" Xander hollered.

On screen, Beelzebub was buggering fifty cheerleaders while interviewing Harry Houdini. He paused momentarily, as if hearing a fly buzz past his ear. Then he turned and looked directly at the audience. "No, Xander, I thought of it first."

Xander's jaw literally broke off his face and hit the floor.



~~~THE RULES~~~


The trashkitty and goovixen were indeed having fun diving in and out of the delicious pool o' corn syrupy goodness. Crystal took some convincing, but Gillian eagerly agreed to participate in the faux-murder mystery. They hopped down from the pool and shook the Skittles and Milk Duds from their fur. They also got to see one kid get ejected for peeing in the pool. His punishment involved a long stick and a twelve-foot blender.

Crystal voiced many of the same apprehensions as Bartleby, so Xander and Lexi did their best to soothe her fears as well. She told them she would try her best. Tonight was all about being brave, she reminded herself. And she was certainly having fun so far. And knowing that it was all just a game helped a lot.

The fivesome's journey to the lair of Irweena Schaddenfreude was uneventful, save for a portly student crossing their path, holding up a furry sack and screaming, "WOLFMAN'S GOT NARDS!!!" He was quickly followed by a nine-foot-tall hairy beast clutching his crotch and bellowing, "Gimme those back you little sonovabitch!"

"I wonder who she'll be this year?" Lexi wondered, meaning Mrs. Schaddenfreude. "She always gives the game a theme based on whatever costume she's wearing. Last year she was Mrs. Frizzle and all the rooms were schoolbus yellow."

"Who were you last year?" Bartleby asked.

"Beatrix Kiddo. In the yellow jumpsuit with the black stripe down the side. Sex-ay!" Lexi gave her tush a spank. "Xander went as Bill."

"Needless to say, she killed me," said the fox.

Bartleby opened the door to find that his favorite teacher's classroom had been severely altered since just this afternoon. Gone were the desks, blackboard, posters, pencils and everything else that even hinted at the room's usual purpose. Instead, the walls were stark white plastic, with an underlit floor and ominous machinery up in the ceiling. Mrs. Schaddenfreude was nowhere to be seen.

However, the room was far from empty. Bartleby was happy to see five familiar faces; one of them very unexpected.

Caroline Parkins' costume was easiest to guess. The skittish young skunk was dressed in a very iconic red polka-dot dress and hair bow, along with yellow shoes and puffy white bloomers. In addition, she was covered head-to-toe in a skintight black rubber catsuit with two huge disc-shaped ears. The only visible opening was around her face and cheeks. Bartleby had to give her some points; he wouldn't have expected the normally-reserved mephit to do something so kinky.

Ryan Kinsey was another classmate; a caramel-furred bunny who sat two rows behind him. He was typically quiet, polite, eager to talk about video games and comic books, and also a glutton for punishment. While not as blatant as Xander about courting disciplinary actions from Mrs. Schaddenfreude, he nonetheless adored them. Especially long, slow ones where he got to squirm and blush for a good long time. He was dressed in a blue shirt and brown pants, both encrusted with blood and dirt. His face was covered in cuts, and in place of his left hand, a chainsaw was attached to his wrist.

Bartleby had met Tina Lin, also known as Zinny, on his second day in Hell and his first full-length day of school. The ferretgirl was enraptured with all things related to asphyxiation, especially hanging or being choked with her own panties. She was friendly and very extroverted. Hardly a day passed without Mrs. Schaddenfreude coming up with some new creative way of depriving her of oxygen. Tonight she looked dazzling in a tuxedo jacket and top hat, both absolutely dripping with gold sequins. Her face was painted white, with blood-red lipstick that matched her wig. She also had on a red bowtie, striped miniskirt and fishnet stockings.

Robby Rourke wasn't in Bartleby's class, and he didn't know much about the raccoon boy. Other that whenever he had seen him in the halls or at lunch, he was doing something outrageously naughty. From only a few encounters, Bartleby was sure this kid ranked up with Xander and Lexi in terms of sheer fetishyness. True to his creatively yiffy nature, Robby had found a way to be in costume and also naked at the same time. He'd dyed most of his fur lavender, with violet stripes and raccoon 'mask', then painted a lightbulb on his round white tummy.

A surprise addition to the room's occupants was Terry Oblio, the pangolin boy Bartleby had met briefly at the Abyssal Nursery. Bartleby headed over for a handshake. "I didn't know you went to school here," he said.

"Actually, no. I'm Caroline's friend. She brought me as a guest." Terry shook the winghand affably. "Hey, I remember you! You got to see my, uh, 'little accident' last time I was at the Nursery."

"I wouldn't call 300 pounds of poop a little accident!" Bartleby replied. Both boys chortled. Looking Terry over, Bartleby nibbled his thumbclaw in thought. "So, um... What *are* you, anyway?"

In addition to his normal pangolin scales, Terry now sported a large armadillo-like carapace on his back with cannon turrets extending from it. His feet were either encased in or replaced by tank treads. And his nostrils had turned into gun barrels.

"You know, I'm not 100% sure myself. My dad came up with the idea. It's based off some old weird concept album he owns. He said no one'd guess who I am."

"He's probably right," Bartleby said with a shrug.

The door flew open with a bang. "I'm not late, right!? Nothing's started yet!?"

All heads turned to see a panting chipmunk enter the room. Jeff Dunsany was another of Bartleby's classmates: a dismemberment enthusiast and a bit of a class clown. He was outfitted in big brown boots and a black-and-dark-blue outfit with no sleeves. His hair was enormous, yellow and pointy. And he was lugging behind him a sword nearly as big as his entire body. "Whew! Glad I got here in time. I mean, anytime there's a whole buncha people gettin' chopped to bacon bits, I'm in!!"

Xander gave Jeff a manly hug and affectionately bit off one of his ears.

The slightly-less-than-a-dozen cubs chatted amongst themselves for a bit, all waiting for Mrs. Schaddenfreude to arrive and the game to begin. None of them noticed the classroom door slowly sliding shut behind them. And locking them in.

The lights went out.

Caroline screamed. Crystal did too.

From out of the blackness came a sultry, teasing voice that seemed to emanate from everywhere. "Welcome, my little ones. Are you ready to face a test of fear, betrayal... and murder? One of you in this room is a killer. And your number will dwindle until you deduce who he or she is...

"Or until they manage to do away with all of you first..."

The voice exploded into an insane cackle, and strobe lights suddenly flashed from every corner, making the kids scream and scramble in fright.

The lights slowly came back on, revealing eleven cubs with all their fur frizzed up. Everyone freely admitted that Mrs. S. had jolted the piss out of them. Literally, in Tina's case. Crystal had melted all over the floor.

"That was *kickass*!" Xander squealed. He and Jeff high-fived.

"I'm too young to have a heart attack, right? Right?" Bartleby warbled.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude finally made her entrance in a most unexpected way. Steam hissed from above and the ceiling began to split down the middle. Harsh, cold light spilled out from within. Something gleaming began to descend.

Hanging upside down by her feet, Mrs. Schaddenfreude was covered head-to-toe in cybernetic augmentations. All her fur was shaved off and her skin was painted silver. Cables, lights and unimaginable devices protruded from her body. She'd grown a second set of boobs for the occasion, and covered them all up with four white spheres, each with a colored eye in the middle. Irweena's own eyes glowed from within; an unsettling electronic yellow.

The silver mouse had captured the cubs' attention perfectly, and she relished their awestruck expressions.

"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichm- *Ahem* I mean, welcome to my classroom, students and guests. Tonight we're going to play a game. And while I cannot guarantee your survival, I can unequivocally guarantee you won't be bored."

"_Awesome_ costume, Mrs. S.!" Lexi purred. She was so impressed she actually had her hand up her skirt, diddling herself.

The mouselady giggled. "It took quite a bit of work, and quite a while to get used to the blood rushing to my head. But the overall effect is well worth it, don't you think?"

Bartleby nudged Xander and whispered to him, "She some kinda anime character?"

Xander shook his head and chuckled. "Ask Lexi."

Mrs. Schaddenfreude counted off cubs. "...nine, ten, eleven. Well, that's a good-sized group. Generally the game isn't as much fun with too many or too few players. A show of hands, please; for how many of you is this your first time playing?"

Bartleby, Crystal, Gillian and Terry's hands went up.

"Xander, put your hand down right this instant or I'll find some way of spanking you by remote control," Mrs. S. cautioned.

The fox blushed and obeyed, giggling.

"Now then, on to the rules. Those of you who are horror movie aficionados should already be familiar with several of them," the mouselady continued. "Before any of you even arrived here tonight, the killer had already volunteered and was given their own instructions. All of you will proceed through a series of rooms, each with a hopefully-fun activity waiting inside. When you have completed the activity, I will turn out the lights for exactly ten seconds. During this time, the killer will strike. The killer is not limited to one extermination per room, but may try for as many as they dare risk during the ten-second blackout. And it is *only* during this time that they are permitted to commit their acts of homicide. Otherwise they will be disqualified and have to go sit in the corner."

She cleared her throat. "Actually, there is one exception. If your number is reduced to the killer and a single victim, they may then both try to kill each other in a climactic showdown. I always prefer a dramatic ending whenever possible," she chuckled.

"The killer among you has been granted a special ability: a one-night's-use portal that opens directly into the back pocket of our demon chaperone, Razielphustar. Inside is every weapon conceivable by mortal mind, all of them available at a nanosecond's notice. This portal, since it is using borrowed demonic energy, is far more efficient than your own normal ones. The killer will be able to attack almost the instant the lights go down. Assuming they don't forget to. One particular year, a certain student got so caught up in the room activities, she completely forgot she was supposed to be killing people!"

Caroline blushed cutely and cringed a little, wrapping her tail around herself. "Ehhh... Heh heh."

The murine pedagogue continued. "Those of you who will be playing victims tonight may try anything you like to protect yourself, but your own personal portals have been negated for the evening. We want the game to proceed swiftly after all, but not for anyone to have such an unfair advantage that the killer is caught right away. No fair trying to cheat with night vision goggles!" she said with a 'tut tut' wave of her finger.

"Rats," Gillian grumbled. That idea had been part of her strategy.

"Also, further borrowed magic from our Hellguardian friend has significantly slowed down regeneration in this room and the ones following at certain times. This means that when a player is killed, they will revive so slowly that our corpse-retrieval volunteers for the evening will be able to dash in and escort their remains to a cozy lounge where they can watch the rest of the competition on closed-circuit television. Cider and donuts will also be provided."

"Don't you mean cake and grief counselling?" Lexi interrupted, hiding giggles behind her paws.

Mrs. S. tossed her a smirk, then continued. "The game is over when the killer's identity is revealed, or if the killer succeeds in eliminating everyone else first. Whoever survives longest, be they murderer or victim, will receive the grand prize. The second-longest surviving player will also get a prize. If anyone is able to deduce the identity of the killer however, the grand prize will go to them. 

"The rooms ahead have been adjusted so there are now eleven: one for each of you. If more than three students survive all the way to the final room, a deadly neurotoxin will be released and no one will be declared the winner. So don't be too cautious! The whole point of tonight's game is to have as much fun as possible while dropping like flies. Any questions?"

"Nnnnnnngh!" *splurt*

Everyone turned around to look at Robby, who had just cum on the floor.

He blushed and licked his paw. "Sorry. I was thinking about my mom."

"Awww. That's sweet," Tina Lin commented.

Caroline hopped over to give Terry's paws a squeeze. "See? Didn't I tell you this would be fun?" she said, bubbling with excitement.

"Yeah, it sounds great! I've seen a bazillion horror movies. I oughtta do pretty good at this," the pangolin replied confidently.

Jeff pointed out Ryan's chainsaw-arm. "That thing real?"

Ryan nodded proudly. "Darn right! I even used it to lop off my hand before I clamped it on!"

Robby farted. It smelled like cinnamon toast.

"How're you doing?" Lexi asked Crystal, giving her an encouraging shoulder-rub.

The gel-vixen fidgeted. "I'm... I'm doing okay. I think. We'll see. I can always leave if it gets too scary, right?"

"Absolutely," Lexi confirmed. "Mrs. Schaddenfreude's always really good about making sure that no matter what happens; explosions, beheadings, red-hot magma flows, it'll all stop the second someone's uncomfortable and won't continue until they're okay again."

Crystal nodded. "Okay."

"How're _you_ doing?" Xander pointedly asked Bartleby after overhearing the girls' conversation.

Bartleby took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm good. I mean, I probably won't really know until the lights go out, but I think I'm ready."

"Here's a tip; as soon as they do, turn around and run till you hit a wall. You might bonk your nose, but at least you'll only have to worry about defending your fore. Or aft. Or flank. Or whatever the heck they say in the military."

Bartleby saluted. "Aye aye!"

"No, I'm a fox," Xander deadpanned. "Cassius, in Mrs. Renee's class, is an aye-aye."

Bartleby winced hard. "You should be punished with hammers for that one."

Gillian poked Bartleby's shoulder. "Looks like I gotta thank you again for forcing me to get off my tail and enroll here. This *really* looks like it's gonna kick butt! And I've read, like, a couple milk crates fulla mystery novels. They show up in my magic dumpster all the time." She narrowed her eyes and pointed surreptitiously at Lexi. "I've even already got my suspicions," she whispered, then winked.

"Heck, I'll be happy if I survive more than three rooms," Bartleby replied.

Jeff elbowed Ryan. "Betcha I last longer than you," he whispered.

The bunny smirked. "Okay. What're we wagewing, I mean, wagering?"

"Our balls, what else?" Jeff replied, giving his groin a jiggle.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice rang out clearly. "Is everyone ready?"

"YEAH!!" came the reply.

"Maybe..." Crystal added uncertainly.

The mouselady's eyes flashed golden. "Well then, let the bodies hit the floor!"

_Blackness_.

	~~***~***~~

Crystal shrieked immediately.

The sounds of rushing footsteps could be heard from every direction.

"Ooof!" said a female as they ran into someone who felt male.

"Head for the walls, Batman!!" Xander shouted.

"C'mon, c'mon! Bring it on! I can take it!!" Jeff shouted with snarling machismo.

Something made a noise like cutting a tomato in half, followed by the sounds of liquid hitting the floor.

"Ow!" someone squeaked.

Robby farted.

Again came the tomato noise, this one interrupted halfway through by a slight crunch.

"Well, someone's dead for sure!" Terry hollered.

Another sound; this time of a student smacking into the floor. "Whoops!"

The lights came back on.

	~~***~***~~

Everyone gasped.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude had disappeared back up into the ceiling. Xander was backed up against the south wall. Crystal was rooted to the same spot she'd been standing in when the lights went out. Jeff was feeling himself over for any injuries. Robby was on the ground licking up his own cum. Ryan was wiping blood off his paw. Bartleby was on his knees, clutching at his side with crimson dribbling past his wingfingers. Lexi had tripped over Caroline's body and was wrist-deep in the skunkgirl's spilled intestines. Caroline's wide-eyed expression of surprise was surprisingly cute, considering she'd been slashed open from crotch to collarbone. Gillian was still standing, stiff as a statue, despite the fact that half of her head had been neatly sheared off just above her lower jaw. The top of her noggin and a bit of her tongue were busy painting the floor scarlet.

"Hey, I'm okay!" Terry said, surprised.

"Um, dude, there's something on your back," Xander nervously pointed out.

Terry reached behind himself and plucked off a spiked metal sphere that had been stuck on his carapace. "Huh?"

***KA-BLAMMM!!!!!***

The explosion momentarily blinded the remaining cubs, and when they finally blinked away the light, Terry's lower torso was about all that remained of him. The rest of his body had been reduced to a chunky pangolin soup that was now clinging to the walls, floor and everyone standing too close.

"Oh, gross!" Jeff exclaimed as he wiped Terry's prefrontal cortex off on his pants.

Ryan looked shocked, and a little impressed. "Three down on the first try! Holy crap!!"

While the other surviving students were checking out the trio of corpses in the room, Lexi noticed the condition Bartleby was in and scrambled to her feet. She was at his side in seconds. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Bartleby was wincing with his entire body. He gingerly looked down at his right side and saw a splash of red. His blood was warm in his hand. He'd gotten so used to his every injury healing instantaneously, the fact that this one hadn't felt bizarre.

The bat slowly got to his feet, not knowing how deep the cut was and not wanting his insides to spill out.

Xander came padding over. "Hey, let's see it. It can't be that bad, right? You're still alive."

Bartleby lifted his winghand away and inspected the cut. It was long, but not deep. Enough to bleed a lot, but it was already showing signs of closing up. Like Mrs. Schaddenfreude had said; their healing was slowed in these rooms, but not stopped.

"That's it. I'm out," Bartleby said with finality. He threw his hands up and started for the door.

"Hey, wait!" Xander scrambled after him. "You can't just give up now!!"

Bartleby turned around to give him A Look. He pointed to the blood still trickling from his torso. "I think I can, and I think I will," he said sourly.

"Awww, come on!" Lexi chimed in. "Think of it this way: this year's killer is *really* good, right? She knocked off three people in ten seconds! I've never seen that before. Yet YOU managed to survive! You are one insanely lucky bat right now!"

Bartleby shrugged. "I just felt something touch me and I recoiled on instinct."

"Hey... Wait a minute!" Jeff piped up. He strode over and pointed his finger at Lexi. "You just said _she_ knocked off three people. You must've done it!"

Lexi put her hands up. "No way! I was guessing Tina did it. She's all agile 'n ferrety."

Tina 'hmph'ed. "Had you noticed I'm one of the few people here not dripping with weapons?" She fixed a pointed gaze at Xander.

"*Me*!? Dude, I was just giving Bartleby survival tips a few seconds before it happened! You think I'm gonna turn around and try to off him? Besides, I was nowhere near where it happened. And _Jeff's_ the one with the bigass sword!"

The chipmunk was startled to see the accusations come full circle. He held up his sword and jiggled it, making several kids nearby flinch. "No way I coulda done it! This thing's made outta foam rubber! How else could I lift it?"

"Children, children!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice cut through the babble, coming now from a speaker near the ceiling. "There'll be plenty of time for guessing who killed who later. Right now, our three unlucky friends are starting to wiggle. That means the rest of you need to scoot on to the next room so their bodies can be removed before they come back to life."

Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice then dropped to her most gently persuasive tone. "And Bartleby, if you really want to leave now, that's your choice. But we wouldn't have as much fun without you."

"Yeah," Xander agreed.

"Absolutely," Crystal added.

"Besides," the mouselady continued. "If my calculations are correct, and they are 99% of the time, that nasty cut should be almost healed up by now. Why don't you check it?"

Bartleby looked down again and, sonuvagun, she was right. "Well..."

Xander gave his arm a tug. "One more room? At least?"

The bat rolled his eyes, sighed, and gave in. "You owe me, like, a wheelbarrow full of candy after this."

Xander grinned.

The far wall shimmered and began to splinter into hundreds of tiny robotic panels that peeled away to reveal the next room. The kids all headed toward it. Though Robby paused briefly by Gillian's still-standing body and gave her titty an experimental poke. Purely by reflex, she swatted him on the cheek. The little raccoon giggled and ran off to join the rest.



