RAD SHOES
two short roleplays between Alex Reynard & Relee Starbreeze, circa May 2010
(no, I do not remember why I named it this.)
****** ****


[b]Relee:[/b] I can fly on my own. Wizard, ya know? XD

[b]Alex:[/b] Well I can't! I'm a fox!
...with only one tail!

[b]Relee:[/b] I'm a squirrel, and a non-flying squirrel, but with a little fairy-dust and some happy thoughts... *sprinkle!*
... oops...
*holds up a mirror on your glittery cuteified face* Wrong dust.

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh dear lord. Do I have giant eyes and rosy cheeks now? Bloody hell...

[b]Relee:[/b] You sure do, and the cutest little button nose. *pokes your nose!*

[b]Alex:[/b] <BEEP>
Oh yeah? Well, how do you like these apples?
<turns you into a frog>

[b]Relee:[/b] Oh man, Alex! I knew you were into Snuffie but I didn't think you'd make me *CROAK!* 

[b]Alex:[/b] Okay, well, let me make it up to you.
<holds your mouth open and feeds self to you>
Whee!

[b]Relee:[/b] *falls over with a giant overstretched tummy*
Oof! Hey I don't think you got my pun. XD
Is it cozy in there?

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh, I got the pun. I was just looking for an excuse to get eaten!
<snuggles up to your comfy stomach lining and digests happily>

[b]Relee:[/b] *transforms into a fat frog!*
Who eats a whole toon fox? They're basically all sugar

[b]Alex:[/b] Hey, I hadn't thought of that but it makes sense!
<slides out of you as a huge, sweet-smelling chocolate poo. The act of pooping turns you back into a squirrel.>

[b]Relee:[/b] *gets a shovel and lifts you into a mold, which closes tightly and hisses before opening to reveal you turned back to normal, except made of chocolate*
It really depends on your perspective what anything is 'made of'. XD

[b]Alex:[/b] Well, you have before you a delectable chocolate fox.
<leans in suavely>
Whatcha gonna do with me?
<tickles your nose with tip of candy tail>

[b]Relee:[/b] *leans in close while shaking up a can of whipped cream spray behind himself*
Well golly, what else could I do with such a delicious treat?
*sprays whipped cream on your chest, tail, and muzzle to whiten them up properly; toon whipped cream colours all the right places!*
It's SNACK TIME!
*the double-doors nearby burst open and two dozen kindergartners run in holding spoons. They dig into you and tear you apart in an orgy of preteen snackgasms*

[b]Alex:[/b] Yay!
<wriggles in helpless giggles as all the kids devour him with spoons>
It tickles!
<as the kids continue to eat me, they all turn into toon fox cubs!>

[b]Relee:[/b] *claps his hands together*
Oh they're so adorable, learning a rich chocolatey lesson about being cartoons.

[b]Alex:[/b] <the fox kids all run off to spread gleeful mayhem. They all get a bad case of the burps after eating me. And whenever they burp, out comes a great big chocolate-scented bubble. Whatever the bubble touches when it pops gets toonified too!>

[b]Relee:[/b] *sits on a fire hydrant to watch*
Oh those kids. It looks like we've started the end of the world as we know it! Well, the new world looks good so far.

[b]Alex:[/b] <giggles>
I'm still in a transformationy mood. Turn me into something unexpected! :)

[b]Relee:[/b] *spreads out his legs and slides down onto the fire hydrant, becoming fire-hydrant-shaped, and he opens his mouth wide... Suddenly your essence is pulled out of the air, where it lingered after spawning your foxy children. Wispy and foglike you slide through the air into a long corridor, twisting like a snake into Releehydrant's open mouth where you begin to solidify. In a moment you've completely materialized into a twenty foot long fire hose! Water gushes out of your mouth when you try to speak, and though you can move like a snake, you're firmly attached to your hydrant base, the transformed squirrel spitting water into your butt!*

