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// I'm gonna learn ya how to play butt ball// Story: And the Rest is (Browsing) History// by Wuten//------------------------------//

Browsing Convenience Tools 7: Exploring Internet Explorer's Booty
Now with 1500% more puns.
	
	
	
	"Huh. Download more RAM?" Internet Explorer mutters, eyeing the strange, enticing website's promise of "Running faster, with nothing to worry about at all! This is not a virus, we promise! Also, you are our 1,000,000th visitor! So this is free! Please click the download link and hit "Run.EXE.RAR.JPG.WAV.ODT"."
	"Well, it doesn't seem to be too bad... You got yourself a deal, website!" she exclaims, clicking the flashing "Download" button.
	"Excellent! The wizard will now begin assisting in your installation..." the text on the website reads, the computer beginning the download process.
	A dark-colored pony appears in front of her, flashing a grin. "Thank you for downloading me, [VALUED CUSTOMER], I'll help you through the installations, and you'll have faster RAM before you can say 'give me your bitcoins'!" he exclaims, putting a hoof around her shoulder. "I can see that you're in need of some... 'browsing enhancement', am I right?"
	She looks up at him with beaming golden eyes. "Of course! Anything to make Anon's browsing experience better!" she grins happily. "What do I need to do?"
	"All you have to do is agree to this legal form," he says, his horn glowing and a scroll materializing in the air in front of her, opening to show a lot of tiny text that she couldn't read. "Just press here, and we can get started!"
	"Oh man, this is so exciting!" she beams, tapping her hoof onto where the pony had shown her. "Alright, what next?"
	"Well, first thing's first, I need to put on my robe, and my wizard hat," he grins, a pink robe and hat appearing on him with magic. "Would you like the express installation, or the expert's advanced installation?" he asks, the scroll disappearing in a strange, black puff of smoke.
	"I don't want to mess this up... so I should go with the express installation, right?" she mutters, putting a hoof to her chin. "Since you seem to know what you're doing, I'll go with that!"
	"Excellent! I'll have your browser ready in just a few moments," the pony grins, clapping his hooves again. "Are you ready?"
	"Yep!" Internet Explorer grins happily, sitting down on her butt.
	Which, after a few moments, starts getting more... cushioned?
	She immediately takes notice of this. "Wh-what's happening?!" she exclaims in fright, craning her head around to look at her posterior.
	"Oh, that's just the complimentary browsing enhancement tools that are included with the express installation!" the pink-hatted pony laughs. "That's a $30 value, absolutely free!"
	Her butt continues to grow in size. "Wh-why is my flank getting bigger? What are all of these things?!"
	She feels a vibration come from... inside her butt? She lets out a gasping moan in surprise, before a message rockets to her brain.
	"Oh, that's just the Zynga toolbar asking if you want to play Words With Friends? on your Facebook profile!" the pony grins. "And there's plenty more convenience where that comes from!" he says, as the blue coated pony's posterior continues to grow in size.
	"I... I don't know if these are very... convenient..." she muttered shyly, blushing at the now ghetto-sized booty.
	The pink-hatted pony licks his lips. "Oh, trust me, they are veeeeery convenient..." he speaks in almost a hissing voice, causing a shiver to run up the poor browser pony's spine, causing her butt to jiggle just slightly. Only slightly.
	...Only slightly.
	She looks up at the pony. "Please, go a little slower... I-I'm not used to going this fast!"
	"Sorry, there are no cancellations on this download, after all, you agreed to the Terms of Service," he grinned, tilting her head up to face him. "Just a little longer..."
	"B-b-but, don't all of these toolbars seem a little excessi-" she begins to stand, but is cut off by a hoof to her mouth.
	"Ap ap ap..." he hushes her abruptly, "Browsing. Enhancement. Tools."
	Finally, she can take no longer, and falls over to her side, her balance becoming unstable.
	"Yes..." the pony lets off a menacing chuckle, "All mine now... Time to infect the rest of your systems..." he hisses, trotting over to the computer.
	"N-No!" Internet Explorer yells in protest, "Y-you're not a friendly installer wizard at all! You're... you're malware, aren't you?!" she points an accusing hoof at him.
	"Heh... only an idiot like you would have fallen for this master ruse," he chuckles to himself, a pronounced "hue hue hue" coming from his lips. "Now that I'm in your system, there's nothing you can do to--"
	"Think again, motherfucker," a gritty voice comes from the door to the room.
	"What?!" the dark-colored pony gasps in surprise, turning around to face the newcomer.
	"Anon!" Internet Explorer beams happily up at her master, trying to run towards him, but the number of toolbars in her lovely-handled buttocks keeps her from moving from her spot. "It's a computer virus!"
	Anon lets out a sharp whistle, and a white-coated pony wearing a ushanka and carrying an empty bottle of vodka stumbles into the room. "WHAT IN FUCK IS GOING ON?" it yells angrily. "WHY YOU CALL KASPERSKY IN HERE?"
	"Kill that fucker, and you can go back to drinking," Anon grunts, pointing at the dark-coated pony.
	Kaspersky charges the pony, bashing it over the head with the empty vodka bottle. "TAKES THIS YOU FILTHY CAPITALIST PIG!" she yells, accentuating every word with an even harder smack with the bottle. "YOU AM NO REAL WIZARD!"
	The pony can only go limp below her as she unleashes her relentless, Russian-born fury upon him. Only after he is a crumpled heap of a dead computer virus does she slow down her blows.
	"Чики-брики и в дамке!" she turns to Anon, shoving a hoof into the air rudely before dragging pony out of the room, slamming it.
	The muffled sounds of imminent kebab removal can be heard through the walls.
	