~~~ROOM NUMBER ONE~~~


The room was similar in structure to the previous one: same white plastic walls, only longer and the lights were tinted slightly yellow. At one end of the room, a silver pedestal protruded from the floor with a seemingly-ordinary orange atop it. On the opposite end of the room, another pedestal was conspicuously orangeless. After all the cubs had filed in, the wall re-formed behind them.

"Mrs. Schaddenfreude? Ma'am?" Crystal called out.

"Yes, I'm still here," came the mouse's voice from a new speaker in the ceiling.

"Could I be excused? Just for a moment? I'm wet and I wanna change my diaper before we start doin' stuff."

A normal classroom door shimmered into being on the closest wall like a hologram. "Yes you may, little one. But make it snappy."

"Okay, thanks!" Crystal shouted back happily.

"Want some help?" Lexi offered.

"Sure!" The vixen and hyena headed for the door. "I'll be right back!" Crystal called to the others.

Meanwhile, Bartleby still looked a little unhappy. "Look on the bright side," Xander said to him. "The blood's definitely in character for your costume."

The bat went 'hm'. "That's true."

Robby trotted over to Tina. "After this, you wanna vore me? I haven't been eaten in a while."

She pouted ferretishly. "I dunno. I'm not much into vore." She perked up then. "But I'll do it if you eat my pussy first! And by 'eat' I mean the sex kinda eat, not *eat* eat."

"It's a deal!" Robby said, and they shook on it.

The speaker crackled and Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice came forth again. "While we're waiting on Crystal and Lexi to return, would the rest of you please step onto the yellow spots?"

"What yellow spots?" Jeff asked, just as eight glowing yellow spots appeared on the floor, spaced equally apart in a straight line between the room's two silver pedestals.

The six cubs all took their places. "I think I've got an idea how this is gonna work," Tina remarked.

Jeff stepped onto a spot, then realized he couldn't step _off_. "Hey! My feet're stuck!"

"Mine too!" Bartleby yelped, trying and failing to yank them up.

"Don't worry! It's part of the game and will be explained in a moment," Mrs. Schaddenfreude reassured.

Robby seemed to be staring off into space. Then out of the blue he casually remarked, "Say, has anyone else noticed that the first two kids to die were all sliced up, and Bartleby's wearing two big straight razors?"

A beat of silence while everyone digested this.

"He did it! He did it! He did it!!" Jeff suddenly exploded, pointing at Bartleby.

Bartleby looked completely shocked. "*Me*!? I didn't even wanna be here in the first place, remember?"

Ryan crossed his arms. "The raccoon has a point. You are wearing what could be the murder weapons."

"No way!" Xander said, sternly defending his friend's honor. "And I can prove he didn't." He turned to the bat. "Bartleby, hand 'em over."

Bartleby unsheathed the two straight razors and passed them to Tina, who passed them to Ryan, who passed them to Xander.

The fox opened both and held them up. "See? Not a drop of blood. I knew it." He even licked them both to be sure, which resulted in half of his tongue being sliced off and falling to the floor. "They'uh c'ean."

Jeff 'hmph'ed. "Okay, fine."

Robby farted. Then he abruptly bent double, strained hard, and pooped a trombone. He turned around and stared at it, scratching his head. "That explains a lot, actually."

Crystal and Lexi reappeared then, just as Tina was passing the razors back to Bartleby. "I'll leave 'em here if anyone wants me to," he said, "but you gotta admit, it'd be pretty dumb to kill someone with the most obvious weapon possible."

"Unless you thought it was SO obvious you thought no one would think of it," Ryan hypothesized.

Jeff went 'hmm'. "But then he could've thought that we would think that he would think it was so obvious no one would think of it, so then he wouldn't do it because he thought we'd think that."

Ryan blinked. "What the butt!?"

Lexi took her place on the yellow spot next to Bartleby, then guided Crystal to stand on the one beside the silver pedestal. The hyena already knew what to do, as she'd played this game a few years ago.

"Oh, hey, did you save the diaper?" Robby asked Lexi eagerly.

She held it up and crinkled it a little. "Yup! I had a feeling you were gonna ask."

She tossed it to him and the happy coon rubbed his nose in it, chittering blissfully, before putting it on his head like a hat. "Thanks!"

Crystal giggled, liking the idea that her diaper made someone else happy.

"Now that we're all here, the first game can begin," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said crisply. Two lights came on, illuminating both the pedestal with the orange and the pedestal without. Between them were Robby, Jeff, Xander, Ryan, Tina, Bartleby, Lexi and Crystal. "The name of the game is 'Pass The Orange'. And while normally this game is played by tucking the orange between your chin and chest and transporting it thusly, tonight we're going for the _medical_ definition of 'pass'."

"You mean, like passing a kidney stone?" Jeff hazarded.

"Precisely! Or passing a bowel movement. Robby, since you're closest, you will swallow the orange. Then you can choose one of two exit points to pass it on to Jeff; anal or genital."

Robby looked mischievous. "What about my bellybutton?"

"If you can figure out a way, go for it!"

Robby went 'tee hee'.

"You may start whenever you like, but I'd suggest hurrying, as the game does have a time limit," said Mrs. S.

"How long?" Tina asked.

"Oh, I'd say as long as the spiked walls take to reach you," the mouselady replied in a cheerfully casual tone. Then the speaker crackled off.

All eight kids looked back and forth wildly as uncountable holes spiraled open in the far walls and long, conical steel spikes slid silently outward, gleaming. With a metallic screech, the walls shuddered and began to advance.

"Eat that fucking orange, Robby!!!" Ryan cried out in panic.

Without a word, the raccoon snatched it up, almost started to peel it by reflex, then shook his head and swallowed it. It bulged out his throat like a bullfrog pouch as it went down. He shimmied back and forth as he willed his body to speed it through his digestive system, then turned towards Jeff and bent over.

"I thought you were gonna do it with your bellybutton," the chipmunk pointed out.

"Darn. Forgot," Robby replied. He clutched his knees and pushed hard. Jeff held out his paws to accept the orange. Robby strained, grunted, and accidentally released a miniature mudslide of soft poo all over his friend.

"Vomitrocious!!" Ryan exclaimed.

Jeff's nose wiggled. "Actually, it's not bad. Smells like cinnamon toast."

"S'cuse me," said Robby.

Thankfully, the orange had emerged too and Jeff had caught it. He wiped it off on his shirt, then swallowed it. Xander had his hands out and ready. Jeff chuckled. "Hey, this time I'm the pitcher, you're the catcher!"

The fox groaned. "Hey, *I'm* supposed to be the one with the atrocious sense of humor!"

The spiked walls were moving quite slowly, but the distance between them and the cubs was steadily narrowing. Jeff concentrated on his bowels while stroking his dick. He easily rerouted the citric spheroid's course and howled as he squeezed it up and out his cock into his fox buddy's waiting paws.

Quick as a wink, it was down Xander's throat. "Your precum tastes deee-lish!" he remarked.

"'Course it does!" the chipmunk replied immodestly.

As soon as the orange hit his tummy, Xander plugged one nostril and snorked with all his might.

Ryan paled. "Don't... You... DARE!"

"Too late!" Xander squeaked out. "Better catch it!" The fox reared back and blasted out the mightiest snotball of his life.

Ryan narrowly managed to clap it between his left paw and the blade of his chainsaw-arm. He shuddered all over. "That was gross beyond describing."

Xander was grinning ear to ear. "Yes. And now you get to eat it."

Grimacing terribly, but unable to resist a grin too, Ryan thrust it down his throat before he could think about it too much.

"Make it come out your dick too," Tina Lin suggested to Ryan. She bent over almost double, making full use of her ferret physiology, and started sucking the bunny's wang.

Ryan went, "Ooooog!" and grinned a lot. This certainly made up for having to eat fox snot!

"That's efficient," Lexi said approvingly. "Then lemme guess; Bartleby eats it right out of your vagoogoo?"

"Mmmmm-hmm," Tina confirmed through a mouthful of bunnycock. An orange-sized bulge traveled up Ryan's crotch and straight down her throat, followed by a creamy load of bunnycum.

"You're awesome!" Ryan gushed, going weak in the knees.

Tina licked her lips saucily. "Thanks for the extra treat! Tasty!"

Crystal pointed at the wall. "The spikes are coming!"

"Get ready, Bartleby!" Tina shouted.

Bartleby had just been savoring the smell of the ferret's moist pinkness when the orange emerged right before his eyes. It popped out so suddenly, only Bartleby's exceptionally long tongue kept it from rolling away. That would have gotten them spiked for sure! He gulped it down, then gave Tina's pussy a thank-you nibble.

"That orange must have one really unique flavor by now," Lexi remarked. "So far, it's been in Robby's poop, Jeff's dick, Xander's snot, Ryan's dick, Tina's love canal and pretty soon your cute little asshole!"

"Why am I not surprised that's where you want it to come out?" Bartleby teased.

"Hey, look, you're smiling! See, you're enjoying this after all!" she said, poking him where he was ticklish.

Her smile was making him smile too. "Yeah, okay, you're right. I am. Now kiss my ass!" He bent over and waved his tush at her.

"Gladly!" Lexi stooped and started sucking lovingly on her friend's tasty pink donut. Soon she was rewarded with the orange, which felt quite nice stretching her throat on the way down.

By now the spikes were close enough that the cubs could almost reach out and touch the tips. "Hurry up, Lexi!" Tina shouted encouragingly.

Being an amorphous solid, it was easy for Crystal to reshape herself so her mouth was waiting right in front of Lexi's naughty bits for the orange to arrive. Although she wasn't sure if it would pop out of her friend's vagina or clitoris, so she kept an eye on them both. Soon enough, something big and round bulged out Lexi's sleek black femdick and Crystal glommed it deftly.

"Oo! Stay still for a second!" Lexi requested. "Cool!! I can see it going right through you!"

Crystal straightened up and rubbed her tummy. "And it really did taste like everybody!"

"Just get it on the pedestal and we win!" Bartleby cheered.

"Yay!" Crystal squeezed her tummy. "I think *I'll* try making it come out my bellybutton."

"You know what that would make it, right?" Xander piped up.

"What?"

Xander smirked obscenely. "A navel orange."

Everyone else groaned in extreme pain.

The speaker crackled on. "Xander, I am going to have to throw you in the school furnace for that one," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said.

"Glee," said Xander.

Just as Crystal was about to triumphantly squirt out the orange with plenty of time to spare before the walls reduced them all to cub jelly, Jeff shouted out, "Wait!"

The goo-vixen's head spun around 180 degrees. "Huh?"

"Why not just let the spikes get us? I mean, it'd be hella fun."

"But wait, we'd all die. Wouldn't that end the game for us?" Tina reasoned. "Mrs. S.?"

The mouse's voice suggested she was not at all surprised that her naughty pupils had hit on this idea. "Did I forget to mention that only the deaths perpetrated by the actual killer count towards the final score?"

"Alright!!" Jeff whooped. He and Xander high-fived.

And so, Crystal simply let the orange rest in her tummy as she and the rest of her friends waited for the tantalizingly slow spikes to pulverize them to a bloody pulp.

The shiny, sharp metal drew closer and closer and closer. Everyone was wiggling in excitement. Xander bent over to position his anus directly in front of one spike with his mouth in front of another.

