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","writing":"[center]A Ticket to Anywhere\n\nPart 3[/center][center][/center]\n \n \n \nOkay, I was definitely dreaming. There’s no way that this horror that I was backpedaling from could be real. It was something like a snail, only it was huge! A giant, slimy gray head was stretching out toward me with its strange, floppy mouth open in an attempt to bite me. A cluster of eye stalks – too numerous to count in my terrified state – all danced around on top of its head, extending and contracting with no rhyme or reason to them. Instead of a shell on its back there was a giant stalagmite that it dragged around. It moved with more speed than something carrying so much weight had any right to, and it made absolutely no sound as it did so. Unlike the salamander creature from earlier, it had no fear of my light. \n \n“Y’know, my pommel kinda hurts.” The sword in my hand buzzed an observation that had no bearing on my current predicament. “Did you bang me on something while I was asleep?” \n \n“What?” I shouted, not able to carry on a conversation and flee simultaneously.\n \n“Cause I really hate when people do that.” She said. \n \n“Zoe! What do I–” At that instant my shoe came down on something that turned underfoot and I fell on my ass. Sensing victory, the monster slithered forth. I did the only thing I could and shoved my luggage in front of me like a shield. The creature chomped down on it and there was a soft sound of hissing as it tore the rolling bag away from me. It shook the bag like a puppy with a rag doll as I scrambled back through the water and regained my footing. After a few seconds the monster realized that what it was chewing on was not edible and turned back to me. \n \n“What do I do?” I shouted.\n \n“Um, I don’t know… stab it?” Zoe offered. “That works for most things.” \n \nI wasn’t exactly keen on getting close enough to do that. Zoe may have claimed to be a sword, but her blade didn’t have much reach. \n \nSo I turned to run. \n \n“Aw,” the sword sounded disappointed, “I thought we were going to fight it.” \n \nI splashed through the cave, running blindly in hopes of getting away. I had no clue where I was going, or if I was about to run into an even worse danger, but I kept fleeing. I turned to see if I was making any progress but the monster was somehow able to keep pace with me. Before long I was starting to tire and was losing the edge that adrenaline was giving me, but the snail creature didn’t appear to have any of the same issues. It was getting closer. \n \nEventually I stumbled into a deeper part of the cave where the water came up to my crotch. There was no way I could stay ahead of it anymore, but I surged forward anyway, only to find that I had reached the end of the line. I had run into a dead end. A wall of slick stone blocked my way.\n \nI turned around and pressed my back against the wall, holding the feeble sword out defensively with both hands. The snail pressed a wake of water toward me as it moved in for the kill.\n \n[i]Keeerunch! [/i][i][/i]\n \nThe tall stalagmite formation on the back of the creature slammed into an overhead outcropping, bringing it to a halt. The eye stalks danced around in confusion as it attempted to move forward but found itself unable to. It stretched its head out toward me, but it fell short. Only able to reach a stretched eye to the tip of Zoe’s blade.\n \nZoe giggled. “It’s not very smart, is it? Can we stab it now?” \n \nI tried easing my way along the wall to find some other way of escape. The creature followed, the growth on its back scraping along the overhang, but not able to get any closer to me. There was nowhere I could go and the monster didn’t appear like it was going to give up and leave. I was backed into a corner with only one way to get out. \n \nI had no choice but to fight. I gripped Zoe’s hilt as tightly as I could with both hands and watched for an opening. The snail’s head bobbed and turned away slightly and I lunged for it, striking at the neck with the tip of the blade. An all or nothing attack. \n \nIt was like trying to stab a truck tire with a wooden spoon. \n \n“Whoops.” Zoe said when her blade bounced off.\n \nIt shot a painful jolt up my arm as my wrist twisted and thumb jammed into Zoe’s cross guard. The monster seemed to wince, but otherwise barely registered the injury. It’s head twisted and the mouth clamped down on my thigh with a hiss. I could feel the pressure of it’s powerful maw, but the thick winter coat wrapped around my waist took most of the damage. There was a sizzle of polyester and nylon smoldering from the creature’s caustic saliva. I shouted in panic as it dragged me away from the protection of the outcropping. I tried to jam Zoe into the head again but that had even less effect than the first try. \n \nI’m going to die! \n \nI started swinging the pathetically dull weapon wildly, each successive strike as useless as the last. The snail’s thick hide absorbed it all, and even the eyes were shockingly tough. I did manage to slice one off, but the creature didn’t appear to notice the injury. In fact, it didn't even bleed from it. \n \nThis was it. There was nothing else I could do. I guess I had a good run.