[b]Alex:[/b] Wow! This is the funnest enema ever!
<cheerfully sprays squirrelwater over all the toony fox children, keeping them nice and cool. The water rushing through me, filling me up so firmly, is a very enjoyable sensation>
So what's it like for you being docked to me? :)

[b]Relee:[/b] *can't talk, since his mouth is entirely wrapped by the end of your hose, but the opposite 'arm' of the hydrant reaches around and flashes a sort of 'thumbs up' to you*

[b]Alex:[/b] <decides to have some fun. The foxnozzlemuzzle twists around and slips over top of your 'head'. Slowly, the shiny brass nozzle expands to take you in. The metal is cool and smooth and very soothing. The tight nozzle slides down you, enjoying your fire hydrant flavor, perfectly conforming to your curves. Then, with a gulp, I disengage you from my back-end and swallow you down! You make a very cute bulge traveling down my snakelike length> :3

[b]Relee:[/b] *slides down the hose, back towards the leaking end where you're disconnected, turning rounder and more shapeless as his hydrant-form is digested, who knows what will come out the other end.*

[b]Alex:[/b] <the roundness gives him an idea. Alex concentrates and wills himself back to his usual foxy self. He bends over and starts squeezing out Relee. There is a lot of squeaking, since Relee is now rubber! She is a bright shiny red squeezable rubber lovedoll! Very round and curvaceous, with big cheeks and bright eyes, nice big hips and toonily-enlarged feet and hands>
This is a good look for you!
<Alex hugs you tight and you squeak!>

[b]Relee:[/b] *pokes her cheeks cutely and squeaks!*
Oh my, I'm all red! And Oh my! My mouth won't close! Oh oh oh! Oh my! Ohhhhhhhh!

[b]Alex:[/b] Well, I should take advantage of that fact, shouldn't I?
<yiffs your squeaky little mouth. you wobble like jell-o.>

[b]Relee:[/b] *suck-a suck-a suck-a!*
Mwy cwant schtop schwucking!
*masturbates at the same time, evidently turned on at the loss of control of her mouth*

[b]Alex:[/b] Oooooo! I didn't realize this lovesquirrel came with an auto-suck feature! Let's see what else it does?
<feels all around you, finally coming across a little button under your tailhole>
What's this do?
<I push, and you start pleasantly vibrating!>
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!!! :3

[b]Relee:[/b] I-I-I-I-I Can't nt nt nt nt stop op op op op shaking ing ing ing ing!
*vibrates and sucks uncontrollably and also hugs around your middle for support!*
This-s-s-s is-s-s-s fuuuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggg!

[b]Alex:[/b] No, this is a fungus!
<holds up a mushroom>
:D
<After pausing a moment to let that awful pun pass, Alex is able to fiddle with your tailhole so that, instead of shaking all your words up, your vibration becomes a gentle purr.>
Mmmmm, so nice. Squeezin' my squirrel... :)

[b]Relee:[/b] Therrrre is a funnnngus amonnngus. Rrrrrrr. <3
*pokes the mushroom into your mouth and makes you eat it*
Oooopsrrrrrrrs!
*you start to pee uncontrollably, first urine, then a strange opaque liquid that seems rainbow striped. It stains the ground where it lands with a toony transformation*

[b]Alex:[/b] For shame, Relee! Making me engage in recreational drug use!
<giggles>
It's fun though!
<pees on you too, making you a shiny rubber rainbow squirrel sucker!> 

[b]Relee:[/b] *twists and contorts and has a big white stick come out her bum as she reforms into an anthropomorphic rainbow-swirled lollipop-squirrel*
Ohhh I feel sweet... How do I taste?
*sticks a magically animated hard-candy finger into your mouth, then the whole toony hand!*

[b]Alex:[/b] <slurps gleefully>
Delightful, Relee! Kind of a cotton candy flavor.
<Alex sucks and sucks, his muzzle starting to change. soon his head, then his whole body have turned into a tangerine gumdrop fox!>

[b]Relee:[/b] Gosh really? I wouldn't have guessed!
*she swings her arms wide open and reaches in to give you a hug, but her hard candy body squishes right through your soft gummy flesh, and she gets stuck inside you!*