"Here they come!" Bartleby shouted, scared but loving the thrill of it. He jumped a little when the tips of the spikes finally touched his skin. They were cold! Then he closed his eyes and murred at the intense sensation of them penetrating his flesh like it was nothing...

	~~***~***~~

Cub entrails were strewn from one end of the room to another when the walls finally split apart and returned, much more swiftly, to their original positions. The spikes retracted, letting skulls and limbs and stomachs slide to the floor and go squish.

Everyone was giggling as they pulled themselves back together. The slow-healing spell had been turned off for now, as they were all able to return to normal at their normal speed. Once everyone's body was back in one piece, they noticed that not only were their feet free of the dreaded yellow spots, but that their number had mysteriously increased by one. A dizzy, disoriented, yet incredibly satisfied-looking otter boy was stumbling towards the reappeared classroom door.

"Who is that!?" Bartleby said.

Lexi chuckled into her paws. "He was the orange!"

"Seriously!?" He laughed too, then thought a bit. "I might volunteer for that next year."

Lexi pounced him in a hug. "You're such a total preyfur," she teased.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to warn you that the lights are about to go out in ten seconds," Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice rang out clearly.

The sleepy afterglow of such a good snuff was shattered in an instant as all the cubs scrambled to their feet and made themselves alert.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude counted down. "Eight... Seven... I'd also like to take this opportunity to warn you that I am a shameless liar."

Sudden, total darkness.

	~~***~***~~

Xander guffawed. "Wow, that was impressively sadistic, Mrs. S.!"

Among the sounds of cubs scuffling about blindly, the mouselady's proud snicker could be heard.

"Bartleby, grab my hand! I'll keep you safe!" Lexi cried.

"O-okay!" Bartleby answered.

"Betcha my nuts for a *week* you're next!" Jeff called out to Ryan.

Ryan didn't respond.

Two cubs bumped into each other, shrieked, then darted in opposite directions.

Robby belched.

"Who belched?" said Xander.

Then everyone heard a sound halfway between a 'thunk' and a 'splat'

Crystal went "Yipe!"

	~~***~***~~

When the lights came on, an immense axe had cleaved her face precisely in half.



~~~ROOM NUMBER TWO~~~


However, being made of toothpaste, she simply stared at it and blinked for a bit, then reached up and pulled it out. It went *squooo-oooo-ooo-oorsh*, then clattered to the floor.

"Time out for a second, that wasn't supposed to happen," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said, sounding as confused as everyone else looked.

The foot-long rift in Crystal's head sealed back up in a few seconds. She gave herself a wobble just to make sure everything was in working order, then stood there looking nervous. "Um, did I do something wrong?"

"Yeah, how come she's not dead?" Jeff wondered aloud.

"'Cuz she's toothpaste, obviously," Lexi retorted.

"You're a very lucky vixen, Crystal!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude congratulated. "And proof that you kids can surprise even experienced old horndogs like myself on occasion. Anyone else would be out of the game right now. But thanks to your unusual physical configuration, you get a second chance!"

Crystal went from apprehensive to elated. "Oh boy!"

"Expect the unexpected, I always say. On to activity number two, children!" the mouselady coaxed, and the wall opened up to allow passage to the next room.

Crystal glanced at Robby. "Hey... Where'd my diaper go? It was on your head."

"I got hungry," he replied casually.

She chuckled into her paws. "Was it nummy?"

He nodded appreciatively. "Yep! And it's the first time I can think of that eating one made my breath smell *better*."

"Yaaay!" said Crystal.

Ryan sidled up to Jeff. "I believe these are mine," he said smoothly as he reached into his friend's pants and ripped off his nutsack.

"Hey!!" the chipmunk protested. "You could've at least waited till after the game. And how come you didn't say anything when I called to you?"

"I didn't wanna speak up and give away my position," Ryan replied, smirking. He dangled his prize in front of Jeff's nose for a second, then stuffed them in his pocket.

"So, who do you think did it?" Tina asked everyone.

Xander shrugged. "I dunno. I just headed for the wall again."

Bartleby shook his head. "No clue."

"I'd suspect myself. If I had multiple personality disorder, that is," Robby stated offhandedly.

	~~***~***~~

The lights in the new room were tinted a soft blue this time. It was much smaller, and featured a 200" television with eight wireless video game controllers placed neatly nearby. Oddly though, each controller had a strange hose emerging from it with a brass nozzle at the end. There were also eight beanbag chairs for the kids to sit in.

"Everyone pick a controller and park your keisters," Mrs. Schaddenfreude directed.

"I want the blue one!" Crystal cried out. Bartleby ended up with yellow. Jeff got the silver one and stuck his tongue out smugly.

Xander had to lose a few of his costume's weapons to avoid shredding open his beanbag. Robby started humping his.

Everyone got equipped and settled in.

"Now, please insert the nozzle on your controller into your bellybutton," Mrs. Schaddenfreude instructed.

"Into our... bellybuttons?" Bartleby said incredulously. What possible feature could that require?

"Of course! How else would you play Inflation Tetris?"

At the mere mention of the word 'Tetris', Xander, Bartleby and Tina all groaned loudly.

"No way. I quit," Bartleby said.

"The game's rigged!" Tina shouted.

Xander narrowed his eyes at Lexi. "You paid her, didn't you?"

Lexi said not a word, but oozed triumph.

"I don't get it. What's the deal?" Ryan asked.

"Lexi's the best Tetris player anyone's ever seen. She creamed me eight games in a row last time I was at her house," Xander groused.

"Eleven in a row," Tina Lin added.

"Twenty six," Bartleby grumbled.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice returned, sounding a little flustered. "Well, I certainly didn't intend for this to happen. I promise you all, I had no idea of any of this beforehand and I apologize for any appearance of such. Still, this likely isn't a version of Tetris you all have played before. Does everyone have their nozzles in?"

Everyone replied in the affirmative, and several of them noticed that said nozzles now seemed to be permanently affixed.

"Good. Now, in a normal multiplayer game, when one player makes a line, pieces then drop onto their opponent's screen. In this version however, whenever one player makes a line, everyone else will receive a little puff of air. Hence the name Inflation Tetris." The TV screen lit up and the familiar game music began. By remote, Mrs. S. selected a new multiplayer game. "Whoever can resist popping long enough is the winner! Ready... Set... Go!"

As soon as the game started, Lexi was off like a rocket. Her eyes gleamed with almost supernatural focus and ferocity. "Oh, I am soooo gonna enjoy making all of you blow up!"

Jeff noticed Ryan wasn't playing. "Dude, you're not even gonna try?"

The bunny waved his right arm. "Hello? Chainsaw for a hand? Kinda hard to hit all the buttons like that. Besides, if Lexi's gonna win anyway, I may as well just sit back and enjoy myself. Heck, I love inflating!"

"Um, how do you play this game?" Crystal whimpered, fumbling with her controller.

Tina was sitting closest to Lexi and the ferret bumped shoulders with the hyena. "Pssst! You notice how the killer got three at once the first time, then didn't even get one the next? Think it's just really good luck then really bad luck? Or are they trying to throw us off?"

Lexi did not take her eyes off the screen for even an instant. She was three pieces away from getting her first Tetris already. "I don't think it means anything. Even Mrs. S. was surprised when Crystal didn't die, so that was probably just a fluke. And I think the killer was trying to show off the first time; now they plan to take it slow and pick us off one by one."

"Yeah, could be." Tina did a double take. "Hey, why am I even talking about this with you? You think *I* did it!"

"Nuh-uh! Not anymore. Now I think it's Xander. The axe seems like his style." Lexi's clit got stiff when she saw the long four-piece she needed. She slammed it down and made everyone else's tummies puff up.

"Woo-wee! That felt neat!" Bartleby said. "Maybe losing to Lex won't be so bad this time."

The game progressed with Lexi continuing to dominate. She got a little round herself, but soon had everyone else looking like balloons. As expected, Ryan was the first to pop. He was an almost-perfect sphere when it happened. He felt his skin tear and shouted "Wheeeeeee!" as his body burst into a thousand pieces. He was reduced to tatters of rabbitflesh raining down on everyone else, and a happy head plopped in his beanbag chair.

Xander was doing a lot better than he'd expected, thanks to some lucky breaks he'd caught early on. Several pieces he needed fell right into his lap and he was able to pull off a Tetris too. "Ha-HA! Take that, spottybutt!" He took special glee in watching Lexi gain two dress sizes.

"I'm still gonna win," she shot back, totally unfazed.

"So what was I talking about..." Xander mumbled. "Oh, yeah! Guess what my dad got me for my birthday last year?"

Jeff, Ryan and Robby all went "Hmm?" Bartleby already knew.

"A swimming pool full of penises," the fox said proudly.

"You're KIDDING!" Ryan exploded.

Robby looked both awed and jealous. "Luckyyyyy..." he hissed.

"They're a little tough to swim through though," Bartleby added.

Still holding his controller, Robby briefly grew a third arm to masturbate with.

Despite a weak start, Crystal had figured out the game by now and was doing fairly well. However, she was the next to pop nonetheless. Her gel body had served her well when the lights went out, but it just didn't have the tensile strength of real flesh. She was resistant to axes but not to air. "Oh!" she said, as her tummy popped like a bubblegum bubble, sending a whoosh of wintergreen air through the room.

"Mmmmm!" said several cubs.

Lexi's biggest competition seemed to be Jeff. He was just as dedicated a gamer as she, and while his forte wasn't specifically Tetris, he'd beaten plenty of other kids at plenty of other games.

Bartleby popped next, and was reduced to merely a head watching the action. "Oh well. I kinda sucked tonight anyway."

"And you *really* sucked yesterday in art class under the table!" Xander piped up cheerfully.

Bartleby giggled and didn't deny it.

Robby and Tina both popped in quick succession, their confetti-like explosions distracting Ryan enough that he made a bad move. "Aiigh!" With Lexi and Jeff both playing hard and well, he soon went boom too. "Crappity-crap-crap!"

Now it was a clash of the titans. The other cubs watched as the chipmunk and hyena both got bigger and bigger and bigger. Their bellies were so spherically swollen, it seemed impossible they could even see the screen! The pieces were falling almost faster than the eye could follow. Lexi's femboner was leaking precum like a broken faucet and making a little pool in her chair.

Finally, with a resounding bang, Lexi's final Tetris pushed Jeff past his limits.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" he wailed as a mighty blast of air reduced his body to innumerable furry shreds.

Lexi threw up her hands in victory as she slowly deflated and bits of Jeff rained down around her like a ticker-tape parade.

"Was there EVER! ANY! DOUBT!?" she shouted jubilantly.

"What'd I tell ya?" Xander's head said to Jeff's head. "She's unbeatable. She's a demigod. She's got some sort of extra Tetrikinesis sense."

"A fabulous show of talent, Lexi!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude congratulated over the speaker. "Remind me never to play against you, and if I do, to bet everything against myself."

Lexi giggled. "Smart."

"Now children, I shall give you a few moments to reconstitute your bodies and then... You all know what time it is!" the mouselady singsonged, sounding quite disturbingly gleeful.

Everyone hurried to get all their limbs back in place before...

The lights went out.

	~~***~***~~

"Dammit, I only have one leg! Gimme a second!" Ryan barked.

"Wait a minute!!" Tina cried out. "Everybody! Don't move!"

"Why!?" Jeff snorted.

"Because! If we all stand still and listen, then we'll be able to hear it when the killer moves. Then we'll at least know where he's standing when the lights go back on."

"Alright. That sounds pretty smart," Ryan said.

"I'm not movin'," Bartleby said.

"I am a mighty oak," Robby said. "Still as the weathered stone."

"Are you on any prescription medications, Robby?" Lexi asked.

"Nothin' but Twizzlers and Yoo-Hoos," the 'coon replied.

"Quiet! I'm listening for-"

Tina was about to say 'footsteps', but her voice was completely drowned out by a dense metallic clank, followed instantly by an earsplitting rushing roar.

It was so loud, nobody could hear anything for the next few seconds. But all of them got splashed with cold water and blobs of toothpaste.

	~~***~***~~

When the lights returned, no one was really surprised to see that Crystal had been completely obliterated. All that was left of her were barely-visible turquoise streaks on the wall. The killer had, rather ingeniously, portaled in a fire hydrant and simply disintegrated her with a merciless 250 psi punch of water.

Everyone else was soaked head to toe.

"Crystal may be dead, but my teeth have never felt cleaner," Xander quipped.

"My, my! Death by fire hydrant!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude spoke up. "You cubs *are* quite the surprising bunch tonight!"

"Looks like the killer cleaned up their mistake from before," Ryan noted.

"Literally!" Bartleby added.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude was kind enough to give everyone a break: a blowdryer the size of an anti-aircraft cannon descended from the ceiling and got all the remaining cubs dry and fluffy again. Then the far wall opened up to reveal room number three. "Come along now, boys and girls. Spit-spot! Another vicious, unspeakable murder has occurred here and you're all potential targets next. Nothing to be concerned about!" she said, and giggled devilishly.

The kids all filed into the next room. Jeff was tired of lugging his enormous sword around and left it behind, figuring he could just retrieve it later or get a new one via personal portal when the game was over.

Bartleby happened to look back just before entering the new room and saw a previously-hidden door open and two grownup furs walk in. To his pleased surprise, it was Xander's mom and dad. 'They must be the ones picking up the bodies after we leave,' he reasoned.

But, puzzlingly, they weren't in costume. They weren't wearing anything at all, actually. Shamelessly nude as usual. "Hi!" Bartleby said. "I'm surprised you two aren't doing anything Halloweenish."

"Who says we aren't?" came Mr. Oakley's voice out of Mrs. Oakley's body.

Bartleby's expression of total shock made both grownups chuckle.

Both the foxes brushed back their hair to reveal thick scars and stitches going all the way around their heads. Mr. Oakley's mouth moved but Mrs. Oakley's voice came out. "We had Xander cut our skulls open with the bone saw and then swap out our brains."

"I've been playing with her boobs all night!" Mr. Oakley said happily.

"Tsk!" said Mrs. Oakley. "Another room without a body. First three and now none. You kids better start killing each other with some consistency!" she teased.

"Actually, there is a body; she's just splattered really thin. But I'll be sure to tell everyone anyway," Bartleby pledged, then rejoined the group.

He gave Xander a poke. "I just saw your mom 'n dad."

The foxboy grinned. "...And?"

"And they've got the most realistic-looking costumes I've seen all night," he said with a wink.



~~~ROOM NUMBER THREE~~~


The new room was tinted green this time, and was utterly empty except for eight metal washtubs all arranged in a row.

"This will involve bodily fluids," Robby guessed.

"Keeee-rect!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude piped up from yet another speaker. "It's time for a good old fashioned pissing contest. Please direct your attention to the wall behind you."

Everyone turned around. As they did, just like in a secret agent's private lair, the wall spun around to reveal a wood-paneled half-moon bar, complete with seven gold-and-maroon stools. It was stocked with practically every liquid anyone could ever imagine drinking. Milk, juice, water, soda pop, urine, bleach, cum, champagne, etcetera. Plus there were little bowls of peanuts.

"Better load up now while you can!" Mrs. S. instructed.