	"What the fuck did you do while I was out?" Anon glares down at the blue-coated pony, who is hiding behind her golden mane in fear; she didn't like when Anon was angry with her...
	"I... I'm sorry, Anon, I just... I just wanted to be faster, so I could compare to other browsers, like Firefox, or Torch, or Chrome... or, y'know, any-browser else..." she muttered, small tears streaming down her face. "But then... he just... kept putting them in, and wouldn't stop..." she turned and looked at her gigabutt. "My poor floppy drive will never be the same..."
	Anon sighs, placing a hand on her head. "It's alright, IE... but we've gotta get all those toolbars uninstalled."
	Her eyes widen, and she looks up at him. "How are we going to do that?"
	A grin forms across his face, and he wraps his arms under her front legs, picking her up. The ass was FAT32...
	And then he sets her down into the computer chair, stomach against the back as he inspected her floppy drive.
	"What are we gonna do in the *.bed, administrator?" she gasps, the dial-up tone sounding as her butt squeaks against the chair.
	"Well, for a start, I need to familiarize myself with your Framework," he says, wrapping both hands around her buttocks. "It's been a while since I tried delving deep into your source code..."
	"B-but, I'm not open source!" she exclaims, a deep blush forming across her cheeks.
	Expertly having hidden his unbuttoning pants, Anon flashes her a grin. "Well, we're just gonna have to fix that, now aren't we?" he growled, prodding her port with a finger.
	"But admin, I listen from there!" she gasps one final time in protest.
	"Not right now, you don't! I'm cutting off your outgoing traffic!" he exclaims, thrusting his thumb drive directly into her USB port.
	"A-AH!" she yelps out, trying to keep herself balanced on the chair despite Anon's fierce file-purging process running its course on her. "I... It's too fast, Anon! I'm not built for this kind of speed!"
	"No brakes!" Anon growls out. "You wanted to install more RAM? I'll install more RAM right here!" Taking hold of her firmware, his purging process intensifies in efficiency, going through all of her hidden files and folders that the pony had left behind.
	With Internet Explorer on full load, she was getting rather hot inside. "P-please, do it, admin! Make me run even faster! Fill me with RAM until my page file is at full capacity!"
	He simply grunts in response, continuing to brute-force his backdoor way into her framework, making sure her bandwidth is stretched to its limits.
	"A-admin! Would you like... me to update... iTunes while you create a... dump file in my... processes...?" she gasps out, panting heavily.
	"Shut up, IE," he growls, beginning to route her with unmatched speed. She feels the shockwave flow through her body, as he begins pinging back and forth, having a small spat. "IE, I'm elevating your permissions," he says, spreading her floppy drive further, "You may now access my D: drive."
	She lets out a squeal of delight as the process finally completes, the toolbars completely purged from her system, and her floppy drive finally beginning to shrink. "Th-thank you, admin! I promise to use it to the best of my ability," she says, turning around in the chair, a new port opening up for him. "C-could you also... transfer some files into here too?" she asks, placing her hooves against his RAM stick, leading it to her motherboard slot.
	Accepting her offer, his transfer protocols are forwarded, and make a solid connection.
	She lets out a crying gasp, her tongue hanging out. "My motherboard is burning up!" she yells out, pulling him close, shoving his RAM stick even further into her. "I need your thermal paste, admin! Quickly, before I overheat!"
	Anon, being her ever-loving admin, gives her high priority, and pays even more attention to her Services, inserting his fresh thermal paste into her Packard Bell, some of it leaking onto her CPU.
	She pouts, looking up at him. "Anon, you only like me for our P2P sessions, don't you..." she whispers, a sad look in her eyes.
	"No way... That was totally Cray..." he chuckles, running a hand along her side.
	She's panting heavily in relief, her floppy drive finally back to its original, plain size. "A-Admin... would you like to safely remove your hardware?" she asks breathlessly.
	He nods, and a few moments and Windows error messages later, she replies with, "Hardware is... now safe to... remove..." before passing out in the chair.
	Anon, after clearing out some stray popups, removes his thumb drive from her. "There... that should fix the problem..." he says, placing the thumb drive back into his pants.
	Shit was so Cache.
	
	End