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh boy! Now we're doubly sweet! We should go find someone to eat us. ;)

[b]Relee:[/b] Well what about that guy?
*points up, your arm moving with hers inside of it, to indicate the twenty foot tall giant pink cartoon dinosaur with a huge round belly and a tongue that looks like a waterslide*

[b]Alex:[/b] Capital idea, Relee!
<waves out arms at the big fella>
HEY! OVER HERE!! WE'RE DELICIOUS!!
<To our delight, the dino sees us and licks his lips. We are picked up in a giant paw and brought closer, closer, closer to a giant, smiling, drooly dino mouth...>

[b]Relee:[/b] *shouting*
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
*as we are tossed into the air by the giant dinosaur, who shoots his amazingly long tongue at us like a frog would, wrapping it around our sweet candy bodies and reeling us deep into his mouth.*
Oh gosh this is so warm and moist! Oh wait, that's just you surrounding me, Alex. You're warm and moist!

[b]Alex:[/b] You'll soon be warmer and moistier!
<smiles as the dino takes his first, slow bite and big teeth gently part my candy flesh and orgasmically shatter yours>

[b]Relee:[/b] *crumbles into rainbow shards that explode through your gummy flesh like exquisite shrapnel leaving your body and melting in the mouth of our new dinofriend as we liquefy in his mouth and are absorbed partially into his tastebuds, the rest of us pouring down his throat and into his soft tummyflesh*

[b]Alex:[/b] Mmmm. We smell quite nice, don't we?
<Alex melts into Relee in the tummy, losing track of which body parts are whose, and not caring anymore as we are absorbed>

[b]Relee:[/b] *As time passes our essences spin throughout his body, giving him energy for a time, before nature comes to its natural conclusion, and we begin to feel again. Warm, wet feelings, and an intense pressure all around, and an absolutely MARVELOUS taste and smell pouring throughout us as we drift along a soft corridor of flesh...*

[b]Alex:[/b] <blinks>
Yawn! That was nice... Say! I have a tail. And no arms or legs. I do believe I'm a sperm. and you too, Relee! Which must mean we're in... DINO PUSSY!!!

[b]Relee:[/b] *squirm and splash*
Oh golly, do you think? What do you suppose will happen now?

[b]Alex:[/b] Hop on and I'll show you!
<Alex pulls you close and speeds towards a large, fleshy orb. We splash inside and find ourselves dissolving again>
Looks like we'll be eggs soon! ;)

[b]Relee:[/b] *kicking legs? in fluid? in egg? in what now?*
I think I'm dizzy from pinkness.

[b]Alex:[/b] <Alex and Relee turn into eggs. Soon we find ourselves traveling through a long, pink tunnel into the light. Then PLOOP! Out we come! ...from a mouth!?>
Uh-oh. Looks like that dinosaur fucked a Birdo.

[b]Relee:[/b] Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooo!
*the speed of sound as we shoot through the air, narrowly missing a violent plumber*

[b]Alex:[/b] <soon we hatch, a little dizzy, and find ourselves both Birdos! You're pink, but I'm a bit orange>
I have no idea what gender I am right now...

[b]Relee:[/b] Me either but I guess that's what it means to be a Birdo.
*rubs the back of his or her head*

[b]Alex:[/b] I have an idea!
<reverts to fox form, then pulls out a hypnotist's coin>
Look into the coin, Relee... You are a Birdo. *My* Birdo. You will come live with me and lay lots of eggs and make me rich!
<Hypnotizes you until your eyes are cute 'n swirly and your mind is mine>

[b]Relee:[/b] *wobbles back and forth all dizzy*
I'm your Birdo maaaaaaaaaaaster... I will live with you and lay lots of eggs and make you riiiiiiiiiiiiiiich...
*swirly eyes, arms out in front all hypnotastically*

[b]Alex:[/b] Just what I wanted to hear.
<takes your first laid egg and makes a tasty omelet>