The 'bartender' was simply a Cthulhu-like mass of writhing drink dispenser hoses. Lexi approached with a bit of trepidation. "Um... Do we just ask it for stuff? I want pink lemonade." Quick as a wink, a panel in the bar slid open, up popped a glass with ice in it, and the corresponding hose filled it with pink lemonade. "...And a cherry?" Before she'd even finished saying the word, it was done. "Cool beans!" Obligingly, the bartentacles plopped several chilled pinto beans in the glass too. Lexi rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, Jeff was chugging Gatorade like there was no tomorrow. Ryan sipped an iced tea. Robby simply upended an entire pot of coffee into his mouth. Tina ordered grapefruit juice.

Xander went with a 40 ounce Mr. Pibb (with an umbrella in it) and Bartleby asked for a virgin strawberry daiquiri. Xander arched an eyebrow. "Mom & I went to a Mexican restaurant once and I tried one. I just now remembered how good it was." He slurped on the straw and pleasantly shivered.

The pudgy fox leaned in closer to Bartleby. "Hey, listen," he murmured conspiratorially.

Bartleby made an 'I'm listening' sound as he slurped his drink. As he glanced at the bar, he noticed a bowl of salted crickets had appeared. Just what he'd been thinking of. He munched a handful.

"I say we form an alliance," Xander suggested. "To try and survive longest. Mrs. S. always gives great prizes and I'm just itchin' to get my paws on whatever she's come up with this year. Besides, with the killer thing, we can trust each other, right? I know it's not me."

"And I know it's not me," Bartleby concurred.

"Righty-o. So we watch each other's backs and keep an eye out, and together we figure out who the killer is."

Bartleby slurped his daiquiri. "I already know who it is," he remarked, as casual as you please.

Xander shot Pibb out his nose in a three-foot arc. "WHAT!?"

Keeping a perfect poker face, Bartleby nodded slightly. "Don't let the others catch on."

"They seem to be a wee bit distracted," Xander observed. Like a scene straight out of a hentai movie, Tina and Lexi were at the moment being ravaged senseless by the bar hoses (and loving every moment) while Ryan and Jeff hooted their approval and Robby guzzled more coffee.

"So who is it?" Xander hissed in a whisper.

"Ryan, obviously," Bartleby replied.

"Dude, I thought you weren't even playing! How do you know for sure?"

"Well, I wasn't playing at first, but you and Lexi were right; this IS fun! I guess I kinda had a blood test moment." Xander looked confused, so Bartleby elucidated. "Whenever I go to the doctor and they do a blood test, I always cringe like crazy, thinking it's gonna be awful, and then it's never even close to being as bad as I thought it would be. Same thing here. I was just thinking about that stupid scary movie Dad made me watch and I spooked myself. I should've realized that I trust Mrs. Schaddenfreude totally and she'd never really do anything to intentionally make any of us that uncomfortable."

"Toldja," Xander said. He burped and went back to his soda.

"Anyway, right after I got cut and the lights came on, I got lucky and noticed Ryan had some blood on him."

"Yeah; we all did after Terry exploded."

"No, I mean he had blood on him *before* that."

Xander was very impressed at his friend's perceptiveness. But he decided to play devil's advocate a bit to make sure. "Maybe he just got some splashed on him from Gillian or Caroline?"

Bartleby nibbled his thumbclaw. "Hadn't thought of that. But also, after it happened, he said something like, 'Wow, three at once on the first try.' First try! Maybe he was impressed that he'd pulled it off?"

Xander grinned. "I tip my hat to you, detective." He didn't have a hat, so he just ripped the top of his scalp off for a second and tipped that instead. "So then, when Mrs. Schaddenfreude says the lights are about to go out, we check out where Ryan is, then get as far away from him as possible. Right?"

"Right," Bartleby said with a nod.

Xander started blowing bubbles in his drink.

	~~***~***~~

Soon enough, everyone had sloshy full tummies and were ready for a good pee. "Please take your places in front of the washtub of your choice," Mrs. Schaddenfreude commanded. All seven cubs lined up. Many of them were already being sent insistent signals from their bladders that it was time to 'dump the cargo'. Tina's legs were crossed and Ryan was doing an amusing little pee-dance.

"This time I'll whoop your tail," Jeff said, pointing dramatically at Lexi. "Mark my words!"

"I'll mark more than that," Lexi replied. Giggling, she shot a little spurt of yellow at him and hit his boots.

"This means war!!" he bellowed.

"Now then, this is neither a contest of distance or accuracy," Mrs. Schaddenfreude informed them. "Simply volume. You will all start peeing when I give the signal and whoever can keep up a steady stream the longest wins. Okey-dokey?"

A panel opened in the wall and a mechanical arm extended, holding a starting gun. "Is everybody ready?" the mouselady asked.

Bartleby was already dribbling a little. He answered in the affirmative like the others.

"Excellent! Remember, on my signal, start peeing as much as you possibly can. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready..."

Everyone cupped their genitalia, primed for action.

"...and four to GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!"

**BANG**!!!

The starting pistol went off and blew a clean, neat cartoon hole through Xander's forehead.

Seven piss streams were off and puddling the bottoms of the washtubs. "Hey, no fair!" Xander said as he looked crosseyed up at his new air-conditioned cranium.

"Consider it payback for that 'navel orange' joke," the mouselady said, and giggled naughtily.

Everyone was peeing leisurely, the competition not yet truly begun. Jeff looked over to Lexi, then quickly aimed a squirt at her.

She surprised him by catching it effortlessly in her mouth. She grinned smugly and licked her lips.

"Dammit, I'm gonna get hard now and not be able to pee!" Bartleby said. "What'd it taste like?"

"Chipmunk pee," she replied nonchalantly.

"Say... Mrs. Schaddenfreude?" Tina Lin called up towards the ceiling.

"Yes, Zinny?"

"We don't really have to aim for the washtubs, right? So long as we keep continuously peeing?"

"That's right; they're simply there for a target."

"Awesome!" She happily diverted her flow to start whizzing on her cute ferret feet. She smiled sunnily at the warm liquid tickling her paws. "Mmmmmmmm. Nice!"

"Hey, cool!" Bartleby aimed downwards to pee on his paws a bit too.

Soon they were all getting creative. Lexi and Jeff were splashing each other back and forth and laughing like crazy. Xander shot his straight up to see how high he could go. Robby aimed up as well and drank some. He'd set his body to produce lemonade-flavored pee by default.

The pee games continued for a bit until Ryan said "Uh oh." His little bunny bladder was almost empty. "C'mon, you!" he said, waving his weenie about. He even threatened it with his chainsaw. But to no avail. His river was running dry. He squeezed out a few last trickles and was out of the game. "Double crap!!"

"No, I think crap comes out the other end," Xander helpfully supplied. Ryan flipped him the bird and Xander giggled.

Tina was now washing her hair, utilizing her amazing mustelid flexibility to pee on top of her own head. Unfortunately, her shower was the second to fizzle out. "Darnit. I guess I spent too much time doing tricks."

Bartleby's bladder gave up the ghost next. "Shoulda had more than two daiquiris."

Despite filling himself up on Mr. Pibb like a water balloon, Xander ended up eliminating himself simply because he was so engrossed in watching Jeff and Lexi, he forgot to keep on peeing!

The chipmunk and hyena were ensnared in an epic battle of wills. It was the most aggressive urination anyone had ever seen. Lexi & Jeff's eyes were locked on each other. Their teeth were set in growling grimaces. Their crotches were pouring forth mighty fountains of liquid yellow rage.

Jeff sneered. "No girl will ever out-pee me! Not even with that hot, freaky clit-thing you've got hangin' there!"

Lexi scowled. "I could go on like this forever! I am the living embodiment of Niagara Falls! I am- Hey, wait; you think my clit's hot? Why thank you!"

"Well, it is. It looks like a big black bullet," he said approvingly.

Lexi 'tee hee'd. "Want me to paint a bullseye on your butt later?" she said coyly.

It seemed like Jeff and Lexi really would go on pissing forever. Until suddenly and simultaneously, their fuel gauges started going into the red.

"No! It can't end this way!" Lexi cried as her once-sturdy stream started sputtering.

"Go! Go! Go!" Jeff chanted at his dick.

It was a climactic moment for sure; both combatants pissing as if their very lives depended on it. Their streams were weak but their wills were strong.

Lexi thought of rivers, lakes, tsunamis, flushing toilets, flowing taps...

Jeff clenched his buttcheeks desperately, trying to force out more.

In the end, Lexi beat Jeff once again. But only by a single drop.

"YES!!!" she screamed.

"NO!!!" he screamed.

And that was when they both realized they could still hear the sound of pissing.

They both looked over to see Robby, whose washtub had been overflowing for the last minute or so, still peeing contentedly away with a smile on his face.

He looked over to them serenely. "Do not play to beat your opponent. Simply play to win," he said sagely.

Jeff and Lexi were both speechless.

"Heck, I don't even *like* coffee!" the coonboy admitted.

Robby was in fact *still* peeing when Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice came through the speakers, "Uh oh! Silly me; looks like I forgot to pay the electric bill and they're about to shut off the power. Don't get caught in the dark, darlings!"

"Remember the plan!" Xander said to Bartleby, sotto voce.

Bartleby snapped him a quick salute. They both kept their eyes on Ryan while trying to look like they weren't. Their legs were tensed like coiled springs to dash away at a millisecond's notice.

"Click!" said Mrs. S.

Blackness, again.

	~~***~***~~

Almost as soon as the lights were down, everyone heard a sound like heavy kissing.

"Someone's gettin' lucky," Jeff noted.

"You keep away from me, Xander. I totally know you did it," Lexi called out.

"You're way off, sister!" he shouted back.

The wet sounds were not stopping.

"Ow! The wall!" Tina said.

Someone stumbled into the washtubs, which sloshed and clanged.

The wet sounds finally stopped, then someone farted.

"Not mine!" Xander hollered.

Something went 'splat'.

"What smells like cinnamon toast?" said Bartleby.

	~~***~***~~

No one could believe their eyes when the lights came back on.

The killer had struck again. And now, in Robby's place, there was only a large, fragrant hill of feces with a raccoon skull and a few femurs sticking out.

"THAT'S what smells like cinnamon toast!" said Jeff.

"Wait, wait, wait... The killer ATE him to death?" Tina exclaimed. "In only ten seconds!?"

Lexi cast a suspicious gaze towards her fox friend. "Gee, who do I know who's into vore that much?"

Xander shook his head. He walked over and defiantly exhaled towards her. "Smell my breath! Any hint of raccoon, hm?"

Lexi had to admit, "Nope. It just smells like cum. As usual."

Tina Lin contemplated the steaming heap of post-Robby remnants. "You think he'd still be pissin' if he'd made it through to this point?" she mused.

Ryan looked down at the brown pile too. "Dunno. But considerin' how much he liked scat, he'll probably wanna stay this way the rest of the night."

"Your mom 'n dad are gonna need shovels," Bartleby said to Xander.

"And so, one more student meets a messy end," Mrs. Schaddenfreude quipped over the speaker. "Onwards to room number four, children!"