\n \nNo… No! I had a terrible run! I haven’t done a damn thing I planned on in my life! I’m still a virgin for Christ’s sake! This sucks!\n \nJust at that moment when I was forced to accept my fate, the creature let go. I pinwheeled my arms to try and keep my balance but failed, splashing back into the water. I stood back up quickly, swinging the sword blindly and backing away. I spit up the foul reek I had nearly swallowed and wiped a hand across my face to clear my vision. \n \nThe creature in front of me that shook its head irritably. Drool fell from its mouth and splattered about as it coughed out a lump of smoking polyester stuffing. It spit an acidic loogie on the floor and turned to slide away. Upon finding a high and dry spot it settled in and withdrew its entire body under the stalagmite, camouflaging it perfectly.\n \n“I guess you don’t taste good.” Zoe observed. \n \nI glanced down at my thigh. There was a huge hole in my sopping wet jacket that went all the way through the trouser leg underneath, but the creature’s bite had been shy of my flesh. The skin was bruised and looked like the biggest hickey ever, but no other injury was apparent. At any rate, the pain managed to get it through to me that all of this was real. Somehow, no matter how surreal everything was, it was really happening. \n \nI noticed something moving in the water with me. When I turned the light on it I saw that the eye I had cut off the creature was swimming around me like a tadpole. It even appeared to have grown tiny legs. Upon seeing that I desperately wanted to get out of the water, even if it meant I had to walk past the snail-agmite. I eased my way past the monster, holding out Zoe, who could only cursory be called a weapon. The creature had no further interest in me and let me go by unmolested.\n \nOnce I felt I was safely away I held up the sword in front of me and shook her angrily. “Why are you so dull?” I demanded.\n \n“I’m sorry, Master Jake!” Zoe cried apologetically. “I forgot my last master mostly used me to split wood!” \n \n“I almost got killed!” I hissed as loud as I dared in the echoey cave. I flexed my twisted wrist and thumb, thankfully I couldn’t sense any major damage. “And it’s Jack, not Jake!” \n \n“Jack! Right! I’m sorry!” She said again. “It’s just I can’t sharpen myself and nobody has bothered to do it for me in at least a hundred years!” \n \n“Alright, well, maybe you care to explain to me why I’m here?” I asked with irritation. “Or where on Earth [i]here [/i][i][/i]is?”\n \n“I don’t know that!” The sword vibrated in my hand in frustration. “I just met you and I don’t know what an “Earth” is. I don’t even know why [i]I’m[/i][i][/i] here. I’m sorry I’m such a bubblehilt, but I just don’t know.” \n \n“You’re lying to me!” I insisted. “You can’t be this stupid and useless.”\n \n“But... I am— hey!” She huffed angrily. “I’m just trying to help. That’s no reason to call me names!”\n \n“That demon woman gave you to me, and I refuse to believe that you don’t know why.”\n \n“I swear to you I don’t!” She complained. “When I’m in my sheath I go to sleep. I can’t see or hear anything.”\n \n“This sheath here?” I asked, putting my hand on the scabbard stuck in my waistband.\n \n“Yeah. Wait! Don —” she was cut off as I slammed her blade in. \n \nAt that moment the phone strapped to my head buzzed before playing its shutdown tone. The flashlight flicked off and left me in absolute darkness. \n \nKnowing what lurked in the cave with me, I couldn’t help but warm my pants again. ","writing_bbcode_parsed":"A Ticket to Anywhere
Part 3
Okay, I was definitely dreaming. There’s no way that this horror that I was backpedaling from could be real. It was something like a snail, only it was huge! A giant, slimy gray head was stretching out toward me with its strange, floppy mouth open in an attempt to bite me. A cluster of eye stalks – too numerous to count in my terrified state – all danced around on top of its head, extending and contracting with no rhyme or reason to them. Instead of a shell on its back there was a giant stalagmite that it dragged around. It moved with more speed than something carrying so much weight had any right to, and it made absolutely no sound as it did so. Unlike the salamander creature from earlier, it had no fear of my light.