[b]Relee:[/b] *lays eggs out of her mouth into a convenient basket for you* 

[b]Alex:[/b] <sits you on a nest and straps you into various tubes and apparatus so you can stay mindlessly laying eggs indefinitely>

[b]Relee:[/b] *mindlessly spits eggs into a tube indefinitely*



~~~~~



[b]Relee:[/b] That's fine, we can always make another one if you want to. XD

[b]Alex:[/b] Or you could start. I'm game.

[b]Relee:[/b] *giggles*
You are?
*stamps on your big foxy foot and gasps in mock-surprise as your tongue shoots out with a pair of dice on it*
Let's play!
*shake shake shake roll roll roll!*
Ooooh, I got a seven! What does that mean?

[b]Alex:[/b] That.
<points to your crotch where, with a series of sproings, you now have seven penises>

[b]Relee:[/b] Oh dear! I've got a whole mess of penises now.
*fondles them curiously*
Do you roll now or should I roll again?

[b]Alex:[/b] You can roll for both of us. Geez, I wonder what happens if it lands on a number fewer than something we already have?

[b]Relee:[/b] Let's find out!
*rolls a three*
You know if you roll two dice you can't get less that two, right?

[b]Alex:[/b] Yeah, but it's no fun with no risk!
<grows three noses>

[b]Relee:[/b] What's a risk? We're invincible, immortal, ever-joyful cartoons.
*rolls a twelve*

[b]Alex:[/b] Still, even just a perceived risk adds spice to life.
<you grow twelve tails. You can barely stand with such a mountain of lush, fluffy fur>
Ooh! Don't mind me!
<dives right in and chirrrs>

[b]Relee:[/b] *stumbles forward, buried under the pile of tails and the fox swimming in them*
Oh gosh!
*his arm pokes out of the tails and his wrist flicks as he rolls a nine*

[b]Alex:[/b] Awww, one of my toes disappeared.
<holds up his foot and there's a perfect slice where his left big toe was>
Here, allow me:
<rolls a one for you>

[b]Relee:[/b] Wha? Huh? How did you? But I don't even?
*ker-zap!*
*feels around*
OH MY GOSH I ONLY HAVE ONE MOUTH!
*totally doesn't notice that he suddenly only has one eye*

[b]Alex:[/b] <helpfully slaps an eyepatch on that>
You look quite dashing.

[b]Relee:[/b] OH NOES I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!

[b]Alex:[/b] Woops! Wrong eye!
<switches it 'round>

[b]Relee:[/b]  *rolls a six*

[b]Alex:[/b] <leg suddenly gets heavy as he grows six right paws>
Hey!

[b]Relee:[/b] Oh! Well isn't that handy?
*picks you up and uses you as a golf club to roll a four*
FORE!

[b]Alex:[/b] Eeek! Cut off my tail, turn me into a girl, but NEVER associate me with golf!!
<you get four cute squirrel ears>

[b]Relee:[/b] *covers his four cute squirrel ears as you eek!*
Nevar? *draws a blue card*
Wait what?

[b]Alex:[/b] Golf is so boring it's practically anti-porn.
<does not notice that his fur turns blue>

[b]Relee:[/b] Well we'll need to spice it up a little bit then!
*slides a pre-lubed golf-club up your anus, forcing your back straight*
Golly, there's a rod up your ass! Do you feel any different?
*collects a scrabbleish tile marked U*
I think these dice are broken. This reminds me of improbable island...

[b]Alex:[/b] Well... I do feel a deep longing to poop out a golf club.
<You get some lovely U-shaped antlers>

[b]Relee:[/b] How very perculiar. You know, you and I should go golfing sometime. Get some nice young caddies to carry our bags for us. We'll have a jolly good time, eh wot?
*rolls a clothesdryer*

[b]Alex:[/b] <douses you with anti-golfing brainwashing rinse, then poops out some dryer sheets>

[b]Relee:[/b] Like, oh my god, why do you have a golf club up your ass? I hate golf! Get it out of there! It's dirty! You don't want a dirty golf club up in your nice clean ass, do you?
*rolls an open-faced club sandwich*

[b]Alex:[/b] <farts out the golf club, sending it flying at supersonic speeds through several windows and through the side of a mailbox>