"Oh why not," Lexi said, and did a cannonball into Robby's washtub.



~~~ROOM NUMBER FOUR~~~


The cubs' eyes all lit up when the next room, tinted red, featured six little interconnected guillotines all in a row. This room was also much, much longer than any of the ones before, with six lanes marked out in green reflective tape. The kids all hustled over to the head-choppers, Lexi leaving little moist footprints behind her.

"Well, I think we all know what you're going to smell like for the rest of the night," said Xander.

"Yup!" She rubbed her paws over her slick, wet titties and smiled blissfully.

Jeff looked up at the guillotine blade, then ahead to the racetrack. "Lemme guess; we see how far we can get our heads to roll?"

"Oh my goodness no!" said Mrs. Schaddenfreude, as if the very idea was preposterous. "You might bruise your little nosies. No, it's a bit more complicated than that. Children... those of you who remain among the living, that is... please observe the ominous-looking machinery built onto the other side of the row of guillotines." The cubs all looked. There was a trough installed below where their heads would come off, with elements of some kind of conveyor belt system inside, along with several mechanical arms: some with gripping claws, some brandishing needles and thread.

"A head-scrambler!" Lexi realized.

"Precisely that, Miss Addams. Will you all please kneel before the lunettes?" she asked. The six cubs knelt on comfy cushions that had been thoughtfully provided. They poked their heads through the holes and rested their throats on the padded wood. Six panels slid into place above their necks, sealing them all in snugly. Bartleby, Xander and Ryan got stiff and started pawing. There was nothing quite like the excitement and anticipation of the moments before that splendidly sharp blade fell.

"Mr. Fletch?" said Mrs. Schaddenfreude. Bartleby perked up. "Surely you remember your first day in my class when I taught you what a lunette was?"

"Sure I do!" the little bat said, tail wagging.

"Then you also remember walking back to your seat with your head disconnected, and how difficult that was."

Bartleby nodded.

Everyone could hear the grin materialize in Mrs. Schaddenfreude's voice. "Well then, imagine how difficult it will be with your head attached to someone else!"

With that, there was a whistling of air and an abrupt *thunk* as six blades fell in perfect unison. The cubs all giggled in disorientation as their heads came off cleanly and tumbled into the trough below. There, the conveyor belts switched on, rolling them about like ping pong balls in a Lotto machine. When they were all good and randomized, the claw-arms reached down to select the heads and align them before the cubs' waiting necks. An electric eye made sure no one would end up getting their own head back. The kids flinched and wiggled as the needle-arms skillfully sewed the noggins and stumps together.

"Now, try to stand up," Mrs. S instructed.

The cubs tried, but it was far from easy. Mrs. Schaddenfreude had conveniently neglected to tell them that their heads were still controlling their *own* bodies, not the ones they were currently attached to.

Bartleby's head went "Whoaaa!" as Jeff stood up a little too quickly and nearly tumbled them over backwards.

Jeff was sewn onto Lexi; o cruel irony.

Tina Lin had Bartleby's body, and Xander had hers. She bent over backwards and grabbed her ankles, taking him along for the ride. "Cool! If I was this stretchy, I could suck my own cock WAY easier!" he said.

"You can lick my pussy all you like!" she replied, and coiled her body over to thrust Xander's nose right into it. He murred and obliged.

Lexi had Ryan's body. "Ooo! Big cute bunny feet!"

And Ryan had Xander's. "I feel funny.... Oh, wait; I think I just made a joke. Fox plus bunny equals funny. Ha!"

The speaker crackled. "Now, I shall be generous and give you all thirty seconds to get used to you new condition and take your starting positions. Make good use of it! Because the winner of this race is not whomever gets their head past the finish line first, but their *body*!"

"Man, do you just sit home at night for hours, thinkin' up evil stuff to do to us?" Jeff asked.

She giggled. "Of course not! Usually I'm lying in bed when I do."

The cubs wobbled around like trout on land. Trying to keep track of your body while someone else's is turning your head in directions you can't control is even more dizzying than it sounds. Tina noticed her gold top hat had fallen off and wondered for a second where to put it. Finally, she plopped it down on Xander to complete her costume. "Snazzy," the fox assessed. "I've always thought top hats looked cool."

It was annoying not being able to keep Ryan from moving around and changing her view, but Lexi persevered and managed to be the first one to guide the rest of her to the starting line.

Bartleby flapped his wings, ruffling Tina's wig. "Hey, Mrs. S.? Is flying permitted?"

She sounded doubtful. "You're welcome to try, but you'll have to deal with the results if you crash."

Bartleby hadn't thought of that. "Hmm."

Eventually everyone had wrangled themselves into position to start the race.

"If I just keep myself going straight, I should be fine," Ryan said.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude spoke up again. "Ah, good. All in place. And with two seconds to spare, too! Now, I'd thought about having fire pits open up on either side of the track. You know, to give you an extra little bit of motivation. But that would mean that when someone's body fell in, the corresponding head would no longer be able to see where their own body was going, and it would likely lead to a cascade of cubs all burning up before you'd even gotten twenty feet. Instead, I think *this* will serve as a much better incentive to stay on course."

They all heard the 'beep' of a button being pressed and the walls on either side of the track slid upwards. Rows upon rows upon rows of seven-foot potted cactus plants emerged.

The cubs blanched.

"Get the point?" Mrs. S. tittered.

Xander smiled approvingly. "Mrs. S., you make the Marquis de Sade look like Barney the dinosaur."

The mouselady was genuinely flattered. "Why *thank* you, Mr. Oakley! I do try my best."

Another panel opened in the wall, and another starting gun emerged. "Is everyone ready?"

At the far end of the track, a big red ribbon emerged from the ceiling with "GOAL" written on it.

"One... Two... Three... GO!!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude shouted.

And they were off!

Well, sort of.

The starting gun had blown a brand new hole through Xander's head, knocking Tina off balance. Lexi and Jeff's heads immediately bonked into each other. Jeff's body tripped and fell flat on Bartleby's face. Bartleby looked up and tried to steer himself back towards the finish line. Xander's body was off to a surprisingly good start.

"C'mon, body! Get movin'!" Ryan called back over Xander's shoulder.

Lexi got herself pointed true and dashed off with all her hyena speed. Jeff was not happy having a front row seat to Lexi zooming towards the end. He tried to bite Lexi's shoulder.

"That's cheating!" she cried out from Ryan's bouncing body.

"All's fair in love and head-swapping races!" he replied with a guffaw.

Bartleby's bat body was pretty bizarre to Tina. He was considerably shorter, and ran with an awkward stride. (Like a duck in water, Bartleby was much more graceful travelling by air.) Consequently, Tina ended up losing concentration of her body and tumbling into the cacti. "Yowch!" she yowled. Of course, it only stung a tiny bit. Just enough to surprise.

Tina's body was riddled with spines, along with Xander's head. "Dangit! Right in the eye!" He didn't want to, but had to order his body to make a U-turn, otherwise his depth perception would be shot.

"Hey, hey, hey! You're going the wrong way!" Ryan shouted from Xander's shoulders. While the fox's body was plucking spines from his eyeball, the bunny was craning his neck backward to try and keep track of himself.

Bartleby decided to risk flight. Since Jeff's body was lagging behind, the bat had a clear view of his own body up ahead. Tina yelped in surprise as Bartleby's wings started flapping and he jumped up into the air. However, remote-control flight is far more difficult than being in the pilot's seat, and Bartleby's bod almost instantly nosedived. The impact popped several stitches and left Tina's head hanging off upside down. "Oh, great!" she snarled.

"Sorry!!" Bartleby called out as Tina's body abruptly skidded and fell on her butt.

Just like a NASCAR pit crew, several mechanical arms popped out of the wall and came to the rescue. They sewed Tina back onto Bartleby swiftly and efficiently. "Alright!" the ferret said, and got her body to stand back up and keep going.

The end was in sight. Lexi was in the lead, followed by Ryan, Xander, Jeff, Bartleby and Tina. Jeff's head was going crazy, trying to think of a way to slow Lexi down. He even tried drooling on her.

Lexi growled in frustration as her boobs got wet. "Tina, your body's closest. I'll give you a white chocolate semen bar if you kick Jeff in the butt for me!"

"Fun-size or regular?"

"Regular!"

"It's a deal!" Tina hauled off and gleefully nailed the chipmunk in the keister.

"Heyyy!" Jeff squealed. "That's cheating!"

"Whatever happened to "all's fair"?" Lexi simpered.

With everyone having gotten a decent handle by now on how to steer their bodies, the six cubs all put on a burst of speed and hurtled towards the finish line.

Lexi's legs were still going strong, with Jeff cursing up a storm on top of her. Tina picked up and passed both Jeff and Xander. Xander, being a bit of a butterball, kept pace but knew this wasn't going to be his victory. Bartleby ran as fast as his little bat legs could carry him.

Just a few more feet to go!

Lexi squealed in excitement.

Jeff hurled obscenities.

Bartleby flapped his wings and gained some distance.

Tina stretched her weaselly self as far ahead as she could.

Xander realized Bartleby's ass looked adorable when he was running.

Ryan gave his very best...

...and felt his body soar through the red ribbon to victory.

"I won!?" he burst out in disbelief. "...I won!!"

Lexi zoomed through in second place. Bartleby and Tina were close at third and fourth. Jeff cursed his way into fifth and Xander didn't mind bringing up the rear because he got to stare at everyone else's.

Lexi was a gracious loser, impressed by her bunny friend's effort. "Great job, Ryan!" She gave his body a big hug. Since this brought her face-to-face with Jeff, she gave him a kiss to cheer him up.

"I almost thought I lost at first because my head was so far back," Ryan said.

Lexi laughed. "I thought I won at first for the same reason!"

"Can we switch our heads back now, Mrs. Schaddenfreude?" Tina asked.

"Oh, by all means! And congratulations, Ryan!"

"Thanks!" he said, as he reached up to rip off Jeff's head. The chipmunk walked over to accept it while Bartleby reached over and plucked his own dome off Jeff.

Tina was only too happy to let Bartleby have his body back. "No offense, but you bats are built weird!"

He grinned. "Is that so, Little Miss Tie-Herself-In-A-Knot?"

She giggled. "Well, I can't *quite* do that. My uncle can, though!"

Xander ploinked his head back onto his neck and screwed it down tight. He looked fondly into his pants. "Ahhhh, there you are! Missed me, boy?" His penis stood up and wagged happily.

"Is everyone's head back where it's supposed to be?" Mrs. Schaddenfreude asked.

"Almofht!!" Lexi replied with her mouth full. She gave her clit a few more loving suckles before popping her noodle back into place. "Darn. Wish I had more time for that."

"There's always later," Bartleby reminded her. "And plenty of ways to re-chop your head off after the party."

"Oh dear! Does anyone know what time it is?" Mrs. S. asked abruptly.

Ryan looked at his watch. "It's about ten forty-five."

"Incorrect! It's murder time!"

And out went the lights.

	~~***~***~~

"Here we go again!" said Jeff.

Xander and Bartleby split in opposite directions.

"One thing's for sure," Tina said. "It can't be Jeff. There's no *way* he woulda let you live this long, Lexi!" she chuckled.

"Not unless I was trying to throw everyone off track," Jeff rebutted.

"So, you ARE the killer?" Tina pressed.

"Heck no! I'm just sayin', if I *was*..." Jeff defended.

"Hey, wait a minute!!" Lexi burst out, sounding excited.

"What, what?" said Jeff.

"I think I figured it out! And it's definitely not you, Jeff! It's got to be-"

VRRRRN VRRRRRRN VRRRRRRRREENNNOWWWWWWW!!!!!

Whatever the hyena had been about to say was lost in an ear-splitting engine roar, followed by a sound like a large man putting his boot through a plastic sack of beef stew.

Everyone suddenly felt hot, wet chunks splattering them all over.

"Oh, gross! I got a finger in my mouth!" said Bartleby.

	~~***~***~~

When the lights came back on, four blood-spattered cubs looked upon an unimaginably gory sight.

Lexi's mutilated corpse was dangling off Ryan's chainsaw arm, with strips of her flesh still snagged in its blade.

The bunny looked as surprised as everyone else.



~~~ROOM NUMBER FIVE~~~


Splashed head to toe as if he'd been dipped in marinara, Ryan's first words were, "I didn't do it!!!"

"Evidence seems to prove otherwise," Jeff said sternly.

Xander turned a big grin towards Bartleby. "Hot damn, you were right!"

"But I *didn't*!!" the bunny insisted. He gave his arm a shake to send Lexi's remains sliding wetly off it to the floor. The chainsaw snapped back and flung a spray of droplets all over Tina.

"Eek!" She flinched at first, then licked her lips. "Hey, Lexi tastes *good*!"

"Oh, totally," Xander agreed. "My mom made her into this awesome lasagna last week with oregano and basil mixed into her blood for the sauce and parmesan on top-"

Jeff loudly cleared his throat. "Ah-HEM? Murderer in the room!?"

Ryan unclasped the murder weapon from his arm and backed away from it. "I _swear_ I'm not lying. I Did Not Kill Lexi! Someone grabbed my arm in the dark, started it up and jammed it into her!"

"Why didn't you try to stop them?" Bartleby asked.

The bunny shrugged. "It happened too fast. Plus I figured they were gonna try to kill _me_ with it, so I jerked away."

"A likely story," Xander said overdramatically.

"Hey Mrs. Schaddenfreude!" Bartleby called out. "We caught the killer. Who gets the prize now?"

The speaker crackled. "No one does."

A simultaneous, befuddled, "HUH?"

"...Because the killer has not yet been caught." the mouse explained, her voice ripe with delight. "Ryan is telling the truth."

"I TOLLLLLD YOU!!!" Ryan exploded.

"Really? Damn," Jeff said, disappointed.

Tina shrugged. "Fine by me. Just means we get to play longer."

Xander squinted at her. "That sounds like something a killer would say..."

She smiled devilishly and wiggled her hips at him. "Maybe it is..." she purred.

Happy to be cleared, Ryan picked up his chainsaw and plugged it back onto his wrist stump.

"Speculation is for later," said Mrs. S. "Time to move on and let Lexi rest in peace. And by that I mean this piece and that piece and that piece over there..."

Bartleby groaned. "You're having too much fun up there."

"I always do," she replied.

	~~***~***~~

The next room was tinted a soothing purple. Great big fluffy pillows covered the floor.

"Pillow fight?" Tina guessed.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude chuckled. "No, no! You kids deserve a break. I thought I'd forego any specific challenge in this room and simply let you yiff."

Bartleby grinned. "Oh boy!"

"My sentiments exactly," Xander replied. "I haven't had sex in, what, maybe an hour? I'm scared my penis'll fall off from disuse!"

Mrs. Schaddenfreude had a thought. "Actually, just to spice things up, why don't you all try to yiff someone new, or at least someone you haven't yiffed in a while?"

"Sounds fun," said Bartleby.

"You mind if we get cleaned up first?" Ryan asked. "I'm not too into yiffing while covered with blood."

"I am," Xander and Jeff piped up simultaneously.

Tina flicked some Lexi off of her paw. "I agree with Jeff; my fur's all sticky now."

"Fair enough. Time for a quick shower." Mrs. Schaddenfreude split the ceiling and let in twenty cubic tons of water. It flattened the five cubs to the floor, but certainly got them clean. A drain in the floor let out all the water and the giant blowdryer made a return appearance.

The cubs were now downy and warm. Tina rubbed her muzzle on her shoulderfur. "Mmmmm! Much better!"

Xander surreptitiously made his way over to Bartleby to whisper in his ear. "Looks like both our theories got blown; I'd been pretty sure it was Lexi all along. She seemed super jazzed-up about it this year, long before we even got to the party. Who do you suspect now?"

Bartleby shrugged. "Ryan was my only guess. Jeff maybe? I dunno."

Ryan considered his chainsaw, then yanked it off again. Trying to yiff with it on would be awkward. He chose not to regrow his paw though, as he thought the stump looked cool.

But just then, he had a disturbing thought. "Um... Mrs. Schaddenfreude?"

"Yes, Mr. Kinsey?"

"...It's not possible that *you're* the killer, are you?" he asked, wincing at the mere idea.

The mouse's voice was sharkishly playful. "Ho ho! That is certainly a plausible solution. Watching you from above, I could easily pick you off at my leisure.  And I never specifically said it *couldn't* be me..."

"Is it or not?" Tina persisted.

"No," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said firmly. "I may be a sadist, but even I admit that wouldn't really be fair after I'd led you to believe, correctly so, that the killer was one of you. No, I'm afraid you haven't guessed it quite yet."

"It's Xander then!" Jeff blurted. "Or Bartleby! Tina maybe? Ryan? That kid who was the orange!?"

Mrs. Schaddenfreude chuckled. "Sorry, Mr. Dunsany, but it's not that easy. You can't simply list everyone; you have to have some evidence backing up your guess. After all, a jury wouldn't convict without proof. And I don't hand out prizes without it either."

Jeff grumbled a little, but she had a point.

"Anyway, it's time to _relax_! Go ahead and cuddle for a while. I promise I won't turn off the lights again until everyone's had an orgasm. Now shoo, shoo! Go yiff!"

A nice relaxing yiff did indeed sound like a good idea to all of them. The five cubs plopped down on the pillows, which were extremely comfy, and started stripping off their costumes. Jeff pulled down his pants and noticed something was amiss. "Ryan, dude, you've still got my balls. Can I, uh..."

The bunny chuckled. He fished the fuzzy sac out of his pocket and tossed them to Jeff like handing over car keys. "I wouldn't have really kept them the whole week anyway."

Jeff caught his nuts and happily tucked them back into place. "Thanks, Ryan. You're an awesome pal."

Tina momentarily considered growing some testicles just so she could feel what it was like to have them yanked off.

"Say, you 'n me haven't yiffed before," Ryan said to Bartleby once they were nude. "At least, I think we haven't. You wanna?"

The little bat smiled. "Sure! Top or bottom?"

"Heck, I don't care. Whichever you like better."

"Okay." Bartleby laid down and stretched out his wings behind his head. "How 'bout you poke me in the butt, and then my dick can rub on your tummy?"

"Cool!" Ryan said, and wriggled himself into position, guiding Bartleby's legs up and around his waist.

"Hmm, we seem to have an odd number here," Jeff said, pointing to Tina and Xander.

"Threesome!" Came the fox's immediate reply.

Tina Lin's eyes lit up. "Ooo! I just got a better idea. Mrs. Schaddenfreude?" she called towards the ceiling.

"Yes, my little ferret sweetie?"

Tina chirred happily. "Could I borrow your katana for a minute? And some leather gloves?"

"Only if you promise not to behead anyone with them," the mouselady kidded. A portal in the wall opened and the requested items slid out.

Tina bounced over and slipped the gloves on. "Watch this!"

All the boys turned to look, even Ryan, who was still trying to get himself wiggled into Bartleby's bottom.

Tina unsheathed the sword reverently. She shivered at the sound the metal made. Holding it by both the hilt and the end of the blade, she touched the middle to her tummy. She murred at the almost-supernatural sharpness as it slid into her with barely any effort. Taking it slow and savoring the sensation, she rocked the sword forwards, splitting her tummy so precisely there was barely any blood. Tina murred and made ferret pleasure sounds as the katana made love to her body. With only a slight resistance from her spine, she wiggled the sword the rest of the way through, perfectly bisecting herself. As the last inch of her skin split like her lips after a kiss, Tina moaned, shuddered, and had a very nice orgasm.

The boys had been dead silent throughout Tina's show, which had gotten them rampagingly erect. Jeff hadn't blinked the entire time. Xander had already creamed the pillows.