“Y’know, my pommel kinda hurts.” The sword in my hand buzzed an observation that had no bearing on my current predicament. “Did you bang me on something while I was asleep?”
“What?” I shouted, not able to carry on a conversation and flee simultaneously.
“Cause I really hate when people do that.” She said.
“Zoe! What do I–” At that instant my shoe came down on something that turned underfoot and I fell on my ass. Sensing victory, the monster slithered forth. I did the only thing I could and shoved my luggage in front of me like a shield. The creature chomped down on it and there was a soft sound of hissing as it tore the rolling bag away from me. It shook the bag like a puppy with a rag doll as I scrambled back through the water and regained my footing. After a few seconds the monster realized that what it was chewing on was not edible and turned back to me.
“What do I do?” I shouted.
“Um, I don’t know… stab it?” Zoe offered. “That works for most things.”
I wasn’t exactly keen on getting close enough to do that. Zoe may have claimed to be a sword, but her blade didn’t have much reach.
So I turned to run.
“Aw,” the sword sounded disappointed, “I thought we were going to fight it.”
I splashed through the cave, running blindly in hopes of getting away. I had no clue where I was going, or if I was about to run into an even worse danger, but I kept fleeing. I turned to see if I was making any progress but the monster was somehow able to keep pace with me. Before long I was starting to tire and was losing the edge that adrenaline was giving me, but the snail creature didn’t appear to have any of the same issues. It was getting closer.
Eventually I stumbled into a deeper part of the cave where the water came up to my crotch. There was no way I could stay ahead of it anymore, but I surged forward anyway, only to find that I had reached the end of the line. I had run into a dead end. A wall of slick stone blocked my way.
I turned around and pressed my back against the wall, holding the feeble sword out defensively with both hands. The snail pressed a wake of water toward me as it moved in for the kill.
Keeerunch!
The tall stalagmite formation on the back of the creature slammed into an overhead outcropping, bringing it to a halt. The eye stalks danced around in confusion as it attempted to move forward but found itself unable to. It stretched its head out toward me, but it fell short. Only able to reach a stretched eye to the tip of Zoe’s blade.
Zoe giggled. “It’s not very smart, is it? Can we stab it now?”
I tried easing my way along the wall to find some other way of escape. The creature followed, the growth on its back scraping along the overhang, but not able to get any closer to me. There was nowhere I could go and the monster didn’t appear like it was going to give up and leave. I was backed into a corner with only one way to get out.
I had no choice but to fight. I gripped Zoe’s hilt as tightly as I could with both hands and watched for an opening. The snail’s head bobbed and turned away slightly and I lunged for it, striking at the neck with the tip of the blade. An all or nothing attack.
It was like trying to stab a truck tire with a wooden spoon.
“Whoops.” Zoe said when her blade bounced off.
It shot a painful jolt up my arm as my wrist twisted and thumb jammed into Zoe’s cross guard. The monster seemed to wince, but otherwise barely registered the injury. It’s head twisted and the mouth clamped down on my thigh with a hiss. I could feel the pressure of it’s powerful maw, but the thick winter coat wrapped around my waist took most of the damage. There was a sizzle of polyester and nylon smoldering from the creature’s caustic saliva. I shouted in panic as it dragged me away from the protection of the outcropping. I tried to jam Zoe into the head again but that had even less effect than the first try.