Ahhhhhh, now that's a relief!
<looks up to see that Relee had become an adorable squirrel-shaped club sandwich>
Oooh. I'm more fond of reubens and grilled cheese, but I do like a good club.
<the fox licks his chops and begins to sensuously take bites of you>

[b]Relee:[/b] Oooh! Ahh! Ohh!
*The squirrelwich moans in delight from your tender noms, and rolls an olive that was stuck on top.*

[b]Alex:[/b] <Alex's little black nose becomes a delicious olive!>
You can have that, Relee. A little mutual vore!
<continues to eat you, devouring your sandwichy legs and your sandwichy ears>

[b]Relee:[/b] *noms the olive right off your face, but you end up eating it anyways because it's inside her, and so are the dice!*
*rolls your digestive system*

[b]Alex:[/b] Wait, since that's your roll, that means...
<there's a *poof* and Relee turns into my digestive system. A squirrel face appears on my tummy>
"Oh how cute! So, is the rest of your sandwich self inside you now or what?

[b]Relee:[/b] Yahump!
*big smiley face as your tummy digests itself in sandwich form*
I'm nutritiously awesome!
*sticks out a tongue from your tummy to flip over the dice, rolling a pentagonal trapezohederon*

[b]Alex:[/b] <the room is suddenly full of trapezoidal pentahedrons in all different sizes and flavors. Alex begins gobbling them up and sending them to his new Relee-innards>

[b]Relee:[/b] Oh! Owie! Um, the pokeyness is poking me. ;.;

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh dear! Pardon me, I thought they were squishy; like foam shapes.
<changes them so they are soft 'n chewy>
That better?

[b]Relee:[/b] Naw they're pentagonal trapezohederons! They're always pokey, even when they're squishy. That's what makes them AWESOME! Also I think you turned them into taffy, because I'm digesting them and you're getting super fat!
*plumping you out*

[b]Alex:[/b] <looks down and notices that he is getting rather round. He's nice and soft now, but it's ruining his foxish figure!>
Bad digestive system! Naughty, naughty digestive system! ;)

[b]Relee:[/b] Ohhh now I'm sad, and when I get sad I get cravings!
*wants to be full of plush stuffing*

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh, that's good, as I have a whole bed full of plushies here for you to digest!
<begins to gobble up his beloved stuffed animals, giving each one a kiss before swallowing them. Lots of cuddly mice, foxes, squirrels and skunks are on your way!>

[b]Relee:[/b] *digests and converts and fluffs as her face on your tummy turns to a zipper-mouth and button eyes, and stitches work their way up your sides, tickling you into a fit of laughter as you plushify!*

[b]Alex:[/b] Hee hee hee!
<Alex can hardly keep the plushies coming as he turns into one himself. It's fun to gobble up plushies!>
How's it feel to digest them, Relee?

[b]Relee:[/b] *rumbles softly and looks contented*
Oh deary dear, I feel stuffed, dear.
*looks up at you pleased-like*

[b]Alex:[/b] Oh? Well that's just too bad, because I still have more plush!
<gobbles down more>
I think I'm in the mood to keep eating until I BURST!

[b]Relee:[/b] *rumble, grumble, work work work*
Oh! Oh! It's so much! I can't keep up with the digestion! Oooohhhh maf mif mof!
*your bellymouth is leaking stuffing*

[b]Alex:[/b] What's that? You want more?
<stuffs dozens more plushies in his mouth>

[b]Relee:[/b] Oh oh OH OHHHHH
*asplode*

[b]Alex:[/b] <Alex giggles as he and Relee fly into a gazillion pieces and stuffing goes everywhere, falling like bits of fluffy snow>

[b]Relee:[/b] Some dude comes along and sweeps all the snow into a corner, where children turn it into a fort.

[b]Alex:[/b] Well, that sounds like a fitting climax to this particular escapade. I can't even remember all the stuff we turned into.