Tina took off the gloves and tucked them and the katana back into the portal. "Thanks very much, Mrs. S.!" Smiling proudly, she walked back over to Jeff and Xander, holding her hips tight so she wouldn't slide off. "That solves that problem. Now, who wants which half?"

"Bottom!" called Xander.

"Top, definitely!" said Jeff.

Ryan finally felt himself slide into Bartleby's eager tailhole. He could feel the bat's warm cock on his tummy, just grazing his bellybutton. As he started slowly thrusting, both he and Bartleby watched to see what the other three cubs would do.

Tina came apart as easily as a sliced peach. Jeff reached up to take hold of her torso and lower her onto him. He gave her a sweet, soft kiss. In yiffing, he was often much more gentle than one would expect from his outward demeanor. Jeff and Tina kissed for quite a while as he ran his paws softly up and down her back. He broke the kiss to give her a smile and three quick kisses on the nose. She giggled and returned three of her own. Jeff lowered her so that his sizzling hard penis lined up with her small but very cute breasts. "Oh, so you want a titjob, eh?" Tina said.

"If that's okay," Jeff stammered. Her fur was *so* soft!

She grinned. "I'd love to!" She reached up to squeeze her breasts together to make a cradle for Jeff's cock. It fit in as comfortably as a hot dog in a bun.

Meanwhile, Xander had been deciding which of Tina's holes to choose. Then he hit upon a third possibility. He pulled her bottom towards him, giving her tush a pinch in the process, and laid her down gently beside him. He looked at her nice, long, dark-furred paws. They had adorable pink pads underneath, so he thought he'd try a footjob. He rolled Tina over onto his lap, then skootched her up so her feet were on his cock and her butt was on his face.

"I think I know what this little fox wants!" Tina said, looking back over her shoulder while continuing to boobify Jeff's wang. She pressed down firm but gentle with her feet, grinding the warm sausage between her soles. She squeezed the tip with her toes, and naughtily squashed his balls a bit with her heel.

"MmmmmmmmrrrRRF!!" Xander arfed. "That's *perfect*! Keep goin', Tina!"

"You're welcome, Xander!" she said, and wiggled her butt right into his face.

Not that he minded a bit, of course. Xander was a big fan of butts, and Tina's was no exception. He wriggled his muzzle deep in the crack, took a deep sniff, then started licking.

Ryan and Bartleby were both enjoying the show, and enjoying each other as well. "Your butt's all warm inside," Ryan complimented.

"Thanks," Bartleby said placidly. "You're good at taking it slow. Normally Xander just jackhammers me for a bit then fills me up with spooge." Ryan giggled.

"I do not!" Xander protested, his voice muffled a bit by ferret rump.

Bartleby reached behind Ryan to play with his tail a bit. The bunny's cotton puff was fun to squeeze. "Your wings feel neat," Ryan said. He lifted Bartleby's arm to rub his cheek on the thin membrane. "Like a skin blanket."

Bartleby grinned. He'd heard such comparisons before. "A lot of my friends have used me for a sleeping bag before. I wrap my wings around them and we snooze together."

"That sounds really nice," Ryan said. He leaned in to kiss Bartleby on the lips. Bartleby kissed back, and gave Ryan one on his nose too. Tina watched the two boys and got even hornier. She curled her tail around to start teasing her cunny.

Jeff was having fun nibbling her ears. They were small and round and tasted good. He licked all around the edges, even deep inside where it tickled and made her happily squirm. "Can I try a sample?" he asked.

"Yes you may," Tina replied, then closed her eyes and shivered as she felt his strong chipmunk teeth bite down and take a chunk away. "Aren't you supposed to be a herbivore though?" she teased.

Jeff shrugged. "I'm a weird herbivore," he said as he chewed.

Xander was lost in Ferret Foot Land. Tina's pads felt soooooooo nice. If he hadn't already cum from watching her little swordplay demonstration, he knew would have undoubtedly coated her soles by now. To give thanks for such wonderful feet, Xander enthusiastically slurped Tina's anus and kneaded her cheeks in his paws.

Bartleby was first to cum, as Jeff's tummyfur was just too irresistibly soft. He closed his eyes and let slip a high-pitched moan, then got his friend all white and sticky.

Ryan grinned and thrust in hard. "Mmmm, that's hot!" He swiped his paw over his sticky belly and licked his fingers after. "Not bad." He started playing with the rest of the cum, dipping a finger in and swirling it around. He touched just a bit onto both his and Bartleby's nipples.

"I think I'm getting close, Tina," Jeff warned.

"Okay! Want me to swallow?" Tina was proud of being able to make boys cum.

Jeff was breathing hard now and his face was getting red. "Actually... Uh... Uhh... Could I give you some facepaint?"

She chuckled. "Sure!" Just to help him along, she lowered her head and licked his tip a few times. Her fingers were getting a little tired from squeezing her boobs anyway. She watched Jeff go totally rigid and quickly pointed his cock towards her face. She squeaked with laughter as the warm cum hit her all over: hair, cheeks, nose and lips. Jeff opened his eyes to see her covered in his chipmunk cream and thought she looked gorgeous like that. He told her so with a deeply thankful kiss, then hugged her close and rested her chin on his shoulder.

Meanwhile, Tina wanted to cum too, so she was performing some really impressive feats on herself with the end of her tail. Xander was munching away on her ass like he'd missed dinner. He worked his tongue up inside her as far as it could go and nuzzled his nose in her fluffy buns. She really smelled great back there, he thought. Her feet pumped back and forth, kneading his dick like dough in a bakery. It wasn't long at all before Xander howled and Tina felt something sticky splash her soles. She wiggled her toes all over his cock to get them nice and covered. Xander felt like a deflated balloon as he sank back into the pillows. He hummed his gratitude into Tina's tush.

The vibration was very stimulating for her. And since she didn't have to worry about the boys anymore, she went full steam ahead towards her own climax. She pumped her tail in and out hard, driving in deep and moving it all around inside. It was like having the best dildo ever always within easy reach! With a joyous shriek, she came good 'n hard. Her honey trickled down onto Xander's chin and he happily lapped it up.

All that was left was Ryan's turn. He hugged Bartleby close as he humped him with the quick, insistent strokes typical of a horny little rabbit. He and Bartleby traded little kisses back and forth as Jeff got closer. "Go, Ryan, Go!" Bartleby cheered. "Fill me up with bunny love!"

Ryan grinned and kissed the bat's noseleaf. "I'm trying my best! Pretty soon now..." He was breathing in quick bursts with his mouth hanging open. Bartleby could easily feel his heart thumping. Xander, Jeff and Tina were watching avidly.

Ryan took hold of Bartleby's shoulders and squeezed. He sat up, his back arching. His mouth was open but he was holding his breath and totally silent. Bartleby squeezed his tail again for encouragement, and Jeff finally came.

Almost immediately, the room went dark.

	~~***~***~~

"How very Mrs. Schaddenfreude," Xander noted. "Promised she wouldn't turn the lights out until after we came, but *forgot* to mention how *soon* after."

"Well, I do have to keep you kids on your toes," the wily mouse replied.

Tina was already pulling her halves back together. "I'm gettin' out of here!"

"Aw, come on!" Xander protested.

Tina scrambled over the pillow pile, feeling her way in the pitch blackness. "You guys were great and I had a fantastic cum, but I'm not letting one of you waste me!"

"She's got a point," Jeff said, and backed up.

Xander tried to as well, but fumbled and fell on his muzzle. "The pillows are all slippery now!"

"At least I know I'm safe," Bartleby said. "We know Ryan didn't do it."

No reply.

"Uh, Ryan?"

Still nothing.

"RYAN!?"

	~~***~***~~

The lights came up, and Bartleby went, "EEEEEEEYAAAHHHHH!!!"

Which was understandable, since he and Ryan were still locked in their embrace, but the bunny had been strangled halfway to decapitation by a length of barbed wire.

"Now that's what I call a buzzkill," Jeff tactfully remarked.



~~~ROOM NUMBER SIX~~~


Bartleby scuttled out from under the horrifying sight as fast as any bat has ever crab-walked in all of history.

His pupils were as big as golf balls and he was panting like crazy. Xander came over to pat him on the back and offer condolences. "Man, that's some surefire nightmare fuel for ya."

Jeff inspected the body. Ryan's head was twisted around more than ninety degrees. His eyes were bulged out and his tongue was dangling down his cheek. "I think he's dead," he said authoritatively.

"Brilliant deduction, Holmes," Tina concurred with a chuckle. "I kinda hope I go out like that," she added, and fondled her neck as well as her pussy.

Bartleby was looking somewhat less freaked-out now. Xander nuzzled him. "You okay?"

The bat took a second to catch his breath. "Yeah. I think. Geez... That's pretty much exactly the kind of thing I was afraid of when I told you I didn't want to do this."

Xander 'erf'ed worriedly. "You're not thinking of backing out now?"

"Oh heck no," Bartleby said, sounding surprisingly committed. "I'm too damn curious now who offed him!"

"I say we vote on exactly that," Tina proposed. "Hands up whoever thinks I did it."

Xander raised his paw.

"Bartleby?" said Tina.

No paws.

"Jeff?"

She raised her own paw.

"Xander?"

Jeff's paw went up.

...and so did Bartleby's.

The fox looked totally shocked. "Are you kidding!? Jeez, Bartleby! I thought we were in this together!"

The bat looked sheepish and shuffled his feet. "Well, I'm sorry, but I just think you're the most likely suspect right now."

Xander's tail curled between his legs at such a betrayal. That is, until he noticed Bartleby toss a sly wink at him. 'Aha,' he thought.

"Well then! One down, four left. Shall we proceed to the next activity?" Mrs. Schaddenfreude said.

The remaining quartet of cubs all nodded. They cast suspicious looks at each other as they got back into their costumes. Once they were dressed again, the wall opened up and they all stepped through.

Bartleby hung back a bit and gave Xander a nudge. "Don't worry; I don't really think it was you."

The fox grinned. "You sly bat you. Trying to trick everyone else, eh?"

"Right. I didn't want Tina to know I suspect her or else she'd get me next. She jumped right offa you 'n Jeff when the lights went out. Plus she's agile and loves getting strangled. Totally her."

Xander thought that was definitely plausible. "Of course, this means everyone else was probably lying too when they said who they suspected."

Bartleby chewed his thumbclaw thoughtfully. "Hadn't thought of that," he admitted.

	~~***~***~~

Room number six was tinted pink, and four sets of fuzzy handcuffs were lying on the floor.

"Looks kinky!" Tina said with relish.

"Well, it's not quite what you think, but I do want you to put them on," Mrs. Schaddenfreude replied. "Arms behind your back everyone, please, and stand in the center of the room."

The kids picked up the cuffs and started fiddling them into place. Bartleby knew it was a fruitless pursuit with his wings and gestured to Xander. "Help me out?"

"Sure thing, amigo-roonie. You are officially under arrest." Xander clicked the cuffs into place with a comfortable amount of room for Bartleby's wings. He knew from experience they were quite sensitive. "That good?"

"Yup. It feels okay."

"Is this real fur on 'em?" Jeff asked.

"Why yes," Mrs. S. affirmed. "Amy Burton donated it."

Jeff brightened. "I thought it felt familiar!" Amy was a white kitten who sat just in front of him. He often liked to play with her tail in class, much to her amusement.

As soon as all four cubs were cuffed, the handcuffs themselves began to vibrate. "What the-" Bartleby felt the cuffs pulling him towards the other kids. Dragging him, actually!

There were various expressions of surprise as the electromagnetic handcuffs drew all four of them together: back to back to back to back.

"Aren't I just terrible?" Mrs. Schaddenfreude mused, sounding like she was thoroughly enjoying her mischief. "Making you all get so close together just as you're at your most suspicious of each other!" She tittered and sighed. "Oh, it's too bad I wasn't a criminal genius back when I was still alive; I would have driven the authorities to suicide."

"What game are we playing this time?" asked Tina.

"Well, it's a little like apple bobbing. Only without water. Or apples. You'll see in a moment."

The cubs heard a whirring sound from above. Four panels opened in the ceiling, and down came four little nonev bats on strings, tied gently by their ankles. They all peeped and looked at the kids and showed great curiosity. Bartleby couldn't resist nuzzling noses with his. "What do we do?" he asked.

"Eat them, of course," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said, as if it should have been obvious.

Bartleby flinched. "But that's cannibalism! ...Sort of!"

"Do you _really_ have a problem with that?" Xander asked. "Heck, I eat the nonev foxies at the zoo all the time. Can't keep 'em out of my mouth, actually!"

Bartleby felt a little foolish. "Yeah, you're right. Duh! I guess it was just a little surprising."

"I apologize for any discomfort, Bartleby, but I had this activity planned out before I had any idea you'd be participating."

"It's no problem," he assured.

"Do we hafta eat 'em raw though?" Jeff asked. "No ketchup at least?"

"Actually, I was planning something I think you'll like even more," the mouselady said craftily. At her command, a purple liquid with the consistency of maple syrup began dribbling down the strings the bats were hanging from. The droplets descended in a spiral, one by one. When they reached the bats, the little nonevs squeaked happily and fluttered their wings as they began to transform. Their brown fur turned to shiny purple smoothness. Their bodies became translucent. The scent of grape drifted to the cubs' noses.

"Gummi bats!" Tina exclaimed. "They're so CUTE like this! I don't think can eat mine!"

Her bat began to wiggle and flap energetically, giving the obvious message, 'Yes you can! Yes you can!'

"Hee hee. I think they like the idea of being our desserts," said Xander.

"Indeed," said Mrs. Schaddenfreude. "I went out to the streetlamp last night where the moths all gather and asked the bats there if any of them especially liked being eaten. So many offered and then invited their friends, I knew there'd be more than plenty by the time you got to this room. I've been snacking on the rest of them since the game first started!"

The four bats all wiggled and made high-pitched twittering sounds; laughing at how much fun they'd all had sitting in the box by Mrs. Schaddenfreude's side, yiffing and waiting their turns to be eaten.

"The rest should be simple to guess. First one to finish their bat wins. Of course, they may not make it too easy for you. And I'm sure you'll find that your restraints pose even more difficulties. Good luck!" The speaker crackled off, leaving the cubs to their task.

Almost immediately, the foursome realized what their teacher had meant by that last line. Whenever any one of them leaned forward to try and bite a bat, it would jerk everyone else backwards! "Whoa!" "Yikes!" "Stay still!"

"I've got an idea," Tina spoke up. "If we keep on randomly lunging, we're definitely gonna topple over, and then it's gonna suck rat balls trying to get back up again."

"Actually, I've got a friend who's a rat and his balls are very nice to suck," Xander interjected.

Tina whapped him with her tail and continued. "Let's take turns and move in a circle. We'll go clockwise." She leaned forward quickly, ready to munch on a tasty grape wing. But the bat was too quick for her. "Jeff; your turn."

Jeff gave it a try too, then Bartleby, then Xander. They kept going in that order until they built up a steady rhythm. That made the game much easier. "Great idea, Tina!" Bartleby commended. She thanked him with a quick tickle from her tail.

The bats could have kept on dodging the kids all night. But, of course, they *wanted* to be devoured. So they couldn't resist teasing their predators by flying in real close, then suddenly darting away.

Bartleby got first bite. Being a bat himself, he knew how he'd move if he was hanging upside down and dodging teeth. A swift snap gained him a leg and part of a butt. "You're quite tasty!" he told his little friendly treat. The bat dipped in and kissed him on the forehead in thanks.

Quick and ferrety, Tina was next to score a mouthful of gummi bat. She took a wing chunk out of hers, making it that much easier to catch him again on her next turn.

Xander had the right idea. Once he caught his, he bit down and held on. As the other kids kept revolving, he slowly and carefully nibbled away at his bat, holding on with his lips. The bat squealed in absolute bliss, especially when the foxboy bit off his weenie.

Jeff had just finally managed to take a bite himself when Xander gulped, licked his chops and said, "Done!"

"Kaka!" Jeff spat, and made double the effort to catch his bat the next time he had a chance.

Bartleby finished off his bat to finish in second place. "He was yummy!"

"A-ha!" Jeff said as he managed to snatch up his flying candy nemesis. Foregoing delicacy, he simply swallowed hard and sucked the little chiropteran right down. She sang a happy song as she plummeted into the chipmunk's belly.

Seeing as the game was over, the last bat simply dived for Tina's mouth and let her chew him up good. She giggled as she sent him to her stomach. "Thanks, little guy!" An appreciative squeak came from inside her.

A moment later, the magnetic attraction in the handcuffs shut down and the four cubs tumbled apart onto the floor. Mrs. Schaddenfreude activated a remote signal that also unlatched the cuffs themselves.

Jeff sat up and rubbed his wrists. "At least I know for sure now I'm not into S&M."

"Good job, Xander," Bartleby said and gave his friend a pawshake.

"Thanks!" He gave his friend's nose a lick. "Now if only we could make a big gummi out of *you*..."

Bartleby blushed. "That's a maybe."

"I don't mind that I lost," Tina said. She looked down at her belly and rubbed it affectionately. "Just getting to eat you was enough. I love grape!" More happy bat-sounds came from her tum-tum.

"Well now, I see you enjoyed your little dessert break," said Mrs. Schaddenfreude. "Are we all ready for another round of hide-and-go-kill?"

Jeff stood up straight, rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles. "I'm ready," he said.

"Me too," Xander agreed.

"Let's go!" Tina snarled excitedly.

"Actually, I think I need to go visit the little boy's room," said Bartleby.

Everyone looked at him.

He laughed. "Just kidding!"

"Are you sure you're all ready?" Mrs. S. asked again. "Even if you're not, here we go! Lights out on three. One..."

Tina and Jeff narrowed their eyes at each other.

"Two..."

Xander and Bartleby shared a quick glance, then focused on Tina.

"THREE!!!" she shrieked.

Everyone jumped, then noticed the lights were still on.

"Ain't I a stinker?" said Mrs. Schaddenfreude.

Total darkness. For real this time.

	~~***~***~~

Silence at first.

Then sounds of footsteps and someone choking.

"Who was that?" said Bartleby weakly.

Then a loud splash. Like someone tipping a bucket of salsa onto the floor.

"Who was THAT!?" Xander wailed.

More footsteps.

Heavy breathing.

More breathing.

More breathing...

	~~***~***~~

Bright lights revealed what had happened.

Jeff was still standing, but barely, with a huge horizontal slash across his stomach. His viscera had spilled out onto the floor. That was the splash.

The choking sounds had come from Tina. A piano wire garrotte was snarled tight around her neck. The job had been done so quickly she hadn't even been able to clutch at her throat in time to defend herself. (Not that she would have wanted to anyway.)

This just left Bartleby and Xander, standing two feet apart, staring straight into each other's eyes.

"YOU DID IT!!" they both burst out in unison.

"No way! Absolutely not!" Bartleby yelped, jumping back.

Xander put his paws up. "Well *I* didn't kill 'em!"

"Of course you did!" Bartleby accused. "You were the one who dragged me into this! You were the one who wanted to! Because Mrs. Schaddenfreude picked you and you planned the whole time to save me till last!"

Xander shook his head vehemently. "Look me in the eyes. We're best friends, right? I'm telling you, I am _not_ the killer."

Bartleby was panting hard. He looked into Xander's gaze and saw sincerity. "Okay. Okay then. I'm sorry. But if it wasn't either of..." His head snapped up, and he suddenly grinned. "I've got it!!"

"What?" Xander asked eagerly.

"I know what happened!" the bat said triumphantly. "I saw this movie a while ago where you think through the whole thing that it's just one killer, but in the end it's two *different* guys who teamed up!"

Xander laughed out loud. "I saw that one too! Wow! So, you mean..."

"Yes!! Jeff and Tina BOTH did it! That's probably why three kids died first, then just one at a time. They started off too quick, then took turns!"

Xander looked at the bodies again. "And just now... they bumped each other off!? Holy trumpetfuck!"

"How cool is that?" Bartleby said, grinning. "Now both of us get the grand prize." He stepped closer and gave his fox friend a pat on the back.

Xander was smiling too, then his brow furrowed in thought. "But wait... If they were working together, you mean they just now slipped up and killed each other by accident?"

Bartleby frowned. "Yeah, that does seem kind of over-complicated. I heard something once that was like, 'the simplest solution is usually the correct one'.

And with that, he pulled the pearl-handled straight razor from his belt and slashed Xander's throat wide open.

The fox stumbled back, hand going up to his neck, blood gushing out through his fingers.

Bartleby grinned. "Ever heard that before? It's called Occam's Razor."

Then, for Xander, everything went black one last time...