I’m going to die!
I started swinging the pathetically dull weapon wildly, each successive strike as useless as the last. The snail’s thick hide absorbed it all, and even the eyes were shockingly tough. I did manage to slice one off, but the creature didn’t appear to notice the injury. In fact, it didn't even bleed from it.
This was it. There was nothing else I could do. I guess I had a good run.
No… No! I had a terrible run! I haven’t done a damn thing I planned on in my life! I’m still a virgin for Christ’s sake! This sucks!
Just at that moment when I was forced to accept my fate, the creature let go. I pinwheeled my arms to try and keep my balance but failed, splashing back into the water. I stood back up quickly, swinging the sword blindly and backing away. I spit up the foul reek I had nearly swallowed and wiped a hand across my face to clear my vision.
The creature in front of me that shook its head irritably. Drool fell from its mouth and splattered about as it coughed out a lump of smoking polyester stuffing. It spit an acidic loogie on the floor and turned to slide away. Upon finding a high and dry spot it settled in and withdrew its entire body under the stalagmite, camouflaging it perfectly.
“I guess you don’t taste good.” Zoe observed.
I glanced down at my thigh. There was a huge hole in my sopping wet jacket that went all the way through the trouser leg underneath, but the creature’s bite had been shy of my flesh. The skin was bruised and looked like the biggest hickey ever, but no other injury was apparent. At any rate, the pain managed to get it through to me that all of this was real. Somehow, no matter how surreal everything was, it was really happening.
I noticed something moving in the water with me. When I turned the light on it I saw that the eye I had cut off the creature was swimming around me like a tadpole. It even appeared to have grown tiny legs. Upon seeing that I desperately wanted to get out of the water, even if it meant I had to walk past the snail-agmite. I eased my way past the monster, holding out Zoe, who could only cursory be called a weapon. The creature had no further interest in me and let me go by unmolested.
Once I felt I was safely away I held up the sword in front of me and shook her angrily. “Why are you so dull?” I demanded.
“I’m sorry, Master Jake!” Zoe cried apologetically. “I forgot my last master mostly used me to split wood!”
“I almost got killed!” I hissed as loud as I dared in the echoey cave. I flexed my twisted wrist and thumb, thankfully I couldn’t sense any major damage. “And it’s Jack, not Jake!”
“Jack! Right! I’m sorry!” She said again. “It’s just I can’t sharpen myself and nobody has bothered to do it for me in at least a hundred years!”
“Alright, well, maybe you care to explain to me why I’m here?” I asked with irritation. “Or where on Earth here is?”
“I don’t know that!” The sword vibrated in my hand in frustration. “I just met you and I don’t know what an “Earth” is. I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m sorry I’m such a bubblehilt, but I just don’t know.”
“You’re lying to me!” I insisted. “You can’t be this stupid and useless.”
“But... I am— hey!” She huffed angrily. “I’m just trying to help. That’s no reason to call me names!”
“That demon woman gave you to me, and I refuse to believe that you don’t know why.”
“I swear to you I don’t!” She complained. “When I’m in my sheath I go to sleep. I can’t see or hear anything.”
“This sheath here?” I asked, putting my hand on the scabbard stuck in my waistband.
“Yeah. Wait! Don —” she was cut off as I slammed her blade in.
At that moment the phone strapped to my head buzzed before playing its shutdown tone. The flashlight flicked off and left me in absolute darkness.
Knowing what lurked in the cave with me, I couldn’t help but warm my pants again. ","pools_count":1,"title":"A Ticket to Anywhere (Part 3)","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"application/msword","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"1","rating_name":"Mature","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"3","name":"Violence","description":"Mild violence","rating_id":"1"}],"submission_type_id":"12","type_name":"Writing - Document","guest_block":"f","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"0","views":"117","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}