~~~THE BIG SUMMATION~~~

In the waiting room, the rest of the kids were going crazy.

Every year, there were considerably more kids who preferred observing Mrs. Schaddenfreude's little game of death to participating in it. So in addition to the night's victims, thirty or so more cubs had also joined in the fun. Much popcorn was consumed as everyone watched the game unfold on a six-foot hi-def screen. Several teachers were also there, helping to keep the kids entertained. Mr. Romeo, the infinitely amorous coyote, had one girl on his dick, another on his face, was fingerbanging two more, tail-yiffing a fifth, and giving footjobs to two boys as well. Mrs. Vader, a wide-bottomed hippo, was crushing one lucky student's nuts with her high heels while he ate a Reese's cup. There were several red splatters on the wall from Razielphustar's games of Double-Barrelled Shotgun Russian Roulette. And Llywyalla was seated on a divan, unbirthing Gillian.

Everyone had cheered each time someone else was eliminated from the game and a new corpse was brought in. The killer's victims reanimated quickly, then settled in to see who'd be next. They were treated to cider, doughnuts and other treats as the rest of the kids pumped them for info on who they thought had done them in. They'd all been on the edge of their seats, glued to the screen as the game reached its finale. And when they saw the flash of the razor and the arc of red, they erupted. They were jumping up and down on the couch cushions now, hooting and hollering; some in disbelief and some with 'I told you so's.

Then Mrs. Schaddenfreude strolled into the room, her hand held by a little bat with the most amazingly smug grin on his face any of them had ever seen.

"I can't fucking believe it!" "YOU!? REALLY!?" "It was the bat kid all along!" "I totally knew it." "He had me flat-out fooled." "Great acting!" "But how did he..." "No waaaaaay!"

Lexi ran up and noogied her bat buddy while laughing her spots off. "You colossal prick! You completely mindfucked me! So the whole time you were whining and bitching about being too scared to do this with us, you were faking!?"

Bartleby nodded. "Yup. I _love_ horror movies!"

The door opened again and two brain-swapped naked foxes dragged in their son, who was suffering from a bad case of death. Once outside the slow-healing field, Xander popped back to life in no time. As soon as he saw Bartleby, he lit up with glee and pounced him in an explosive hug. "You dick! You bastard! You amazing fucking piece of shit! I can't _believe_ you pulled that off!" He grabbed Bartleby's cheeks and kissed him right on the lips.

Bartleby was happily flustered. "You mean you're not mad?"

"Dude! Of COURSE not! That was... that was... a performance that oughtta win twelve dozen Oscars!! You had me going the whole time! I never even suspected you for a second!"

The fox touched noses with his best friend and nothing but love was in his eyes. "Bartleby, amigo, tonight you have astonished me."

Bartleby laughed modestly and hugged his favorite chubby foxboy tight.

Xander then turned to his parents. "Mom! Dad! Did you SEE that!? Bartleby totally bushwhacked me!"

"We did see!" Mr. Oakley said through his wife's lips. "Nice clean cut there, Bartleby. No hesitation in the arm. Smooooth!"

"Yes, you did a marvelous job murdering my son!" Mrs. Oakley said with a giggle.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude, clanking a bit from all her costume's hardware, pulled a remote control from her vagina and handed it to Bartleby. "It's tradition that when the killer is the winner, they get to show everyone else exactly how they did it."

Bartleby accepted the remote gladly. "Sweet! How often does that happen though? The killer winning, I mean?"

"Quite surprisingly often, actually," she said, and gave his tush a pat in the direction of the TV.

Needless to say, before he could even begin he was hugged and congratulated many, many more times. None of his victims held the slightest grudge. Tina thanked him exhaustively for such a nice asphyxiaty death. Robby had also liked getting vored, and as Ryan predicted, was now a pleasant-scented living poo raccoon. Ryan called Bartleby a thundering asshole for snuffing him right after sex like that, but he said it with a 'you totally pwned me' smile. Crystal leapt up and covered Bartleby in kisses, saying that death by firehose had felt incredibly refreshing, and she'd have to ask Zelampago to do it again as soon as she got home. Caroline said she forgave Bartleby for snuffing her so early on, as it gave her and Terry time for plenty of bouncy sex. (Terry blushed cutely.) Gillian certainly would have hugged Bartleby too, but she was stuck up inside Llywyalla's honeypot with only her head poking out.

The bat of the hour stood in front of the huge TV and addressed the crowd. "I know you're all wondering how I did some of the stuff I did tonight, and I'll be glad to show you." He looked down at the remote, which had about six zillion buttons. "...as soon as Mrs. Schaddenfreude tells me what to do with this thingy."

She sauntered over and pointed out a little orange button near the bottom. "That's for flashback mode. It's voice activated. After you press it, it'll replay whatever moment you're describing. Also, hold down the green button there for night vision, so everyone can see what happened at the points when the lights went out."

"Thanks!" he said, and kissed her paw. She smiled affectionately. Bartleby pointed the remote at the screen and pressed the flashback button.

"Okay, so it all started yesterday after recess," he began. The screen blinked to life, showing Bartleby at his desk, doodling robots in the margins of his history test. "I heard Caroline ask Lexi about the serial killer game at the halloween party and if she was gonna be in it again this year. I had no idea what she meant, so I asked Mrs. S. about it after class." The scene shifted to Bartleby sitting on the edge of his teacher's desk, kicking his feet back and forth as she explained the whole thing. "She told me all about it, then said she hadn't picked the killer yet and thought I might want to volunteer too."

"I volunteered," Lexi said.

"Me too," Jeff added.

"Same here," said Freddie, an elephant student who'd chosen to watch the game instead.

"Me too," Gillian said also.

Bartleby was surprised he'd had so much competition. "Sorry, guys. There's always next year." Everyone else indicated there were no hard feelings. "Mrs. S. said I'd be a good choice since I'm still kinda the new kid in Hell, and everyone would believe it if I pretended like I didn't wanna do it." The screen showed him pretending to be scared and apprehensive as Xander and Lexi told him about the game.

Lexi chortled, impressed. "You're as evil as she is!" she said, pointing to Bartleby and Mrs. Schaddenfreude.

Bartleby smiled modestly. "Thank you! That's high praise indeed. Anyway, I admit I kinda went overboard with the first room. But since this was my first time, I thought I should get anyone out of the way as soon as possible who might have a good shot at figuring it out." The screen showed Mrs. Schaddenfreude reminding Caroline of how she'd been the killer one year, then Terry saying how he'd seen a 'bazillion' horror movies, then Gillian saying how much she liked mystery novels.

"Smart strategy," Gillian said approvingly.

"As soon as the lights went out, I went straight for Caroline." The screen showed total blackness, until Bartleby pushed the night vision button. Then everyone could clearly see a grainy-green-colored Bartleby zip open a portal and pull out a butcher knife. He deftly plunged it into his skunkette classmate, yanked upwards to spill her guts, then smoothly dropped it into a new portal, pulled out a machete, and bisected Gillian's head in one swoop. "I really didn't think it'd go all the way through like that," he marvelled.

"I keep my tools nice and sharp," said Razielphustar.

"Next I made a lunge at Terry, but stopped myself just in time. That's when I screwed up and cut myself." The bat on TV held the machete high over his head, ready to bring it down upon the unaware pangolin's carapace. But just as Bartleby swung, he jerked the machete away abruptly and it nicked him in the side. The young bat could then clearly be seen mouthing the words, 'Oh fuck that was dumb'. Lots of kids chuckled.

"If it makes you feel any better," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said, "one year our killer managed to point a crossbow the wrong way and take *himself* out in the third room. For the rest of the game, the remaining children were baffled, trying to figure out why none of them were dying anymore after that. They even managed to get themselves all tensed up, thinking the killer planned to wait until the last minute and then take everyone out at once!"

Bartleby chuckled. "Actually, it ended up working out great. After I planted the sticky bomb on Terry, the lights came on and I used the cut to my advantage." The TV showed him on the floor, grimacing, then getting up and acting like he was quitting.

"I must admit, you had me fooled at that point too," said Mrs. S. "I thought you'd gotten discouraged over your mistake and really *were* giving up!"

The little bat looked quite proud of that. "Awesome! I guess I got everyone tonight!" Bartleby rewound the picture a bit to show him giving Gillian the machete again. "Right about here was when I noticed Ryan stumble close to Gillian and get some blood on his arm from the arterial spray. After Terry exploded, I kept that in mind, thinking it'd be a great way to frame him if I ended up needing to accuse someone else later." The screen showed a scene of him and Xander conspiring at the bar.

"You incredible sneak," Ryan said, shaking his head.

Bartleby then fast forwarded a little. "Robby, that was pretty smart of you noticing my razors. I was really worried there for a second that you were gonna out me!"

The raccoon looked up from blowing Razielphustar. "Thanks! I probly would've if I'd been thinking about it harder. At that particular point, I'm pretty sure I was still wondering where the trombone came from."

Crystal spoke up. "How come you tried to kill me next?"

Bartleby gave her an apologetic smile. "It was nothing personal," he assured. The screen displayed her and Lexi leaving to change the toothpaste fox's diaper. "It's just that you said 'I'll be right back'. And that's the cardinal rule of horror movies! You _never_ say 'I'll be right back'!"

"Exactly! It's the kiss of death!" Jeff agreed.

"Ohhhhh," said Crystal. "I thought it was 'cuz you were worried I was gonna get too scared. But you didn't have to anyway; I've had a lot of fun all night! Even getting axed in the face felt kinda nifty!"

"That's good. Although I still feel a little like a doof for not realizing it prolly wouldn't work on you. At least I gotcha anyway!" The picture skipped to Bartleby opening a portal and dropping a fire hydrant out of it. One of the side valves popped as soon as it hit the floor; Bartleby barely had time to aim it. Crystal was vaporized in seconds by the powerful spray.

"Wait, wait, go back to the axe for a second," Lexi piped up. "How the heck did you pull that off? I was holding your hand the whole time the lights were out!"

"Simple," Bartleby replied. "I just killed her with the other hand." The screen showed him leaning away from Lexi in the dark, opening his portal, catching the axe as it fell out and just barely having enough reach to lodge it in Crystal's cranium.

The hyenagirl shook her head, too flabbergasted for words.

"Then... what else? Oh yeah! We had the pissing contest, and that handful of crickets I snacked on just made me realize how hungry I was. I'd totally forgot about dinner while I was putting together my costume. So, there was Robby, lookin' all plump 'n tasty..." The coonboy chuckled, flattered. "Plus I figured, since he'd just won the pee-off, it'd be nice to send him out on a high note." Onscreen, the room went dark and Bartleby zipped over to Robby. He stretched his mouth out impossibly wide and clamped it down on the raccoon's head like a swimming cap. Far from the struggle Bartleby had expected, the kinky coon started pawing off and was more than happy to cooperate in being swallowed. As soon as he was just a bulge in Bartleby's belly, he was headed back out again. Bartleby pulled down his pants and took a Robby-sized shit.

Robby had gotten considerably horny from watching himself getting gulped. "Was I a delectable taste sensation?" he asked.

Bartleby nodded. "Yes you were! Easy to eat and very filling. Smooth coming out, too."

The little raccoon smiled like he'd just been given the greatest compliment of his life.

Bartleby fast-forwarded through the decapitation race, which looked hilarious at high speed. "It's pretty obvious why I chose Lexi next. I was actually about to go after Jeff, but as soon as she said she knew who did it, I had to act fast." The screen showed Bartleby sneaking up on the chipmunk with a power drill, then panicking as soon as Lexi piped up. He spotted Ryan standing mere feet away, ditched the drill, and started up the bunny's chainsaw arm. It was far from a clean kill, as Ryan was flailing about like crazy and Lexi was convulsing like a bad dancer at a rave party, but this helped Bartleby too. Since with everyone else also covered in blood, he wouldn't stand out.

Lexi was blushing now. "I feel like a total schmuck. I was actually gonna say I thought it was Ryan!"

Bartleby cracked up. "For real? So I panicked over nothing!?"

Terry looked up from eating Caroline's pussy. "That is priceless."

The bat giggled a bit more, then looked back at the screen. "Next we all yiffed." The scene skipped ahead to show everyone canoodling on the pillows. "Once Mrs. Schaddenfreude said that Ryan wasn't the killer, there was no reason to keep him in the game anymore since he wasn't a suspect." On TV, the lights went out and night-vision Bartleby whipped open a portal and pulled out the barbed wire and two thick gloves. "Thanks for doing that awesomely sexy little sword dance and giving me the idea for the gloves, Tina!"

"You're welcome!" she said. "And do you know if there's any way I can download the video of this year's game? I wanna watch myself do that when I get home!"

"Free DVDs will be provided at the end of the night," Mrs. Schaddenfreude pledged, to which many students cheered.

Bartleby was now strangling the everliving hell out of Ryan onscreen. "I guess it was kinda rude of me to kill you like that, Ry. But it was a great way for me to act all terrified afterwards to try and deflect any suspicion from me."

"No prob. I kinda figured I wouldn't make it to the end anyway," the rabbit replied.

"Hey, yeah," Jeff realized. "You *did* die before me! I won the original bet! Hand over them nuts, bunny-boy!"

Chuckling, Ryan tore his testicles off and tossed them to Jeff.

"And after that, there were just four of us left," Bartleby said. "I figured I *might* be able to keep from getting caught for one more room, but the risk was too much and so I decided to just end it right there and kill everybody at once."

He particularly enjoyed showing this last scene. His TV counterpart calmly opened a portal, strolled over to Jeff, sliced him open like an envelope, moseyed towards Tina, traded his blade for a garotte, gave her the old piano wire necklace, then sauntered back to Xander and positioned himself right in front of the fox for the dramatic finish.

"It's as simple as that," he said.

Xander started clapping, and soon everyone else was. "Way to go, man!" the fox cheered. "You slayed 'em! You knocked 'em dead!"

Bartleby grinned, "The thing I'm most surprised about is, the biggest clue of all was in plain sight the whole time!"

"What was that?" asked Lexi.

"Well, wouldn't you say I pulled off some pretty smooth kills tonight?"

"Sure!" she immediately agreed. "You were great for a first-timer! Usually the killer just stumbles around in the dark until they bump into somebody, or fires randomly until she hits someone."

"Exactly," said Bartleby. "Didn't *anyone* notice my murders were a bit too precise for someone fumbling around in a pitch black room?"

Everyone in the room collectively blinked in realization.

Bartleby pointed to the top of his head and wiggled his ears. "Hello? Echolocation? Bats Can 'See' In The Dark!!"

The room exploded with groans, facepalms, heads banging on walls and kids simply screaming, "That was so OBVIOUS!!!"

Mrs. Schaddenfreude chuckled at the chaos. "Now now, let's all settle down. Inside voices please! It's time to award the prizes."

All the cubs perked up.

"Everyone who participated this year did a wonderful job and absolutely deserves a reward. Gillian, Caroline, Terry, Crystal, Robby, Lexi, Ryan, Jeff and Zinny; please come here to receive your goody bags." With glee, the nine cubs rushed forward to accept their winnings while the other kids applauded. Mrs. Schaddenfreude tapped a square panel behind her and a large section of the wall rotated out, revealing nine big bags filled with foil-wrapped chocolate dildos, edible anal beads, fruit-flavored lube, chewy undies, fudge butt plugs and many, many more perverted sweets. The nine runners-up all cheered, and most started eating and/or playing with their haul right away.

"For Xander, the longest-surviving of the victims, I had planned on simply giving you a wheelbarrow full of candy..." The fox salivated. "...but then I got an even more delicious idea." She pulled a ray gun from a hidden compartment in her mechanical booty and pointed it straight at Mr. and Mrs. Oakley. After two blinding zaps, their blazing orange fur began to turn a smooth, creamy brown. When the transmogrifation was finished, they looked at each other in gleeful astonishment.

Xander practically exploded. "Chocolate parents!!! Alright!!!" He leapt out of his seat and ran over to start nibbling on his dad's buttocks. Mrs. Oakley (in her husband's body) giggled at the tickly feeling of him taking bites.

Mr. Oakley inspected his wife's titties and, not surprisingly, found that they lactated chocolate milk. "I wonder if I pee hot fudge?"

"And lastly, for Bartleby," Mrs. Schaddenfreude continued, "You have definitely earned the grand prize this year. I'm very impressed at the thought, dedication and preparation you put into your performance. From someone who was fidgeting in his seat just yesterday, giving me excuses about how you thought you'd never be able to pull this off, I must say you certainly did so with panache!"

Bartleby grinned modestly and turned away, not wanting her to see how much he was blushing. "Thank you, Mrs. Schaddenfreude."

"As to your prize, you will receive..." she paused to tap the panel again, and another section of the wall revolved, showing an enormous curved hollow cone.

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. "A great big tuba?"

She chuckled. "No, silly! It's a cornucopia!" She lifted it up and placed it in the batboy's wings. "For one full month, it will dispense *infinite* amounts of candy. Any kind you desire, in unlimited amounts. Enjoy!"

Bartleby's eyes went wide. His heart beat faster. He swore he could hear a choir singing 'Hallelujah' somewhere above him.

He hesitantly upended the cornucopia and, not quite daring to hope this dream could be true, thought about candy.

Out came a _FLOOD_ of Milky Ways, Reese's, York Peppermint Patties, Dum-Dums, Lemonheads, Smarties, Rolos, 100 Grands, Paydays, Pixy Stix, Swedish Fish, Gobstoppers, Milk Duds, Junior Mints, Squirrel Nut Chews, Mallo Cups, Special Darks, 3 Musketeers, Twix, Nerds, Pop Rocks, Red Hots and Sour Patch Cubs. The unimaginable bounty of candy spread across the room in a mini tsunami, and was up to Bartleby's waist in seconds.

Bartleby tipped the cornucopia back over, lest he drown. Then he looked out over the ocean of candy before him, his friends already grabbing up handfuls and stuffing their faces, and was actually moved to tears. It was every kid's wildest Halloween dream come true.

"I'm guessing this makes up for missing trick or treating?" Xander deadpanned.

Bartleby burst out laughing with joy, grabbed a nearby chocolate bar, unwrapped it, stuck it in his mouth, and pulled the fox into the sweetest french kiss ever.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude watched her cubs enjoying themselves and felt good all over. Nothing made her happier than to see her cubs smile. She reached down into the candy deluge and fished out a roll of Necco Wafers. Sometimes she thought she was the only furson in existence who really liked the things.

She let Bartleby celebrate a bit more, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Oh, but that's only the *first* half of your grand prize, Bartleby!"

"Really? There's more!?" he said with giddy incredulity. He did not notice the ominous twinkle in his teacher's eye.

"Absolutely! You see, we have a tradition on those special occasions when the killer manages to become the winner..."

With that, she pressed the tip of her nose, which beeped electronically. Portals then opened up above the laps of all the other kids who'd played the game. Out came ten identical black boxes wrapped delicately in purple ribbon. One for each. The cubs all opened them with curiosity.

Terry got a sticky bomb.

Gillian got a machete.

Caroline and Jeff got butcher knives.

Tina Lin got piano wire.

Crystal got an axe.

Lexi got a chainsaw.

Ryan got a length of barbed wire.

Robby got a knife and fork.

Just as the cubs were realizing what the purpose of these special gifts were, chains shot out of secret compartments in the walls straight at Bartleby and secured him to the spot by his wrists and ankles, spread eagle.

"Have at him, kids!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude said cheerfully.

As all of his victims advanced on him, brandishing tools of destruction and wicked grins, Bartleby gulped.

"Oh crap."




	The End
	for now...





AUTHOR'S NOTES
*****

It was my intention to finish this in time for Halloween, and since I'm looking at my calendar and it says October 10th, I'd say I succeeded. I'm really happy too, since I thought at first there was no way in Hell I'd be able to finish a project like this within a month. Turns out, there WAS a way in Hell. ;)

For those who noticed Xander's parents breaking the 'pop culture references only' costume rule, well... They're grownups. Deal with it. Nyeah.

Also, "Bela Lugosi's Dead" by Bauhaus was the opening theme to the Saturday Night Live skit "Goth Talk", and also appeared in the vampire flick, "The Hunger". (David Bowie. Yum.)

And now we get to see who was who!
Everyone's costumes, in order of appearance:
*****
Bartleby Fletch -was- Sweeny Todd (as played by Johnny Depp)
Xander Oakley -was- Duke Nukem
Lexi Addams -was- Gogo Yubari (from Kill Bill)
Loretta Mackenzie -was- Gadget Hackwrench (from Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers)
Gillian Baxter -was- Ryo-Ohki (from Tenchi Muyo)
Crystal Avalon -was- The Cake (from Portal)
Zelampago -was- MachGaogamon (from Digimon)
Razielphustar Mephrolovontastico -was- Captain Jack Sparrow (from Pirates Of The Caribbean)
Llywyalla -was- Fletcher Reed (from Liar Liar)
Beelzebub -was- also Duke Nukem
Caroline Parkins -was- Minnie Mouse
Ryan Kinsey -was- Ash Williams (from Evil Dead 2)
Tina "Zinny" Lin -was- Columbia (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Robby Rourke -was- Brightheart Raccoon (from The Care Bears)
Terry Oblio -was- The Tarkus (from an album of the same name by Emerson, Lake & Palmer)
Jeff Dunsany -was- Cloud Strife (from Final Fantasy VII)
Mrs. Irweena Schaddenfreude -was- GLaDOS (also from Portal)
Mr. Oakley -was- Mrs. Oakley
Mrs. Oakley -was- Mr. Oakley

My only regret is that I wasn't able to work in Tasasha as Stryka from Beast Machines. Oh well.

Big thanks to Evilgod, for letting me use Crystal again. Further thanks to EtherRealty for allowing me to base Robby Rourke off several of his personas and for providing lots of ideas on character and story. Grand‚ thanks to Alfador for lending me Tina Lin for the evening, and also for his astronomically ass-kicking editing skills (his power levels are over nine thousand). And boffo thanks to Zephon T'sol for helping me with ideas on Zelampago and just generally being a swell fellow.

I hope everyone here on FA has a gore-riffic Halloween. Make sure to eat candy till your shit gives the toilet diabetes!

And if you post anything here that spoils the ending, I will personally hunt you down and nail your nuts to a microwave oven. ^__^









* * * * *

"Ooogh..."

With a queasy groan and an audible rumbling of stomach contents, Bartleby laboriously dragged himself into his bedroom later on that evening. Much, MUCH later on that evening. His costume was in shambles; smeared all over with cum, blood and chocolate. The party had gone on for hours and hours after his triumph in Mrs. Schaddenfruede's game. He'd been snuffed more times than he'd thought possible in a single night, had blasted through another baker's dozen orgasms and, judging by his visibly bulging belly, had eaten his own weight in sugar.

He shut the door behind him and needed to prop himself up on the knob for a few moments to keep from sliding to the floor and falling asleep right then and there. He had overdone the fun more than a little tonight, and nothing appealed to him more than crawling into bed for the next fifty-seven hours or so to digest the basketball-sized clump of confectionery excess in his gut.

'That was probably the most fun I've had in longer than I can remember. But I am _never_ doing that again!' he thought to himself with a chuckle. He glanced in the mirror. 'At least I look better than Xander and Robby did when they left.' Or were carried, actually. In wheelbarrows.

He shucked off the remains of his costume as he schlepped to bed. His cornucopia was right where he'd portaled it to (it had leaked M&Ms everywhere) along with a few other prizes he'd won during the night. He brushed everything aside and pulled back the sheets.

He blinked a bit. Something was amiss.

It took his sugar-crashed brain a moment to make sense of what his blurry eyes were telling him. "Hey... Where's Terry?"

Just then, something 'ding'ed from the next room.

Bartleby groaned and shuffled off to investigate.

In addition to his bedroom, Bartleby had not long ago added a short hallway that connected to a small bathroom, a room with many shelves for his toys, and a cozy kitchen nook. (When his magic refrigerator had been in his bedroom, he'd gotten too many crumbs in his computer keyboard.) Into the kitchen he went. The light on his oven was on, and he could smell something freshly-baked and sweet coming from it.

Bartleby was quite puzzled. "I didn't put anything in there before I left..."

He opened the door and slid out the baking sheet in the middle row (no need for oven mitts in Hell) and both his mysteries were solved simultaneously.

As a Halloween gift for his favorite boy, Terry had baked himself into a fox-shaped gingerbread cookie, covered in red and white icing, and had set the oven to keep him warm until Bartleby returned.

The little bat just stared for a long time at the Terry-cookie.

He smiled warmly, deeply touched by this spontaneous show of love from his favorite plush. He even felt his eyes get a little misty.

"I'm pretty full..." he said. "But I think *maybe* I have room for one more treat in my tummy tonight."

He was sure he saw the gingerbread tail wag a little.



"Bartleby And The Diabolical Festivities"
Started 09/29/08, Finished 10/10/08, Editing completed 10/24/08